Screaming Inside My World

When you like someone you want to talk to them a lot. You really can’t control who you like, am I wrong? If you’re really good friends of course you’re going to talk to them a lot in school. Then your other friends are going to notice and say why are ignoring me and so on. Annoying right? Especially when you just want to talk to the one person you like a lot or maybe you love them, but really who knows what love is? At night you talk to them on the phone probably for hours or want to at least. But then there are times where he might call or you ask him if he wants to talk on the phone. When he does call or says sure with a grin the air gets so light that you can’t breath and you skip a beat. The question is, are they really good friends or just friends. That’s why they invented cell phones, so I believe. And then when your not friends…that’s too bad. They are all you can see. All you do is dream about them, wishing they like you too and want to be friends with them. One of these situations happens to everyone, sadly. But then again…Your very good friend you like could just like you as a friend and not more but still talk to you almost every night which sucks. Same thing with your friend. They might text you a lot, but does that mean they like you too? No one really knows. Or you could be in my situation…

“Torie! Pay attention!” Jesse remarked sternly. I can’t believe I have to deal with him early in the morning. He held my gaze twenty seconds too long. I swear I saw a glare, or is it just me? I grew kinda nervous when his stare screamed death and killer.
When I got that message from that anonymous person I didn’t know what to say. Now I know exactly what to say.
Science was so boring today. Or maybe it was just because I kept getting yelled at for not paying attention. I was kinda really tired since I didn’t have coffee, Logan wouldn’t let me, and I just didn’t really felt there; if you know what I mean. Then again, we are in the earthquake and volcano chapter and that’s really boring! Why do we even need to learn this? Especially history. No one cares about what happen back then and blah blah blah. And it’s not like we are going to grow up and have to use a Richter scale, or Mercalli scale, and the last one. I can’t remember the last one, its too boring to really remember anything.
At English we had a sub, thank god. He looked to be about in his twenties, had brown hair and brown eyes. He had a deepish voice and kept glancing at me. What was his deal?
When I walked into English, Mr. Sub was writing stuff on the board, a whole bunch of stuff. Great this is going to be a long period. He turned around and faced the class. I looked around and saw some of the girls taking a liking to him.
“I’m your sub Mr.-“ Well no duh that you’re the sub, I wanted to say. He hesitated on saying who he was. He glanced at me again; I looked at him and gave him a questioning look.
“What’s wrong forgot your name?” Cody asked him and some of the students in the classroom started laughing.
“Haha very funny.” The sub replied annoyed. I gawked at the teacher, just another person who says the same thing I say. I hate that sooo much!
“I thought it was.” I smirked. Everyone looked at me, considering I don’t talk a lot during this class. What is so fascinating about someone who barely talks talk? Mr. Sub here rolled his eyes at the class and I could see that he was getting mad. My daily goal is working. “Are you going to tell us your name or are you going to stand there and get all mad for nothing?” That’s when he snapped.
“TORIE HALL NOW!” His voice boomed into the classroom. Everyone looked at me with fearful eyes. I got up and walked into the hall with a smirk on my face and sat down on the ground by the door. Then a thought came to mind. How did he know my name when I never told him?
I swear it’s been like a thousand years since I’ve been in the hall. I knew I was exaggerating but still it had to be twenty minutes. I looked down the hall and I saw the history teacher walking towards my direction. Mr. Nix had a cold hard core personality that could scare anyone, anyone but me. Some students weren’t afraid of him but still he just had that affect on people.
“What are you doing in the hall Miss. Emmerson?” He stopped cold dead in his tracks.
“Oh you know giving the teachers attitude. We have a sub.” I smiled at him.
“That seems to be your goal for every teacher here.” I heard him mumble. “Do that with me today and you’ll regret it Torie.” Then he walked away.
