WonderLand

I was back in the tea room; and Hatter, Hare, and the Doormouse were all already assembled, and as far as I could tell, wrestling with each other atop the table.

I coughed loudly to get their attention.

Hatter stopped strangling Hare with his own tie, and Hare froze in place, in the middle of pouring scalding tea over the Doormouse's head.

"Alice, my dear!" Hatter cried, tossing Hare to the side and jumping down off the table. He crossed the lawn quickly and shook my hand genially, before shoving me in the small of the back towards the table. "You're just in time for tea!"

"I thought it was always tea time here," I rorted, pulling my hands away from the Hatter's sticky fingers.

"Exactly. So there's no excuse to be missing any of it!" He replied. Hare picked himself up and stood up straight on the table, holding out the tea kettle he'd previously been using to maim the Doormouse with.

"Tea, Lady Alice?" He asked politely.

"Even if I say no you'll still give me some anyways, won't you?" I replied, a little sourly. Hare shrugged.

"Most likely, yes."

"Then knock yourself out." I consigned, sinking into an overstuffed armchair and handing him a chipped cup that looked marginally more clean than the others. "Are you alright?" I asked the Doormouse, who was wiping his sopping wet hair out of his dropping eyes.

"Oh yes, you needn't worry about me." He replied, sitting cross legged on the table top. "They often do these sorts of things. It's best to let them get it out of their systems." He explained. After a moment I shrugged and sat down. He was their body guard, after all. If he said it was fine, it probably was.

Meanwhile, the Hare had discovered, much to his dismay, that the tea pot he held was empty-- having poured its contents onto the Doormouse's head just moments before. So instead Hare bent down and plucked the cup Hatter was lifting to his mouth right out of his hands, ignoring the Hatter's cry of protest. Hare dumped the tea in the cup into the teapot, and then proceeded to pour that back into my empty cup. Hare reached down and handed me my now full cup back, and I passed it back to a grateful Hatter.

"Did you sleep well, my dear?" Hatter asked me cheerfully.

"Speaking of sleeping," The Doormouse yawned, and he laid down right on the top of the table and began to snore.

"Er, yes, yes I did." I replied, trying to gently pull the jam-covered butter dish out from beneath the Doormouse's head. "Actually, I'm very grateful. That was the best night's rest I've had in days."

"How positively delightful!" Hatter said, all smiles. I smiled weakly back. It was awfully early in the morning.

"Hungry?" Hare asked, still standing on the table top, and holding out a garishly yellow saucer and nothing else.

"No thank you; I'll just have toast if you don't mind," I replied, making a grab for the last piece f dry, tea-free toast. Hare looked a tad put out, and climbed off the table back into his chair. He sent the saucer spinning through the air, tossing it like a Frisbee, where it shattered into pieces against a nearby tree.

"I was talking to Humpty Dumpty on my way here," I said, trying to strike up what I hoped might be a normal conversation for once, "And he said something about an un-birthday present. What's an un-birthday?"

But as I asked the question, Hatter gasped, Hare knocked over the tower of cup saucers he was building, and the Doormouse muttered "Silly girl doesn't even know what an Un-Birthday is," dismissively in his sleep.

"An Un-Birthday, child," Hatter began after a moment, still sounding shaken, "Is exactly what it sound like."

"Um..." I thought about it for a moment. It still didn't make any sense. "It's... not a birthday?"

"Exactly!" Hare replied. "Everyone has one birthday a year. But that still leaves 365 days every year when it isn't your birthday."

"366 on a leap year." The Doormouse mumbled.

"So everyday when it isn't your birthday, it is your Un-Birthday. So there is plenty of cakes and present and balloons and what not to celebrate the special occasion." Hatter went on.

"Or at least there used to be, before the Queen of Hearts got control of the throne." Hare added darkly.

"Oh..." I said slowly. "That doesn't make any sense, but I get it, at least. So does that mean it's my Un-Birthday today?"

"What day were you born?" Hatter asked.

