Suck On It Mary, You're Not the Only Virgin That's Pregnant

I was happy to get back into my car. I really wanted to get away from Trey. I was seething mad, I can’t tell you why. I know Trey lied to me and I’m used to that. I’m used to his family getting in the way of us, but now it’s not the same. I can’t just think about me. It’s not all about me.

I put the key in the ignition and started the car. I reached down to put the car in gear when I noticed my hands were shaking and my face was wet.
“Why’s my face wet?” I said to myself, “I’m crying.” Hot tears ran down my cheek and onto the bare skin of my chest. My heart was beating like a drum and my breathing was ragged and shaky. I just left the only person I will ever love that way ever again, I realized.

With all those emotions running through me, it wasn’t surprising when sobs erupted from me. I shook and my hands managed to cling around the roundness of my belly. I’m all alone now—not literally—but Trey probably will never take me back. I said some pretty unforgivable things.

I wanted to leave and get away from the place that caused my only grief, but I was stuck. I couldn't go home ever again. I don't think my parents will ever let me back in and Paul, he'd kill Trey if he could see what the boy was doing to me now.

Brittney came out of the house and knocked on the car. "Can I talk to you, before you leave?" she asked, biting her lip.

I hastily attempted to wipe away my tears, but knew that nothing I tried could hide the pain. "Get in," I told the girl.

"Aw, don`t cry," she told me first.

"It's not you, it's me and my out of whack hormones," I said with a pathetic smile.

Brittney got in the car and sat. "Still, no beautiful girl deserves to cry," she told me.

I laughed at her words, "Your right. I wouldn't wish the way I feel right now on my worst enemy. I love Trey so much, but at the same time I know that it would be better for me to just be away from him. He brings out the best and worst in me," I said openly to her.

"Well, if that would be the best for you, I think that you guys should take a break, not break it off. You both seem to love each other, a lot. You need to think about your priorities, your baby. He needs to think how the fuck to straighten his life out, how to fix his anger problems, and how to make up for hurting a beautiful girl. I`d just like to point out, he tries to do good, but managed to do bad trying to do good. He was just trying to protect both you and me, he just didn`t do it the right way."

The tears began to fall again, everything Brittney said was so true. "You're right."

She just nodded, and grabbed her hand. "Be strong," she said, smiling.

"I'm sorry you have to see this.”

"I`m sorry that you are feeling like this in the first place."

I wiped my face, "Thanks, I really appreciate you coming out here in the first place. You're a sweet girl, how'd you get mixed up in all this in the first place?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, with a confused face.

"You don't have to tell me Brittney. It's none of my business, but if Trey is trying to protect you girls, then it must be for a reason. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I won't judge you no matter what," I told her.

"I`m actually not sure why he is over-protective of us. He just met us today. Even though Stevenee is his sister, I don`t get it. Just because I wasn`t in the best relationship, he didn`t need to go all protective on me. Then again, everyone is protective of me and Stevenee since we lost our mom,"

"I would say I'm sorry about you losing your mom, but my apology won't bring her back. I know Trey and I'm sure he doesn't want you to get hurt. Your dad is a bad man and what he is doing with you girls isn't right, but that's my opinion. If you enjoy it and your life, then tell Trey to back off," I told her.

Brittney nodded. "He isn`t my dad actually, just my sisters, we don`t have the same dad, just mom. So I`m not related to Trey,"

"That makes a difference. Trey won't care though; he won't like the idea of you being with his father sexually. I don't like it, because sex is a big thing and can change relationships. But it is none of my business what you do with him," I said. I wasn't sure how she would react to my touch, but I touched her hand anyway, "Brittney, how old are you?”

She looked at their hands and then asked, "Why?”

I pulled my hand away, noting there being some discomfort there. "I just wonder; I'm not trying to trap you up or anything. I'm going to be eighteen in a few weeks and you look like a teenage, fourteen maybe?"

"Younger," She mumbled. "Stevenee is fourteen though."

She's just a kid, "Oh, then how old are you?" I tried to make my voice sound impartial.

"Thirteen, so err not much younger then you thought," she said softly, playing with her shirt.

"I remember that age. How'd your mom pass?" I asked, inquisitively.

She shrugged. "I never really wanted to hear, drugs, suicide, abuse, one of the three."

These girls must've had a hard time. "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

She nodded her head no.

"Okay, well I think I should get back home and talk to Carl. I enjoyed talking to you and if you ever need me you can call me. Do you need my number or can you just steal it from Trey?"

