WonderLand

I woke up to a splitting headache.
At first I was only aware of the pain in my head, but then my other senses slowly began to return to me. I could feel the stiffness in my limbs, the ache in my bones, the cold wind on my face and...

Why was I wet?

With tremendous effort, I pried my eyes open and rolled over, onto my back. Above me was a wide, endless expanse of blue sky.

I stared blankly up at it, uncomprehendingly, until something small, fluffy, and white poked it's head into my line of vision.

I focused on it- it was the white rabbit, the one I had found in the Box. It blinked it's little pink eyes at me, it's nose twitching.

"Hi," I croaked, surprised to hear how hoarse my voice was. The rabbit flinched at the noise, but didn't run away. It snuffled my head some more.

I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that not only was I wet, but I seemed to be getting more wet with every second. I pushed myself weakly up into a sitting position.

And saw, to my vast surprise, I was sitting on the beach of an ocean, the cold, salty waves lapping up to meet me in the sand, soaking me through.

I looked around. The beach stretched on for as far as I could see in both directions, and the horizon of the ocean was devoid of any islands or ships that I could see- nothing but rolling, endless waves.

Behind me, however, the sandy beach slowly began to give way to what seemed to be a forest, about a football field's length away from where I sat.

A movement in the corner of my eye drew my attention back down to the rabbit. Apparently, seeing my vigor returning and satisfied I was all right, it turned from me and began hopping away towards the line of trees.

"Hey, wait!" I called, scrambling to my feet. I was soaked through and covered in sand, but I didn't care. "Where are you going?" I started to run after the rabbit, but it suddenly stopped, turned to face me, and gave me the fiercest, sternest look I have ever seen a rabbit give, stopping me dead in my tracks. The little bunny stared me down for a good minute, then slowly turned away, and resumed it's trek across the sandy beach.

This time, I didn't follow it.

I turned in a circle, desperately looking around the deserted landscape. I was alone- completely and utterly alone, now that the rabbit had left me. I was alone, and I had no idea where I was, or how I had gotten there.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I shouted, but was only met with the hallow echoes of my cry. For a moment, I was overwhelmed with a sense of panic- what if I never got back? What if I died out here, alone?

Hot tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced them back. Loosing my head would only end in disaster, I knew.

But then there was a noise behind me, the sound of voices.

I whirled around, searching the coast line wildly, and saw two distant figures making their stately way down the edge of the beach towards me. I stared in disbelief. Just a moment ago, I was completely alone- I knew I had been! And yet here these two people suddenly were, completely oblivious to me and deeply engrossed in their own conversation. One of them, the taller figure, gesticulated passionately, while the other, shorter, skinnier companion trailed behind with some difficultly.

But where they had come from didn't matter, I told myself. I wasn't going to be left to die after all, and that happy thought pushed any bit of common sense I had left in my head right out the window.

"Hey! Hey there, help!" I shouted, and I started to run towards the figures, waving my arms over my head. They paused, and looked towards me with evident surprise. I was close enough now to see them clearly- two men, about as different in size and shape as could possibly be.

The one on the left was the taller of the two, but was also more corpulent. It was evident from his bulging waist band, which vainly tried to repress the bulk behind it, that this man had quite the fondness for food. His hair was grey, peppered with black, and was swept back from his brow in an elegant fashion, tucked beneath a black beret. He puffed on a wood pipe, though at the moment he had taken it out of his mouth and was holding it in a fat hand, bestowed with glittering rings.

The man beside him was shorter and skinny to a fault, and he repeatedly had to reach down and tug up the waist of his pants to keep them from sliding down his narrow hips. He was younger than his companion, in his mid thirties I guessed, but his face was prematurely lined, and weather worn. His clothes weren't quite as fine as the other man's, and the way he trailed behind his companion- who, admittedly, seemed to exude a certain appealing air of faux importance- made his seem more like a sidekick than anything.

As I neared, their one sided conversation withered up into surprised silence, and hesitantly they halted, eying me with something that almost looked like suspicion.

I slowed my pace, close enough to see the hostility in their eyes. I stumbled to a halt, kicking up whirlwinds of sand at my feet.

"Uh... hi," I stammered lamely, quailing under the intent gazes of the men, and wondering if I had just made a horrible mistake.

"Yes?" The fat man said slowly, eying me. Ah well, it was too late now.

"Uh... I'm... well, I think I might be lost..." I began, "That is to say, I don't know exactly where I am, and if you could just give me some directions or something..." I trailed off weakly.

"Lost?" The man said, stroking his chin, bemused. He glanced at my wet, tousled hair, and the small puddle of salt water that already began to form at my feet as my water-logged dress dripped. "My dear, you're positively soaked!" He pointed out, rather redundantly.

"Erm... Yes, I am, and I would dreadfully like to do something about that. My family will be wondering where I am, and if I don't get back soon, they'll-"

"Of course, of course!" The Fat man interrupted her jovially. "But you can't do anything in this condition! Poor lass, you'll catch your death outside in the cold in wet clothes! Bill, what do you propose we do?" He asked, turning to the skinny man beside him. Bill flicked his gaze nervously to me, then back to his companion.

"Um... get her dry?" He offered, uncertainly.

"Well of course we need to do that, you clout!" The fat man frowned and boxed Bill about the ears. "But what we need is an immediate adoption of more energetic remedies-"

"What?" Bill gawped, nonplussed.

"Uh, look," I interrupted, before either of them could get another word in edgewise. "Thank you for- well, offering to do something, but there's no need, I really have to go, so if you could just-"

"Affirmative action, that's what we need." The fat man snapped his fingers.

