Straighten Your Ties / Book 1

My flat lined inhibition is my ammunition

I'm just fighting to get by

Just give me some direction

I'll be your affection

How could you leave me behind? 


I'm a mess and

Your words just give me time

To give you a waste of time

One of those nights

When you leave me for no reason

I'll give you a reason
- The Cab – One of Those Nights

Take it from me when I say that a lot of things have made me pretty sad over the years at Seguin. This particular story never made me really sad in a sense, as I was really just bummed about it. It’s something I’d only expect to see in books or movies. In the ninth grade, about halfway through the year in February, I learned of something that was going on at a certain school up on the hill. Not Seguin. I told you. We’re at the bottom of the hill. We don’t deserve the top of the mount apparently.

I have acquaintances at The Scholarship School (TSS). The reason I wouldn’t call the girls I know there friends is because I really didn’t know them all too well. I just know them enough to chat once in a while. These acquaintances, and because I don’t want to type out acquaintances anymore, I’ll call them friends; had been good-hearted people as far as I knew. But when I actually heard of this certain story from a former TSS student, I reconsidered my priorities completely. I feel like completely omitting this former student’s name, but because I don’t want to say anonymous all the time, I’ll call her Kate. It would suit her, I think.

It was a mere few days before we were about to go to Tremblant for a ski day, and this meant nearly every private school from grades nine to eleven in the Westmount/Notre-Dame-de-Grace area were heading to the mountains for a day. I noticed that Kate’s screename on MSN read: “Kate- Sick ☹.” Just out of curiosity, I messaged her:

Derrick: are you still going to ski day? Seems like youre sick.
Kate: oh
Kate: I don’t go the scholarship anymore.
Derrick: what? [I had known Kate since the seventh grade. She’d been going to TSS since kindergarten. What the fuck?]
Kate: Yeah. I’m at central now. hopefully [Central Academy: Another private school just on the edge of Westmount.]
Derrick: not in yet?
Kate: i have my interview on friday
Derrick: oh. But youve stopped going to scholarship
Kate: yeah.

At that point, I let off asking her about how or why she stopped attending TSS. I didn’t see why she wouldn’t go anymore. She had a bunch of friends. And usually, the reason they switched to central was either because they didn’t have the greatest grades, got expelled or wanted to go to a co-ed school, which was what Central was. For some reason, it was kinda known for where every expelled Seguin student would end up going, knowing that LanCaster College in NDG wouldn’t accept them. It was weird like that. Their classes never seemed to be full either. People just switch mid-term to Central like nothing sometimes. I guess they didn’t have the same standards as Seguin or Scholar.

About three hours later, Kate messaged me. She never messages me. I always try and message her. But, I decided to talk anyways.

Kate: hey
Derrick: hey
Kate: whatsup?
Derrick: nm u?
Kate: not much rly [Although there was]
Derrick: I’m waiting for supper to be ready
Kate: whaat? Its like 930
Derrick: I eat late
Kate: yah, no shit
Kate: whats wrong with your family??
Derrick: It’s called, they work a LOT.
Derrick: they’ve been working like 9 to 9 since november
Kate: sucks.
Derrick: ive gotten used to it
Kate: still sucks.

At this point, I was still wondering why exactly she left Scholar, and I really needed to find out or I’d be wondering all week. I brought it up. Our previous subject was done anyways.