"I'll get it off of Trey's," she said getting out.

I watched Brittney go back into the house, I wonder what Trey would think, but I let the thought go. I drove away without looking back.

Paul opened the door for me. "Where's Trey?"

"I'm not sure, we aren't together anymore. I'm sure he'll come back here sometime. His stuff is here."

Paul looked at me concerned. He awkwardly pulled me into a hug, "I'm fine, I just need to find Carl."

I pulled away and I knew Paul knew I wasn't okay, but he didn't say anything more. "He's in your room."

"Thanks," I said kissing his cheek. I headed to the back and found Carl on the bed.

"Carl, we need to have a major talk. Trey and I are no longer together. I've never really asked you about what you want to do about our kid, but I'm going to need you," I told him desperately.

“I’m, of course, here for both you and the kid,” he said going over and hugging me.

"Thanks, did I ever tell you that I thought you were a great guy? I just don't get why I couldn't have fallen head over heels for you and not Trey, but then I would just end up pregnant with his kid," I was beginning to cry again," and still be in a mess."

“Of course.”

"Thank you, for being here and being so understanding of our situation," I told him.

“Go ahead, you can ask me anything.”

"I need to ask you something?" I said apprehensively.

He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes, "Tell me, please."

"Trey never told me when the abuse started nor about your mom, will you tell me?"

“I don’t know, he said it started when my mom left. I guess we were little my dad decided to take his pain out on us; Trey always had it worst though, because he wouldn’t just take it he had to be smart about it.

“He actually gave our dad the idea. Our dad was upset and Trey was being how he always is so my dad hit him and it made him feel better. It got a lot worse though when he came up with the sex for money idea though, he decided he could abuse us so we do whatever he wanted. Trey knew what he did and didn’t want to do though; so that didn’t make things good for him...”

"What sex for money thing?" I asked anxiously. Trey didn't tell me anything about the abuse really, but I knew. He never wanted to talk about it; I guess I can see why.

He shrugged, again

I pushed him a bit, getting irritated. "No, you can't just shut down. Tell me," I demanded.

“Calm down,” he said.

"Why won't you tell me?" I said sweetly. "I won't get angry."

“It’s not that I won’t tell you,” he said, “it’s just that I thought you already knew.”

"Obviously I don't," I told him in an annoyed voice. I took a seat on the bed to rest my feet.

“My dad used to make me and Trey have sex for money.”

"That's wrong. Did he ever force you to rape me, maybe drug me to make me think it was a dream," I said trying to joke. "That isn't funny, I know, but it would kind of be funny, well more ironic."

“Ha ha ha,” he said kissing my forehead.

"I have a doctor’s appointment coming up soon, you wanna come?" I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said and smiled at me, “Oh by the way, I could never rape anyone, because who wouldn’t have sex with me,” he said smirking and joking.

I smiled and couldn't help but giggle, "You're right, I obviously couldn't resist having crazy monkey sex with you."

“Crazy monkey sex it is,” he screamed laughing, and then saw my phone go off ringing.

"Hello," I said into the phone, not bothering to look at the caller id.

"Hi," Brittney said in a low unsure voice, probably not sure if she should have called.

"Hey, what's up?" I replied.

"Um, nothing," She said, causally. "Just that Trey`s dad is going to turn himself in for everything he has done," You could hear the sadness and fear in her voice.

That stunned me, "He's going to do what?" I asked once more to verify I'd heard her right.

"Turn himself in," Brittney said. "He really was going to do well after he talked to you guys, and Trey made him feel really bad so now he is turning himself in."

"He's going to be in a lot of trouble," I said to her. "Do you think he should do it?"

"No, but my opinion is kind of unfair, because I have different feelings towards him then everyone else..."

"And I'm asking you anyways?" I told her.

"What?"

"What do you think he should do?" I told her.

"Not turn himself in," She said calmly then got wilded up, "He is going to tell them how he raped me, he didn`t rape me! Then plus everything else."

"Do you think that you can stop him?" I asked her, through clenched teeth. I didn't like the man, but I did like her.

“I don’t know, every time I try to talk to him Trey grabs me and stops me,”” she said like she was holding back tears.

"Here's my plan," I said to her, "I'm going to get Carl and Paul and we are coming over. I don't what I'll have to do, but some way, I will find a way for us to stop him from doing something as moronic as turning himself in. Got it?" I was putting a lot on the line for this girl, she better not make me regret my choice.

“Thanks.”

