Quiet Boys.

I decided that we shouldn’t sleep on the roof. We would wake up very uncomfortable, we had the potential of rolling off, and most importantly, I wanted to build a fort of blankets.
Ivan and I stumbled around quite a bit, blankets fell on us a lot. Eventually the fort was built out of old flannel quilts and thin sheets and my dad even came up to ask what in hell we were doing. I just told him to be quiet and not worry about it. He didn’t even seem to care too much, though when he walked in Ivan did look like he might have passed out. I just laughed.
I even got flashlights from downstairs so we could light up our brilliant little masterpiece. And so I could see Ivan’s fascinated face.
Ivan’s phone rang off the hook, though after awhile it stopped.
“You really aren’t going to answer at all?”
“No. I already answer too much.”
I nodded, and he smiled at me, then put the flashlight to his face in the darkness, so all I could see was his face, in that little mountain of blankets we’d created. Kind of like it was just us two in the universe. Which, in that moment it was. I laughed, and took his hand in mine and then we laid down in our fort, and I could hear him breathing slowly and I don’t know, I guess it scared me for the first time.
For the first time we were so alone and everything else.
I think he was scared too because his grip tightened and so I got closer to him and threw an arm around him and then I decided I should ask him a few important questions.
“Ivan, when’s your birthday?”
“February fourteenth, nineteen ninety one. When is yours?”
“April twelfth, nineteen ninety one. Yours is on Valentines Day.”
“Yeah.”
“So do you usually get two presents that day?”
“Why would I get two?”
“Because your girlfriend would get you a present for Valentines Day and then one for your birthday.” Awkward Ivan did a funny little laugh, then asked me a question with a very serious voice like it were a very serious conversation.
“What girlfriend? I don’t have those.”
“What you don’t have crushes or anything? You’ve had to like girls you’re sixteen.”
“Sure, I’ve liked girls but none of them have liked me. Or maybe they have but I don’t say anything because I don’t want to ruin the little conversations I have had with them.”
“That’s so dumb Ivan ask girls on dates if you like them. Kiss them if you like them. Fuck them if you like them. That’s what you’re supposed to do anyways.”
“The last one seems a bit rash.”
“Not if you really really really like the girl.”
Ivan laughed again.
“Maybe.”
“So you should do those things. Why do you wait for everything?”
“I’m just not that confident I guess.”
I realized then how tight his grip was on my hand and I shone the flashlight down at our hands and when he released the grip there were the red marks where his nails had been on my hand and I shone the flashlight on his face, feeling like a cop. Ivan looked so nervous. And so beautiful like he had the first time I saw him and every time I saw him. Every emotion looked very delightful on him to me.
“Haven’t you ever kissed anyone Ivan?” I whispered. Ivan just shook his head, looking so embarrassed that he could have died. “That’s okay, I’ve only kissed two people. And I wasn’t with either of them. They were just some strangers passing by. Have you ever wanted to kiss anybody yet?”
This time he spoke, voice shaking.
“Yes, I have.”
“And why didn’t you?”
“I guess I’m just too afraid of rejection.”
“Fuck that.” I realized I sounded very angry when I said that, but I continued. “Fuck that and do what you want. Don’t let little things get in your way.”
Ivan took my hand again, and sat up with me. Everything was really, just very quiet, and I swear all I could hear was my heart going pitter patter. He was so slow with this.
“Well if you’re going to do it, then do it already,” I said very quietly.
And so he did.
It must have been the quickest kiss in the world, so quick I felt like I missed it.
“Wait! Do it again!” I exclaimed, absolutely terrified that I had missed something of dire importance. And he did it again. This time it lasted a little longer, but not by much. But this time I remembered, and I calmed down because now I would have a proper recollection of the memory.
Ivan’s breathing was shaky, and so I grabbed his hand, and smiled at him through the low battery powered flashlights.
“My mouth is dry,” Ivan told me, and it seemed he’d forgotten how to talk. I stifled a laugh.
“I’ll get the wine.”
And I did get the wine. My father would kill me if he knew I had taken out 1787 Chateau Lafitte. Absolutely killed me.