Screaming Inside My World

Apart of me felt like screaming. Apart of me felt like my world was crashing down around me. The only thing is is that I didn’t know why. I had no clue why I felt like this. I had this gnawing at my heart. Apart of me felt angered. I had so much emotions running through out my body. I just wanted to explode!
I haven’t talked in three days. I haven’t smiled for three days. I hardly ate anything the past three days. No one new why I was acting like this. Zane never told anyone why, which if he had I might just would have exploded on him. The teachers tried asking me what was wrong, even Mr. Nix called me into the hall for a few minutes. I didn’t say a word. All I did was either look at the window in all my classes or looked at my desk. At times I just doodled if we weren’t doing anything. The teachers new something was up, they never called on me in class. If they did call on me in class I would just ignore them anyway.
“Emmerson.” I heard Mr. Nix’s voice in my head. “What’s going on?” I never answered him. I kept my arms crossed and my eyes glued to the floor. I refused to talk to him! “Torie look at me.” I thought about saying “You’re not my father.” I wanted to sooo badly. “No Torie you can’t break now!” just kept running through my head. I decided to look at him straight in the eyes. I never noticed before but he had really pretty blue eyes, weird. “What is bothering you? You haven’t said a word in class for the past two days. I even heard you haven’t said a word period in the past two days.” I really didn’t care what he was saying. I learned how to tune people out and I was so glad for that. The only thing running through my head is what Zane told me. My world was crashing down all around me.
I still couldn’t get that out of my mind. All I could think about is that moment in the hall way with my social studies teacher and what Zane had told me.
I was in art class when she walked in. I always wondered why we had blue slips and the green slips. The blue slips were for the assistant principal and the green was the principal. Everyone, even new students knew by now, knew that the green slips were bad really bad. On occasions green slips weren’t and you would be thanking god for that. The girl that just walked in had a green slip. That couldn’t be good.
“Torie Emmerson.” I didn’t look up at all. Today was the forth day of my mute being active. I just stared at my art work. I stopped coloring, but I never moved at all when I heard my name just my hand coloring. I finally got up still listening to all the whispers. Right before I walked out I heard someone say what did you do? I just looked at them with the same expression on my face since that day.

“Torie Emmerson, have a seat.” The principal nicely said. Was I even in trouble? “So you’re going mute?” I just looked at the ground. She was young too. I just realized that we have a lot of young teachers and staff members in our school. “Why are you going mute?” Really are you that stupid. If I’m going ‘mute’ then why would I answer you? She then sighed and gave me a pencil and paper. “If you’re going to be mute then just write it down.” I looked at the pencil and paper. I shook my head. If I was going to be mute then writing anything down would be talking wouldn’t it be? “If you’re going to be stubborn I’ll just have to call home.” My expression stayed the same. She just kept looking at me. I grabbed the pencil and started writing. Good luck with that. No one is home so there’s no use. “Are you going to write then?” I thought about it then shook my head no again. “You’re so stubborn!” I can tell she was getting mad. I know I’m stubborn. “Is anything going on at home.” I shook my head. “Did something happen?” I swear to god this girl is retarded! I nodded. “What happen?” Why would I tell you? “If would just write then you can leave sooner.” I thought about this. Why do you even want to know? And why would I tell you? “So we can help you.” Now I know how Logan feels. I don’t want help, can’t you see that? If I wanted help wouldn’t you think I would have asked someone? “Some people don’t.” I don’t really care right now. I just want to leave. I do not want to be bothered. There is a reason why but I’m not telling you. I just want to go through the day with out being harassed by people. I’m not some person who goes around telling people my problems. And if you think I’m only doing this to get attention then your wrong. That thought is the biggest mistake of your life right now! She sighed before answering. “You can leave now.”
When I walked back into the art room I heard whispers again. I didn’t think it was really that big of a deal for getting a green slip. One person asked me what happened. I ignored them like I have been ignoring everyone. Then I got everyone asking me questions from left to right. I tried ignoring them. They just wouldn’t shut up! Like, when someone has gone insane. All they hear is voices in there head. Only this time they were outside my head.
I almost cracked. I was so close in shattering my world right there and then. Shut up! Shut up! Just, shut up! I kept saying over and over and over again in my head. But they wouldn’t shut up. I just kept looking at the table. I almost screamed shut up! So close the words escaped. The stitches on my lips was getting loser. Until I lost my cool.
I didn’t think he, or maybe it was a girl I was just to tangled up in my world to actually pay attention. “Are you not talking because of what happen to Logan?” Ok, so it was a guy. I whipped my head around to look at him. Just the way he said it, almost like pity and like I was some little kid, made my blood spin into anger. I just wanted to rip that smirk off his face. I glared at him for a few minutes. “I think it is. It’s kind of pathetic how you’re acting over him. No one liked him so who really cares.”
I got out of my seat and walked over to the kid who had that stupid grin on his face. I slapped him across the face really hard. He had it coming. I then walked out of the art room. The art teacher didn’t say a thing. I think I even heard her say under her breathe he needed to learn how to shut up once in a while.
I had no clue where I was going but I know I’m not staying here. I grabbed my stuff and left the building. I just looked down at the ground; never looked up once. I occasionally heard cars horns in my ears but I ignored them. I thought about going to the hospital way to many times. And this was one of the times.