"Awww but that takes all the fun out of the day. " I pouted. I looked up at him and he didn't look to happy. “You bet I would.” I called after him. Mr. Nix stopped walking for a minute, I smirked from the start I stopped speaking, and then he started walking again. “I thought so.” I whispered to my self.
I heard the door open to my right. I looked up and saw Aubrey there. She didn’t look so happy, more like irritated and tired.
“Hey.” I mentioned to her.
“Is it like your life goal to be smart with teachers?” Aubrey asked after a minute.
“It’s fun.” I responded.
“He told me to tell you that he will be out in a few, I’m supposed to be going to the bathroom.” Then she walked away.
“So tell me, what is your deal.” Mr. Perall asked me. So the sub finally thought of a last name for us to call him, what a shocker. I thought about telling him this. I didn’t say anything for at least three minutes.
“So you finally came up with a name for us to call you.” I decided to say at last. He looked shocked. “We all know that’s not your last name, well I know at least. What is so hard for you to tell us your real last name? What are you hiding?” My expression went from smirking to serious.
“Nothing….” He let that one word hanging there filling tension in the air.
“Doesn’t seem like it to me.” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.
“Some things are left not knowing.”
“I don’t care! I don’t want questioning. I want answers!” My tone started rising. I stopped for a second to get my anger under control so I wouldn’t get into trouble. “That’s all I want. How hard is that to get?” I was getting irritated and I could tell that Mr. Perall could see that.
“Some stuff people shouldn’t know. The fact is, is that some things are too much to handle for some people to know.” Mr. Perall voice softened and got kinda quiet. He was hiding something, but he wasn’t going to tell me. That kinda made me mad, but you can’t make someone tell you something. Even when it’s against their own free will.
I lifted up my locker and put my stuff away. After I got my lunch, I dug around on the top shelf to get my brush to brush my hair, of course.
“Hey.” Aubrey said as she walked up to me.
“Where’s Zane? And hi.” I mentioned nonchalantly.
“Where’s Logan? You always brush your hair.” She replied kinda annoyed. I put my brush back on the shelf and closed my locker.
“Touché. Also he’s not my boyfriend we’re just friends for one. For two I like my hair soft and smooth.” I addressed.
“So, you like him.” I looked at her kinda funny.
“What you mean?” I asked
“You know what I mean.” Actually I didn’t know what she meant. I left it at that since I could tell she wasn’t in the mood and why make her explode on me when I didn’t do anything?
“Wasn’t our English teacher hot today?” I asked her after a little bit.
“Sure. Oh and to answer your question Zane got lunch detention today.” Of course he would.
“Why is that?” I asked
“I’m not really sure he just said not to worry about it.” Aubrey looked a little confuse for a minute. “Do you want to hang out today?” She asked before we entered the cafeteria.
“Uhhh sure. Where at?”
“I don’t know your house? Do you mind if I stay the night or do you just want to hang out?” I was kinda surprised since she rarely ever wanted to spend the night.
“I don’t mind.” I replied nicely. “But remember I told you I technically live by my self.” I reminded her.
“I don’t care, my parents wont mind.” Yea if you don’t tell them, I thought about saying. I just let it go.
“Where’s Zane?” Allie asked when we approached the table.
“Lunch detention.” Aubrey answered her with a sad face. I looked at Allie and her face looked confused to.
“What’s with the face?” I asked her
“I was born with this face!” She looked kind of pissed.
“Not what I was stating genius.” I told her then stuck my tongue out at her. Allie still looked a little pissed but had calm down some. “Why do you look confused?”
“Zane never got a lunch detention before.” I looked at Aubrey. She looked like she was hiding something. I eyed her curiously trying to make her crack. “What did Zane do?” Allie then asked. Aubrey got this weird look in her eyes again.
“Where’s Logan?” I questioned aloud. Her face kinda dropped a little and I swear I saw something like guilt in her eyes. When Mr. Hunt came over to dismiss our table that’s when I asked Aubrey, since Allie buys her lunch.
