In the Pain There is Healing

Bryce woke up to her phone alarm going off at 8 the next morning, immediately turning it off so as not to wake the boys. They didn’t have practice until 11 and they had already informed their families they’d kill them if they were woken up before 10. Of course, Bryce was excluded from this threat but she wasn’t going to test them. After getting changed and slipping on her Nike running shoes, Bryce took the elevator down to the first floor letting her feet lead her to the workout room. Putting her earbuds in, she selected Escape the Fate, immediately cranking the volume up and hopping on the treadmill. After 30 minutes, Bryce decided to head over to the free weights and chose some dumbbells.

In the accident, Bryce’s clavicle had been broken and her scapula had been completely shattered. The doctors had attempted reconstructive surgery but ultimately told Bryce that she would never regain full movement of her left shoulder. She could no longer play lacrosse, hell she could barely even move her shoulder above neck height. Despite the fact that it had been 2 years since the accident, Bryce still continued physical therapy with a personal trainer and he had made her promise that she would workout and do her exercises while she was in Montreal. So, here she was, not that it bothered her in the least. One of Bryce’s favorite things to do was workout and she prided herself on staying in shape.

Looking at the clock situated on the wall above the door, Bryce noticed it was already after 9. Setting the dumbbells back on the rack, something across the room caught Bryce’s eye. Hanging from the ceiling was a punching bag. She quickly made her way across the room towards it, stopping in front of it and just staring at it for a minute before grabbing the gloves and slipping them on her small hands. With Buddy Nielsen from Senses Fail melodically singing into her ears, Bryce put her hands up and threw a punch. The gray punching bag swung backwards before coming to its previous resting place, as if no one had touched it. Bryce threw another punch, the same thing happening. Not satisfied with this and becoming angry, Bryce threw yet another punch, pain shooting through her shoulder. But, this time the bag swung further. So, she threw another punch and another punch and another punch. Each time, she tried punching away all the bad things that had happened in her life. Her parents divorce, her mom’s death, Luc’s death. Even though she knew better she just kept punching, ignoring the physical pain, ignoring the emotional pain and ignoring the tears that were now cascading down her tan cheeks. She just kept punching until the pain became too unbearable and she couldn’t physically punch anymore. She ripped the gloves off of her hands, and staggered over to the wall, collapsing to the floor. Bryce immediately pulled her knees into her chest and hung her head, her fresh tears splashing onto the blue mat beneath her.

Up until now, Bryce had been the only one in the workout room but as she heard the door creak open she tried her best to stop the tears from falling down her face. Slowly lifting her head up, she locked eyes with Luke. Concern etched across his face, he hastily made his way across the room towards Bryce and sat on the floor next to her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, Bryce turned towards him and cried into the fabric of his worn Kelowna Rockets t-shirt. Luke took the iPod out of her hands and pressed pause, halting the lyrics of One Eight Seven. He gently pulled the earbuds out of Bryce’s ears as she continued to sob, her entire body shaking.

“Bryce,” Luke whispered as he began methodically rubbing her back in the hopes of calming her down. “What’s wrong?”

Bryce slowly lifted her head from Luke’s chest to look him in the eyes.

“What’s wrong is that I’m sick of feeling like this. It always hurts,” Bryce said as she put her small hand over her heart.

Luke’s gaze softened even more and he took Bryce’s left hand and laced it with his right one.

“I’m so sorry, Bryce. I wish you didn’t have to experience the pain that you do and I’m not going to pretend like I know what it feels like. But, what I do know is that you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met and I honestly believe it’s because you’ve been through so much shit in the last few years.”

“It’s just not fair, though. Why me? Why my mom? Why Luc?” Bryce said through sniffles.

“I wish I could tell you that,” Luke breathed out with a sigh. Running a hand over his face, Luke tried to think of something to say that would make Bryce feel better but he knew that whatever he said wouldn’t be enough.

“God, you know some days I wake up and I wish it had been me. I’m still here and my mom isn’t and it sucks.” At that, Luke gently grabbed Bryce’s chin and turned her head towards him.

“Listen to me. Don’t ever say that. You’re right. Your mom died so you could live. Do you think she’d want you sitting here dwelling on it and feeling sorry for yourself? Hell no! It’s probably always going to hurt and there will probably always be days that you feel down. But, in the words of Confucius, Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” Bryce let out a snort at this. “Don’t laugh, I’m being serious here!”

“I know, Luke. And I appreciate your cliché,” Bryce said grabbing Luke’s face and planting a short kiss on his cheek.

“Anytime, babe. But remember what I said. You are the strongest person I know,” Luke said as he got to his feet. Putting his hand out, Bryce grabbed it and pulled herself to her feet. Slinging his arm around her shoulders, Luke guided her towards the door. Bryce wiped under her eyes so as not to give any indication that she had just had an emotional breakdown.

“Were you coming down here to work out?” Bryce questioned as they exited the workout room.

“Yeah, no big deal though. I mean I am pretty jacked already,” Luke said with a cheesy smile playing across his lips. Bryce just laughed at that as Luke playfully glared at her. “Let’s go get you some ice, eh?” Bryce nodded her head as they made their way back to their room.

**
Bryce sat in her seat at the Bell Centre the next afternoon, impatiently waiting for the Youngstars game to begin. Bryce, along with Drew’s parents, Luke’s parents and his sisters, were currently sitting 5 rows behind the visitor’s bench.