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“May I help you?” I didn’t know what to say. I really never thought this over before I walked up to the desk. I had walked up then back to the lobby about seven times before I even said anything or the lady behind the desk said anything. I stood there about a minute before she even asked.
Logan Fouley’s room please.” I brought a piece of paper and a pen with me from home. I wasn’t going to crack just yet.
“Are you a family member?” I shook my head. “A girlfriend?” I shook my head again.
Before you even ask I’m a friend from school. wrote down on the paper.
“Follow me.” It seemed like she had a smile on her face when she commanded me to follow her. I wasn’t looking at her when I handed her the paper again. She never asked me once about the paper or why I wasn’t talking but I could tell she was curious.
This hospital is really big. I mean it’s huge! It’s not like any other hospital. The floors are for certain things. Like: The first floor is for pregnancies. The second floor is for heart issues and heart attacks and stuff just that goes in the category. The third floor was errr I really wasn’t sure. I never really had been to this hospital a day in my life. I just know from people talking in school.
I noticed three things. One, there are a lot of freaking floors in this hospital. Two, it’s really not like any other hospital counting on that there is carpet in some places. Three, Logan’s on the last level as in at the very top. I found out that that was the floor where people who get abuse or hit, in this case beat up. Actually, there are three floors for the abused people. I wouldn’t blame them…
“Aren’t you gonna go see him hun?” I looked at her for a few minutes. I couldn’t decide on if I should tell her or not. “Well, you came all this way to see him.” She paused. “You should at least go see him. He has been in the hospital for about two weeks now. The poor dear got beaten up severely.” I flinched when he mentioned that. I could feel a piece of me just fade away. “The only visitor was his father. He comes in every day.” I didn’t understand why Logan would act the way he does if his dad cares for him? But then again I really have no clue about his dad.
Really? I don’t know his dad at all. I wrote down on the piece of paper and handed it to her.
“He seems really nice. You know I think Logan needs another visitor rather then his dad. He’s been out in a coma off and on. It’s kind of scary. You probably know what that is like, right? By the way, what’s your name sweetheart?”
Torie. And no I don’t know what this is like. I handed her the piece of paper again.
“That’s a nice name ya know?” I just nodded instead of writing anything.