“What are you hiding?” I asked her.
“It’s not what you think, Torie.” I could sense it in her voice that something was either wrong or going to happen and that it wasn’t good.
“Then tell me?”
“Torie, I just can’t.” Her reply sent a few knives slashing through my heart. “Let’s just say you will find out sooner or later.” That couldn’t be good.
“Not a very wise thing to say.” I mumbled and stared out the lunch room door.
After a few minutes of Aubrey and I eating quietly and I staring out the door to the cafeteria Allie sat back at the table. The tension grew the longer we stayed quiet.
“Anything interesting happen today?” Allie asked after a while. No one replied to her question. “How are you and Zane, Aubrey?” She then requested. Aubrey didn’t say a word. Allie was trying to keep this table alive, trying really hard. Too bad she wasn’t doing a good job. “So Torie, what about you and Logan?” She smiled. I tried so hard not to ask what she meant by that. I was just about to give in, when the thought hit me; she was trying to make me talk. Clever, but not clever enough.
I walked into History. The first one in there like always. I set my books down on the desk and turned around in my seat to face Mr. Nix.
“Hey Mr. Nix.” I said a little too guilty like I was planning something.
“What ever you are planning, you better get it out of your head quick.” He replied without looking away from his computer.
“Who said I was planning anything?” I smirked toward his direction. He glanced at me, looking away from his computer for a millisecond and raised his eyebrow.
“Am I the only one who can’t raise one eyebrow!?” I complained after he looked at his computer again. I looked at Steven who entered the room and he raised his eyebrow. “Very funny Steven.” I rolled around in my seat and crossed my arms.
I swear time seemed to slow down. I felt like I was walking in slow motion to my locker. After sixth period I just felt a sudden depression wash over me. I tried so hard to forget about it, but no matter how much I tried it didn’t seem like it worked. I slowly got to my locker, which felt like a lifetime. I looked to my left, where Logan should have been there, but wasn’t. I grabbed all the books I needed for my stupid homework, set them in my book bag, and threw it over my shoulder.
“What time you coming over?” I asked Aubrey as I met up with her.
“Probably around four or five, is that ok?” I nodded my head, the air felt to heavy to talk anymore.
On the way home I thought about going over to Logan’s house to see if he was ok, but I thought again and didn’t want to be annoying. Why did I care so much? I should ask Aubrey later, she’s good with this kind of stuff I hope.
I set my book bag on the couch and went upstairs to get my laptop before I forget what I was going to tell that mystery person who sent me that odd message the other week.

Anonymous

Why should I trust you exactly? How do I know what Jesse you’re talking about since there are a lot of them in this world you do realize? I think I know which one you mean though, just trust me on this. You might think that it’s too early to tell me why I shouldn’t believe him, but I want to know now. Unless, I will just believe everything he says. Plus he’s my science teacher, I kind of have to since he’s a teacher. Oh, and tell me who you are before I start listening to your orders…

Torie

I shut my laptop and set it on the coffee table in front of me and got all my homework out. Ugh, this is going to take me forever, I thought. I stared at my math book before I opened it. Why did our math teacher have to give us homework every damn day? I hate it. On top of that Mr. Nix gave us stupid history homework. I got Jesse’s science homework in study hall, which is before math. I could have done my history homework in there but I didn’t feel like it at the time, and I still don’t feel like doing it. I swear the teachers at school think we don’t have lives so they give us a whole bunch of homework to do at school, but then again the teachers don’t have lives because they are the ones grading all the homework they give us. Why can’t a teacher just be like, “I’m not going to give you guys a lot of homework because I don’t feel like grading it all.” Then we all are glad and don’t get a lot of homework, now only if every teacher was like that. But like my aunt says, “Life just doesn’t work like that.” Then I just tell her, “So, it should.”