"Affirmative action," Bill echoed.

"Really, that's fine, in fact, I don't even need directions, I think I'll figure it out by myself-" I tried in vain.

"Where ever are your manners, Bill?" The fat man said suddenly, as if struck by a thought. "You haven't introduced us to the lady yet. How negligent of you!" He scolded.

"So sorry, so sorry!" Bill bobbed his head, shame faced.

"I, Lady, am The Dodo, and this is my companion, Bill the Lizard." The fat man, the Dodo, bowed deeply, and Bill doffed his raggedy cap.

I was thoroughly lost.

"Bill... the Lizard?" I glanced at the skinny, nervous looking man. "He doesn't look like a lizard..." I said, hesitantly. The Dodo glanced at his friend.

"No, I don't suppose he does. But then, he doesn't much look like anything else, either."
"I... suppose..." I floundered hopelessly.

"And you are...?" Bill the Lizard asked tentatively, peering at me through narrowed eyes. The Dodo smack his upside the head again.

"You uncultured swine, don't you know it's terribly impolite to ask a lady for her name? Or age? Or weight? Or matrimonial status? Or-"

"Uh, no, no, that's fine," I put in before he could continue, holding my hands up slightly defensively. "My name is Alex," I offered.

Both Bill and the Dodo froze, their faces suddenly identical hard masks. Fear wormed it's way into my stomach like a maggot. I didn't like the looks they were giving me at all.

"Alice? Did you say Alice?" The Dodo asked, slowly. I wasn't sure if I had misheard.

"What, Alice? No, Alex." I repeated, unsure. The Dodo pursed his lips, and Bill threw him a curious, excited glance. He tugged lightly on the Dodo's sleeve, but the Dodo brushed him away.

The Dodo suddenly clapped his ringed hands together decisively, making me jump, his manner yet again changing abruptly.

"I know! I know just the place where you can go to get yourself cleaned up!"

"You do?" Both Bill and I asked skeptically at the same time. The Dodo elbowed Bill sharply in the ribs. "We could escort the lady Alice-"

"Alex," I interrupted.

"-To the Headquarters, where she can get a dry change of clothes, and anything else she might need," The Dodo finished as if I hadn't spoken.

Though the Dodo spoke in a relaxed, amiable tone, it had the opposite effect of what it's speaker intended. I was becoming more and more alarmed with every passing minute, and this new mention of a "headquarters" didn't reassure me at all.

"Headquarters? What sort of headquarters...?" I asked slowly, edging backwards slightly. Even if their intentions really were good, it certainly wouldn't pay to get caught up in something I would regret later.

"Ah, Bill here and I are... entrepreneurs, of sorts." The Dodo grinned widely.

"We sell stuff," Bill added quickly, then grimacing as he received a sharp jab in the side from the Dodo. I almost felt bad for the guy, having to put up with so much abuse from his partner.

Almost.

"Well, that's very kind of you, I'm sure," I smiled as sincerely as I could while slowly backing away. "But it really won't be necessary, I-"

"Nonsense!" The Dodo took a sudden step forwards and clapped me firmly on the back, clasping me to his bulging stomach in an all together too friendly way. I squirmed in his grasp, but found it impossible to break free. Afraid now, I glanced around at the deserted beach, trying in vain to spot any other sign of life, anyone I could call to for help, but the landscape was barren.

"It isn't even a terribly long way from here, my dear Alice!" The Dodo continued, as if he was oblivious to my struggling protests. "We'll have you dry and comfortable in no time! Here, Bill, take her arm, let's escort her to the Headquarters like gentleman!"

I was rather roughly shoved to the side, and both the Dodo and Bill linked their arms with mine, squishing me firmly between them, trapping me like a sardine in a can.

"Hey, let me go! Let me down right now! There are people looking for me, if you don't let me go, you'll be sor-"

"It isn't polite to shout in civilized company, my dear child." The Dodo purred, sounding more like a satisfied cat than a bird. "Besides," He added before I could tell him exactly what I thought of his "civilized company" and where he could shove it. "Besides, you're quite lucky it was Bill and I who found you. Trust me, you could have done much, much worse than us." As he winked at me, a shiver ran down my spine. I could only guess at what he meant, and every idea that ran through my head was more horrible than the last. Bill and the Dodo started walking, making for the edge of the forest, dragging me helplessly along with them like a rag doll.

Bill glanced sidelong at me, with an expression caught somewhere between fascination, and fear.

"You're really her, then? Alice? The Alice? You're the one who's gonna do it?" He whispered.

"Bill, I swear upon all the jewels in all of WonderLand, if you don't cease you inane prattling this instant, I'll cut your tongue out," The Dodo threatened over my head, in a tone that made it quite plain he meant every word. All the color drained out of Bill's already pale face, and I was done.

"I said let go!" I shouted, and I elbowed the Dodo as hard at I could in the most expansive part of his belly. He choked out a wheezing gasp and immediately released me, slumping over and clutching at his gut. I spun around and punched Bill square in the face, sending his sprawling to the ground with a cry, and bruising my knuckles.

Without waiting to see if they were following, I took off towards the forest as fast as I could in heels and a dress, stumbling in the sand but shoving myself stubbornly back to my feet. I heard the Dodo calling to me, still winded, but I didn't stop to listen. I could just barely make out his words as I scrambled into the line of skinny saplings on the edge of the forest, before the Dodo and Bill were lost behind me.

"You'll regret that, my pet! If the Jabberwocky doesn't get you, the Cat will! Sooner or later, they'll have you!"

And then they were gone, leaving just that unsettling warning hovering over my head.