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“Ello? Ey. Ey!” I kept hearing someone say something but I wasn’t quiet sure what they were saying. If that made any since at all. I hadn’t realized anyone was there with me. I was too enfolded in my daydreaming. “Ello? Anyone in there!?” I blinked a few times and saw some random girl. I looked at her for a second then tilted my head to the side. She stood up and crossed her arms. “So tell meh, why ain’t ya in school?” I looked around me. I was at the park? Man, did I need to make a note saying to never day dream and walk again.
I took out my notebook and a sharpie. I loved the smell of that sharpie. Why aren’t you in school? I handed her the notebook.
“Ahhh I see. You a mute. I just moved here that is why. I lived here three days so far. I go to school Monday.” Today was Thursday.
I’m not a mute. Well, I am for right now. Also, what grade are you going into?
“Why you a mute for now? I going into the tenth.”
That’s cool. I’m in the same grade.
“Great!” She had a small smile, then as quickly as it came it went. “So…I’m Riley. Ya name is?”
Torie…

“Ahhh that’s cool. Ey, ya never told me why ya ain’t in school. Why ain’t ya talking girl?” This Riley girl had some funky weird accent. But I think it’s cool.
I have a reason. Also, what kind of accent is that? Not to be mean or anything. And to answer your question on why I’m not in school is because I couldn’t take it anymore. I slapped a guy a crossed the face before I left the class room =P. The kids in that class wouldn’t stop asking me questions >.<.
“That is funneh. Ya got nerve girl. I from the south, duhhh. Pretty lame how those people didn’t shut up.” She shook her head. “Ya know what? I like ya girl. Say, wanna be friends?” I just shook my head yes. She smiled again. “Cheer up and smile girl!” She demanded but I didn’t.
I don’t really feel like it right now. I might eventually… She shook her head again. I titled my head again in confusion.
“I gotta say, the tilt thing ya do is kinda cute.” She paused for a second. “Oh no, I know what ya thinking. I not like that. It’s just the way I talk.”
I wasn’t thinking anything but ok :P. Now I can put little smiley faces! I never thought of that before.
“Ahhh I see. Well, I betta get going. I will see ya at school.” She ran off and waved by. I sat there for a little bit longer wondering what time it was. I should carry around a watch.
I started to think about how the school might have called my house considering I left the school. To bad there isn’t anyone home. I wonder if they would have called the cops and reported me missing. That would be a stupid move. (Annoyed face).
By the time I got home the sun was setting. I walked into my house. It seemed pretty uneasy quiet and I hated that. Like some weirdo stalker was in my house lurking in the shadows, haha great just great.
I had a few messages on my answer machine. Three were from the school, talk about harassment, and one was from my Aunt Lillian. How was I going to call the school and let them know I’m ok if I’m not talking? Haha yep, I’m screwed.

I decided not to go to school today. I just didn’t feel like doing anything. Have you ever had one of those days where you just don’t feel like doing a thing at all? Well, today was one of those days for me. I could care less about school right now. Plus, it’s a Friday. Everyone knows we don’t get homework on Friday. Dang it all! I just remembered I needed to do my homework from yesterday.
I got some FRUITLOOPS for breakfast! I loved that cereal. It completes my day. I noticed there was another message on the answer machine. I set down my cereal (Sad face), poor cereal. I find it funny how I can be hyper at the worse times, notice the sarcasm.
“We are pleased that you called sir. Thank you for notifying us that Torie is fine and we hope to see her soon!” What…the….hell!? That’s when the freak show started. I walked back to my couch and put my knees up, putting my arms around them. I sure the hell didn’t call them for one and two sir!? Who could have called them? I don’t even have an uncle let a lone live with a guy. So confusing!
I hate it how I can get over stuff sooo fast! I decided to just not even worry about it, that maybe they got the wrong number or the wrong Torie. That’s it! There has to be more then one Torie in that high school. Yea, that’s what it. Problem solved. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? I have no clue.

