I have brothers

“Belinda, you know you can tell me if you got something on your mind.” Everything went silent. I took another gulp from the milk bottle and offered her the bottle, she shook her head, and looked forward.

“I don’t have germs…” I smiled and she just sat there. “I - - look I know Gerard yelled at you but, but he does love you. And don’t get me started on Mikey! He loves you to death! He finally has a chance to be a big brother, and be a big brother not only to a boy but a big brother to a girl!”

She looked up at me. “He’s one lucky boy, I wish I was your big brother!” I laughed.

“I don’t belong.” She whispered.

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t, He yelled at me and I yelled back, I started it and they are famous I’m a no one.”

“No your Belinda, - -”

“I don’t really want to talk about this.”

“Ok.” I smiled and then I got closer to her, she was slightly shivering. She went to move away. I went to move away but then she stopped. I don’t know why but we sat there. I took another swig from the milk.

“Can I ask what was the stuff on you arm?”

“Nothing.”

“It felt like something.”

I - - I got this weird skin irritation… you know…” She looked down. I didn’t buy it, what if she was cutting? No.. she couldn’t be, could she? I offered her the milk bottle, she shook her head again, I shoved the bottle in her hand, when she thought I was looking away she wiped the rim and then started to drink as she lifted her arm, her sleeve fell and I saw it loud and clear. Red cuts that took up her whole arm.

“Belinda!” I said as I grabbed her arm. She winced and pulled her arm back, she put the bottle down next to me and sat there grabbing onto her arm for dear life “Belinda…” She had no reaction whatsoever. “I’m sorry.”

“What you just saw, don’t tell anyone, cause I don’t want to be a pity case!”

“But I have to, your brothers can help you, I can help you!”

“I don’t need help!… I’m perfectly fine!”

“But your arm says something completely different.” My words were getting slightly stern.

“My arm is my business, and it’s not what you think it is!”

“Your business becomes your family’s business and it’s pretty clear to me!”

“Don’t tell!” She was pleading with me now.

“I have to - -”

“No you don’t!” Her eyes were wide open and staring me right in the eye. She got up off the floor and walked off. I sat there thinking ‘Should I tell Gerard and Mikey?’ I mean I know Gerard went through a lot of crap and still is and now with the new family. But Gerard is getting better… maybe he can help her, or maybe Mikey can help her but her eyes… I can’t say anything it should be her thing, when she’s ready she’ll tell them, right? And if not I’ll help her out.

She’s not even my little sister, and I already feel little sisters are difficult or maybe it’s just that little girl. I laughed to myself. I went back into the lounge room and sat back down on the sofa, no one was awake and they weren’t going to wake up anytime soon.

*Belinda’s P.O.V*

CRAP CRAP CRAP! What if he tells Gerard and Mikey? I hate this, I just want to go home with Jason, is that to much to frikken ask for? I was angry and I felt like jumping out of the nearest window, I went over to the bathroom locking the door behind myself. I sat on the floor, looking at my arm, it was disgusting to look at but I’ve never realised. I always thought it was something normal you hear about thousands of people do it every day and it’s the only way I can forget about the things I don’t want to remember… I mean sure it comes back but for that time where I can feel the oozing sensation run down my arm and then feeling that cold swift pain every time I pass it over my skin, I can’t feel anything but that… and it feels good.

Ah! I’m making myself out as a pity case! Exactly what I didn’t want to be, I got off the floor and looked at myself in the mirror, but this time I didn’t see myself. I saw someone… Something looking at me, something that I usually didn’t look like.

I always thought that I would be the happiest person if I had a family, I prayed that I would some day meet my real family even though I knew they were dead or supposedly dead, but I was in denial! The one looking back at me was something I always tried not to be a, pity case.

“I hate you.” I whispered to the mirror, whispering to these blue eyes looking back at me.

“I HATE YOU!” I leant down over the sink, eyes shut trying to cry. But nothing came out. Why was I such a loser! Why can’t I be happy for once, I’m such a damn pain in the ass, I started to feel sick, I lost control of one of my legs as I fell sideways and hit my head on the drawer. I held my head in pain, my fingers in front of my face and saw the blood running down my finger, that sick feeling came over me again, I got onto my knees and went to the toilet as fast as I could and puked. Not the most charming thing but it made me feel better.

I dragged myself up to the sink and washed my mouth out as I could still taste that disgusting acidic taste. I flushed the toilet and went back down to the floor, I missed Jason but most of all I needed him.

About an hour had passed, so many thoughts went through my head, so many doubts, regrets and memories. By the time I went through everything I could think of it was sad to say 95 percent of all my life was bad memories. I was a shitty human being, I made people suffer, one being Jason. He never had to put up with my shit, but there he was. I got up off the floor, turned the knob and then went to my room, I went through my bag and saw Jason’s number, I picked it up and went to the phone.

RING RING RING RING RIN- -

“Hello?”
“Jason?”
“Belinda! Hey how are you?”
“Fine…”
“Belinda… now tell me the truth. Is Gerard Way your brother?”
“uh.. I guess”
“Wow! That is so cool!”
“I guess…”
“Belinda… you alright?”
“No - yea - Yes.”
“Hey you wanna meet up with me? You seem abit blue.”
“Yeah ok, good”
“Want me to pick you up?”
“No I’ll go meet you”
“Ok monkey! See you soon!”
“Bye bye.”

I put the phone down and went over to my cupboard, I put on two long sleeve tops and a pair of black jeans. I went to the mirror all my eyeliner had smudge but I couldn’t be bothered to fix it. I grabbed my bag and check in my wallet… 3 dollars. It should be enough for the bus. I went down the stairs as quietly as I could, Frank was on the sofa but I think he had fallen asleep again. I tip toed over to the door, opened it and then shut it behind myself as quietly as I could.

The bus was chokers with people but it was early in the morning… it took about an hour just to get near enough to Jason’s house. Thankfully I was off that dreaded bus and now was walking down the path to Jason’s place by memory… hopefully I wouldn’t get lost. I suddenly saw the familiar all white house with White, their dog, barking at me through the fence. I called in on the buzzer and Jason buzzed me in. Slowly I made my way to the front door, suddenly White came chasing after me so I bolted the rest of the way to the door.

“Jason!” He opened up the door and shut it quickly and I think hit White in the face. HA.

“Hey! Good the dog didn’t eat you.” He gave me a hug.

We went down the white corridor with the same weird paintings, he opened the door and I walked in without noticing anything I dropped my bag on the floor and went to sit down but when I did I sat on something that wasn’t a bed.

“Watch it you idiot!” A girl screamed from underneath me. I jumped up and looked at her. A long legged blonde girl sitting on Jason’s bed. She looked like a total skank and a bimbo.

“Who’s she?” She looked at me up and down as if I was some sort of weird creature.

“Jennifer, this is Belinda, my best friend.”

“Whatever” She snorted and looked back down, picking at her nails.

“Belinda this is Jennifer… my - - my Girlfriend.”

“Your what?” I said staring at him.