WonderLand

From what I had seen of the Tea Shoppe so far, I was pretty sure I could safely say the Hatter and Hare were rather ostentatious fellows- or they had an extremely eccentric interior decorator- but even so, I didn't quite expect what greeted me inside the room.

Well, to be precise, it wasn't actually a room at all. The door had opened out into a little courtyard, which was bathed in the warm, mid afternoon sunlight.
At first I thought I had somehow gone in a complete circle and wound up back at the front yard of the building. The unnaturally green lawn was dotted with the same strangely sculpted shrubs, and the looming forest's edge could be seen as little way's off.

But after a bemused moment, I realized I was in another part of the building entirely. Unlike the front yard, which had been groomed to immaculate perfection, Nature's unruly touch had been allowed to creep over this area. The grass was just a little too long and uneven, and the shrubs had been allowed to grow outside their carefully trimmed boundaries, giving them slightly swollen, distorted appearances.

The main difference between this yard and the one in the front, however, was the long, low dining table in the middle of the grass, laid out with enough tea things to support a small, tea drinking army. Though the table was huge and there were a dozen chairs of every size, shape and color around the perimeter, the three people sitting at it were all crowded at the far end of it. Even so, I noticed that every other unoccupied space at the table looked as though it had already been ravaged.

"Oi, Alice is here," Humpty called rudely. Two of the three men, who had been conversing between themselves with their heads put together, looked up abruptly. They were the same faces as the ones portrayed on the marble busts- hats and all. Oddly enough, the man between them was slumped over the table, with his face planted firmly in a butter tray.

"Alice?" The one in the top hat- Hatter, I think- asked, sounding thoroughly perplexed.

"Alice who?" The other one, who by process of elimination I guessed to be Hare, added.

"The Alice from the prophecy," The man slumbering in the butter muttered, without raising his head. Comprehension dawned on Hatter and Hare's faces.

"Oh, that Alice!" They said in unison, and rose to their feet politely. Butter guy remained where he was.

"Well, who else would it be?" I asked shortly, crossing my arms.

"Exactly." Hatter replied in a no-nonsense voice, completely failing to make a sensible reply. My hopes for a reasonable, rational conversation were beginning to dim.

"If that's all, I'm leaving." Humpty Dumpty said. Hatter nodded and waved him out.

"Of course, thank you, thank you." He said. Humpty slammed the door shut, leaving me alone with the three men, two of which who now silently regarded me, their eyes openly scrutinizing.

"Well, are you going to come sit down, or just stand there all day?" The Hare said at last, motioning to an empty armchair on Hatter's other side. "We have business to discuss."

"Er, alright," I said, quailing a little bit. Now that I was actually here, I wasn't sure what to say. What if they didn't know how to send me home? Worse, what if they did, but refused to do so unless I helped their rebellion thing? But for the moment, there was nothing for it but to sit down. I crossed the room, and let the Hatter politely help me into the armchair. Hatter and Hare sat back down, angling their faces towards me.

They were both young, I decided. Maybe in their early thirties- it was difficult to tell. Everyone here seemed to have a certain agelessness about them. Hatter was the taller of the two, though that illusion could have been given by his dark green, velvet hat, which had to have been a foot and a half tall at the very least. The locks of hair that poked out from under the wide brim were dark, as dark as his eyes. He wore a red and white striped button-up shirt, with a high, starched collar, and a brown corduroy vest over that. Around his neck was the most obnoxious bow tie I had ever seen- something more fit for one of the circus clowns back home than on a tea shop proprietor, or a rebellion leader.

The Hare, conversely, was dressed in a black three piece suit, though it looked distinctly wrinkled, and both the vest and the first several buttons of the white button up beneath it were unbuttoned. His black bowler hat sat a little crookedly on his head, and seemed a little frayed at the edges. His hair was white blonde, and his eyes a smoky gray.

