Straighten Your Ties / Book 1

I live
To pass time
It makes sense
In my mind
But that's not
A reason to keep this weak heart beating
-Powerspace – Right On, Right Now
“Dude,” Greg came strolling through Westmount Park, and blatantly said… “Where were you guys?” I had Lexy in my arms, holding her ever so close, peaking out from a tree on the edge of the park near the road. I can still pinpoint it very well today for a number of reasons.

“Where we were before with you two,” I smiled; I had never smiled so much than lately. It was truly amazing. I was referring to his girlfriend as of a few weeks, Tina, who he had walked home, while Lexy and I stayed on the park bench, just sitting there, me holding her, motionless and just staring at her, smiling, and soaking in the look of her eyes, the way her Lancaster uniform looked so beautiful on her even if it was merely a tacky thing that we all hated. Her Converses stickered with PETA stickers, which I somehow loved as well, despite my hate for PETA being against pets and my parents’ industry. I loved everything about her. Her braced smile, her straight brown hair that smelled so much like just pure ecstasy, her cold hands, and most of all those eyes. Those brown eyes that I could literally stare into all day, however corny that sounded. We sat there on that bench, just like that for a very long while, probably thinking, at least I was, if we were actually going to kiss or not. I had merely been giving her pecks on the head and cheek. I was working my way up to it. Slowly but surely and hopefully definitely today. I could feel it. Even if we had only been going out for a couple of days, I knew I loved her fully and completely and never wanted to let her go. If she could stay with me in that park all day, just sitting there, I’d stay. Even if my parents told me to get home right away. I wouldn’t budge.

“Well, I’ve got to go. We’ve both got to go, actually. Ramsey is waiting for us on the South Shore and we’ve got to get this project done.” True. We did. And the buses didn’t run back and forth from the downtown terminal so frequently.
“Fine…” I turned Lexy around, facing me, but still looked at Greg. “Can you give me five minutes though?”
“Dude, I’ve missed the twenty-four like three times now…”
I glared. He better have known what I was trying to do here. But knowing Greg, he wasn’t the kind to get a clue like that.

He sighed, and obviously didn’t. “Whatever… Just to let you know, I should just tell you both, I kissed Tina, just putting that out there, you know… but…”
“I know, she was just about to tell me… well did. She called me while we were hiding from you, Greggy.” Lexy held out her phone, swinging her arm.

“Just keep it on the downlow…” He said slowly to emphasize he meant it. “She’s all about keeping it a secret and all.” He rolled his eyes a fraction and slumped down a tad. Something must have gone wrong, I supposed. But I’d ask later.
“Well, congrats man…” I said, still holding her, addicted to her scent and feel. Saying congrats to him almost seems pointless to what I’ve seen since.
“Yeah, you two are so cute!” Lexy smiled, and so did I.

“Same applies to you two.” He said quickly. I glared. Yes, yes. As if you must tell me. “Now Der…”
I groaned. “Give me a minute.”
“NO! We’ve got to go now!”
“A minute. I swear.”
“Grrr…”
“Greg. Two Minutes. Please.” I looked at the looming bus stop a number of meters away.
“DER!”
“Calm down… two minutes. I’ll meet you over there.” I waved him on.
“Fine.” He walked off. And I smiled. My plan was working. My quickly planned plan. But still a plan. And now I was putting it to action.

I turned to Lexy, my arms wrapped around her neck, clinging, our noses nearly touching.
“Listen,” I said, “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at being romantic. I’m not good with words. I’m not good with girls. Meaning I’m not good with you. I’m obviously not good at keeping weaknesses from you. And I’m just not good in general- ”
She merely smiled, stopping me mid-speech and said. “Yes. You are good.” And kept on smiling.

My heart skipped a beat. This girl was amazing. I gazed into her eyes for what seemed like a century. And slowly but surely, I knew that it was happening. And I knew I wanted this for the right reasons, and not for the reasons that I had in the past for others. I wasn’t lusting after Lexy’s ass like I was for April, and most certainly not for her age. I didn’t want her for easiness, as she was nothing like Becca. I didn’t want her just because I had randomly fell in love with a girl I didn’t know shit about and had technically not met in person like Jen. I wanted Lexy for everything she was. For everything she meant to me in that second. THIS was the beginning of my life. For now and forever. The best thing about this was that it was finally mutual. We both wanted this. We both wanted this young love thing to happen. I think we both loved that. Her head tilted, and ever so slowly, so did mine. At first, our lips met but I soon felt a tongue slip by my lips, and equally, so did mine. I felt a burst of bubble gum flavor and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered uncontrollably. You never realize you’re making out with someone until midway through it the first time. And I barely remember anything except both of us breaking apart laughing. Two kids had told us to get a room. It was somehow totally perfect.