"November 12th." I replied.

"What day is it today?" Hatter asked Hare. Hare reached for a tall, narrow tea pot across the table, opened the lid, and pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper from it. He unrolled it and laid it down on the table, inspecting it closely.

"Three weeks from Tuesday." He answered confidently after a minute, rolling the calender back up and stuffing it into the tea pot again. "And not November."

"Oh how jolly good!" Hatter cried, clapping his hands together. "It is your Un-Birthday then!"

"This calls for a celebration!" Hare leaped out of his seat again, reaching far over the table top to enthusiastically shake my hands.

"Cake?" Hatter asked, offering me a slce of cake that came from God-knows-where.

"Is it safe?" I asked, eying it suspiciously. Hatter glanced down at it thoughtfully.

"Probably not." He replied with a shrug, and tossed it over his shoulder.

"We should give her a present!" Hare said suddenly, sitting back down cross legged on the arm of his chair.

"Wonderful idea! What shall we give her?" Hatter agreed immediately, before I could insist-- for my own safety, I assure you-- that I didn't need any gift.

"How about a riddle?" Hare suggested.

"I've got the perfect one too!" Hatter snapped his fingers. He leaned forward and propped his elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hands. "Tell me Alice, how is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"

"A raven like a writing desk?" I repeated, wrinkling my nose. "Um... they're both... uh... I don't know." I admitted, stumped. "How?"

"I haven't the foggiest." Hatter replied innocently, blinking at me.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I remarked under my breath.

"But I'll bet I can guess what you really want for you're Un-Birthday," Hatter went on, his voice suddenly taking on an all-together different tone.

"What?" I asked hesitantly, glancing up from the first bite of my now cold toast.

"To get back home." He replied quietly. I froze. "Have you thought any more about our offer?" Hatter asked smoothly. Once again, I was reminded that despite how silly they seemed, Hatter and Hare were far more cunning than they let on.

"A bit," I admitted noncommittally, choosing my words carefully. "I really do need to get back home; but if I join this war, then it's more than possible all I'll get is dead.." I pointed out, buttering my toast slowly, to buy me some time. "To be honest, I don't know much anything about this place. I don't know who to trust, where to go, or even all of what's going on." I took a bite of my toast, wiping bread crumbs from my chin. "So I've decided... I'm not going to decide anything until I talk to the Cat." I finished, definitively.

Hatter and Hare both looked thoroughly surprised with my response.

"The Cat?" Hare repeated, as if he wasn't sure he had heard right.

"He's the only one I really trust." I replied, stoically. "Not that I trust him at all, mind you," I added hurriedly as an after thought, "But I trust him marginally more than anyone else I've met so far."

Hatter was shaking his head, as if he could barely believe what he was hearing. "You're mad, girl!" He said frankly. "Barking mad!"

"Excuse me," I shot back, offended, "I'm the only sane person here!"

"Alice, dear, never trust a cat." Hare said, his expression grave.

"That's the first rule of WonderLand," Hatter slapped his palm down on the table top. "You never trust the Cat!"

Looking from their solemn, serious faces, I balked a bit despite myself.

"But... I thought he worked for you guys?" I asked, uncertainly. Hatter grinned wryly at me.

"Alice, there is something you should know about the Cheshire Cat-"

Before he could say anymore, there was a sudden knock on the door that led into the haphazard castle. Hatter frowned, annoyance flashing across his features, but called out nonetheless.

"Enter!"

The door swing open, and Humpty Dumpty stood in the doorway.

"You got a visitor," He announced, with his customary rudeness. "And he ain't happy."

"Who?" Hare asked.

"The Cat. He's coming up now. Wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Speak of the devil," Hatter glowered, rising abruptly to his feet. Hare leaped up as well, dragging the Doormouse with him.

"Up, friend. You have a job to do." He said, patting the groggily blinking Doormouse on the shoulder.

"Alice, come here." Hatter ordered, and before I could protest he had reached out and grabbed me by the arm and pushed me behind his back, so he shielded me from the door.

