Unforgettable actions
Chapter 3
Jimmy's POV
I reread my letter, all printed in black ink, signed at the end in blood.
Yes. Claire was my last girlfriend so far, and yet the only reason I dumped her was because of the way I felt about Syn.
Hey Claire,
How's life been lately? I hope you're enjoying it and all. How long has it been? Like, 2 1/2 months or something?
If you have one, how's you're boyfriend? You're probably not going to be seeing me again, so I just wanna tell you how much i always cared for you, and my endless love that I held for you.
My life changed since the night i dumped you. I realised that life holds nothing more for me anymore. It's not just because you're out of it, but also because the person I have fantasised about for so long is out of my reach. Therefore today will be the last day anyone sees me.
Wishing you the best for your life without me,
The Rev
J
(A/N: The Rev and J are signed very large in blood and there's a large heart also drawn in blood beside)
I'm satisfied. Folding an envelope out of my essay paper i enclosed the letter.
Since the dark ruby red liquid was still slightly running from my fingertip, I drew one last large red heart on the back.
Hopefully the blood won't turn brown by the time it reaches her.
I neatly lettered her address and slid the envelope in the back of my bag.
As I was making sure it wasn't getting crumpled or anything in the bottom of my piece of shit bag, I felt the cool touch of a metal barrel.
The touch brought a chilling sensation through my body.
"I don't have to use you til tonight."I reassured myself, letting go of the pistol in my bag.
Glancing at my watch I see there's still another 45 minutes until end period for lunch.
I remind myself that Syn will never love me as I loved him. I sacrificed so much of what I had for him.
* * * * * FLASHBACK * * * * *
2 months ago... (again)
Why can't Syn just seem to pick up the fuckin hints?
But what am I kidding myself? This is Syn. Nothing he does is serious. The MOST serious affair he ever had was with Billie. Then what did he do? Go fuckin kiss another chick in front of him.
But as much of this grudge I hold against him, I can't resist him. I haven't slept for a few nights, just because I've been staying up and watching him sleep.
His wide jaw sets his face, and he's got this rough, rugged hot look about him. And with that fuckin black fedora hat, he's just irresistable. But then again he can be such a pretty boy sometimes.
"GET YOUR FUCKIN LAZY ASS TO SLEEP JOHNNY!!! I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT!" Matt suddenly screamed out of nowhere.
Of course I wasn't even yelled at. I don't talk much anymore. Not that I talked much anyway. I prefer to think my thoughts.
So, my thoughts just get deeper and deeper about Syn while I'm laying on my top bunk in the corner.
Obviously Matt and Johnny are having another little bitch fight. They're both such fags.
Johnny's just the outcast, I really don't even knoW why he hangs out with us.
Billie used to, until Syn hurt him of course.
Guess Johnny was like his replacement or something.
I'm tired fuckless but I can't sleep. But where is Syn? I haven't seen much of him tonight.
Maybe he started to notice my hints.
I shouldn't get my hopes up. But then I shouldn't let my hopes get too down.
Last time I fuckin did that... oh God. I couldn't stop thinking about Syn and I was REALLY horny. The only thing is that I was at Claire's. We went into the bedroom. But my testosterone took over and completely lost it. It didn't even occur to me Claire was also sexually abused by her father. Of course that's what made us understnad each other in the first place.
My mind track was disrupted when I heard Johnny turning up the t.v. and Matt coming in and taking his blanket and skulking off to the spare room.
Matt turned off the light on the way, but I continued to stare up at the ceiling thinking in the darkness.
So, I was so unbelievably horny that I pushed Claire onto her bed with me on top. I wanted dry, knowing that she'd go no further, but even that was too much for her to handle. She kicked and screamed, shouting I was possessed. I got off straight away and regained my thought.
Why the fuck am I doing this?
Me and Claire understood each other so much because we were both raped by our dads, and naturally social sex things made us freak out sometimes.
But obviously I seemed to have gotten over this.
We talked, but she wouldn't listen. I thought she'd understand. But, how could I explain I was in love with another person as well? Especially since that person was a guy?
I sat up and sat against the wall corner (A/N you kno wat I mean) and looked at my watch. The blinking digits said it was... 2:29.
I looked at Zacky peacefully sleeping. God knows what he got up to today, went to bed at 6 and hasn't woken since.