Derrick: so whyd you leave scholar anyways?
Kate: cuz it’s super duper gay and shit.
Derrick: the school itself you mean? [I was thinking it might have been the reason]
Kate: yeah, and the people are snobs
Derrick: well its westmount.
Kate: yeah… I know
Kate: im glad I don’t go there anymore
Kate: i was turning into such a snobb and a mean person
Derrick: always sucks.
Kate: yeah thats why im glad about central sorta cuz its a lot more down to earth im just scared none of the girls will like me, cuz i have a friend whos in my grade there and he said the girls were like jealous of me? but like i have no idea, so im scared i wont have any friends that are girls
Derrick: very doubtful that you wont. They probably just think youre a ja from westmount which you arent
Kate: i know
Derrick: i dont exactly love seguin either. I live
Kate: look at it this way
Kate: by the end of last week, i had liek 2 friends [Kate was popular at Scholar. How did she have ONLY two friends? This was getting tricky and pretty shocking.]
Derrick: NO! are you kidding?
Kate: srsly. because i was like apart of the “mean girls” and i stood up to them and like no one ever does that so i got into a huge fight with them
Derrick: you mean like… the plastics of mean girls? [One of my favorite movies by the way, since it portrays school life pretty accurately in a way that is only a little exaggerated.]
Kate: exactly.
Kate: so i was liek im tired of this bull shit i deserve better then you guys and they were like wtvr we arent wasting our time on you and i was like ok good for you
Kate: in the end i had kendra and jen.
Kate: everyone else is pretty much a follower. theyre intimidated.
Derrick: so that means --- no sierra, noelle, jolene, lisa, or sascha? [All girls I knew were close friends with Kate. One of them who I actually liked (liked liked) at the time. For a very short time. Jen came after her.]
Kate: yep. all plastics.
Derrick: that’s sad. really sad. im sorry.
Kate: its fine. i’ll be better off without them.
Derrick: but they’ve been friends with you since…. forever almost…
Kate: i knwo, but like honestly, i don't mean to sound really cocky and all but i know i'm better then them because i don't spend weeks making someones life miserable
Derrick: meaning you?
Kate: exactky.
Kate: exactly**

This was the point where many of my opinions changed on people I knew. It was kinda surreal. Something that wouldn’t happen. People who had been friends for a really long time, and then just like that – poof – all gone. Nothing. No talking. No days of laughter together. No friends but the two people who aren’t the followers. I continued to ask further on the matter. I obviously wasn’t going to go through the reasons precisely. What they had done, why are they so mean to you… I didn’t want to go there. I just wanted to see if she was alright. Losing friends isn’t the best thing in the world, even if it’s for the better.

Kate: i just hope that Central is better
Derrick: I’d hope so too. your situation obviously needs an improvement
Kate: bigggg time. like I'm just really sick and tired of everyone like labelling me as the like mean girl and stuff - so I'm really happy that i get a clean slate
Derrick: that’s always nice. didn’t know the plastics existed at scholar
Kate: ohhh trust me. its bad.
Derrick: dunno, mean girls was a little exaggerated… but what do I knw
Kate: nah, not really. our grade was completely like man girls x 3553265263. in garde 6, we had to have someone come talk to our school.
Derrick: whoa

And later on….:

Derrick: this just changes my mind on someone… really most of your friends. This whole situation really.
Kate: huh?
Derrick: Well, you know I kinda like sass, right –if you dont you know now.
Kate: as in more than a friend?
Derrick: mhmm. she knws, but shes apparently too focused on school and such.
Kate: psh yeah right.
Kate: she’s a folower, doont trust her
Derrick: How so?
Kate: she just like says so much shit about sierra and lisa and she promised me she would like stay by my side and like she thought they were really mean and then the next day she didnt even look at me and she told them all tehse things that I apparently said - that were complete lies
Derrick: backstabber?
Kate: totally.
Derrick: hmm
Kate: and I kinda feel bda for her cuz like they don’t even like her. i was the one who always hung out with her.
Derrick: she’s kind of stuck in the middel then?
Kate: well, not relly, she chose them over me
Derrick: true. But isnt it kinda like she was damned if she did not damned if she didn’t or something like that? shed be friendless… sorta.
Derrick: but you are right in the sense that she should have stuck with you.
Kate: thanks.

One thing you’ve got to understand about my friendship with Kate is that it’s a rather rocky one. Just like Eric. We can sometimes get along and other times – eh, no. I’ll admit, Kate was kind of a bitch when she did go to Scholar. She wasn’t too pleasant and was uninterested in people who were below her. She was the superior to everyone in a way. She didn’t care to talk to me at all, that’s why I barely did message her, and it was a rarity when she did want to talk. That or no one was online.