The man in the middle looked like little more than a brown blob with limbs- brown hair, brown suit. Patched, frayed, and brown.

"Would you like some more tea, Miss Alice?" The Hare offered me politely, holding out a pink flowered tea pot.

"More?" I frowned. "I haven't had any yet. I can't exactly take more," I tried to explain.

"You mean you can't take less," The Hatter said knowledgeably. "It's very easy to take more than nothing."

I opened my mouth to argue, but couldn't think of anything to respond to that, and closed it again. Instead I looked around the table for a cup.
"Well, I would, but there aren't any clean cups," I pointed out. As a matter of fact, many of the cups I could see scattered on the table weren't even in one piece.

"Then take the pot," Hare replied, shoving the tea pot into my hands. I grappled with it, desperately trying not to drop it and spill hot tea everywhere.

"Er... thank you?" I said, setting it down carefully.

"Don't mention it." Hare said genially.

"Oh, how terribly rude of us," Hatter suddenly said, his tea cup clattering from his hands and soaking everything in the vicinity with tea. "We know your name, yet you don't know ours!"

"Don't worry- I already know all about you." I said grimly, holding my hand up to stop him. "Hatter and Hare, the Tea Shop guys, and the rebellion guys. The Cat told me."

At the Cat's name, Hatter and Hare exchanged pleased, but slightly surprised glances.

"Ah, the Cat. Of course." The Hatter cleared his throat. "At any rate, we haven't been properly introduced." The people here were really hung up on politeness, weren't they? "My name is Maddock Hatter." He pushed back his chair and rose, giving a small bow.

"And I am Marchibald Hare." Hare said, mirroring Hatter's action.

"Mad and March," Hatter grinned.

"Hatter and Hare." Hare doffed his hat.

"At your service, Miss Alice." They spoke together.

"And who is he?" I pointed to the third man, who had shifted at some point during this exchange and was now snoozing on a piece of jam and toast.

"This," Hatter said, while both he and Hare grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt and hauled him up, "Is the Dormouse."

The Dormouse blinked sleepily at me, and gave what might have been an acknowledging nod. Hare and Hatter let go of his collar abruptly, and he slumped back onto the table, fast asleep once more.

"He's our Body Guard." Hare explained as the pair sat back down.

"Body Guard?" I repeated skeptically, trying to ignore the fact that Hatter was leaning over me while trying to grab a jam jar that was just out of his reach.

"Oh yes. You see, people in our positions," Hare went on.

"Very important positions," Hatter added, and gave me a little 'thank you' as I finally handed his the jam- which he promptly chucked over his shoulder and went back to refilling a new tea cup.

"Are often the targets of political assassination attempts." Hare finished, in a hushed whisper. "More tea?"

"No thank you," He poured me some anyways, right into the pitcher of cream that sat before me. "Do you mean what with all this rebellion business?" I went on, hoping to get down to the brass tacks for once.

"Oh yes." Hatter nodded. "Not the Tea business, of course- though there have been a few skirmishes with hired mercenaries on that front as well. Please don't waste too much tea, I want to run a bath later."

"Oh, of course not." I tried my best to look solemn. The Dormouse snorted. "But, um, I don't actually know all the facts about this rebellion thing. Who is it you're rebelling against exactly?"

Hatter and Hare exchanged looks.

"The Queen of Hearts, of course." Hatter answered, in a tone that quite plainly expressed that he felt I should really be more up with the times.

"That's generally the sort of people you rebel against." Hare added knowledgeably. "You know, kings and queens and what not."

"The Queen of Hearts, huh?" I picked up a chipped, floral tea cup and inspected it cursorily. "So she's the one in charge, huh?" Hm. That was interesting. Maybe she'd be able to help me get back home. But then, if there was a rebellion going on, it wasn't likely that she was the kind of ruler who would find it in her heart to help a lost girl form nowhere. "Why are you guys revolting anyways?" I asked, setting the cup down and looking Hatter in the eye. He responded with a look of his own- one of astonishment.

