Straighten Your Ties / Book 1

Did I let you down to get that sound
And break my knees to get release
And you needed some just to take you from
And I hit you more
Is your face still sore?
[…]
Try a little more, a little more, a little more
They slap you like a bitch
and you take it like a whore
-Marianas Trench – Shake Tramp

I knew I was in the loony bin long ago, but hearing myself singing along under my breath to the words of Anberlin and Marianas Trench outside of Seguin were enough to further my point into eternity. I had had a half-day. It was nearing the end of the school year and exams were starting to gear up. Everyone had gone home. I unfortunately had no key. I forgot that thing way too much. So I was stuck here at Seguin waiting for people. I was meeting Katherine later actually - I don’t attract girls, I must move towards them. ACS ended at 3:15-ish, then we were walking over to the park where Lexy was taking the bus and meeting us. We usually did this every Friday. Although since Lexy was over at Lancaster, she couldn’t always make it all the way over here. It all depended on bus schedules and her overbearing parents. Greg was meeting me at the top of the stairs later. Actually, I could’ve gone to his house, but I decided against that since his parents weren’t so fond of me. They thought I was creepy and odd, and quite frankly, anyone passing by could see that.

It was now about 2:50-ish. I had been inside surfing the net for the past little while, but needed some air. And now, I was going to have to walk to the east to meet friends. I didn’t mind of course. I knew I needed some sort of social interaction to keep me in the game. Still moving my lips to form the words to Godspeed: “They lied when they said the good die young.” I looked very childish. And stupid. I was lying down across the grass – why? I have no clue - singing those words over and as the chorus chimed in. I had my eyes closed, focused on the rough guitar symphonies that oozed out of my headphones with blistering volume. Time was passing quickly. I was about to change albums just when someone plopped down on top of me, causing my eyes to widen. Katherine.

“Hallo!” She smiled her braced smile. Now without her glasses for once.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I nearly jumped up and punched her due to my overly sensitive reflexes. I instead restrained myself, and got myself up as she did as well. “Kath, fucking hell.”
“Oh, stop whining.” She laughed and reached her arms out for a hug that I returned. “You know you lurve me.”

I must’ve fallen asleep or something. I flipped open my cell to see that it was nearly 3:45. “What’s up? Where are the -” I looked over to the other side of the street and there was my answer. Lexy, Sarah, Tina, Seth and Greg. Lexy was as beautiful as ever, her hair dangling over her right eye, purple highlighted braced smile, and those hazel eyes that I couldn’t resist. I raced across the street to her, meeting her awkwardly, picking her up in my arms and somewhat twirling her. I kissed her cheek, “Hi.” Whispered. Oh yes, quite the romance I had going.

“Hi.” She returned a gaze. I missed her. A lot. Every waking moment of every day. Perhaps the unawake moments too.
Kath came up from behind me, messing her hands into my hat, which seemed permanently attached to me, “Awww…” she pinched my cheek, “Ain’t you cute?”
I gave her a raised-eyebrow-look and shrugged her off. Sure we were, but I didn’t see why I had to parade around saying that, or she did. “Yeah… umm… Where are we off to now?”
“Weeeee…” Kath dragged out, “are heading down Sherbrooke. I believe Anthony’s meeting us as well.”

“Dairy Queen?” Lexy asked, wide-eyed, and in need of some calcium intake.
“Guess so,” Kath shrugged as we made our way down the small street, heading towards the main industrial part of Westmount. We joined our group.

Tina and Greg were holding hands. I kinda followed by example and clutched my palm to Lexy’s. She smiled back. Sarah, decked out in her usual odd outfit, that being her light blue skirt, torn long-sleeved shirt and accompanying trinkets dangled around her neck. OK, kinda hard to picture… Ummm… Ever read Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli? Sarah’s like Stargirl but a hundred times cooler. Her and Anthony, while not dating, lived minutes away from each other and were oddly inseparable since yours truly introduced him to the group of friends a few weeks ago. It was… oh so strange. Sarah never wore jeans, I didn’t exactly see why. Sarah was also bisexual, while mainly attracted to girls. She was awesome and different. I admired her going against normalcy, which my parents seemed to be less accustomed to. Kath was apparently pansexual (urban dictionary it… I don’t feel like telling you the details) but didn’t exactly have a history of dating anyone but guys, and just making out with girls. Normal enough for me. I wasn’t bothered by anyone’s sexuality in particular.