"What in the world is going on?" I struggled out of Hatter's grip. "What's all this for? Let me see that Cat!" I demanded, trying to push my way past the men.

"Alice, if you like having your head firmly attached to your shoulders, I suggest you remain where you are," Hatter replied, his tone stony. I immediately stopped struggling, and looked up suspiciously at Hatter and Hare.

"What's going on?" I asked again, quietly.

I never got an answer, for at that moment, Humpty was shunted to the side, and the Cat stepped nonchalantly into the room, as effortlessly elegant as ever in his pink and purple suit. All that was missing was his hat.

His green eyes immediately found mine. He grinned.

"Alice, love!" He smiled sweetly at me. I didn't return it.

"What are you doing here, Cat?" Hatter demanded, his face impassive. The Cat's grin widened.

"What's with all the long faces? What, am I not allowed to pay a visit to my employers?" He asked innocently. "And a pretty girl, of course," He added, winking at me. I glowered, in no mood to put up this "other" personality of the Cat's.

"Cut the crap," I shot back, but with much less conviction than I had wanted. "What are you doing?" A knot was forming steadily in my stomach. I looked from Hatter and Hare's hard faces and tense bodies, to the Cat and his greasy, easy smile. Something was very wrong here. "Cat, what are you doing?" I said again, my voice cracking, just a little. An unreadable expression flickered across the Cat's face for an instant-- a half second where his shallow, glass green eyes softened and something that might have been regret showed behind them-- but then it was gone. The sly salesman smile was back.

"My job, love." He replied casually.

"What does She want, Cat?" Hare demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What everyone wants," The Cat replied, with a flash of white teeth. His eyes met mine again, and a chill ran inexplicably through my body.

Hatter made a sudden motion with his hand, and the Doormouse leaped forwards, suddenly wide awake and alaert, his lighting quick hands already drawing the long, narrow sword that hung from his belt in a sheath.

"Wait!" The Cat cried, holding his hand up defensively. Hesitantly, Hatter waved his hand again, and the Doormouse stopped, though he didn't fall back, or remove his hand from the hilt of the sword. "Wait, here me out."

"You have ten seconds." Hatter said coldly.

"I'm not here to take Alice." The Cat began. Hare snorted derisively. "I'm not," The Cat pressed with a glare. "The Queen wants the girl, yes; and I have been ordered to bring her back to the Castle. But right now, at this moment, I come before you as a messenger, with an offer." He paused, glancing from Hatter to Hare, trying to read their faces. Hatter reached into his breast pocket, pulling out a gold pocket watch, and glanced at it. "You're lucky my watch has stopped. Continue. What offer?"

The Cat took a breath. "Yes, the Queen wants Alice. But she has her own reasons for that. Right now, the rebellion is the last thing on her mind. Hand over the girl, and let us be on our way without any fuss, and things might remain that way." The Cat finished with a smooth smile.

"Does the Queen really expect us to just hand over Alice, the Alice of WonderLand, just like that?" Hatter scoffed. The Cat shrugged.

"What can I say? She's used to getting her way."

"Well, she isn't this time. Alice stays with us." Hare said, moving to stand between me and the Cat, beside Hatter.

"Oh come on," The Cat said with a condescending smile. "I don't want to have to make a mess here."

"It seems you've got no other choice, because there is no other way Alice will leave this room." Hatter replied icily. The Cat's face fell for an instant.

"I'm not going to hurt her," He said, almost petulantly. When Hatter and Hare only met this statement with hard looks, he snorted harshly. "Fine? You want it official? I swear, by my Name, Word, and Honor as the Cheshire Cat, that I will not harm so much as a single hair on Alex's head."

"Sorry Cat," Hatter shook his head. "It's not a matter of trust, more a matter of... principle. Alice stays with the Rebellion."

"Wait a second," I finally interjected, unable to take it anymore, "Don't I get a say in all this?"

"No!" Hatter, Hare, and the Cat all said simultaneously, turning to glare at me.