I was apparently known to hypothetically stalk Kate. Which was and is false. I was never outside her house or anything peering into her window. That’s beyond me. That’s just creepy too. I did look several people’s wall-to-walls on Facebook, yet I saw no harm in that. It was out there. Free information in my opinion. So any time I mentioned something Kate and the plastics had been talking about on their walls, she would get pissed. I grant her that. I barely look at anyone’s wall anymore. Except mine. So that is one reason why our friendship had been rocky. If you can even call it a friendship. Not sure if the word… ok let’s see what Microsoft Word says: acquaintanceship. Wow. It does exist.

Kate told me the next day that she had gotten in to Central. She had to have an interview at Central on our ski day. All had gone well. But she did mention that she was extremely nervous. Fearing that she would be considered a nerd. She had been placed in most of the higher classes at Central. And coming into a new school mid-term, she thought there wasn’t going to be the greatest welcome party. Especially when you come from the extremely posh Scholarship School. Central was considered the kind of place where all the retards of the Plateau area went. That or they had gotten kicked out of their previous school, had a mental breakdown and caved with their current school, or you were just really retarded. I mean really retarded. It wasn’t that they couldn’t afford the other schools, because the school’s fees are more than Seguin’s at nearly sixteen thousand a year. Seguin’s was just below it. If you were at least a middle class person, you’d probably be getting an education at Lyona, because that school was in part paid for by a huge trust fund and the government. Central wasn’t up to standards with Seguin, Scholar, or ACS. I don’t even think it’s up to standards with Lyona, and I hate their guts. As for LanCaster College (LCC), we just don’t talk about them… bastards. It was also one of the few schools that always had placement, and on their website, has details about transferring, which none of the others do.

I spoke to Sascha the following Saturday. She had gotten back from Hawaii just a mere few hours ago. I reconsidered the concept that I should ask her about Kate, fearing it would be an awkward or just plain bad conversation.

Sass: She’s switching skools.
Derrick: And the reason behind it is?...
Sass: She’s immature.

That’s all I got. I’m never sure if I heard the whole story. I would just hope that they would sometime soon all become friends or at least talk somewhat someday. The story is developing. Only the epilogue will tell.

But I really got sad after reading over this chapter one day. I just thought about what it would be like for that to happen one day. What if you were forced to be ripped away from your friends? Not even… Your friends just all betrayed you. All ignored you. Those years of school with them, from kindergarten to, in Kate’s case, grade nine. It hit me hard. I never wanted that to happen to anyone, no matter who they were. Even if they were the most heartless person in the world. And Kate wasn’t. Even though she hated me, still does, and even though since she has switched to Central and gone back to bitch mode, I don’t care. I know what she’s been through is probably the roughest thing in the many years of her life. I couldn’t bear to throw away nearly ten years of life just like that. It would crush my heart so much I would eventually die. Literally. If everything were just to disappear in a New York minute, I wouldn’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve realized how badly I depended on all my friends. Without them, my day at school would be impossible. I would fail all my courses if they weren’t waking me up half the day. I would die if Sascha stopped talking to me. I would die if Greg moved away. I would probably kill myself if all my friends just disappeared one day. And that’s what happened to Kate. I respect her for being as strong as she has been in the past few months, because I know friends mean everything to us. Without someone there by our side, we are nothing. Without love, we are nothing.

To the “plastics” that I’m writing about, I know this may not all be true, and I’m not going to take all of Kate’s word for it either. I feel bad for Kate because she lost numerous friends and a school, but I still do know what you all must have gone through in a way too. Losing even one friend is heartbreaking enough.

And so to Kate, if you’re reading this, and you know who you are, I forever admire you for your courage, bravery and overall composure. You are a true example that shows us that our hardships are nothing compared to what many go through. Cheers Kate! I think without your story, I would never have realized the true value of friendship.