Quiet Boys.

During the next art class, Awkward Ivan told me something completely devastating.
He told me he was going to get braces.
At first I just nodded my head, kind of letting the terror sink in. My brain went crazy for five minutes, and I was getting really ridiculous with my paints.
No, no, no. Ivan, you can’t change one thing about yourself.
I think he finally noticed.
“Parker, what’s wrong with you?”
I put down my brush and gave him a serious look.
“So, you have to have to have to get braces?”
He gave me a strange look.
“No, I don’t have to, I guess. But my mom said she’d pay for them, so I want to,” he told me. He looked kind of embarrassed, like he wasn’t sure if I hated him or not.
“Why do you want to?!” I shrieked, and I saw a few people looked at me. Of course I would have told them to stop staring, but I was too stressed out by the issue at hand. He could not.
“Have you seen the gap between my teeth?” Ivan whispered anxiously, and his eyes wandered around nervously.
“Yes I’ve seen it! And I love it! It’s one of those defining attributes of yours! That’s like me saying I’m going to take meds to make me taller, or get contacts to change the color of my eyes.”
I was throwing a fit. Ivan looked up at me from his chair, and blinked at me for a full minute.
“Sit down,” he whispered. I slowly sat back down in my seat, and gave him a glare to let him know I was unhappy with his decision.
“It’s just my teeth.”
“No, it’s not just your teeth. You’re perfect the way you are,” I stated.
Awkward Ivan’s face went beat red and he started to bite his nails.
“No I’m not.”
I could have slapped him.
“Are you calling me a liar?” I said, and I sounded bitter.
“No, you just…don’t…”
“That’s what I thought,” I said with an edge, and his mouth opened a bit.
“Parker, I’m sorry, I just don’t get why it-” Ivan began, but I cut him off.
“It’s a big deal because you are quite perfect. There’s a huge difference between being perfect and having flaws. You may have a few flaws, and no I don’t mean the way you look. But you’re perfect.”
“My looks are not perfect,” he started again. I wouldn’t let him though. Stop it, beautiful kid.
“You are to me. So shut up.”
“You sure are bossy when you’re angry,” he told me quietly, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You got that right babe.”
“You aren’t always right you know,” he informed me, looking a little scared.
“Of course I’m not always right. How boring would it be if I was. But what I just told you is fact, just so you know. And you can’t change facts.”
“Sure you can. I’m alive now, which is fact. But I could drop dead in five minutes.”
“Ivan please don’t even joke about that.”
For a few minutes we were both quiet. It was uneasy, I disliked it immensely. Finally though, something was stated.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what,” I asked softly, my voice raw for some reason.
“For joking about death. And, for being so…negative.”
“Thank you. I just, really hate it when people can’t see how lovely they really are. It’s sad. It’s unbearable really. Everyone has potential, they just have to use it correctly. I’ve already seen some of yours,” I said, pointing to his charcoal drawing.
And then Ivan gave me a look.
I would say a look of awe, but I don’t want to sound cocky.
I don’t want to sound like I know everything.
I really, really don’t.
“I really don’t understand how you have so much inspiration in you,” Ivan said. He didn’t say it though. He whispered it, like he always does when he says something he really means and something that also makes him really nervous.
I wanted to cry, really.
So much potential. The fact that I could possibly make him even think something vaguely similar to that meant that I was effecting him. That means something impossibly important.
“Thank you Ivan,” I said.
“Thank you? Did you just say thank you?”
“Yes.”
“Stop being polite. You’re already polite enough,” he whispered again.
And then, it was my turn to whisper.
“You scare me in a good way. My mouth goes dry and my stomach fucking drops down. And I don’t know what that means because I don’t even know much about people in the first place.”
He just stared at me, and I stared right back. I didn’t know about him, but my chest was doing that thing where it stings, maybe out of excitement, maybe out of fear, maybe out of hurt. I think it’s called ‘pulling heartstrings.’
That was what this was all doing to me. Pulling at my heartstrings.
And I felt really heavy, and light at the same time.
And then I looked around and realized the room was empty, and the instructor was waiting for us to clean up.
We finished up and walked out in silence, and there was so much tension, I wasn’t ready for anything. So I said the first thing that came to mind.
“In three days, I’ll have known you for a full month.”
“It seems longer than that.”
“It really does,” I agreed. I wondered if he thought it was weird that I remembered the day, and then I realized it didn’t matter.
“Parker. What’s it mean if we both have that dry mouth stomach dropping feeling when we’re around each other?”
“I think it means we’re engaged to be engaged.”
“That sounds really nice,” Awkward Ivan said.
“Don’t get braces. It’s a perfect waste of money.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.”
And then I grabbed his hand, squeezed it, and then walked out the door of the recreation center.