I'd also realised Syn still wasn't in yet. He might've gone in the living room.
I started to get up when the pitch black room had a ray of light suddenly erupt. I looked at the door and realised I was still in complete darkness. Good.
But the silhouette (sp?) in the doorway was dreamy.
I saw the light surrounding Syn, like he was an angel from hell or something with all his hot tattoos. He was half naked, only in his boxers.
My crotch didn't only half squirm.
But rather than going straight to his bunk, I saw him stand there for a moment. When Zacky groaned, I thought that the light Syn was letting in had woken Z up.
But then Syn moved toward Zacky.
Soon Syn was all over Zacky.
It killed me. I couldn't move, he'd know I was there. But to watch my lover on someone else, I understood how Billie felt. So Syn did fall for one of us, but not me.
Silently, I slid under my blanket, and shed a silent tear as the soft moans and groans still seeped through my blanket shield.
Every moan brought more tears, soon my pillow and blanket were sponges.
I couldn't take it.
When Syn had finished, he was so mentally tired that he didn't even notice me follow him out of the room.
Not that he notices anything anyway
As he slumped on the floor cause Johnny took up the couch, I stayed up all night watching him until he woke.
I could no longer feel the wet streaks still falling down my face. I no longer held thought.
All I did was sit and stare.
* * * * *
He stirred.
He was waking up.
Anger and sorrow flooded my soul and heart.
I hit him hard over the head.
When he stood up and recognised who I was I cut him off.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE SYN! YOU DAMN WELL FUCKIN KNOW ZACKY'S STRAIGHT! IF YOU ARE REALLY THAT DESPERATE TO LET OUT YOUR FUCKIN PLEASURE USE IT ON SOMEONE ELSE AND MAKE SURE NO ONE HAS TO WITNESS YOUR FUCKIN RAPE!" I yelled at him.
I had finally got his attention.
But then this angered look came over his worried face.
"AARGH!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNO DAMN WELL THERE'S NO-ONE ELSE! SONNY'S TOO YOUNG AND I DON'T WANNA HURT HIM THE WAY I HURT BILLIE. I'LL NEVER GET BILLIE BACK! THERE IS NO-ONE ELSE!" he yelled back.
I couldn't handle it with Syn sometimes.
"IF YOU'D FUCKIN NOTICE PEOPLE AROUND YOU MAYBE YOU WOULD NOTICE THERE'S PEOPLE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK WHO'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!"
"What the hell?" Syn asked. He's so sadly confused.
His eyes bulged out of his skull as he said, "Well now I think about it Johnny's always been a bit of a fag but I nev-"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?" I had to cut him off again.
He's not going to get the fuckin point
I just stormed off to my room when I'm suddenly pulled back and pushed against the wall.
I felt this wet sensation on my face, but only just after it finshed did i realise that Syn had clicked and kissed me.
But I'd given up. Syn doesn't really care or love. The tears I had only just began to get used to trickled out of my eye. The wetness of it moisturised the skin which had dried up after the waterworks last night.
My tears had never tasted saltier than this one I shed in front of Syn.
Walking off I realised I had won and lost my my own game.
*end of flashback*
My watch reminded me I still have another 25 minutes of class. I'm oblivious to anything anyone has said all day. I'm secluded to my own world, and have felt that way since that night.
Nothing matters anymore.
I turn to the page at the back of my express book (the book where I write random crap whenever I feel like it, don't ask I just do) to where I had started a Synyster section. More like a scrapbook section.
I had stuck photos of us together, written his name in different fonts as the lovesick teenage girls did.
Brian, Brian Haner-Sullivan, Syn, Syny G, and almost every other possibility there is.
A familiar salty taste from my eye trickled into my mouth as I got out my craft knife.
I began to slice, shred and scar every page with him.
Giving up halfway since there was so much on him, I referred back to my right forearm. There were deep scars, some in hearts, words or just plain lines.
But there was one spot i have never touched on my forearm, with good reason. But now it was insignificant.
The cold blade sliced into to veins writing a haunting message I'd leave for others to read.
The blood quickly began to squelch out.
Everything became dizzy and faded.
"JIMMY SULLIVAN!!!" screeched a horrid voice I hadn't heard for weeks..
