Quiet Boys.

Ivan, I haven’t seen you in three days and I miss you.
That’s probably not such a normal thing, and I hardly care anymore.
Maybe possibly could we spend every moment together until our untimely deaths come?
And it’s been just a very short while.
He told me he might have a few issues getting to my house this evening.
I’ll drag him here if I have to, oh I will! I will!
I’ve even really truly begun to start noticing all those little things he does.
Like look down when he’s really embarrassed.
Or how his laugh gets really deep at the end which makes me laugh even more.
Or even how his hair all falls to the left side of his face.
I like all of those things about him very much.
And Allison is here now.
And when I told her about our fort, and his scraped up knee, and the wine, she cheered a million cheers for me. I love you Allison White.
And the room is pretty filled up now and well, all these people who make me smile are here but there’s really only the one I want.
There’s so many fish in the sea.
I don’t care, I want that fish!
And the people around me were smiling.
Smiling and so happy because guess what!
It’s summer now.
It’s summer and we have not one little thing to worry about.
We have all the time in the world.
Nothing can stop us now. Just try to stop us.
We’re now the big bad seniors of Francis James High School. We can do anything.
And then finally clumsy feet and a cluttered teeth greeted me at my front door.
I jumped on him, really I did.
I jumped onto Awkward Ivan and he laughed a little bit and he held me just a moment longer than I ever would have expected him too, and at that both of our faces were just a little red.
And now here’s the fun part.
I dragged Allison over to the door and she gave Ivan one of her perfect warm smiles.
“Hi, I’m Allison,” she told him. Ivan shook her hand hesitantly.
“I’m Ivan. Nice to meet you.” He spoke so softly, and it was a surprise I could hear him over the music playing from speakers, somewhere in my abode.
I smiled this really big smile because finally my two favorite people had met. Awkward Ivan just looked awkward after a few moments, not liking all the people.
And Allison just had this look of pure happiness on my face.
I think it was because Ivan’s hand had almost immediately been attached to mine.
He was so lost without me and to be perfectly honest I adored that fact.
He was all mine in this room of strangers and he needed me to protect him.
And I had told him I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him.
I would keep that promise.
I dragged him through people, and his hand was still firmly grasping mine.
Then we sat down on my blue couch.
And almost immediately I was whipped away from him.
A yellow haired boy named Aaron had taken my arm, with a beer in his hand, he was yelling something in my ear.
I laughed, and wondered where he had gotten the alcohol.

________

Her hand was ripped from mine and I found myself in a state of panic.
My eyes wandered the room, and I couldn’t follow her.
I felt so dumb sitting there, and so very angry because that boy was talking to her. And she was laughing and I wanted her to be only sitting with me.
So, this was jealousy?
A pair of white tights and a skirt collapsed next to me. Allison sat down with me.
“I like how you look at her. You see her as I see her. She’s perfect, isn’t she? And she talks about you so much.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, startled.
“You look at her like you would really love to go grab her and sit her on this couch. And just stare at her. You’re inspired by her. I know the feeling. I love her to death. You also look like you want to punch that boy in the throat. But you won’t do either of those things. Why not?”
“Maybe the first part is true,” I mumbled into my fingers. “But I don’t want to punch anyone.”
“You don’t like him entertaining her attention though.”
“I guess not.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know how,” was all I could say.

________

Just two hours later. She had come back to me, after that boy had put his hand on her back and on her shoulder, and he had said something and his lips had been too close to her. And Parker, she kept asking me what was wrong and I finally answered, after forever because I don’t say what’s on my mind. Only for her.
“That boy. The one with blond hair. He likes you.”
“Maybe, I suppose. Why does that upset you?”
“You know I like you,” I whispered, and grabbed her hand. I felt like I was being very immature, but I had never done any of this before and I didn’t know how to do anything.
“Well then, what are you going to do about it? I’m allowed to talk to him.”
“I know that. I just feel so jealous. Everything is easy for him.”
“Why don’t you show these things? I should go talk to him again,” Parker said, and I felt something I didn’t know existed.
It was this real sharp pang of pain in my chest, where my heart was supposed to be. I didn’t know how to deal with things. I had never wanted something so badly, and I had no clue how to achieve it.
“Ivan, look at me,” I heard. I looked back at Parker, not really sure if I should. Then I saw she was smiling.
“I didn’t mean it at all. That boy is very boring. He’s my friend, and that’s all. I find you a million times better in every way. In fact, I find you a million times better than everyone I know. I just…want to see the fight in you.”
I wasn’t expecting that to be perfectly honest.
“Well, good!” I exclaimed, realizing how angry I had gotten as well as hurt. Parker let out a laugh and covered her mouth.
“I’m so sorry Ivan, I’ve just never seen you get angry before. I didn’t know you were capable of angry. I find it adorable though.”
In that little moment, in that sentence, something clicked, triggered, whatever you want to call it.
She laughed in slow motion, and I was looking at her eyelids and eyelashes like I hadn’t seen a human face before. So this is what infatuation feels like?
I leaned down and kissed her quickly. And she wasn’t expecting it. She stopped laughing, then smiled a little and I knew we were both flushed.
“Hey, there’s the fight.”
Then skin brushed skin again.
Well, I have to say I’m thoroughly terrified.