Seth was arm and arm with Kath and Sarah, Kath leaning into him slightly while Sarah walked with him, keeping her usual distance and all. Us two couples followed them, bringing up the rear, and walked a tad slower than them. I talked with Lexy about how school was going. Exams were coming up and she was getting rather stressed. Admittedly, we all were. Except me. I didn’t exactly mind. I knew I could cram and get great marks like last year. I wasn’t worried. Though I did worry about my friends. Lexy was supposed to be home studying right about now. Her parents had barely let her out to see any of us. I still hadn’t met her parents as of the month we’d been dating. I didn’t mind. I thought I eventually would over the summer. I asked her to just tell them back when Kath and I went to Panic, but she was reluctant and didn’t. She could’ve come. Her parents had let her go to Billy Talent, which I heard had much more of a mosh than Panic did. I mean, Panic’s consisted of fifteen people at the max. The rest of the theatre was too concerned with watching the show.

I wanted this relationship to work. For her to do what she wanted. I had input, unlike with Becca, so it was going better. We had even plotted a plan to kill Greg, for he had… umm… well… he had called Lexy a bitch, jokingly. Yet us, as husband and wife (on Facebook) decided to plot revenge for words said. We got along well, as you can tell.

I walked hand in hand down Sherbrooke, not caring who saw me with this beautiful girl who was mine as of right now. We lived in a world unto itself. We were the only inhabitants. Along with our friends who somehow visited us periodically. It was perfect. Just her and I. It really was. I didn’t see a thing wrong, right about now. Neither did she.

“Sarah,” I passed Tina and Greg, who were in the middle of talking about how Panic at the Disco sucked (we eyed them furiously), and caught up to her and Kath, and company, (oh, I mean Seth) who seemed to be a pimp with two hoes on either side. “I have not said hi today!” I smiled.

“You frool (friend-fool).” She eyebrow-raised me. “Hello to you too.” Suddenly changing moods. “Are you having fun yet?”
“Oh, very much,” I rolled my eyes. We hadn’t exactly done much. But Sarah could be random. “How goes the plan to circumcise yourself from Tones?” Anthony.

“That fucker found himself at my house until nine thirty last night…” She shook her head. “It isn’t going well at all. He’s also eating all my food. Bastard.”
“Restraining order, perhaps, my dear?” Lexy piped in from beside me.
“Nah… that won’t work. He’ll find a loophole. He’ll prove himself intellectual time and time again.” She did love Tones, but they also had a very strong dislike for living so close and how their visiting hours were at least twelve hours a day.

“Loopholes are such grand things,” Lexy mused, “So loopy… and tricky.”
“Lexy, we must lay off the happy pills, yes?” I joked.
“Not yet! I must first experience the feeling of killing Greg on happy pills.” She raised her hand in defiance. “Plus my prescription is good until next week. Why waste it?”
“Such a valid point you have there.” Sarah Atkin pointed in agreement at Lexy.
“Took many months of research…” Or a second of thinking.

“Anyhow…” I looked to Kath, who now had her vogue style glasses on her, covering her wide eyes. I loosened and let go of Lexy’s hand for a second, sneaking behind Kath, and snatching them off of her. “Yoink!”

“ARGH!” Kath said through gritted teeth. “Why must you take my prettiness away?”
“You look better without glasses. Give up your defense.” I put the mauve glasses over my eyes, resting on my ears. “My love,” I turned to Lexy, joking in my seductive voice, “Don’t I look so much better in these than Katherine ever has?”

“Oh dear,” She whimpered sarcastically, “I want to do so many bad things to you right now–”
“Whoa now…” I snatched them off and passed them back to Kath, who gladly accepted them back. “Cool the sexual tendencies, dahling.”

“Must’ve been the sexual tendencies heightener-rer that did it.” She frowned.
“I forgive you.” But she had to lay off the imaginary pills.
“Hooray for forgiveness!” Hooray indeed.

Dairy Queen was as creamy as ever. It was like plastic ice cream, but somehow became oh so good as soon as you convinced yourself that it wasn’t. I did the unboyfriend-like thing and did not split anything with Lexy. Mainly because I could eat a whole hot fudge sundae by myself. I didn’t need help with my kind of metabolism. A tad selfish, but Lexy didn’t seem to mind. Anthony met us outside of Dairy Queen, resulting in a huge crushing of him when we all pounced on him like wild lions, clawing at his curly-Jew-fro hair.