My body hit the floor and thud-
The room was --
I reread my letter, all printed in black ink, signed at the end in blood.
Yes. Claire was my last girlfriend so far, and yet the only reason I dumped her was because of the way I felt about Syn.
Hey Claire,
How's life been lately? I hope you're enjoying it and all. How long has it been? Like, 2 1/2 months or something?
If you have one, how's you're boyfriend? You're probably not going to be seeing me again, so I just wanna tell you how much i always cared for you, and my endless love that I held for you.
My life changed since the night i dumped you. I realised that life holds nothing more for me anymore. It's not just because you're out of it, but also because the person I have fantasised about for so long is out of my reach. Therefore today will be the last day anyone sees me.
Wishing you the best for your life without me,
The Rev
J
(A/N: The Rev and J are signed very large in blood and there's a large heart also drawn in blood beside)
I'm satisfied. Folding an envelope out of my essay paper i enclosed the letter.
Since the dark ruby red liquid was still slightly running from my fingertip, I drew one last large red heart on the back.
Hopefully the blood won't turn brown by the time it reaches her.
I neatly lettered her address and slid the envelope in the back of my bag.
As I was making sure it wasn't getting crumpled or anything in the bottom of my piece of shit bag, I felt the cool touch of a metal barrel.
The touch brought a chilling sensation through my body.
"I don't have to use you til tonight."I reassured myself, letting go of the pistol in my bag.
Glancing at my watch I see there's still another 45 minutes until end period for lunch.
I remind myself that Syn will never love me as I loved him. I sacrificed so much of what I had for him.
* * * * * FLASHBACK * * * * *
2 months ago... (again)
Why can't Syn just seem to pick up the fuckin hints?
But what am I kidding myself? This is Syn. Nothing he does is serious. The MOST serious affair he ever had was with Billie. Then what did he do? Go fuckin kiss another chick in front of him.
But as much of this grudge I hold against him, I can't resist him. I haven't slept for a few nights, just because I've been staying up and watching him sleep.
His wide jaw sets his face, and he's got this rough, rugged hot look about him. And with that fuckin black fedora hat, he's just irresistable. But then again he can be such a pretty boy sometimes.
"GET YOUR FUCKIN LAZY ASS TO SLEEP JOHNNY!!! I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT!" Matt suddenly screamed out of nowhere.
Of course I wasn't even yelled at. I don't talk much anymore. Not that I talked much anyway. I prefer to think my thoughts.
So, my thoughts just get deeper and deeper about Syn while I'm laying on my top bunk in the corner.
Obviously Matt and Johnny are having another little bitch fight. They're both such fags.
Johnny's just the outcast, I really don't even knoW why he hangs out with us.
Billie used to, until Syn hurt him of course.
Guess Johnny was like his replacement or something.
I'm tired fuckless but I can't sleep. But where is Syn? I haven't seen much of him tonight.
Maybe he started to notice my hints.
I shouldn't get my hopes up. But then I shouldn't let my hopes get too down.
Last time I fuckin did that... oh God. I couldn't stop thinking about Syn and I was REALLY horny. The only thing is that I was at Claire's. We went into the bedroom. But my testosterone took over and completely lost it. It didn't even occur to me Claire was also sexually abused by her father. Of course that's what made us understnad each other in the first place.
My mind track was disrupted when I heard Johnny turning up the t.v. and Matt coming in and taking his blanket and skulking off to the spare room.
Matt turned off the light on the way, but I continued to stare up at the ceiling thinking in the darkness.
So, I was so unbelievably horny that I pushed Claire onto her bed with me on top. I wanted dry, knowing that she'd go no further, but even that was too much for her to handle. She kicked and screamed, shouting I was possessed. I got off straight away and regained my thought.
Why the fuck am I doing this?
Me and Claire understood each other so much because we were both raped by our dads, and naturally social sex things made us freak out sometimes.
But obviously I seemed to have gotten over this.
We talked, but she wouldn't listen. I thought she'd understand. But, how could I explain I was in love with another person as well? Especially since that person was a guy?
I sat up and sat against the wall corner (A/N you kno wat I mean) and looked at my watch. The blinking digits said it was... 2:29.
I looked at Zacky peacefully sleeping. God knows what he got up to today, went to bed at 6 and hasn't woken since.
