I have brothers

I shot up sweat dripping down my face and my heart pounding so hard I couldn’t hear the voice of the person in front of me moving their mouth at a rapid pace and grabbing onto my arms, I couldn’t stop but to think it was the man in my - -Oh shit! He’s got blonde hair!

“Get off!” I screamed as loud as I could. I grabbed onto my hair pulling myself down to my knees, I felt each hair get ripped out from my scalp then slowly digging my nails in my head causing the pain in my heart go away and my hearing slightly easier to hear. He was still grabbing onto me but then I herd a familiar voice, I looked up and saw it was Jason.

*Jason ‘s POV*

I had come about an hour later, still being early in the morning I still had my pyjamas on, needless to say being in front of your favourite band in my nighties wasn’t my most proud moment.

“Jason.” Bob said staring forward.

“Yeah?” He dropped his head down and then looked over to me, I could only see his eyes shine in the little light that was coming through the window. He sighed and then finally asked me.

“Have you noticed anything different… about Belinda? Like anything at all?”

“Yeah, well she’s sleeping a lot more?” I wasn’t really sure of my answer but it made sense to me.

“Cutting?”

“What? As in arts and crafts cutting or - -”

“Yeah… that one,” Frank said grabbing onto his own wrist. “We were wondering if… well if you could check where about she’s actually c-cut.”

“Uh, Okay.” Awkward silences of the boys, it could be the next hit movie staring Iero, Bryar and Myself. I think the ratings could be huge.

“She’s anorexic.” Bob said out of the blue ruining my whole movie theme.

“No she’s not. She’s always been skinny.” I argued looking over to Belinda’s frame on the bed that seemed to look smaller and smaller each time she let go of her breath. “Shit. Why didn’t she - - shit!”

“Sorry to have to burst your bubble.” Frank put his arm around my shoulder as if lend his condolences.

I heard her moving around a lot, we all got up and went over to the bed, beads of sweat started to form on her forehead, she was holding onto her breath and was arching her back clawing her fingers into the bed. Bob leaned over and started calling out her name, she suddenly shot up and Bob grabbed onto her arms.

“Get off!” She yelled at Bob when she saw him, it was as if she had gotten possessed by something, she leaned forward grabbing chunks of hair out of her head and ripping it out, her nails dug into her head.

“Belinda! Belinda!” I ran to the bed and wrapped my arms around her, she looked up and saw it was me pushing in further into my chest. Her breathing was out of control and she was shaking like an earthquake. I pulled her on top of me having me arm wrap around her back and one on her head keeping her close to me.

“Shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” I whispered into her ear softly, her breathing was slowing down as she adjusted into my pattern, slow and steady. I rubbed her back, rocking backwards and forwards reminding me of that one time I wished I could have never experienced, I was holding her just like I was now… it was a winter night and she had just come back from school, the kids had stolen her umbrella leaving her walk 25 blocks under the rain and hail, she came up to me and looked so sad. Apparently the kids had been teasing her because she had no family and they were all making rude remarks about her wrists.

That was the day she found out the reality of life, I spent hours with her in my arms under the covers, everything was silent but I could feel her hand on my chest near her face, I looked at her wrist and saw the cuts, that was the first time, 9 years of age. I wanted to kill each one of those kids who made fun of her or called her names. This was a flashback moment, but I’d prefer to be here with her in my arms than anywhere else in the world.

“What was that?” Frank said leaning towards the door. “I’ll go check it out.” He left the room and then there was Bob and I, he slowly placed a hand on her wrist moving her thumb over it, he then just stopped and stared at her.

“Can you please check?” He asked not losing eye contact with her, he may not have been her brother, but he sure as hell acted like one.

“Belinda. Hun, what’s been happening?” I asked passing my hand through her hair.

“I can’t sleep with - without dreams.” She whispered so softly I could hardly hear her.

“What about?” She shook her head and took a deep breath. “Did something bad happen?”

“M-Mikey and Gerard.” I was still rocking back and forth and then Bob leaned into her. She jumped back, trying to get away from Bob.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He put his hand on her back sending an electric shot up herself and me. “What happened to Mikey and Gerard?” I saw her think about it but she didn’t reply, I lifted up her sleeve and saw so many cuts, it was unbelievable, last time I saw there were about 10, now there had been an abundance of then, maybe more than 25.