“Why must you always come back to haunt me?” Sarah demanded, “Back to the grave with you lot!”
“You failed at the attempted murder.” Tones griped. “I wish it were so simple.”

We left Dairy Queen, expecting to head to the park, but Tina had to get going already. She saw her dad across the street, arms crossed and waiting, tapping his feet impatiently. “Must go.” Tina squeaked in child-like voice, impulsively letting go of Greg’s hand. Greg was left standing there, unable to hug her goodbye or anything, for fear of her parents finding out. This was why I wished Lexy would just get around to telling her parents. It made things difficult. I had told my parents over the weekend, and they hadn’t made a huge fuss. They were happy to see that I was getting on with my relationships instead of sticking to Becca.

We waved goodbye to Tina. I hadn’t really liked Tina since the beginning. When I first met her for real, outside of Seguin with Greg while we were waiting around for golf class to start. She didn’t speak much at all. In fact, she was incredibly quiet, only talking to Greg, and barely at that. Her dog had also been kicking dirt on me. I barked back at the dog, “Oh yeah? Dirt kicking? Is this what you enjoy? To cause me pain and suffering?” I didn’t like her dog either. She was rather bratty and used to be Jap-like. But she was fine around Greg, and I could see that they had a happy relationship. So I was happy for the both of them, but I never saw her as much of a friend. She had even said a week ago that she didn’t know if the relationship between her and Greg was going to work out. It angered me. One minute she said Greg was awesome, but the next she said she just didn’t know. Hypocrisy. I wasn’t sure about her, but I hoped that one day we could be on good terms. At least I had Lexy. I had told Tina that she should’ve just told her parents about Greg, and it would make things easier. Apparently, she hadn’t acted on that just yet.

I slung arm around Lexy as we walked towards the park, now with Tones and Sarah behind us having their infamous PCs (private conversations, jeez, I’m half prep, I tend to use some Japspeak at times).

I couldn’t hear them, but I thought I heard my name being said. I turned, leaving Lexy to skip along the sidewalk without me. And I glared. Tones and Sarah stopped. I eyed them precariously, knowing something had been said about me.

“We were talking about how your hair is oh so…” She scrambled for words. “Fluffy!”
“I’m sure…” I rolled my eyes as usual. “I’ll let you by this time… But remember!” I pointed an extended finger at them, “I’m listening. Always listening.”

“Stalker,” Tones muttered. I hated that word with a burning passion, but I merely turned and walked back to Lexy. Looped my hand in her’s.

Looking around, I thought there was something missing. I remember the second time I had met Lexy outside of the ACS dance, there had been the young man we once called Kenneth. That was before the concert. Kenneth wasn’t here. That was it. I looked over at Kath, smiling while talking to Seth. She seemed to be fine without him. I could understand why. I couldn’t exactly forgive Kenneth for what he had done that night. Not the crowd surfing or the moshing. Not him and Kath slapping my ass because Facebook told them to. It was just because of what he did to Kath. The bastard needed some sense fused into him. He was still my friend regardless, but he just hadn’t been the same since that night. Last week I had been to his house after school with Greg. We chilled and had a barbeque lunch and all. Good times. I was supposed to be meeting Lexy later on. When I did, I went back to his house, and found him in his basement with another one of his friends, playing Guitar Hero. What was blatantly obvious was that he was stoned. Greg also confirmed that by telling me he had been there when he had the munchies. Greg had headed down to the grocery store and got a pack of fifteen muffins. Ken and his other friend ate them all. Ken had lain off the weed for a long time. Lexy and I had even been talking about how he hadn’t been taking anything as of late except drinking. Lexy had told me that she had gotten high with him once, and he was spaceier than that. I never agreed on inhaling any substance into a human body intentionally. It just seemed disgusting to me, and I just wasn’t all for it. Now, I didn’t mind if Ken did puff and all, but the fact was that he had changed all of a sudden. He was just never like this, ever. I could understand drinking. He had been getting drunk every Saturday since forever, but this was a little much. I worried for my friend’s safety in all ways. I never wanted to see them hurt, whether it was because they suffocated themselves in the long term, or destroyed brain cells because of the weed they took. Somehow drinking was fine with me. Don’t ask why. It somehow was though.