"I'll be there in a few," I told her before hanging up. "Paul," I called out and I looked over at Carl. I had forgotten about his presence until now.

Paul came into the room in a rush, his face showed only concern. "Calm down, what I'm about to tell you two, is going to make one of you mad. We need to go over to your dad's place Carl and convince him to not turn himself into the jail," Paul was going to say something, but I stuck my hand up to let him know, I wanted to finish. "What I need is the two of you to get Trey to let me and Brittney have a few minutes to talk some sense into the man."

"Hell no," Paul yelled. He detested him as much as I did, but didn't have the same compassion I had for Brittney.

"Please Paul, I know I've asked you for a lot, but please do this and I won't ask you for anything else," I begged.

Paul shook his head, "That's the thing, l love you so much, that I don't mind doing all that I do for you, but this is too much. That man hasn't said a nice word to you."

I shook my head. "He isn't that bad," I said in a whisper. "If Paul won't help me, will you Carl?" I asked fretfully, as I turned to look at him.

"Why do you not want him to turn himself in exactly?" Carl asked; a little confused.
I looked down, afraid my answer would cause rejection. "Brittney, she's young and I know she shouldn't have the relationship she has with your dad, but she loves him. I've been really foolish with love and with who I love, so I can relate to her. I don't like it one bit, but she shouldn't have to lose the person she loves," I told both of the boys honestly.

"He's a pedophile?" Paul screamed out. "You want to keep a pedophile from turning himself in. That's seriously fucked up thinking there Danni."

"Oh yeah Paul like you are so perfect. Ugh! You make it seem like you are so much better than him and you know what you aren't. I know you, I know you've done some seriously fucked up shit to, so don't try to make it seem like this man is any worse than you," I spat at him, referring to things he did at a period in his life that would damage to his life.

Paul looked embarrassed and didn't say anything more. "Are you two with me or against me? Do I have to do this alone?"

Carl thought about it, and shrugged. "She is just a kid, she doesn`t even know what love is."
I wanted to cry, "I guess I got my answer from you, Paul?" in one swift motion, he shook his head no.

I want to scream obscenities at both of them, but I didn't. I got up off the bed, as gracefully as any pregnant woman can, and began to walk toward the door.

With my back to the two of them, I began to speak "I expect more from the two of you, I really did. Carl, I thought you'd be there for me when I needed you. Paul, I'm not going to waste my breathe," and walked away to my car, not waiting for anymore words. I just wanted to get away.

Once in my car, I dialed Brittney's number.

Carl must have decided to come because while I was calling Brittney he came outside and to the passenger door and waited for me to unlock it.
I glared at him for a bit, but unlocked the door. "I'm glad you changed your mind," I said to him.

"Only because I`m not going to let you go alone."

"Uh-huh," I told him, as I hung up the phone, sick of hearing it ring.

I started up the car and put it in gear and began to drive toward my impending doom.
Carl just kept looking at me. "Sorry I didn`t automatically say yes to coming," he apologized.

"Girls follow their hearts too much and guys follow their heads too much, it`s neither fault. Your heart tells you to help out Brittney because you care about her, and know her heart will be hurt. Our heads say what is going on with them is wrong and he deserves to be put away for everything. That him going away would help her. You can`t blame us for following our heads. But I did come because my heart said to be with you."

I looked at him, I don't know if it was the hormones or just real feeling, but I began to tear up.
"Carl, that means so much to me, to know that. You are going to be the best father."
Carl just smiled at me.

"I want your opinion on something. Do you think I should try to make it work with Trey or do you think that we will never have anything but a rocky relationship?" I asked, hoping he'd help me make a decision.

He shrugged. "My opinion is kind of biased, but it`s your choice what to do. My opinion doesn`t matter."

I bit back my urge to scoff, “If I'm asking you, then I want to hear it. I'm just beginning to think my parents were right, that we aren't going to last."

He shrugged.

"Tell me, biased or not," I demanded.

“I don’t know,” Carl said.

"Fine, don't tell me," I said childishly.

He laughed.

"Not funny," I said pouting. I pulled into the yard of the house, "Here we are."

"Sure it wasn`t," He said getting out of the car and coming to my side of the car to open the door for me. "But I would agree if you said you pouting isn`t funny."

I made a very unattractive sound, in response to his comment, as I turned off the car and got out. "Let's get this over with."

He nodded.

We headed to the door. I didn't expect it to be locked, so I just opened the door. "Brittney, where are you?" I called out. The house always seemed to give me the creeps.
Brittney came to the door and smiled at me, "Thanks."