"...What?" He finally asked, bemused.

"Why are you doing this whole rebellion business?" I pressed. "What's the Queen done exactly?"

Hatter and Hare gaped at me, open mouthed.

"W-well... Because..." Hatter stumbled over his words, clearly unable to fathom what had possessed me to ask such a question.

"Because we are dissatisfied with the establishment!" The Hare cut in suddenly, leaping to his feet and pounding the table with his fist with so much vehemence that three tea cups, a tea pot, and the Dormouse fell off the table. "Oppression and societal woes run rampant, leaving the common man to flounder incoherently by the wayside!" After his short but impassioned speech, Hare collapsed in his chair, with a triumphant look on his face. Hatter applauded him enthusiastically.

"That's all very well and good, but you still haven't said exactly what is it the Queen is doing so wrong that has driven you to a revolt in the first place." I pointed out, snuffing out their jubilee like a candle. Both Hatter and Hare cast me rather offended looks.

"...Does it really matter what she's doing?" Hatter said, sulkily. "The point it she's doing it, and we're unhappy! If she was a good ruler, we wouldn't be rebelling, would we?"

"Maybe you're just hard to please." I shot back. Hatter opened his mouth indignantly to retort, but Hare cut him off before he could get a word out.

"All right, the truth is, we can't remember exactly why this whole business got started." He said with a grimace.

"Probably 'ad sommit to do with all the beheading..." The Dormouse grunted sleepily from his new position on the floor. Hare looked thoughtful.

"He's got a point." He remarked. "It might have had something to do with that." Then he shook his head, and returned to what he had been saying before. "The main point is, we're all already in this. The war has started, love. The game's already begun. More tea?"

I groaned, and slid low into my chair.
"Oh dear. And I suppose I'm involved, aren't I?" I said, dropping my head into my hands and expecting the worst.

I got it, too.

"But of course!" Hatter jumped up onto the table and crouched in front of me, kicking anything in his path out of his way unceremoniously. The tinkle of breaking china rang throughout the room. With surprising gentleness, he placed a finger beneath my chin and lifted my head up, smiling down at me. "You are Alice, of course."

I was not taken in. I frowned at him and slapped his hand away, ignoring his shocked expression. I pushed back my chair and stood up sharply, so I towered over the still-crouching Hatter.

"Let's get one thing straight, once and for all," I said, fixing him with the look I usually reserved for particularly troublesome townies. "I am not Alice. From what I hear, everyone had been waiting for this Alice girl to show up and save the day or whatever, and for some reason, you've all got the idea in your thick heads that I am that girl. I don't care how much you believe that I'm her, or whatever any prophecy says about me. I refuse to play the part. I am Alex Fabela Riverman, not some Savior of WonderLand. I'm not joining your rebellion, and I refuse to play make-believe and pretend I'm this Alice chick. I only came here because I thought maybe you two could help me find my way back home; but if you are just going to sit there and tell me who I'm supposed to be just like everyone else, I don't see any point in trying further. Good day, and thanks for nothing." I spun on my heel, turning my back on Hatter and Hare's shocked faces.

But before I had made it ten paces, there was a clattering and a thud from behind me as Hatter slid off the table, and Hare practically threw his chair aside in their haste to stop me.

"Wait!" Hatter called. I didn't slow down.

"Miss Alice, please-" Hare implored. That stopped me in my tracks, and I turned sharply to face them again, seething.

"My name- is Alex-" I growled, my voice dangerously quiet as I clung to the last vestiges of patience I had in my body.

"It doesn't matter who you are." Hare said, grimly.

"It matters to me," I retorted.

"You said you wanted to go home." Hatter said slowly, sharing a look with Hare. "To the OtherSide?"

"Yes. And if I have to, I'll go find someone else to help me do that," I narrowed my eyes at them. Hatter held up his hands defensively.

