WonderLand

By the time the sun was directly overhead, the Cat and I had fallen into a comfortable routine. I would ask him if we were nearly there yet; he'd snap back a progressively more and more annoyed "no"; I'd ask how much longer; he'd respond "soon"; we'd both fall into a tense, moody silence; and within fifteen minutes start the whole thing over again.

After at least one mind numbingly dull hour of this tedious, repeating exchange, we were both at our wits end. The Cat, for having to deal with my incessant nagging; and me, for pretty much the entire situation up to date. Both our moods were sour, so it wasn't much of a surprise that when I opened my mouth to speak up after a rather long interval of silence, the Cat finally snapped at me.

"Don't you dare say one more word!" He snarled, his usual flawless grin replaced by a fearsome scowl. "We'll get there when we get there- no sooner, no later. If you complain one more time, I'll... I'll..." He struggled to think of a suitable threat. "I'll tell the Hatter and Hare you've come for tea! You'll never escape!"

I decided not to ask.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy, but I wasn't going to complain this time." I told him, a little bitterly.

"Then what is it?" The Cat snapped, his frown nearly as extreme as his usual grin.

"I was going to tell you we have guests." I shot back tersely, and pointed over his shoulder.

He spun on his heels and found himself face to face with a short, rather meek looking man attired in a shabby, turtle green suit. He glanced at the me and the Cat morosely, and twirled a white hat with brown patches in his hands; so casually the action seemed more force of habit than due to any conscious effort on the man's part.

"Hallo, Cheshire." The man said, in a deep, hollow tone.

The Cat groaned. I sidled up to him and gently gripped his jacket sleeve, watching the newcomer suspiciously. I was understandably wary; so far, I hadn't met one person in this crazy dream who hadn't tried- and occasionally succeeded- to get me into trouble.

"Who is he?" I asked the Cat out of the corner of my mouth.

"M.T." He replied. It sounded as if he was clenching his teeth.

"M.T.?" I repeated.

"The Mock Turtle. One of Hatter's boys." The Cat slipped and arm around my waist and suddenly pulled me close to his side. His normal, disconcertingly wide grin was plastered back on his face, and he addressed the Mock Turtle with the same suave, commanding tone he had used with the Tweedle Twins.

"Mocky, baby, what are you doing here? Just out for a stroll, I suppose?" His grin widened, leeringly. "And where's Gryph? He's not far behind, I dare say."

The Mock Turtle tried to smile back, but it looked as if the effort pained him. He settled for a sour grimace instead.

"Oh, Gryphon? Yes, I suppose he is nearby," M.T. shrugged carelessly, still twirling, twirling his hat. "We were sent, you see. The both of us." He pulled out a dirty handkerchief one handed from his coat pocket and dabbed at his watery eyes. The Cat's grin became a little fixed.

"What, don't H&H trust me?" He asked, his tone mockingly innocent. The Mock Turtle shrugged again.

"No, not really." He replied, frankly. He turned and looked at me properly for the first time. "Is this her?" He asked. The Cat's grip on my waist tightened ever so slightly.

"More or less." He replied shortly. "And we don't need you to act as our escort, as a matter of fact- we've got the situation completely under control. So you can just toddle back and tell the hatter and Hare that we thank them for the courtesy, but we can manage just fine."

But M.T. was shaking his head. His hat spun.

"Sorry, Cheshire. It's non-negotiable. They don't want her falling into the Queen's hands." He said, wetly.

"The Queen?" I cut in. As usual, I was ignored.

"I told you, I've got it under control." The Cat said, his tone suddenly turning hard and cold. "The Queen won't touch her- I'm Loyal." There was a strange implication in his tone, but I couldn't quite place what it was.

"It isn't a question of loyalty," M.T. began thoughtfully, "It's more for the sake of... neatness. They don't want to find out you've been playing for the other team after it's already too late, Cat."

Beside me, I felt the Cat stiffen. I looked up at him, my brow furrowing into a frown.
"Playing for the other team? What does he mean?" I asked, suspiciously. The Cat didn't take his eyes off the Mock Turtle.

"Turtle, I swear by my Hat, Alice will arrive safely at The Tea Shoppe by my hand. You have my word." He said, his words falling from his lips with the weight of bricks. For a second, M.T. seemed stunned. His hands slipped slightly, and the spinning hat tumbled from his fingers. Quickly he stooped down to scoop it up, and jammed it on his head. I was suddenly struck with the unbidden realization that the strange, splotchy brown pattern on it looked remarkably similar to the spots on a cow's fur.

The errant thought was forced from my mind when the Mock Turtle finally spoke up again, having found his voice at last.

"Well, I certainly can't argue with that," He said, dabbing the tears from the corner of his eyes with his handkerchief again. "A Cat does always keep his word, after all- but I'm afraid I've really no choice." M.T. did indeed look awfully apologetic as he said that, though that could have just been because of the look the Cat was currently giving him.
"I've been given an order," He went on, nonetheless. "I, just like you, have a job to complete, Cheshire." The Mock Turtle looked down respectfully, but I heard the warning note in his voice.

There was a pregnant pause, and as I looked up into the Cat's face, I could see the internal battle raging behind his still grinning mask.

"A job." He finally spat, mockingly. Suddenly I was roughly pushed away from him, only managing to keep my balance because of my circus trained reflexes. "You're pathetic."
The words were so forceful, so full of spite, that I cringed and winced, even though they weren't aimed at me. The Cat shoved past the Mock Turtle, who still gazed fixedly at the ground, and made to vanish into the forest undergrowth again.
"Watch her." He said without looking back at us, his tone icy. "I'll go on ahead. If anything happens to her, you'll suffer for it. She is everything."