"Where are they?" I asked her, wasting no time to greet her.

"Chance`s room," She said. "Err, Trey`s dads room."

"His name is Chance?" I asked, laughing a bit, it just didn't seem as tough as he appears. I bit back my giggles, which was easier said than done. "Carl and I are going back there, you stay here."

"Okay, will do,"

We walked back to Chance's room and we saw them. The sight of Trey brought back the pain I felt earlier. "Trey," I said, my voice came out small and weak. Someway, my hand found Carl's.

Carl held my hand nice and tight, letting me know he was here for me.

Trey looked at us, "And you are here because?" He asked.

I cleared my throat and my heart pounded like a hammer hitting nails. I was going to panic.
Holding tighter on Carl's hand, I finally got the nerve to speak, "I know you aren't going to like what I’m going to say, but I don't think he needs to turn himself in. Yes, he did some bad things, but haven't you?"

"Nothing as bad as him," Trey said, like I was an idiot.

"Please, Trey. Can I at least talk to him," I realized the feelings he has for him, but I hoped he'd allow me to have a few moments with him.

"No stay the hell out of my family`s business, okay?"

"She is a part of our family," Carl corrected.

I squeezed Carl's hand to thank him for that. "Trey, why are you being this way?"

"I`m not being anyway,"

My patience was beginning to get thin. "You're acting like a dick. All I want is a few moments alone with your father, to talk some sense into him,” I said looking at their father.

"He is doing the right thing, I know that and so does he, I`m sure Carl does too,"

"Bullshit," I spat venomously. "What he's doing is stupid, I doubt he can even get charged for anything he did to you and Carl, therefore the only real thing he can get charged for is his relationship with Brittney. The only problem there is that she won't testify; she loves him too much to send him away. Therefore, you're doing all of this for nothing."

"There little jacked up relationship won`t last, he doesn`t even want to be in it anymore. It`s a jacked up relationship she is going to end up getting hurt in anyways. When she is older she is going to feel so stupid that she was with an older guy that didn`t respect her enough to not be with her even though her age. She is going to feel stupid that she was with her sister’s dad, too," he spat.

"What?" I screamed at him, I let of Carl's hand and walked up to Trey. We were face to face.

"You have no right to do this," I yelled. "I've never met someone as determined to do whatever it takes, to do what they think is morally right. You're wrong Trey, you don't have a clue what she'll feel later, nor can you keep me from talking to him. I will only ask you this nicely one time, can I talk to you father?" the sound of my voice scared me, it unlike anything I'd ever heard come from me.

"Do whatever you want," He told me, "But you are going to feel stupid as fuck when that kids life is more screwed up then it already is because of you."

He walked towards the door and before he left he said, "There is no such thing as love anyways, so no point in ruining her life for it." Then he left the room.

I watched him leave."Guess, I got my answer, I won't be getting married anytime soon," I said to Carl, I know I must’ve sounded gloomy.

He came over and hugged me.

I refuse to cry again over Trey. I wasn't going to cry. I pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Can you get Brittney for me, so I can have some private words with your dad?" I asked him.

"Of course," He said going to get her.

"Look, I'm not exactly too fond of you, but that girl is in love with you. I don't agree with that relationship, but you better not hurt her. Her life has been hard enough," I said to him as I took a seat on the bed. My feet were beginning to hurt and my lower back hurt a bit.

I rested my hand on my belly and rubbed in a circular motion, to comfort myself and the baby. "By the way, if you didn't notice the wedding is off."

"She will get hurt either way though," he said looking as if he was deeply thinking.

"Why?" the way he said it scared me.

"If she isn`t hurt now she will be hurt later on anyways, just like Trey said. She needs to know she shouldn`t be in relationships like this,"

"Put everything aside for a minute, how do you feel about here? If you love her, then the rest doesn't matter."

"Her getting hurt matters."

"Simple yes or no would suffice, do you love her?" I said persistently.

"Yes."

"Then why are you trying to find an excuse to not be with her. Love knows no boundaries, unless you make one," I told him in a chastising manner.

Carl and Brittney came to the doorway and Carl asked, "Can we come in?"

"Yeah," I said. "If you want to be alone Carl and I don't mind leaving."

"No, stay," Brittney said, and went over and sat on Chance`s lap. He put his arms around her.

It surprised me that I didn't find it sick, it was actually pretty cute. I motioned for Carl to sit next to me. "Do you want to feel the baby kick?" I asked him.