“Have you cut anywhere else?” She dug her head into me not wanting to see anyone, which was an automatic yes. I checked her other arm and it only had a few, I lifted her shirt to reveal her back, no cuts but all the bones you could see, it wasn’t healthy. “Where else?” She didn’t reply, I pulled her away from me and made her look in my face. “Tell me, Belinda. Where.”

She didn’t utter a noise but looked downwards. “Your leg?” Not a sound, not a noise, not even a shrug. “Yes or No?” She nodded looking up. I pulled her up and took her to the bathroom, closing the door behind us I sat down on the edge of the bath and stood her in front of me. “Show me.”

“I - - I didn’t,”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m n-not.” I grabbed her hands and looked straight into her eyes.

“I know you have, and I love you, all I want to do is help you. You used to tell me everything.”

“I do tell you everything.”

“Not about the new cuts, or the anorexia.” She had a look of shame and sorrow that made me cringe, but I had to pull put the serious card, I had to know.

“Show me.”

“I don’t - -”

“Show. Me. Now.” Her jeans were tight and when she tried to pull them up from her ankle it only went up to her knee.

“See, nothing.” She pulled it down and then I pointed at her thigh. She unbuckled her jeans and pulled half of them down, massive cuts went from one side of her leg to the other, it wasn’t pretty, her leg looked like mince meat, well not literally but t had enough cuts. I pulled her into a hug and she hugged me back tightly. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know.” I held her tight, and then the door opened and standing there was Bob. I grabbed her pants pulling them up and she just stood there, her arms like mini wrenches just holding onto me. He came over and sat next to me.

“Your parents are here.”

“I’m not going.” 20 minutes later I was in the car going back home. I swear to god I hated these people. They see that I’m with my Best friend, but no. For their own sick, twisted pleasure they want to take me away from her.

*Bob’s POV*

Half an hour later, it was nearly time to get up but the horrible weather kept it dark, Belinda hadn’t left the window staring down the road Jason and his family had driven off. I could feel my eyes were stinging and Frank was only kept awake by the constant coffee cup at his mouth.

“Belinda, why don’t we go to bed?” She sat there still silent. Frank’s head hit against the table making him send out a loud girlish scream. Still no reaction from her, I walked up to him and took him upstairs, laying him down on Gerard’s bed. Maybe this would be a good time for some one on one talking time. I walked downstairs and there she was, she looked like a statue.

“We need to talk.”

“Goody.”

“I know your upset, or angry, emotional or hormonal- -”

“Hormonal? I’m not pregnant.”

“I think you need help.” She for the first time had turned around slowly, making me feel as if she were about to shoot her close up scene in a horror movie, and she was playing the crazy axe murderer.

“I. Don’t. Need. Help.”

“Yes you do. You don’t think what your body is right now can kill you? Your not healthy, Belinda. You could be at risk of wasting away to nothing or - - with the rate your going, you could die.”

“How would you know?” She didn’t speak stern, or ever have that pain in the ass teenage voice but the sort of voice that would say ‘You don’t know what I’m going through.’

“My - - my sister went through anorexia. My family fell apart, Belinda. I don’t want that to happen to Gerard nor Mikey.”

“Yeah, of course wouldn’t want to upset Gerard or Mikey. Maybe you know I could like just through all of my real emotions away and plaster a fake smile so that nothing will ever happen to them.” She got up and went to walk away, and that teenage voice was on the verge of erupting. I grabbed her wrist and spun her around.

“They love you so much, so incredibly much they would die for you. I don’t want to see them get hurt because I know that if they get hurt, it’s because your life will be cut sure, and I don’t want you to die. I won’t let you die.” Her face softened. I can’t believe what I’m about to do, I stepped right up to her and wrapped my arms around her tightly, Her hair was soft and her small frame froze but was covered as if she were in a cave around my arms and body. Maybe it was because I felt that father mode snap or maybe it was because she reminded me of my sister, her hands shook and grabbed onto me but not even a split of a second later she pulled away.

“I can’t let you in, I‘m sorry.” She croaked out from a broken voice, turning around to go to her room.