As for Kenneth, I wondered if this was something caused by Katherine. He had brought it upon himself if so, yet I couldn’t help but worry. Luckily, I wouldn’t have to soon. He was leaving for boarding school in September. Only a few more months, with two of those being while he was at camp. And as for Kath, she seemed fine without him. They weren’t friends, even if he tried to talk to her once in a while. That was about it. She didn’t want anything to do with him. So he had been ostracized from the group. I accepted that. Maybe it was for the better, but maybe the worst with him.

We sat in the big deformed tree of Westmount Park. All of us. It was a bright sunny day now, as I leaned back against branch with Lexy by my side. We all conversed back and forth about many things. Like how Tones’ last name, Barkman, was corrected as Barman in spell-check on Word. And how I was just so awesome at Guitar Hero. Oh yes, I have quite the ego when it comes to that.

“OK!” Kath semi-yelled from where the top of the tree lay on its side. We looked to her. “We shall be planning a party at my house, for the family here,” We sounded like a cult, being ‘the family.’ “My house, after all exams.”

“What day?” I impulsively yelled out.
“I’m only done exams on the 15th or so I think…” Lexy was the only one who went to LanCaster in our ‘family.’
Kath shook her head, “No need to discuss it now. But we just need a family reunion, minus one.” Kenneth, of course.

I shrugged and said silently. “Can’t you just make good with Ken?” Before I knew it, Kath was in front of me glaring with her pissed off face that didn’t look like much of a pissed off face.
“We don’t mention manwhore’s name here.” She eyed me evilly.

I nodded in agreement. “Gotcha.” Manwhore. Lovely nickname that I could stick to. I hoped that things would be resolved soon though.

“Yesh.” Holding the s. “You better.” She skipped back across the tree to her spot, where she sat, fixing her kilt, and looked out over the park at the surrounding lake. The lake was filled with ducks. Seth had been telling us which types of ducks they were, though I hadn’t been paying much attention. Kath looked at ease, but troubled, and in another world, trying to focus all the bad karma that Kenneth brought with him, out of her. Either that, or she was just focusing on him in another light. I didn’t wish to bother her, but wanted to ask her whether she still had feelings for him. Regrettably, she probably did. I think she knew that nothing would ever work between them no matter how hard they tried. Parents or they themselves would get in the way somehow. Then I noticed Kath’s eyes. They looked spacey. Not as if she were high, but just as if she was far away and unreachable. Regardless, I let her muse over things. I didn’t exactly want to bother with anything of the subject that burdened her today. I hadn’t seen Lexy in a while. She was prioeity

I turned to her. She was already looking my way. “You’re worried about her, aren’t you?”
“I’m easily readable, aren’t I?”
“Not entirely, husband.”

I shrugged and looked ahead of me, as if speaking to myself. “I am. I hate to see her hurt by him. They just looked so… nice together. They weren’t even watching the band. They were just looking at each other. It was… special, I guess.” I shook my head. What was I saying? “He was a total ass. I feel like I should do something. I was the only other one there that night.”

“Maybe it’s for her and KenPen to work out. Not you.” Lexy reassured me. I turned back to her. She had a meaningful look on her face, really telling me to lay off the subject until it got to a point just before no return.

“And perhaps I’m overreacting.”
“It’s a possibility. Kath seems fine and all.”
I let out a heavy sigh. Seeming. It’s a word I used often. It just means to appear, and not to be. It’s not what you are, it’s what you give the impression to be. What you appear to be like. And not the real thing and entity.

“But is she really?” It was a Tones like thing to ask.
Lexy looked over at Kath, who was swinging her slip-on covered feet over the tree, and paused for a minute. “She’s not like this all the time. I mean… err… I’ve known her for three years, but have only been around every day for two. It’s a little out of character.” Kath was one to talk a lot. Ever since I had mentioned his name, she had cowered onto the tree edge. I looked over at everyone else. Tones, Greg, Seth and Sarah were not taking much notice and were on the flattened trunk conversing about other matters. I thought I saw Tones give a look towards Katherine for a second, and turn back to Sarah, who had been stabbing an imaginary knife into him.

I looked back at Lexy. “It’ll blow over?”
Lexy nodded. “Most things do, don’t they?”
I remembered the short-lived crushes and the infatuations and problems I had had over the past months. “Usually.” Though I honestly couldn’t think of one thing that hadn’t blown over and gone away. I was being cautious and unhopeful. I never had a great output on these matters.
We stayed in that tree for a while. I gave periodic glances to Kath, who wasn’t returning them. She was instead looking at the lake again, and kicking her feet into the air below her. Tones had gone over to her, walking slowly as to not fall off the tree, and had asked if everything was OK. Kath only replied, “Wonderful.” Still keeping her eyes off of Tones. Entranced. Tones got the cue to stay away and instead walked the branches to Lexy and I.

