Status: One seriously depressing Hiatus. [That took me nearly a year to admit to].
All It Is, Is Just A Name
Chpt. 2 Skye's P.O.V.
The lights are off. I'm laying on my green comforter, underneath are purple sheets. (Not much of a change from how it used to be.) My mind is restless. After a couple of minutes of flopping around like a fish out of water I decide to just let my mind wander. Its ten o'clock, tomorrow is Tuesday April 2nd 2009. A shudder passes through me at the thought of another day of ... I guess it'd be another day of my self inflicted hell.
Today sucked. Just like every other day since the beginning of my high school career. These supposed ‘best years of your life’ have been tedious and uneventful. The reason behind that is because I'm a coward. I am afraid to be myself, to be Leelee to my gal pals and North to my guy buddy's. Well that would be if you had any real gal pals and guy buddy's, you damn coward. But maybe its more like I can't be myself, at least not my whole self ... not without him. He was always there for me no matter what. Scolding myself for thinking about the forbidden subject I swipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I am the source of my own misery because I didn't want to face the cruelty and discrimination of high school alone.
No matter what you tell yourself when someone calls you a negative name it hurts. Thats why I hate the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Whoever came up with that bullshit has obviously never been in a room full of teenagers. The saying should go, “Sticks and stones give broken bones, they hurt until they mend. But words give broken hearts and they hurt until the end.” I know, very poetic of me. But I probably hate myself more than that saying. Now take the saying “Ignorance is bliss”, that is one-hundred percent true. Though it takes real dedication for a wise person to pretend to be naïve. I’m not exactly wise but I’m intelligent enough to know that I can’t do this anymore.
Lets take a peek into the life of the new and more dysfunctional Lyris North. At Mountain View High I hang out with a group of dumb soccer players and the dance crew bimbos. Its a step down from the jocks and cheerleaders though its just as bad. But I chose them for two reasons 1) I didn't want to be 'popular' 2) anyone else would either be able to see through my facade or they simply wouldn't accept me into there clique. I was so bent on making sure everyone thought I was just another Average Joe with stereotypical opinions that I have two separate wardrobes. One that I wear in the public eye, that one is filled with boot-cut blue jeans, plain tees, "skater" shoes and ect. The other is what I wear in private or when I'm out of town, it is what I feel comfortable in clothes that I actually like and that express what I'm feeling that day. Everyday while I'm pulling on clothes from Wardrobe #1 I paint on my mask of false smiles and slip on the shoes of my fake personality. When I put on that mask I am no longer Skye, Leelee or Kaikai I am Lyris North the guy who; is good at soccer, get's straight B's, sits with the other soccer jerks and is dating Kaitlyn Holmes. Yeah that about sums up what you'd find out if you were Lyris North's friend. Skye however is another story that not many remember and few have ever truly met.
I’m really fucking tired of this shit. As that thought crossed my mind I realized that I wasn't just trying to fool everyone else I was trying to fool myself. Even though its been almost four years I still haven't gotten used to having everything remind me of him. I heard a scratching at my bedroom door. Slipping off of the bed I walk over and open the door, Bert pads in and hops up on my bed. I sigh as I get back into bed this time pulling the covers over me. I doubt I can go another day pretending that those people are my friends, or that I’m interested in the gossip their spreading. And I definitely know that I cannot stand another day of forcing a laught at poor geeky kids or having to say “Yah, dude that chick is hot”.
My head feels like its going to explode with the pressure of reality weighing on my mind. In the real world people are dying, children are starving and I care. For some reason I’m not allowed to turn a blind eye to facts like that. I’m not allowed to be ignorant and I cannot pretend that I am anymore. I lean over to my left and open the only drawer in my end table pulling out an empty journal and a pen. Situating myself so that the journal rested on my bent knees I put my pen to paper and begin to write.
Today sucked. Just like every other day since the beginning of my high school career. These supposed ‘best years of your life’ have been tedious and uneventful. The reason behind that is because I'm a coward. I am afraid to be myself, to be Leelee to my gal pals and North to my guy buddy's. Well that would be if you had any real gal pals and guy buddy's, you damn coward. But maybe its more like I can't be myself, at least not my whole self ... not without him. He was always there for me no matter what. Scolding myself for thinking about the forbidden subject I swipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I am the source of my own misery because I didn't want to face the cruelty and discrimination of high school alone.
No matter what you tell yourself when someone calls you a negative name it hurts. Thats why I hate the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Whoever came up with that bullshit has obviously never been in a room full of teenagers. The saying should go, “Sticks and stones give broken bones, they hurt until they mend. But words give broken hearts and they hurt until the end.” I know, very poetic of me. But I probably hate myself more than that saying. Now take the saying “Ignorance is bliss”, that is one-hundred percent true. Though it takes real dedication for a wise person to pretend to be naïve. I’m not exactly wise but I’m intelligent enough to know that I can’t do this anymore.
Lets take a peek into the life of the new and more dysfunctional Lyris North. At Mountain View High I hang out with a group of dumb soccer players and the dance crew bimbos. Its a step down from the jocks and cheerleaders though its just as bad. But I chose them for two reasons 1) I didn't want to be 'popular' 2) anyone else would either be able to see through my facade or they simply wouldn't accept me into there clique. I was so bent on making sure everyone thought I was just another Average Joe with stereotypical opinions that I have two separate wardrobes. One that I wear in the public eye, that one is filled with boot-cut blue jeans, plain tees, "skater" shoes and ect. The other is what I wear in private or when I'm out of town, it is what I feel comfortable in clothes that I actually like and that express what I'm feeling that day. Everyday while I'm pulling on clothes from Wardrobe #1 I paint on my mask of false smiles and slip on the shoes of my fake personality. When I put on that mask I am no longer Skye, Leelee or Kaikai I am Lyris North the guy who; is good at soccer, get's straight B's, sits with the other soccer jerks and is dating Kaitlyn Holmes. Yeah that about sums up what you'd find out if you were Lyris North's friend. Skye however is another story that not many remember and few have ever truly met.
I’m really fucking tired of this shit. As that thought crossed my mind I realized that I wasn't just trying to fool everyone else I was trying to fool myself. Even though its been almost four years I still haven't gotten used to having everything remind me of him. I heard a scratching at my bedroom door. Slipping off of the bed I walk over and open the door, Bert pads in and hops up on my bed. I sigh as I get back into bed this time pulling the covers over me. I doubt I can go another day pretending that those people are my friends, or that I’m interested in the gossip their spreading. And I definitely know that I cannot stand another day of forcing a laught at poor geeky kids or having to say “Yah, dude that chick is hot”.
My head feels like its going to explode with the pressure of reality weighing on my mind. In the real world people are dying, children are starving and I care. For some reason I’m not allowed to turn a blind eye to facts like that. I’m not allowed to be ignorant and I cannot pretend that I am anymore. I lean over to my left and open the only drawer in my end table pulling out an empty journal and a pen. Situating myself so that the journal rested on my bent knees I put my pen to paper and begin to write.
♠ ♠ ♠
To clear up any confusion the story is set three years and about eight months after Grey is put into Witness Protection, there will be a fair few flash backs to give some history on Grey & Skye's relationship and what all happened on July 7th 2006. Grey is a year older than Skye if you didn't catch that in the description.14 readers & 4 subscribers already all I need is a comment or two. Tell me what you think, I <3 constructive criticism.