Bells Ring, Are You Listening?

I sat on my bed, crying. It was the night of Christmas Eve, and I couldn't stop thinking about Samuel. I had always wanted a man to touch me like that. I thought back to my family now. I hadn't spoken to them in ages. They never wanted me to become a nun. They told me it wasn't my place, that God had a plan for me to raise a family. Then I ran away here.

I knew they were right, but I loved the Church. I loved how nothing could hurt me here. Until Samuel came along. He was my apple. Forbidden. But I tasted it, and now I was aware. And I hated it more than being away from home.

What tore me up now was the fact that it was an experiment of my emotions and desires. He followed me to "figure" me out. God, please help me sort out these emotions?

"Sister Catherine. Samuel has left!"

"Good. The Church wasn't his place."

"Sister, you don't understand. There's a blizzard outside. He's out in the blizzard!"

We spent all night looking for Samuel. It wasn't long before the blizzard stopped, but nobody was out of their houses. People were in this Christmas Eve. Panic grew inside of me by the minute. I couldn't help but think back to the first day I saw him. How he was so weak and cold, and it was barely winter. I entered back into the church, giving up on finding him. He was gone, and if he died, it was my fault. It's not as if he had any real ties here anyways.

I leaned against the wall again the next morning, taking in the mountains. Snow glistened in the sunlight, winter's blueness complementing the evergreens. I sighed and adjusted my habit to better warm me in the snow. It was Christmas, and I was alone. The other sisters sang and it filled The Church and the mountains.

And I couldn't help but cry. The Church wasn't the place for me to be. I did want a family, and to work, and to dance and sing as I pleased. I missed the town life and being with my family and friends.

A hand touched my shoulder. I turned around. It was Samuel.

"I'm sorry I left. I was just going on a short walk and the blizz--" Anger and relief filled up inside of me, and I slapped him.

He rubbed his face. "Since when do nuns slap people?"

"You know how worried everybody was? You can't expect us to show you full hospitality, to welcome you into our home and then just leave? What kind of guest are you?"

And he kissed me again. This time he leaned closer, taking off my coif and veil and caressing my face. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. Snow fell on his eyelashes.

"Wait. So you do love me?" My words were soft, they surprised me.

He kissed me again. I didn't object, I just wanted more. Bells rang from the top of the tower and he pulled away again, brushing hair out of my eyes.

"Forgive me, Sister Catherine, but I love you."

"Catherine." I smiled, my laughter audible above the bell.

"I love you, Catherine."

"I love you too, Samuel."