Run to me, run to me.

Jeph Howard hates Christmas. In fact, he’s hated Christmas his whole life. He doesn’t really know why, but he wants to blame it on all his aunts who gave him ugly sweaters, pinched his cheeks, and force fed him dead animals. Jeph knows these are crazy reasons though, so he’s learned to come up with other viable explanations to hate the holiday season and his band’s learned to leave him alone during his sulking. All, that is, except Dan.

Dan’s like the pesky bug that flies around one’s ear all day. Sure, Jeph loves the tall fish-faced man, but he’s been especially obnoxious around Christmas time the past few years. Dan continuously bugs Jeph about buying presents and putting up a tree. Only is it after Dan has successfully turned Jeph’s house into a yuletide, Jeph grumbling through it, that he will calmly sit with his boyfriend. He’ll lower his voice and hold Jeph close, seriously ask the older man why he hates Christmas so much. Jeph will mumble and shy away, pull out of Dan’s grip and say he doesn’t want to talk about it. Dan will sigh and kiss at Jeph’s hair and they will stay like that until Dan has to go home to Utah. Jeph never complains, understands that Dan must be with his family on the 25th of December. And this is Jeph’s main problem with the particular day of year; that everyone around him leaves and every year he wakes up alone, wishing for snow and a body beside him to keep him warm.
“I don’t get it guys,” Dan says to his bandmates, “I figured once we dated longer that he’d warm up to it. But he’s been a bitch all month. I went over to decorate it, and he didn’t speak to me once.”
“It’s simple, really.” Bert shrugs. “Have you gone home all three Christmases?”
“Well, yeah, but I don’t see why that’s a problem.”
“Look,” Bert began, “ Jeph’s hated Christmas ever since I’ve known him. Its always the time of year when everybody leaves and it freaks him out.”
Dan was outraged. “But I’m not going to leave him! I just go home every year, that’s how it’s always worked!”
“So then don’t go home. It’s simple, really.”

Every year Jeph realizes that he’s a bitch around Christmas. Its almost like protection now; he figures if he’s nasty enough, he’ll see the true side of whoever he’s with when they leave. But its going on their third year together, so Jeph figures he ought to be nicer to Dan if he wants him to stick around.
“Mmm, baby.” Jeph signs happily as he winds his body tight through Dan’s. They are bound together on the couch admiring their tree. Jeph is trying to act as normal as possible since it’s Christmas Eve and Dan has to leave soon.
Dan taps his nose affectionately and smiles.
“Hmm, you’re really happy today. I like it. What made you change?”
“I’m just enjoying our time together, since I won’t see you for a week.”
The words eat at Dan’s heart a little and he shallows guiltily. He doesn’t want to leave Jeph tonight, but he must if his plan is going to work.
“I know baby, and I’m sorry. One day we’ll be able to spend this time together. But for now, my family needs to see me. Only time they get to, ya know?”
Jeph nods once and reaches up to peck Dan’s lips, pretending he understands to make Dan feel better. He doesn’t really though, both his parents have been out of his life for many years. The cuddling lasts another twenty minutes until Dan stretches and stands, pulling Jeph with him.
“Okay, baby. My plane leaves in three hours, so I have to leave. I’ll call you once I’m home, tell you I’m safe and all.”
“But your home is here…” Jeph wants to say. Instead, he nods and hugs Dan tight before separating their bodies.
Jeph can’t think of anything better to say then “be safe” on Dan’s way out the door. He doesn’t even tell Dan he loves him, figures if he doesn’t know by now then he’s screwed. Besides, Jeph’s mind is already filling with the black substance that consumes his heart each year. The goop is telling him that Dan doesn’t love him, doesn’t care about him, wants to get away from him. He knows, deep down, that none of these are true. But as he watched Dan’s backside move toward the cab, he can’t help but sniffle back tears that are threatening to spill out of his eyes. He’s watching the one he loves walk away from him for the third time. What’s different this time, though, is he doesn’t know if he can stomach it again.

Dan feels sick. Not a “I ate waaay too much and now I wanna puke” sick, but a mental sick. A sick that could only be brought on by watching a loved one cry. Even if Jeph didn’t realize or care, Dan heard him cry. And that broke his heart. Full of sorrow, he tells the cab driver an address and watches as their obnoxiously decorated house grows smaller and smaller in his field of vision. Just another day, he tells himself. Just a few more hours. Just a few.. Just a few more hours.

Jeph successfully fell asleep an hour after Dan left. Now he tosses and turns in bed, nose sniffing around for Dan’s scent and failing miserably at finding it. He rises out of bed, slippered feet shuffling across cold tile, to the kitchen to make tea. His eyes catch the red glow of clock letters and he notices the time: 5:26am. It’s three hours in from the last time he checked. Three hours have passed until he sees his lover again.
Automatically Jeph reaches for the honey and sugar cubes, drops them in a steaming cup of green tea to pass the time. He sips at it gingerly, avoiding turning his lips. There’s no music playing, just his thoughts on a conveyor belt replaying in his mind. The first time he met Dan; the first time he realized he had stopped loving Branden; the first time he kissed Dan and realized he was the one he was waiting for. Only a loud knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts.
He rises to his feet again, a tad worried that someone’s banging on his door at 5:30 in the morning, but goes to answer it regardless. He figures it’s just Bert, up all night and wanting a partner at Denny’s or Quinn, nervous about Jeph’s wellbeing and pretending he left something at the house instead of admitting he’s checking up on him. What he sees, shocks him. Standing in front of Jeph, at the crack of dawn, is his lover on Christmas morning. Jeph cannot believe his eyes.
“Hi baby…” Dan breaths out, words crystallizing in ice from the chilly temperatures.
“You’re supposed to be in Utah. What are you doing here?”
“I’m not going to Utah this year. I’m spending Christmas with you.”
“But…why?”
The nervous pause in Jeph’s words worry Dan. Does he not want him here for Christmas?
“Do you not want me here?”
“No! No, of course I want you here. I just… Come in, come in.”
Jeph still can’t believe it when Dan walks into their house. He can’t believe it when Dan embraces him, nor when Dan kisses his neck and refuses to let go. Jeph barely starts to believe it when Dan’s thin lips are placed on his and he experiences his first kiss on Christmas since he was a kid with those scary aunts. Jeph really starts to believe it when Dan starts stripping in their living room. First he pulls off a blue and white flannel. Then a grey scarf that Quinn had bought him when he complained about being cold in Canada. Then a forest green over shirt, finally followed with a tight white undershirt. Jeph just stares at Dan’s chest in awe as Dan takes his hands and moves them over Jeph’s heart. He holds them steady there while looking into chocolate brown eyes, face getting closer and closer until their lips touch again. The spark surprises Jeph and he moans softly. Dan pulls back, takes Jeph’s hands in his again. Breathlessly, he slides his fingers under the taped gauze on his chest. He peals it off and Jeph helps, bringing the ink taped mess away from skin. Jeph gasps when he sees the new tattoo.
“A body: pairs of everything except the heart: because someone holds the other part. <3 JH&DW”
“I wanted to show you this as soon as I got it done. If I stay with you forever, will you stop hating Christmas?”
Jeph nods, happy for the first to in years to see a lit tree and presents underneath. Words spoken solid, the last they speak before spending the morning in bed.
“Only if you promise forever.”