One of the Boys.

I jumped of my bed as I heard a knocking on the door. I ran down he stairs and smiled as I opened the door; it was Henry. He smiled at me and pulled me into a soft kiss, then broke away softly.
“What’s wrong.” he said quietly. “Something is wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong. Come in, it’s bitterly cold outside.”
He frowned and held my hand, following me up the stairs. I shut the door quietly and we sat down on the bed. He put his hand on my knee and his frown deepened.
“Please tell me what’s wrong, I want to know.” he said, tilting his head to the left slightly.
“I’m fine, I swear.”
“Don’t lie to me, Em.”
I sighed and removed his hand, laying down on the bed. “Brendon and I aren’t speaking anymore, and I kinda miss him.”
“Did you fall out?”
“Not exactly. It’s complicated.”
He scooted further onto the bed. “How so?”
“I just…” I sighed.

Could I tell him? Would it be best to tell him now and get out the lies before it turned messy? Would he hate me, or worse, would he leave me?

“You honestly want to know?”
“Sure I do.” he smiled and lay down next to me, facing me.
“Please don’t hate me.”
“Why would I- oh, Em, please tell me you didn’t.”
“That depends what you’re referring to.”
“You had sex with Brendon, didn’t you?”
“No! No way, we just… kissed. And I really love you but there’s some weird lust thing between us so we decided to stop speaking to each other. Henry I’m so sorry, it just kind of happened.”
He shut his eyes, his hands balling into fists. “I knew it.”
“You did?”
“I knew you two liked each other, I refused to believe it but I knew it. You were always too close for comfort, but I trusted you because you were different.”
“Henry, I really regret it and I’m sorry.”
He sighed. “We’re not right for each other anyway.”
“What? Why not?”
“I’m too messed up for you and I know who you belong with: it’s not me.”
“You’re not messed up.” I frowned.
“Yes I am, I have too many problems and I still feel as if I can’t tell you them. I love you but I can’t spill out to you. You could spill out to Brendon, couldn’t you?”
I went to say something, but stopped, and nodded. “Yes.”
“There we go. You’re a great girl and I don’t blame you for kissing Brendon because you belong with him. We all belong with someone, and we’re not meant for each other.”
“Henry.” I said quietly. “I can spill out to him because he’s my best friend, not because I’m meant to be with him. He doesn’t even like me like that. I love you.”
He kissed me once. “No you don’t. I think it would be best if I just go.”
“Don’t go…” I trailed off.
“Emma, we both know that when you kiss me you’ll only see Brendon. And I don’t think this is going all that far anyway. But I still love you.” he smiled.
“I love you too.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you around.” he whispered and stood up, dusting his jeans down. I pulled him into a hug and he breathed out deeply.
“I’m still sorry, by the way.”
“I know, I know. And I forgive you.”

He was no longer mine, and I felt relieved, but I felt like everything inside of me had been crushed and I no longer knew how to breathe. I just don't know what I want anymore. Maybe to run outside, chase after him, kiss him again and again. Henry, no, come on. It never meant a thing. I'd say.

But there's also that voice, that actually, it means a lot more than I want it to.