I saw Riley at the park again. We decided to walk to school on Monday together. I told her where I lived. Surprisingly, we didn’t live that close to each other. Riley lived by the park, which is like only about fifteen minutes away from my house. I wasn’t planning on going to school at all on Monday, but since we are friends and it’s her first day I decided to.
She kept trying to get me to talk, but I still wouldn’t. Aubrey, Allie, and Zane welcomed her. I knew they would like her, score one for me! I actually haven’t say with them for about a week. I kind of forgave Zane already. (I’m not supposed to say this, but Aubrey made me forgive him.)
Some how, something reminded me to check my laptop when I got home, I really have no clue what it was but I remembered about it. It’s funny how the weirdest thing’s can remind me stuff.

Torie

Torie, Torie, Torie. *shakes head* I meant as in what he tells you, not teach. That’s pretty self explanatory. Hmmm, ok so I decided to tell you some stuff right now. I hired him to figure out who was you. That might not make any since but I’m not going to explain my self. I located you, not telling how, but he did his job. Which I am not telling you that either. Now, before you get all worked up, I’m not going to kill you. The thing is is that he is pretty insane. He might kill you. Now do you understand?

Anonymous

This guy is such a creepier! My head is spinning. He gave me a headache, great.

Anonymous

You’re such a creepier, for one. Two, you gave me a headache >.<. Why in the world would you have an insane person hunt me down!? How do I know you’re not going to kill me? Really, come on, pathetic!

Torie

Really, this guy is a creepier. I should just stop talking to him; never write back to any of his messages at all. There’s just something that make’s me want to keep talking to him. I don’t know if it’s because he has answers or I just want to know who he was.

Torie

Ha! Who else is going to do the job for me? I wouldn’t kill you trust me. Well, not yet anyways >:). Nah, I’m just joking calm down! That’s what you get for giving teachers attitude. Maybe once in a while you would think before you are a smart alec towards teachers. I have a reason for finding you actually, which I will tell you later on.

Anonymous

That was really fast, just a little creepy. How did he know I gave the teachers a hard time in school? What if that was the guy who was my English sub? Oh my god! What if it was? No, no, no it can’t be. I wonder if he was just joking about that. I really shouldn’t answer back, I really shouldn’t

Anonymous

I really shouldn’t type back >.<. How did you know about the hard time I give to teachers? Oh wait, I just realized something. Jesse is a teacher there and I give him a hard time. Why didn’t I think of that? For a second I thought you were maybe my English sub. Now I highly doubt that! Anyway, you’re confusing…