And with those reassuring words still lingering in the thickly stale air, he was gone, just another shadow in the depths of the trees.

For a second, I was too stunned to speak. Whatever had just transpired was beyond me- I hadn't a clue what half of what they said meant, and the Cat's sudden outburst had left me disoriented.

Sensing my bewilderment, M.T. glanced up at me apologetically.

"Don't worry, Alice my dear- he's always like this," He assured me in a miserable tone.

"Always?" I repeated, a little hoarsely. During my admittedly short experience with the Cat, he had been anything but the disdainful, volatile man I had just witnessed stomping away into the woods after not getting his way. I felt like I was missing something rather important here.

"Oh yes. Worse, usually. He and I don't, er, get along terribly well," M.T. sniffed sadly.

"Oh? How come?" I asked, though I was beginning to suspect the Cat didn't really get along with anyone at all.

But then, to my horror, the Mock Turtle suddenly let out a choking sob, before clasping his handkerchief to his mouth to muffle the sound.
"Oh, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"W-well, I don't get along very well with anyone, really," He said tearfully. I took a small step forwards, but then paused, unsure whether to try to comfort the strange little man or not. "On account of my being a- a Mock Turtle, and all," M.T. continued, and hiccuped.

"Well, what's wrong with being a... a Mock Turtle?" I asked hesitantly, not positive if I really wanted to know or not.

"Everything." M.T. stated, blowing his nose on his handkerchief. Fortunately, the tears seemed to have subsided for the time being. "I used to be a real Turtle once, you know." He went on, a tad wistfully.

"...Oh?" Was the only response I could come up with. I decided I should stop being surprised when people said things like that, otherwise I suspected I'd spend an awful lot of time speechless.

"Oh yes, a real Turtle. I was out there, undercover with all the other Turtles, right on the front lines." M.T. explained.

"Ah!" I said, beginning to understand. "You mean you were like a soldier, but you called them...?"

"Turtles, yes." M.T. nodded. "The Queen of Hearts calls them Pawns. I much prefer Turtles. It sounds more dignified."

I didn't think either Pawns or Turtles sounded terribly dignified, but I doubted he very much wanted my opinion on the subject.

"So why are you only a Mock Turtle now?" I asked.

M.T. gave a heartfelt sigh, and for a moment I thought he was going to dissolve into tears again. Thankfully he managed to restrain himself, and replied, "It's a very long story."

I shrugged. "Well, it isn't exactly like I've got any dates to keep," I said.

"Oh, but you do!" M.T. said, all traces of his previous depression vanishing. "Here we've been chatting like a couple of lobsters-"

"Don't you mean fishwives?" I cut in.

"No," M.T. said firmly, and went on, "Like a couple of lobsters, while Hatter and Hare have been so patiently waiting! My goodness, where ever is Gryph? We'll be terribly late if he doesn't show up soon," M.T. looked around with a frown.

"Lookin' for me?" Came a distinctly Cockney accented voice from behind me. I whirled around to see yet another man, leaning nonchalantly against a tree and smiling at M.T. and me. He, like everyone else I had met so far, was finely dressed, in a crimson and gold suit- though there seemed to be something almost... feral about him.

"Let me guess. The Gryphon?" I said, wearily. He grinned at me; a very different grin from the Cat's.

"Aye. And you'd be the famous Alice, I s'pose?"

"No. I'm Alex. Everybody just seems to like pretending I'm Alice." I replied, hoping to set things straight for once but doubting I really had any hope. Nothing had gone exactly according to plan so far, and I was starting to think if I should just start going with the flow and seeing where I ended up.

"Eh, Alice, Alex. Close enough. They're spelled the same, at any rate." Gryphon shrugged it off.

"No, no they're not," I tried to say, but M.T. didn't let me get the words out.

"Show you've finally showed up. I was beginning to think you'd run off and left us." M.T. said, his voice wobbling dangerously.

"Oh, please don't cry," I begged, trying to sound consoling.

"Oh, don't mind 'im," Gryphon said, pushing away from the tree and walking- swaggering, really- over to me. He slung an around my shoulder before I could protest and winked down at me.
"It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!" He started walking in the direction the Cat had disappeared in, dragging me along with him.

"Excuse me," I said coolly, slipping smoothly out from underneath his arm. "I'm quite tired of being manhandled by a bunch of touchy-feely loons, thank you very much."

"All right, all right," He chuckled, holding his hands in the air defensively, as if to ward off my words. "I didn't mean nothing by it, Miss Alice."

"And it's Alex." I frowned, poking him hard in the chest.

"Of course," He grinned good naturedly down at me. He looked back over his shoulder, and beckoned to M.T. "Come on, Mocky. Don't loiter, we haven't gots all day." He looked back down at me, missing the baleful glare M.T. sent his way. "Have you heard the story of how he became a Mock Turtle?" Gryphon asked in a loud whisper, easily loud enough for M.T. to hear.

"No," I replied firmly, hoping my tone would imply that I didn't really want to, either. I had no such luck. Gryphon turned back to M.T., who had sidled morosely up beside us now.

"Hear that? This here young lady," He said to M.T., "She wants for to know your history, she do. Let's tell her on the way."

M.T. sighed heavily, his shoulders heaving.

"I'll tell it to her. Come on, the both of you, and don't speak a word until I've finished." He started off through the forest, and Gryphon and I followed after him. "I was a real turtle once," He began.

"So I've heard." I muttered under my breath.

"When we were little, we went to school by the sea. The master was an old Turtle- we used to call him Tortoise-"

I was beginning to miss the Cat.