My eyes been glued to my math book for at least maybe ten minutes, not even open yet. I swear I’m never going to get this homework done by the time Aubrey gets here! Or maybe we can skip school and not do it till tomorrow. Yet, I probably wouldn’t want to do it tomorrow either.
I set my book on the couch and ran up stairs to get my ipod. I entered my quiet room and looked all over for that darn thing. The last time I saw it was on my dresser. I looked there five times and still haven’t seen it! I looked at my clock and it was almost three-thirty. You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s when I remembered I took it to school.
I ran back down stairs and looked in my book bag for my ipod. My anger level was increasing while my patience was decreasing. Deciding to just dump everything out of my book bag, I turned it over letting all the contents that was in it fall out. I rampaged through everything and didn’t see my ipod at all. “Just great, I left it at school.” I whispered to myself. I kinda jumped when the phone rang, I really wish we had caller ID but no my aunt doesn’t care and blah blah blah.
“Hello?”
“You got your homework done?” Aubrey asked on the other line
“Maybe.” I replied to her question with a grin.
“Do you?” I could tell he was getting kinda annoyed
“And if I don’t have it done?” I asked her.
“Then I’m going over there and slapping you, if you don’t get it done soon.”
“But I can’t concentrate.” I whined.
“You better soon.” I could tell that she was getting mad.
“Fine.” I hung up the phone. That’s when I remembered I could listen to songs on my laptop. Figures that it would take this long to remember something.
“You know what; I have never been in your house.” Aubrey announced as she walked in.
“Is that a good or bad thing?” I asked kinda concerned.
“It’s a bad thing because you never invited me over.” She put on a sad face.
“I told you why before why I rarely have anyone come over.”
“Liar! You let Logan come over all the time.”
“Actually know he came over on his own, plus you never really asked and when you did you couldn’t because I had way too much homework. You could always just come over and barge in; you do it any other time when we go out.”
“That’s different.” Aubrey replied.
“Not really. Now tell me, what was Zane doing actually?” She was quiet for a while.
“Where is your room?” She changed the subject finally. I headed for the stairs while she followed me. I had this weird feeling that something wasn’t right. I pushed it so deep in my mind that it gave me a headache even though I still had that feeling.
We walked into my room to put her stuff away. I stared into the space of where I sleep and actually looked in. The walls were painted dark blue. My curtains were black. I had a dark blue, black, and dark red bed set. My dresser and television stand was cherry oak. I had a few pictures in frames floating on my walls of the ocean at night with the moon over it and the stars shinning bright, one that was of a water fall, and one that had wolves at night on a mountain standing by a stream. As for how long I have been in this room I never really noticed to how it looked before till now.
“I like your room Miss. Emmerson, but you need brighter colors.” Aubrey announced after a little while of entering my room.
“Not uh.” I disagreed. I loved my room.
“Yeah huh.”
“Not uh.”
“Yeah huh!”
“Not uh!”
We argued like for five minutes saying the same thing. Maybe it was longer, I didn’t keep track of time. After we started laughing and I finally agreed that I needed some color in my room.
“Let’s get ice cream!” Aubrey shouted loud in my ear making me jump when we got down stairs.
“Too bad I don’t have any.” I crossed my arms.
“Then let’s go buy some genius.” I went into the kitchen to get my money, ignoring Aubrey’s question.
“Where are you going?”
When I came out of the kitchen I held up the money to answer her question.
“Yes!” She practically almost knocked down my door as she ran out the door.
“Go ahead tear down my door why don’t you.”
“Hurry up.”
“I have to get my shoes on! And so do you, so get back in here and put them on.” She bowed her head down in defeat.
“You really were gonna go to the store with out any shoes on.”
“Mayyybeee.” I could tell that she was going to go with no shoes on.
“Even if you did go with out shoes on, I’m not carrying you on my back because your feet hurt.”
Aubrey’s index finger pointed at me. “Fun ruiner!”