I hugged her close, whispering “I love you.” Hearing the same words whispered back a moment later. Without hesitation. I knew at that point in time, for the first time in my short pathetic life that I had found love.
I have not since felt happier than in that single moment.

***

We walked to the bus stop where Greg was waiting. We were both all smiles. I wanted to spend the whole day with her. All day. I wish I had.
I loved her. And I knew she had to go soon too. My stomach was all jumpy. I was ecstatic; she was just laughing silently, which I loved. She would just laugh very quietly. I could tell she was happy when she did.

We got to the bus stop, Greg waiting there patiently, but rather jumpy. “Next bus…”
I hope the next bus never comes. “Fine.” I smiled. “Seems like I may have to go soon…” But I saw the twenty-four in the distance down Sherbrooke. “Sooner than later. I really have to go this time.”

“That’s OK.”
“Yeah…” I hugged her, the bus was approaching. “I love you.” I whispered again.
“I love you too.” she whispered back. We were out of Greg’s hearing range.
The bus had pulled up, “Can we take the next one?” I asked
“I need to be home soon, you know…”
“Fine.” I let Lexy go. “I’ll call you tonight, or something, kay?”
“Sure.”

“Bye!” I waved, leaving her behind me in the bus shelter, as I climbed into the bus. I had to blurt it out to Greg as soon as she was out of earshot, since I was that childish. “I made out with her, by the way.” Totally randomly.

“Really? Nice man.” He seemed enthusiastic, but not quite enough. He would’ve been more happy then that. And that time I was too excited to really notice it. I was on a high. I had never been happier. I cannot remember a time when I was more excited, hyper, ecstatic, electric, and jumpy all at the same time. Hell, I can’t remember a time when I felt all of those at once, ever, except for now. “Oh wait… That’s why you told me to go away? Oh… and…”

“The whole thing of you calling me right when we were having a moment… Yeah.” (*phone rings rock guitar intro solo awesomeness of Protest The Hero* Derrick: “That would be mine. Greg… you fucking moment ruiner.” Lexy: “Curse him. We shall plot to kill.”)
“Fuck, man. I’m sorry. If I knew –”
I waved my hand. “Don’t worry about it… I have kids telling us to get a room to worry about now.” I laughed at the thought that played over in my mind. I couldn’t see it all clearly. I barely even heard the kids telling us that.

I sat down for a ride down Sherbrooke, not resting easy in my seat at all, with Greg right by my side, not looking so hot. And being silent. When were past Atwater avenue, I intervened. “OK, what’s up here?”
“What?” He asked me, looking up from his cell phone in his hands which he had been mindlessly staring at for the ride.
“You. Kissed. Your. Girlfriend. Why aren’t you happy?” I didn’t see why he wouldn’t be. I was. Incredibly. All bubbly and giddy and talkative. Kind of like how Katherine was at all times
“Guh…” He groaned.
“Talk to me.” I insisted, and wasn’t going to cease.
“I just…” Greg trailed off at first, staring in front of him, not sure what to say. “I think I messed up. Badly.”

“We were told to get a room. How can it be worse than that?”
“I kissed her right in front of her house.” He was looking at the floor. “And her parents were home.” Tina had insisted that her parents not know about Greg. Greg hadn’t told his parents about her either, thinking that they’d make a big deal out of it all. I intended on telling my parents about Lexy very soon. I’d just mention it subtly. Maybe then they’d think I had moved on from Becca. And other things that they didn’t know about…

“Oh.” I simply said, not knowing how to comment to that. “That’s not good, eh?”
“That was my first kiss man… I mean, probably not her’s. But I fucked up.”
“First first kiss?” Do Indian dudes just not get lucky?
“First.”

I remember my first kiss with some girl I knew from my elementary graduating year. It was nothing really. People had dared us and I didn’t care. This was different. Greg did care about her immensely. And although he wasn’t so much of a romantic guy or an emotional one at that (like the person sitting adjacent to him), I knew that he had feelings for her. Strong ones. He was moving slow. It had taken a few weeks just to kiss her on the cheek.

“I just made her feel really awkward and now I’m thinking she’s going to end things and… shit.” It wouldn’t be a good time to lose things either. Exams were fast approaching and it was crunch time. Greg would lose focus. This was his first relationship. I wasn’t so much a wreck after Becca, but I hoped I’d just never have to go through that process ever again.

“Cool it man.” I didn’t like seeing him all down, “She’s a fucking bitch if she does do that, which she won’t because she’s not.” I had to quicken my explanation there so he didn’t mistake my words.

He just stopped talking after that. I knew why. We never really talked much about our relationships. Not since Becca and how I had insisted we not. I pulled out my iPod and slipped on my headphones (and turned on some extremely happy and poppy Forever The Sickest Kids and Cartel), not saying anything to him and became more focused on what I loved in life. Selfish bastard. Things would work out. Everything always did.