Falling Lessons

I had always wanted to perform at a wedding. I don’t know… There was just always something about that type of ceremony which left you feeling, light, and just generally happy.

When Amelia called me this morning to tell me the venue of the gig, I couldn’t help but jump up and down and shriek with her. I couldn’t wait!

Jazz is making me louder, and more confident... I observed as I saw my reflection in the mirror this morning.

The day passed like a blur. Before I knew it, I was there on the small platform they had set up for the combo, setting up the keyboard and amp. Surprisingly, my nerves had floated away for the time being, but I was pretty sure they’d come flying back soon.

I looked down, still quite unable to believe what Amelia and Jane had forced me into wearing. The dress code had been “flashy, but formal.” But because we were Jazz musicians, we needed to look confident as well.
Hence why I felt particularly self conscious in my rather short dress.

“You look fine!” Amelia had said, “Me and Jane are also wearing the same thing remember?”

Still… I couldn’t help but flush whenever someone looked in my direction. I felt so awkward and out of place!

“Shane and the guys will be here soon,” Amelia whispered in my ear, “You might want to go out to the road to show them where to park.” She winked.

Why me? I couldn’t help but wonder, It wasn’t like I would be recognisable…

Eventually, I managed to swaddle out to the drive way just as the sun was beginning to set. It was honestly beautiful, seeing the sky a deep scarlet, as if it too, was nervous about tonight’s gig.
I was gradually becoming used to wearing heels, even though I still felt like I was going to fall flat on my face any second.
After what seemed like a few minutes, I could finally make out Shane’s silver car slowing down just outside the driveway.
Feeling ridiculous, I waved frantically, trying to give them a general indication of where to park.

Surely they’ll see it’s me now… I thought.

Just as I knew he would, Shane nodded to show he’d seen me while Pete, sitting in the passenger seat beside him, waved back mockingly, with almost too much enthusiasm for my liking.

Having done my job, I walked back to where Amelia stood chatting with Jane, each sipping from a glass of punch.

“I’ll get you a drink,” Jane said as I approached them, still amazingly relaxed considering what was going to happen in a short moment,
“Thanks,” I called out as she walked past.

Amelia slung an arm around me, “Boys find their way here?” she asked, even though I was sure she already knew the answer, by how much my cheeks had flushed.
“Um yeah, they’re just finding a place to park.”
“So… When are you and Shane going to admit it?” she whispered, a bit too loudly.
“Haha,” I laughed nervously, “I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do!” She exclaimed, before leaning in to whisper again, “I think you guys are cute together, but don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.”
Before I could explain that it really wasn’t a secret at all, the boys had found us and began to set up their instruments.

“Where do we get drinks from?” Tom-tom asked, “And where’s Jane?”
“Jane’s getting drinks.” Amelia informed.
“Answering two questions in three words,” Pete observed, “I’m impressed, Amelia.”
“I do try my best,” she giggled back.

Shane gave me a look then, as if he was amused by all the flirting going on between Pete and Amelia.
This time, I leaned over to whisper in her ear, “I think you guys are cute together as well!”
Laughing, I ran back to the car with Shane to help unload more things, before she could whack me and inflict some serious pain.

All the chatter from the guests had died down as we reached his car. It was quiet where he’d parked.
The sunset had given off an eerie, sort or romantic glow, softening his skin.
I didn’t want to say anything, in fear of ruining the moment. Silence was beautiful too.

“You look amazing tonight,” He said suddenly, turning around to face me.
“Thanks,” I managed to say, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks again. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
He laughed, not really believing me.

If only he knew…

“So are you sure you’re up for this?” He said casually, while opening the boot to grab his amp and lead.
“Um… Well… I think it’s good experience…” My voice trailed off as I realised how stupid I sounded.
“I mean… actually, properly falling…” I continued, trying to redeem myself, “I’ve never had to do it before, I’ve always… gone up. Never down. Though I don’t really like to think about what would happen if I actually failed something.”

I turned away and I thought of my mother then, I wondered how she’d react, seeing her only daughter playing in a combo at a random wedding.
Sighing, I turned around to face him again.

“So yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be.” I took the lead from his hands so he’d have both hands free to lift the amp. “How about you? Do I even need to ask?”
He laughed then, “You think too highly of me.”
Turning to close the boot and lock up, he continued. “To be honest, I’m actually really nervous.”
“Really?” I looked up at him, surprised. “What do you have to be nervous about? You’re perfect!”
“A lot of things actually,” he replied wryly, “But I don’t think it’d be a good idea to share them with you, it might freak you out” he laughed again.

I decided to take his word for it this time, I did stress out quite a bit…

“The only advice I can give you,” he continued, “is just to prepare to fall, and to enjoy it.”
I laughed now, “Ok then,” I smiled back at him, “I’ll try my best.”
“Well, then start falling!”

We both cracked up laughing then, imagining what freaks we must have looked like.

Everyone was waiting as we returned to the stage. We hurried to our places, and with a small nod to each other, began to play as the first official guests started to arrive and take their seats.
Amelia had decided to spread out the different instrumental solos so that the audience wouldn’t get bored of hearing all the different instruments in the same order each time.

The first number being upbeat and chirpy, featured improv. From Jane and Amelia with her 3 instruments. Needless to say, those who were watching in the audience were very impressed.
It wasn’t so surprising that Pete happened to have a weird smug-like look on his face as well.

The next few pieces were around about the same kind of style, which allowed me to relax rather than freak out about being in the spotlight. Not needing to improvise, I found myself enjoying jazz without fear of making a complete utter fool of myself.

Amelia glanced at me then, and I found myself nodding, accepting the challenge before my brain had fully registered what I was letting myself into.
The piece was “Autumn Leaves,” a famous jazz classic, and I was about to kill it with my bare hands. Metaphorically speaking.
I looked around at the rest of the combo and was responded by encouraging, confident smiles from each and every one of them.

“I got your back!” Shane mouthed, making my heart flutter.

…Start falling… Start falling… Start falling…
His voice echoed around in my head.

I closed my eyes again, as that seemed to be the most effective way to connect with the music.

I could Shane strumming softly beside me, his accompaniment forming a safety net around me, as if he was protecting me from all the horrid things which could happen.
Next to him, Pete nodded along with his snazzy bass groove, buzzing across the stage, giving me my sense of direction and enveloping us like static electricity threatening to burst at any moment.
I looked at Tom-tom then, checking to see I was still in time with the combo before I began…

…1 and 2 and 3 and 4…

I lost all sense of place then; it was as if suddenly, everyone and everything had disappeared from my line of vision, leaving just me, and the set of black and white keys I’d grown to love so well.
I could still hear the rest of the combo behind me, somewhere. It wasn’t as if I’d suddenly forgotten about them, but more like, I could trust them to support me without having to focus on them so much. I could concentrate instead, on telling my story.

And suddenly, it was all over. I’d slowly raised my head to meet Shane’s eyes again. It was becoming so much more natural now, almost as if I was being possessed or something…

… The applause which followed a split second later was surprising, even to Shane, who was already immensely proud of me.

Blushing, I smiled shyly and bowed my head while playing the head along with the others.
We still had to repeat the head.

Amelia looked at all of us each in turn, as if to say:

Let’s make this ending one they’ll never forget!

I couldn’t have wanted it any better.

By the time the last chord had died away, I was still buzzing with excitement. It seemed like the audience had all felt it too, if their cheers and standing ovation were any indication.

Were we really that good?

It was then when I finally realised, being good, didn't matter to these people.
They were more interested in having fun.

Fun.

Having fun was important too.