I looked at her straight in the eyes, pretending that I was going to say something really serious or scary at the moment. Her eyes kind of widen and her arm fell to her side. “Apparently.”
“Yea.”
“Are you going to get your shoes on? Or are we going to stand here all day talking about I’m a ‘fun ruiner’ and you going to the store with no shoes on. Oh and if you did go you wouldn’t be allowed in there anyway if you didn’t have your shoes on.” I stuck my tongue out. She made an hmpt noise in defeat and put her shoes on.
“Since I have my shoes on do I now get a piggy back ride from you on the way there?”
“In your dreams.” I walked away, letting her catch up.
“Ahhh.” Aubrey announced as she walked by my side. When we walked past Logan’s house I got an edgy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t like the feeling to that…
“Let’s get this kind!” Aubrey yelled, for the fifth time.
“Will you pick your mind already?” I told her in exasperation. “You’ve said that like five times already. Just pick one…”
“Actually it’s been eight times.” She grinned, knowing I would get more irritated.
“You would keep count.” I told her looking around me for a second. Have you ever got the feeling like someone was watching you? Well, that feeling has entered under my skin a lot of times, and this was one of those times.
“Let’s get this flavor instead!” She excitedly expressed.
“Are you sure?” I asked making sure as soon as we got to the check out line she would change her mind again.
“I’m positive.”
“Ok. I’m going to get Cotton Candy instead.”
“Then what’s the point of me choosing for the both of us?!” Aubrey was kind of mad. (Hehe)
“How should I know?”
“Some times Miss. Emmerson you can make me irritated.”
“Like how you kept changing your mind nine times?” I informed her. She just looked at me then walked away to the counter. Score one for me.
“I should have gotten the Reese’s one instead.” I sighed.
“And whose fault is that?”
“Your’s.”
“Of course it is, even though I hate peanut butter.” I mentioned to her. Aubrey stuck out her tongue at me. “What are you and Zane doing this weekend?” I asked changing the subject after a few minutes of just the sound of the faint wind.
I could feel tension in the air. Did I say something wrong? “Oh, ehh I don’t know probably a movie or just hanging out at his or my place.” Aubrey kind of sounded down.
“Is anything going wrong with you and Zane?” I asked
“Nope.” She grinned at me. I could tell that it was fake; she was just trying to make me feel better. I nodded, silently telling her I understood what she meant.
“Moovvviiieeeee time!” Aubrey screamed in my ear.
“Maybe next time you should NOT scream in my ear!” I yelled by her ear.
“That wasn’t nice Miss. Emmerson!” She yelled holding her hand to her left ear. Hehe, score one for me!
“What movie do you want to watch first?” I asked her
“What about a funny one first.”
“Thee Hang Over?” I asked her
“Oh my god, yes!” Aubrey started jumping up and down.

After two hours by, us laughing like every minute so hard that we had tears down our faces, that stupid feeling came back.
“Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen or already happen and it like never leaves the inside of you completely?” I asked her while whipping the tears that were racing down my face from laughing so hard.
“Uhhh no? Why you ask that?”
“No reason really.”
“There has to be a reason since you asked.” Aubrey looked kind of worried.
“Of course this has to be the time for you to be smart for once.” I mumbled under my breathe. She glanced at me. I put a grinned on my face; I would count that score two. “I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen.”
“Way to ruin the moment.” She whispered under her breathe. “Just try and forget about it.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?” I sarcastically replied to her. I can tell now that she has never had this stupid feeling. “I’m not that retarded. I already tried that, do you see it working?”
“Yea.” Annoyance hint her voice, I kind of rolled my eyes imaginary.
“Totally…and that’s why I’m feeling it right now.” I growled the words that escaped my mouth.
“I don’t know what you want me to do about it Torie.”
“I don’t know…” It was silent for a while. The only sound was the slightly blown wind outside. At times like these I always wonder what people are thinking.