Torie

Maybe I’m warming up to this guy to easily? It feels like I’ve known him for like years. Odd. I closed my lap top not wanting to answer back right yet. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t talk to him again for a while. But some reason something inside of my just wanted to so badly.
“Freeze! We are now currently kidnapping you!” Oh boy, not this again. I got my notebook and sharpie really fast.
No I am not in the mood right now! I am not going to where ever you’re taking me! I handed them the notebook. I swear Aubrey and Zane were made for each other.
“Not even if we were taking you to the hospital where Logan was?” My eyes widen. Torie, they are lying! I kept telling my self over and over and over again. I shook my head.
Hey Zane, there’s muffin mix in the cupboard. I think there is strawberry flavored to. You should get Aubrey to help you. That was my evil little plan I just came up with, I’m a genius! I gave Zane the notebook and he grabbed Aubrey’s wrist and dragged her into the kitchen. That will get them out of my hair for awhile, hehe.
I walked into my kitchen to see what they were doing and let me tell you, I almost exploded! I was too concealed into the television I didn’t hear anything. Then I remembered I wasn’t talking. Damn it all to hell.
Oh my god! What the hell did you do to my kitchen! You guys are so freaking cleaning it up.
“No we aren’t.” What?! What did he just tell me?! I couldn’t believe in what I just heard. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What the hell are you saying?! You two are totally going to freaking clean this up! Don’t make me even slap you guys across the face. I’m not even joking you! Ugh! I could just so totally flip on you guys right now! Do you know how hard it is to keep this place clean!? I clean it like every other day and you come over to my house to freaking kidnap me and then I let you make muffins Muffin Stupid dumb Boy!” I was totally so mad right now it wasn’t even funny. Then they both smiled. “What in the world are you two smiling about?!” I ought to tell you that they both were covered from head to toe in flour. There was flour everywhere and I mean everywhere! They threw a couple of eggs at each other I can see since there was some oak on the walls and on the cupboards. Then they ran up to me and gave me a hug. I tried to squirm out of there arms since now I was covered in flour. Grrr.
“I can’t believe you guys did this just to make me freaking talk! Really it’s my decision not yours.” I was furious. Extremely furious.
“You know what?! Torie I’m sick of you not talking. We all are sick of you not talking! Just because Logan got the life beaten out of him doesn’t mean you have to act like this! Just because you love him doesn’t mean you have to stop talking. I can see why you are depressed but you could at least talk! I’m sick of it!” I looked at her for a second. I knew I flinch at the words ‘Logan’, ‘got the live beaten’, and ‘you love him’.
“I don’t love him!”
She laughed for a second. I was confused. I tilted my head like I usually do when I’m confused. “You don’t love him? You don’t love him?” She laughed again. “I can’t believe what you just said.” She paused for a few seconds to long. “VICTORIA IVORY EMMERSON YOU LOVE LOGAN FOULEY AND DON’T LIE!” Aubrey screamed. I winced at those words. I really couldn’t handle them. I could feel the tears just running down my face. I looked at Zane and he looked oddly confused.
“Oh so that’s your real name! I wouldn’t have guessed.” Zane just acted like nothing happened. How could someone act like nothing happened?! I couldn’t deal with those words. Not a single bit.
“Torie. You know you love Logan. Don’t deny it.” I fierce fully shook my head no. “How many times do I have to say this? Torie you LOVE LOGAN!” I ran to my room. I left them behind in the kitchen. I didn’t care if they cleaned my kitchen or not. I didn’t care if they were still in my house. I really didn’t care at all.

About three hours later I heard a knock on my door. I had my ihome going really loud. If I wasn’t in the corner by the door I wouldn’t have heard it at all. I head my head against the wall. I had my knees bent up and my arms hugging my legs. “Torie, we cleaned your kitchen.”
Thanks
“Can I come in?”
No! She tried my door. I had it locked.
“Torie, open this door now!”
You really expect me to open the door if you’re going to ask like that?
“Well, I just came up to tell you that I’m sorry.” I got up and opened the door. I didn’t look at her one bit. I just stared down at the floor. “Why won’t you admit that you love him?”
“I don’t love him.” I whispered.
“Torie. You love him. Trust me. If you didn’t love him you wouldn’t be acting like this. I know if this happened to Zane I would be acting like this. I love Zane.”
“Then I’ll get some guys to beat him up like how Logan got beaten up.”
“Torie that’s low.”
“Sorry. I can’t admit it. I won’t admit it. I do not love Logan. I never loved anyone in my life. I’m not going to start now.”
“That is so low it’s not even funny! Why can’t you love anyone? That doesn’t make since!”
“Because when I was younger I thought my dad loved me. But do you know what he did? He gave me away. He gave me to my Aunt with no explanation. He never actually said the words ‘I love you’ or ‘I love you Torie’. I really could care less if he did or not. I’m not going to love anyone. I do not love Logan just get that through your head. You might think that’s low but you know what it’s how I feel. I never asked for it but really I’m glad because love to me isn’t real at all. It just hurts you inside. You get your hopes up and it makes you all happy and crap. It’s just crap!” I had tears come down my face again. “All it does is make life seem a lot better and then one day it just fails. It just rips your heart out from your own body and tears it to shreds! It kills you inside out.”
Aubrey didn’t say a word for a few minutes. I wasn’t really paying attention. I never told anyone that. Now she knows how I actually feel. Then out of no where….Aubrey slapped me a crossed the face.