I'd also realised Syn still wasn't in yet. He might've gone in the living room.
I started to get up when the pitch black room had a ray of light suddenly erupt. I looked at the door and realised I was still in complete darkness. Good.
But the silhouette (sp?) in the doorway was dreamy.
I saw the light surrounding Syn, like he was an angel from hell or something with all his hot tattoos. He was half naked, only in his boxers.
My crotch didn't only half squirm.
But rather than going straight to his bunk, I saw him stand there for a moment. When Zacky groaned, I thought that the light Syn was letting in had woken Z up.
But then Syn moved toward Zacky.
Soon Syn was all over Zacky.
It killed me. I couldn't move, he'd know I was there. But to watch my lover on someone else, I understood how Billie felt. So Syn did fall for one of us, but not me.
Silently, I slid under my blanket, and shed a silent tear as the soft moans and groans still seeped through my blanket shield.
Every moan brought more tears, soon my pillow and blanket were sponges.
I couldn't take it.
When Syn had finished, he was so mentally tired that he didn't even notice me follow him out of the room.
Not that he notices anything anyway
As he slumped on the floor cause Johnny took up the couch, I stayed up all night watching him until he woke.
I could no longer feel the wet streaks still falling down my face. I no longer held thought.
All I did was sit and stare.
* * * * *
He stirred.
He was waking up.
Anger and sorrow flooded my soul and heart.
I hit him hard over the head.
When he stood up and recognised who I was I cut him off.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE SYN! YOU DAMN WELL FUCKIN KNOW ZACKY'S STRAIGHT! IF YOU ARE REALLY THAT DESPERATE TO LET OUT YOUR FUCKIN PLEASURE USE IT ON SOMEONE ELSE AND MAKE SURE NO ONE HAS TO WITNESS YOUR FUCKIN RAPE!" I yelled at him.
I had finally got his attention.
But then this angered look came over his worried face.
"AARGH!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNO DAMN WELL THERE'S NO-ONE ELSE! SONNY'S TOO YOUNG AND I DON'T WANNA HURT HIM THE WAY I HURT BILLIE. I'LL NEVER GET BILLIE BACK! THERE IS NO-ONE ELSE!" he yelled back.
I couldn't handle it with Syn sometimes.
"IF YOU'D FUCKIN NOTICE PEOPLE AROUND YOU MAYBE YOU WOULD NOTICE THERE'S PEOPLE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK WHO'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!"
"What the hell?" Syn asked. He's so sadly confused.
His eyes bulged out of his skull as he said, "Well now I think about it Johnny's always been a bit of a fag but I nev-"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?" I had to cut him off again.
He's not going to get the fuckin point
I just stormed off to my room when I'm suddenly pulled back and pushed against the wall.
I felt this wet sensation on my face, but only just after it finshed did i realise that Syn had clicked and kissed me.
But I'd given up. Syn doesn't really care or love. The tears I had only just began to get used to trickled out of my eye. The wetness of it moisturised the skin which had dried up after the waterworks last night.
My tears had never tasted saltier than this one I shed in front of Syn.
Walking off I realised I had won and lost my my own game.
*end of flashback*
My watch reminded me I still have another 25 minutes of class. I'm oblivious to anything anyone has said all day. I'm secluded to my own world, and have felt that way since that night.
Nothing matters anymore.
I turn to the page at the back of my express book (the book where I write random crap whenever I feel like it, don't ask I just do) to where I had started a Synyster section. More like a scrapbook section.
I had stuck photos of us together, written his name in different fonts as the lovesick teenage girls did.
Brian, Brian Haner-Sullivan, Syn, Syny G, and almost every other possibility there is.
A familiar salty taste from my eye trickled into my mouth as I got out my craft knife.
I began to slice, shred and scar every page with him.
Giving up halfway since there was so much on him, I referred back to my right forearm. There were deep scars, some in hearts, words or just plain lines.
But there was one spot i have never touched on my forearm, with good reason. But now it was insignificant.
The cold blade sliced into to veins writing a haunting message I'd leave for others to read.
The blood quickly began to squelch out.
Everything became dizzy and faded.
"JIMMY SULLIVAN!!!" screeched a horrid voice I hadn't heard for weeks..
My body hit the floor and thud-
The room was --