"Now now, don't be so hasty," He said, a slightly hysterical grin slowly spread across his face. "To the OtherSide, huh? I think that can be arranged, don't you, Hare?" The Hare flashed me a matching grin.

"Indubitably." He replied. I looked from one face to the other, suspiciously.

"Really?" I asked tentatively, with more than a hint of mistrust in my voice. Hatter simply shrugged, and turned away, making back for the table. He motioned for Hare to follow him. I didn't follow them, but I didn't leave, either.

"Perhaps." He remarked, coolly, as if it weren't really a big deal to him either way. "I'm not making any promises, but I do believe it can be done." He slid back into his armchair, and Hare into his. Hatter picked up a tea cup delicately by its curved handle and sipped the cold drink, watching me carefully.

Damn he was good.

"I've eaten WonderLand food." I said testingly, searching Hatter's cool dark eyes. Not a flicker of emotion showed in them at my words. "The Cat told me I can't go back now. Where ever 'back' is, anyways."

"He's quite right." Hatter replied, swirling his tea. "Unless..." He trailed off suggestively, eying me. Despite myself, I took a half step forwards before me brain caught up with my feet.

"Unless what?" I asked hesitantly, hardly daring to hope. Hatter took a long moment to sip at his tea, and keep me on my toes.

"Well, for a normal Outsider, that would be the case. They'd be anchored here forever." He finally said, setting his cup down and steepling his fingers into an arch,

"But you're not a normal Outsider, are you?" Hare added, pointing a crumb-covered butter knife accusingly at me.

"Not at all." Hatter agreed.

"It's quite possible you are the exception to the rule." Hare went on.

"There are ways around these sorts of things. Rules can be bent, loopholes can be found. Even here in WonderLand." Hatter's voice had dropped to a theatrical hiss, and despite myself I moved forwards, inexplicably drawn in.

"Especially here in WonderLand." Came the Dormouse's voice from somewhere out of sight.

"I wouldn't be surprised if WonderLand, sensing you for what you are, continues to reject your presence. You're not just an outsider- your the means of WonderLand's inevitable end- according to the prophecy. WonderLand wants you gone, where you can't do any damage. You might still yet be able to breach doorway." Hatter leaned nonchalantly back in his armchair, not even bothering to look at me. By now I was back at the table, my palms flat on the knotted wooden surface, and was leaning in towards them intently.

"Though we can't know for sure until we actually give it a try." Hare said with a coy smile, while buttering a gold pocket watch he had pulled from the inside of his coat.

"And that would be terribly dangerous." Hatter added.

"So I wouldn't suggest attempting it until after we've gotten this whole rebellion business tidied up." Hare finished, ending the discussion by ostentatiously putting his feet up on the tea table and pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes, as if about to fall asleep.

For a minute, there was silence, as Hare barely breathed and Hatter and I stared each other down.

"...Fine." I finally snapped, breaking nearly palpable tension that had built up like static in the air. I yanked my chair back and slumped into it, defeated. "I'll listen to your terms. But this doesn't mean I'm promising anything!" I warned them, glowering.

Hatter's face broke out into a wide, very white smile. "Wonderful!" He clapped his hands together happily.

"Jolly good," Hare added, flicking his bowler up so he could cast me a crooked smile as well.

"Treacle." The Dormouse added from the floor.

"Alright then. You'd better begin with this 'prophecy' business." I tried not to pout. I still had a little dignity, after all.

"Ah, the Prophecy." The smile slid from Hatter's face as quickly as it had appeared.

"The Prophecy," The Dormouse and Hare echoed.

"What?" I asked, suspicion creeping up on me with all the grace of a pink elephant once again. Hatter sighed.

"Well, to be honest, it isn't really quite so much a prophecy, as a..." He waved a white-gloved hand in the air, searching for the right word. "As an educated guess." He finally settled on.

My jaw dropped.

"A what?"