I like the silence, but at times it can just go too far. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Thoughts I don’t want thinking come to mind, and it just tears away some pieces of my soul.
“What is your real name?” That caught me by surprise.
“What do you mean?” I asked her confused.
“Like, is your name really Torie or is it short for a nickname? It just came to mind actually.”
“Oh. It’s Victoria.” I told her unceremoniously.
“What’s your full name?”
“Victoria Ivory Emmerson? Now that was random.” Really why would she want to know my full name?
“That’s cool. I really would have never thought about that.”
“Why?”
“On the first day no one ever called you Victoria just Torie, and Subs don’t call you that either.”
“Oh, that’s because when my aunt did all my paper work she put down Torie. The only one’s who called me Victoria was my parents.” I spacely answered.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine really.”

I’ve been having that dreadful feeling ever since the day Aubrey spent the night. Logan hasn’t been in school for about a week. It’s making me more mad then sad. Aubrey still is kind of acting weird. I get the feeling that Zane did something. If my theory is true I’m slapping him so hard across the face or kicking him where the sun doesn’t shine. My aunt came home a few days ago. It’s kind of nice having someone else in the house. I love to be home alone though. On the plus side she goes shopping and what not, hang out with friends she rarely sees. The only thing is is that she is leaving in like two weeks again for another out of state trip. Makes me feel lonelier.
“Hey Muffin Lover Boy.” I nonchalantly said to Zane.
“I haven’t heard you call me that in for like ever!” He excitedly said. “Why now?”
“Whoa keep your pants on. I don’t know just started thinking about the first couple days of school. They were pretty interesting if you ask me, boy who likes to sulk over muffins.” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Can you believe that Aubrey is absent today!?” Zane whined.
“Calm down. Everyone gets sick you know.” I annoyingly told him.
“I know…but still. I miss her already.” He sadly answered
“Well, isn’t that cute.” I rolled my eyes. “So…” I had no clue what to say. Well, I did. I just didn’t know how to ask.
“What?” Zane ask
“Oh it’s really nothing.” I sounded kind of sad. Just a little act I’m going to put on till he tells me.
“It has to be something.” He mentioned after a few minutes.
“I don’t know. I’m just thinking about Logan. He hasn’t been here for like a week and a half now. Do you know why?” Zane never knew this, but I was looking at him the whole time from the corner of my eye. He also doesn’t know that I saw him flinch. I saw him flinch when I said the word Logan. He also flinched when I said Logan hasn’t been at school for a week. I watched Zane look at the ground the whole time. “Do you know why?” I repeated.
“Uhhh no…” Yes you do! I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream so badly from anger. Why? I have no clue why. But I wanted to scream.
“Tell me!” My mind was racing I didn’t know what to say. I finally ended up saying tell me with out my command.
“Torie…” I looked at him. I shot him a glare even though he never saw it.
“I want to know. What did you do!?” I whispered at first. I couldn’t keep my anger down hidden like I wanted to so I ended up screaming. “I don’t care just tell me…please Zane.”
I should have mentioned in the beginning that we were on our way to school. I also should have mentioned that I go to Aubrey’s house in the mornings now so we could walk together, only when she called and told me to. Today was different. She ended up calling to tell me she wasn’t going to school that she was sick. Aubrey didn’t sound sick. She sounded more like nervous. What was eating her up inside? I asked her that. I knew she wasn’t sick. Aubrey finally told me that she couldn’t stop thinking about it. That it was making her sick to her stomach. I asked her why but she wouldn’t tell me. I knew Zane had something to do with it. I also knew when Zane told me I would end up crying. I was right. I was right the whole time. I did have tears come down my eyes but I don’t really call that crying. I wanted to yell at Zane and punch him a lot. That wouldn’t work though. That wouldn’t help anything. I should have also mentioned that Zane is really strong. So if I did punch him in the chest it wouldn’t hurt one single bit. Punching and yelling at Zane wouldn’t help anything….