"Yeah," He said smiling at me.

I put his hand on my stomach. I moved his hand around until I found the spot where I kept feeling the baby; I smiled when I felt the kick and looked up at Carl.

He smiled back and looked excited. He kissed my cheek, while still smiling.

"That's our kid," I told him thrilled. "Do either of you want to feel?"

"I do," Brittney said, getting off of his lap and crawling closer to me.

I took her hand and gently guided it over my belly and found the spot. We waited silently for the kick that followed.

"I`m technically related to the baby aren`t I?" she asked, becoming silent. "Well, that is if he stays with me, and doesn`t turn himself in," she said looking at Chance.

"I am staying with you and I won`t turn myself in. But you know what I have done to Trey and Carl is wrong, and so is our relationship?"

Brittney rolled her eyes. "Why is it wrong? Because it usually doesn`t happen? Because people say it is? People also usually don`t go out with the same gender, and usually people say that is wrong. Gay relationships aren`t wrong, and neither is ours."

I smiled at Brittney; her argument was nice and appropriate. She also got me thinking; maybe having something with Carl wouldn't be so bad. How we got this baby isn't how most people usually do it.

“I’d be honored for you to be an aunt to my, our child," I told Brittany, as I wrapped my hand around Carl's.

"Why aren`t you two a couple?" Brittney asked. "Not really my business, I know,"she added.
I was shocked at that, she did try to keep me with Trey earlier, but we are having a kid together, so it makes sense to ask. "I was with Trey, so it wasn't possible. Now, anything is possible with us," I looked up at Carl expecting his own answer.

"I`d love her to be mine," he replied.

My heart literally stopped at that moment, I hadn't expected those words from Carl. He generally never gives me straight answers. I have to pry them out of him. Once I regained my composure, I spoke, "Really, even with all my baggage?"

He nodded. "You don`t have baggage, you are pregnant with my child, that`s the only thing that could be considered baggage, and it`s not. It`s not your fault. Plus, it would be mine too if it was baggage,"

"What about Trey and the feelings I still have for him?"

He shrugged. I wasn't sure what that meant at all. A familiar feeling made me get up suddenly, "I have to pee," I announced as I got up to make my way to the bathroom. I was in such a rush; I didn't notice Trey until I ran into him.

He looked at me and said, "Good job."

"What are you talking about?" I said hoping to make this quick. I need to pee really badly.

"Never mind," he said walking away and getting out of the way.

That made me mad, I wanted to say more but I had to go. I went to the bathroom and took care of my business. Instead of going back to the room, I went and searched for Trey. He and I have some unfinished business that needs to be taken care of.

"What?" he asked when I saw him.

Every part of me wanted to just punch the crap out of him, but I didn't. It wouldn't be nice to hit him. "What is your problem with me? I have done nothing and yet you're so hostile toward me. What do you want Trey?" I said in my most reasonable voice.

"Leave you alone, I can do, but to just leave you entire family alone, impossible. Whether you like it or not you will have to see me. I just want us to be civil."

"Okay, nice," he replied.

"You aren't going to tell me."

"What the hell is it that I`m suppose to say?" he said walking away from me again, this time heading towards the door to outside.

I followed him, “Tell me how you feel dammit, I can't just guess or read your mind. I love you, don't you think it hurts me when you act like this," my voice was shaky. I told myself I wasn't going to cry and here I am about to.

"Leave me the fuck alone. I hate you." He said harshly.

I wanted to cry I really did, but another feeling ran through me. Anger pulsed through my vein and before I could object; my fist collided with Trey's face. "Fuck you," I spat at him.

He just stared at me.

I glared at him. "You're a dick. I'm pregnant you stupid ass, I shouldn't be dealing with shit like this. Do you realize that even though I'm nearly six months that I can still have a miscarriage, that it's possible that all of this can kill my child? Do you even care? I worshiped the ground you walked on once. I walked out on my family; I don't have friends all because of you. Do you care? No, you sit here and pout like some hormonal bitch. My hormones are out of whack and I'm not as moody as you. I will not apologize or try to convince you to get back with me. You can rot in hell for all I care, I'm sick of this shit," I spat at him venomously.

My hands shook from this sudden burst of emotions from me, emotions I kept bottled up inside of me for a long time. I'm sure I said things I'd regret, but it felt damn good saying them.

He went outside and slammed the door; we had been standing right next to the door, and since he was going to go out before. I heard a car start.