The Cat turned back to Hatter and Hare. "Alright, fine." He went on, his face, for once, unsmiling. "I told you already-- right now, I'm only playing the role of messenger. I gave you a fair offer; you refused. Mark my words-- you shall receive no more such niceties. You have twenty-four hours. In one day's time, I will be back for Alice, and I will have an army. The Rebellion will be crushed, and Alice will be taken. This is your warning." Once again, that Cat's cool, glass green eyes locked with mine.
"Run."
He turned on his heel, and started for the door without another word.

Something inside me broke, and a sudden flood-tide of emotion crashed over me like a tidal wave. I shoved my way past Hatter and Hare so abruptly they didn't have time to stop me, and even the Doormouse was a second too late to prevent me from running across the room to the Cat's retreating back.

"Cat! Cheshire Cat!" I called, inexplicably desperate to stop him from leaving me again. He paused, and I could see his hands clenched into fists for a moment, before he turned to flash me an easy smile.

"What, are you coming along after all, Pigeon?" He asked. I stumbled to a halt a few feet from him, staring hard up at his carefully constructed mask of features he wore to shield himself. I couldn't see past it, no matter how hard I looked.

"I... no." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "No... Cat, what are you doing?" I asked yet again, desperate for an answer.

"I already told you, sweets. My job." He repeated, though somehow it sounded forced.

"You're job... for the Queen? Of Hearts?" I finally managed to say, after clearing my throat too many times.

"That's one of them, yes." The Cat replied, quietly, without looking at me. I wanted to think that guilt wracked his features. But then, I wanted a lot of things.

"I... I thought..." I began, feeling my eyes prickle hotly. It was an alien feeling. It didn't make any sense in WonderLand.

"You thought what?" The Cat shot, his voice suddenly harsh, and too loud. "What, that we were friends? That I was looking out for you?" His tone was mocking. I winced. "Don't say you didn't see it coming. The Dodo warned you about me, didn't he?" The Cat went on, too fast, as though he couldn't stop himself from talking. "Everyone warned you. Don't mess with the Cat, they said. It isn't my fault you were too stupid to listen to them."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Here he was, the man that acted like a friend, who lent me his coat and promised he'd keep me safe, was telling me it was all an act. That I was stupid.

"You sold me out," I said in a hushed whisper, staring wide eyed up at the Cat's cold, hard face.

"Look, Alex," He said, his tone flat, dead. "I'll admit it-- I like you. You're an okay kid. I don't want to see anything... regrettable happen to you. Come with me, now, to the Queen's Castle, without a fight. All the Queen wants is to make sure you aren't used against her by the rebellion, and if you are back in your world, you won't be a threat to her anymore. It won't be hard to convince her to send you back. She's not unreasonable. Come with me, Alex."

I stared up at his unreadable face, at his flat marble eyes.

"You said you wouldn't harm a hair on my head," I said, quietly. "I'll go with you-" Hatter and Hare made abrupt noises behind me, but I silenced them with a raised hand. "I'll go with you, if you can promise me the same for the Queen."

The Cat's mouth became a thin, hard line. "What?" He asked, nearly inaudibly.

"You said you never break your word. Give me your word that I won't be harmed in any way if I go with you to the Queen's Castle, and I'll go." I said, meeting him stare for stare.

A long moment passed. The Cat said nothing.

"...I will be back by this time tomorrow with a battalion of soldiers. Alice is officially a prisoner of her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts. Until tomorrow." He gave a low bow at the waist, and turned away from me, leaving me speechless.

"I... wait!" I called out once again, finding my tongue. With effort, the Cat stopped again, but did not turn around.

"What?" He asked, wearily.

"Your hat." I replied, my voice laced with contempt. "You gave me your hat when you left. You said you wanted it back when you returned."

"Keep it." He replied, still motionless.

"I don't want it." I spat back.

"It's an Un-Birthday present." He said, and without waiting for me to respond, he slipped out the door.