“Well, she’s acting un-Kathz-like today,” Tones plopped down on the branch adjacent to us.
“We don’t like it either.” I said, crawling my fingers across Lexy’s knee, which she swatted away, smiling.
“What exactly did he do?”
I honestly didn’t feel like explaining it. “I honestly don’t feel like explaining it.”
“You’ll tell me tonight.”

“Fine.” Tones and I had elongated talks on the phone, nearly every night.
Just as I finished saying that, I heard a yell come from behind me. It wasn’t anything on the tree, though. I looked past Lexy and towards the path leading up to the deformed tree to see Kenneth and one of his friends riding their bikes towards the tree. Kenneth clutched a bottle in one hand over his handlebars, obviously concealed in a paper bag, which fell when he stopped at the foot of the tree. He was drunk. It was clear by the way he slurred his speech, “Whatzup!” He dismounted the bike and stepped towards the tree. I stayed still. So did everyone else.

I looked over at Kath, who glared at him, angry. We all stayed silent. We didn’t exactly want to get in his way while he was like this. I thought Greg would speak up, or say hi. He didn’t though.
“KATHY!” He saw Kath, who still glared. He moved closer. “What’s news pooze?”
“Could you go away Kenneth?” She asked, a hint of frustration in her voice.

Just then, Kenneth threw his unconcealed bottle up at the tree, behind Kath’s position. It hit the tree and shattered, pieces flying all over. I impulsively turned away and shielded Lexy, grabbing her, and throwing my arms around her back so that her face was buried into my sweater. I hoped that neither Kath, nor anyone else had been hit. I looked a second later and saw that they were fine and were still over-looking the conversation going on below.

“Christ, Kenneth,” I muttered. I stayed motionless, not sure what to do.
“Sorry bout that,” He pointed to where the bottle had struck the tree.
“Kenneth…” Kath sighed.
“Listen, can’t we just try this again?” He kept his eyes on her as if no one was there but them.
“Obviously not, you washed up asshole!”
Kenneth took another step under her, and Kath instinctively crossed her dangling legs. “Perv…” She muttered.
“I didn’t mean what I said.” He rolled his dazed eyes.
“So how can I believe you now when you’re drunk like this?” She shot back. Glaring. “Explain that to me!”

Kenneth grabbed her foot and pulled, “Look –” But Kath was already falling and landed a second later, stumbling and falling onto her chest. I hopped out of the tree, bracing my knees for impact against the ground, and started walking towards them. Kath had different plans.
Kath rose from the ground, and Kenneth backed away. “Imsorry, Imsorry!” He slurred.

“That’s not cutting it this time you ignorant prick...” Kath still marched forward, while Kenneth eased backwards, closer and closer to the water’s edge. “You have dumped me twice. For reasons, I don’t know why! You lied to me. You fucking deceived me. You’re no good. And yet, YES! I still somehow like you!” She kept walking, yelling this at him. I stayed a safe distance, and realized that Greg was behind me as well. I gave him a look, he shrugged, I shrugged back, unsure of the situation.

“I hate it. I HATE YOU! And yet you can’t be off my mind because I still have this little part of me attached to you. I know that things just end badly.” Tears now streamed from her eyes. “You’re a fucking bastard. And I loathe you. Not love. You yourself should know that things couldn’t work out. They wouldn’t! NOTHING DOES! Accept it.” He was even closer, right at the edge, where he and Kath stopped. Kenneth reached for her arm.

“Don’t you dare touch me!” She slapped him square across the face. I watched Ken lose balance and fall into the semi-shallow lake that surrounded the tree’s premise. He splashed and overturned, rising up slowly.

Kath was already running down the path, past his bike and past the tree. I chased after her, while Greg attended to Kenneth. Kath had her face in her hands, wallowing. I kept running, as she turned left past the restrooms and towards the library. It was easy to catch up to her. She was sitting outside the greenhouse, bending her head into her knees, legs hiked up to her chin. I slowed my pace as I came to a stop beside her. She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. “Oh, Derrick…” I clutched her as tight as she was clutching me. She was in pain. I never wanted to see her like this again. I promised myself I would never let this happen again. Never.