“I hope Luke scores,” Macy said excitedly, practically bouncing in her seat. Bryce turned to look at the six year old who was currently clad in her brother’s jersey, the fabric practically hanging off of her small body.

“Me too, Mace,” Bryce said, patting the younger girl, who she considered a sister, on the head. The lights started to dim in the arena and the noise level increased by about 10 decibals. Everyone got to their feet in anticipation of the player introductions and the anthems. Bryce could barely stand still she was so ecstatic. The last time she had seen the boys play together was the WJCs a year ago. The Leafs and Kings had played each other in Los Angeles in December but Bryce hadn’t been able to go. In fact, Bryce hadn’t been to Los Angeles at all yet because of school and she felt a little guilty. Even more so considering how many Leafs games she had been to. In her defense, though, she was a Leafs fan long before her father got the head coaching job and long before Luke was drafted by the organization.

*flashback*
June 20, 2008

Bryce watched proudly from her seat as Drew walked onto the stage at the Scotiabank Place and slipped the Los Angeles Kings jersey over his head. As the flashbulbs of the photographers went off, the twinkle in his eyes became more pronounced and the smile across his lips got wider. Bryce glanced at Mrs. Doughty who had the same smile gracing her face, tears shining in her eyes. Bryce gave her hand a squeeze and smiled at the woman.

“How about that,” Mrs. Doughty said to her as Drew walked off the stage.

“Yeah, how about that,” Bryce echoed as she still tried to fathom the idea that her best friend was now an NHL draft pick. A tap on Bryce’s shoulder interrupted her state of thought and she turned around to look at Brayden.

“I’m bored. Come sit up here with me,” Brayden said, wiggling his eyebrows and patting the empty seat next to him. Bryce rolled her eyes at her boyfriend and turned to look at Mrs. Doughty who just patted her knee and smiled.

“I’m sure we won’t be long so I’ll just see you guys later,” Bryce told Mrs. Doughty, knowing that Luke was projected to go top 10 at the very least, if not top 5. Trying as gracefully as possible, in a dress, and without flashing the entire arena, Bryce hopped over the row and sat down next to Brayden who immediately laced his fingers with hers. She and Brayden had been dating for about a month but neither of them were taking it too seriously. Bryce glanced down at Luke, who was 4 seats to her left, and saw him anxiously leaning forward in his seat, bouncing his knees in anticipation. She turned her attention back to the stage where the next pick was about to be announced. The Atlanta Thrashers took Zach Bogosian with the third overall pick and Alex Pietrangelo was taken fourth overall by the St. Louis Blues. Right before the fifth pick was about to be announced, commissioner Gary Bettman took the stage announcing that the New York Islanders had traded their pick to the Toronto Maple Leafs. Bryce knew this was it. Sure enough, less than a minute later the Maple Leafs brass announced that they were proud to select Luke Schenn with their fifth overall pick. Luke made his way down the line giving and getting hugs and he finally got to her.

“See you in Toronto, Brycie,” he said with a smirk before he made his way out to the aisle and towards the stage. She looked at Brayden who just gave her a half grimace. Bryce blew out a sigh, a piece of her brown hair flying up before coming to rest on her forehead. Luke was just drafted by the Maple Leafs days after her father was named the head coach. Bryce just so happened to live in Toronto and would be attending York University in the city. Her life was just one big ironic mess.

********

Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee!

With the last words of the anthem sung, the crowd erupted into cheers and settled into their seats for the game. Bryce glanced around at the sea of colors due to the representation of the different teams. If there was one thing to love about the All Star festivities, this was it. All of these people lived and breathed hockey and the pride they held for their teams was unparalleled. Bryce had done her best to represent both of her boys, opting to wear Drew’s Kings jersey over Luke’s Leafs shirt.

The starters for the Rookies and the Sophomores lined up for the face off and the referee dropped the puck. For much of the first period, the score was tight, with no more than a one goal differential. The second period was much the same. With just less than 2 minutes left in the period, Patrik Berglund made a pass up the ice to Luke who was wide open and on a breakaway. As soon as Luke touched the puck, the Montreal fans began their assault, booing him like there was no tomorrow. But, Bryce ignored them and immediately got to her feet, the fabric of her Kings jersey coming to life along with her. Luke glided down the ice, stick handling the puck, moving closer and closer to Carey Price. Forehand, backhand, top shelf, GOAL. The goal horn sounded and Bryce jumped up, yelling in excitement. She embraced in a hug with Macy and Madison and looked back onto the ice where Luke engaged in the classic arrow towards the heavens celebration. He made his way back to the bench, fist bumping numerous teammates as they congratulated him on his highlight reel goal. Before sitting down, Luke looked up towards the seats, pointing his blue gloved finger towards Bryce with a smile. She felt a slight blush creep up her neck, which she quickly dismissed as she turned her gaze away from Luke.

“You know he scored that goal for you, sweetheart,” Luke’s mom Rita said knowingly, a twinkle present in her green eyes. Bryce smiled at the woman but shook her head in disagreement. “Don’t doubt it, Bryce. You know even when you were with Brayden, I always had this feeling you’d end up with Luke. Mothers are rarely ever wrong,” she finished with a wink. Bryce nodded and turned her attention back to the game, letting Rita’s words sink in as she watched the Rookies go on to beat the Sophomores.