The World Is Ugly

Gerard’s POV

The past few months had been hard on everyone. Frank was now living with us, which taunted me incredibly. The one thing in this world in which I desired most was mere metres away from me, yet I could not have it. It was like dangling a piece of raw meat in front of a starving lion. I had started drawing again; gaining inspiration from seeing my beloved again. Mikey was being really protective over him and I was not allowed to be in the same room with him except at dinner time. Frank rarely ate with us anyway; he had sunk into depression and starved himself regularly. It hurt me to see him like this, yet there was nothing that I could possibly do. At the moment our whole family, except of course Frank, were seated at the table in an awkward silence. Mum had warned Dad that he had to put up with me being gay or she would kick him out of the house. I had agreed to not doing anything overly gay around him.

Anyway, Dinner was overly awkward and nothing could really be done by it. I was trying to get Mikey to let me see Frank, but he was just not caving.
“Come on, Mikey, let me talk to him!” I begged.
“NO! He’s still upset about his mum dying! He doesn’t need you to make things worse!”
“I agree,” Mum said.
“But...” I said admitting defeat.
“I don’t want you near him,” Mum said.
“Fine!” I sighed.
The rest of dinner was spent in silence. I hated how dysfunctional our family had become. Mikey dismissed himself from the table and went back up to his room. I followed him with my eyes before letting out a sigh. I no longer felt hungry. I pushed my plate away before standing up and walking towards my bedroom. On the way I paused outside Mikey’s room. I bit my lip and took a step closer, pressing me ear to the door in hope that I could catch tiny bits of what they were saying to each other. I would give anything just to hear his gorgeous voice again. I could only hear slight murmurs from both.
“Mikey, I want to ask you something. It’s been on my mind for awhile,”
“Go ahead,” Mikey said.
“What happened with Gerard’s child?”
“Huh?”
“With Lindsey, his girlfriend,”
There was a silence for some time.
“She had a miscarriage...more like an abortion,”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you had just found out your mother was dying,”
Everything was silent again, except I thought I could hear someone sobbing.
“Sorry Frankie,”
I heard movement and decided that it was best for me to leave. There was no way that I wanted to get caught.

Weeks flew by and I still was not allowed to be anywhere near Frank. When he rarely came to dinner, I was not allowed to speak and had to keep both eyes and hands of him. What made it so much harder for me was when we bumped into each other. They were so awkward, especially the time he had just come out of the shower, so he was only wearing a towel. I really wanted to speak to him; it was killing me inside not to. I had now stopped talking to Mikey, because I was so insanely jealous that he was allowed in the same room as Frank. He’d noticed this and stuck his tongue out at me all the time. My mum had tried and failed many attempts to get me out of my depressing moods, but she would never give me what I wanted.

It was now around two in the morning and I was bored as hell so I decided to venture upstairs out of my basement. I shivered since I was only wearing a pair of boxers. I rubbed my eyes with my hand before walking into the lounge room. I sat down on the couch and turned on the television. I grinned as dodgy cartoons appeared on the screen. I loved the ones they showed in the early hours of the morning. I was happy sitting there when I heard a sudden noise from the kitchen. I stood up straight away and slowly made my way into the kitchen. I took a deep breath in before stepping into the dark kitchen. I bit my lip. Standing in the centre of the moonlit room was my beloved Frankie. He looked so beautiful that I almost thought he was a ghost. His pale skin was illuminated, highlighting his intense beauty. He noticed me and stared with wide eyes. It was now that I noticed how little clothing I was wearing. I panicked; remembering the rules that I had to obey. I turned to leave.
“Don’t!”
I stopped and turned back to look at Frank. He was close to me now and it made my heart race so fast. I took a brave step closer to him, watching to see his reaction. I wanted to say something, but no words formed in my mouth.
“I talked to Mikey before,” he told me in a whisper.
I just looked at him, nodding my head slightly. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me, after all this time. I had missed his voice so much.
“I heard that it was all a lie,” he continued.
I avoided looking at him in the eyes. I did not deserve to look at his beauty. I barely deserved to be in his presence.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Gee?” he asked in a soft voice.
I continued to avoid eye contact. It was better than forcing myself to say words, which I knew I would choke on.
“Why aren’t you looking at me? Am I not worth your gaze? I’m sick of shit like this and people like you! I hate the world and all that it’s done to me, but I just can’t stand not being good enough for anyone. It makes me feel like my life is worthless, which I know it pretty much is. Everyone is against me, even God after he’s killed the only person left for me to love,” Frank ranted, tears flowing down his cheeks freely.
I was in shock and I did know what to say, since I could not believe that my Frankie thought he was worthless. It was so unfair that such a pretty person thought that they were ugly and deserved to die. I had to say something!

“Frankie, babe...”
There was a silence. He turned to walk away.
“I just wanted you to know, that the world is ugly...but you’re beautiful to me,”
It was only answered by silence. Frank slowly turned around and faced me, tears falling from his pretty hazel eyes. He slowly made his way over to me before finally diving onto me in a hug. Our lips met desperately and the sounds of smacking lips rang throughout the dark kitchen. I pulled my lips reluctantly from his, but still held him close. I rested his head on my shoulder.
“I love you,”
“I love you too,”
We stood like that for ages and I gradually began to sing. It was so quiet that only Frank could hear it.

“You can say I told you so
If you wanted me to go.
I just wanted you to know.

The world is ugly,
But you're beautiful to me.
Are you thinking of me?

Can we both be ugly?
Are you thinking I'm the one?
We could fight it to the end.
I just wanna hold your hand.

And you're probably just too good.
I just wanted you to know”

The End