Sunshine.
Intro.
I remember a time when things were simple.
“Dude. You don’t wanna go there.”
My eyes wandered slightly to the left, trying to look as casual as I wanted to be at the moment. Zacky’s nagging voice lingered in my ears for only the briefest of moments before my thoughts were turned to someone else. She’s grown up. Edie Baker. I remembered when we were just kids. Back then, she was only Zacky’s little sister who tried to follow us wherever we went. She would stand there with her knobby little knees and her awkward stance. Her big hazel hues brightened with curiosity. Honestly, I had thought the girl left town. I hadn’t expected her to be there when I got back. And where exactly had I been? That was a story for another time. Now, well, now was the time I needed to focus on wondering what the hell it was that I was going to do next. I could see Edie in the kitchen, her silhouette moving against the light and I wondered what she was doing. I turned my head to look at my best friend. “Man,” I started, “All I said was that she grew up.”
Zacky rolled his eyes as he brought up a hand to move some dark hair out of his face. “Yeah,” he started, “And we know where that leads.”
“Where’s that exactly?”
Zacky eyed me like I was stupid. No, I was far from stupid. Awkward. I didn’t know what to say to the man. Zacky probably didn’t know what else to say to me either so the silence was a mutual decision. “Zee! I’m heading out!” I heard her voice carry to the living room. It was full of life, filled with happiness that was never meant to be taken away.
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.
--
I remember a time where there had been love.
“Hey.”
She turned, black hair moving with her body, curls falling against her shoulders, some even making a daring move to become one with her face, melting into a picturesque scene between the two of us. Boy had girl. Girl had boy. It was easy to comprehend. Wasn’t it? She smiled at me and I had to smile back. “Hey,” she returned the greeting. Her voice was light, carefree but I could see it in her eyes. Things were changing. They were just a slightly darker shade that what they were when we were younger. “You’re late.” I shrugged one shoulder.
“It’s what I do, Edie Baker.” A musical laughter escaped perfectly shaped and rosy colored lips.
“Well Mr. Haner, should I expect a change?” Her nose crinkled slightly and she shook her head, answering herself before I had even gotten a chance to. Oh, she knew me too well. “Zee isn’t too thrilled about this, you know.” I knew. Hell, I was sure that everyone in the tri county area knew. Did that stop me any? Fuck no. My hands went to hers. They seemed so small compared to mine, which engulfed hers as I wrapped them around one dainty hand. Our fingers intertwined, mingling like cozy little friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I brought her hand, which I decided I would claim ownership over that moment and my lips brushed over the light colored skin.
For a moment I thought I was crazy when I saw her eyes lighten.
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.
--
I remember a time where she had been healthy.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about at the time. We had been fighting a lot lately. The doctor said the stress wasn’t good for her, so I tried to listen for once in my life. But I knew I was in the doghouse. Thanks for the sound advice, doc. I didn’t know what I had done at the moment, if I had even done anything at all. Sometimes it felt like she got mad at me for the littlest things, like her feelings were hurt if I breathed the wrong way. Couldn’t anyone see that it was stressing me out as well? It was always ‘be careful around her’ or ‘don’t hurt her.’ What about me? Couldn’t my friends and family see that I was hurting to?
I was losing her slowly. Our time together was slipping through my fingers and each time that I tried to regain my hold on what we had, it seemed farther away. Did she notice? If she did, she didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t want to question her in fear that she would get upset over it as well.
“Do what?” I had asked her, wanting to know what she was talking about. I carefully worded my question so that it contained less than three syllables. The less, the better. It just aided me in not pissing her off. Tact was my middle name after all. Edie tightened the blanket around her. Her bony fingers gripped onto the white cloth and she squeezed her eyes shut. I wanted nothing more than to go to her, to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be ok, that she had me and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I had given up a lot for her and it was something that she said she appreciated but her words had seemed empty. They had felt empty. The dark circles under her eyes seemed more apparent now that she wasn’t looking at me.
“Us.”
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.
“Dude. You don’t wanna go there.”
My eyes wandered slightly to the left, trying to look as casual as I wanted to be at the moment. Zacky’s nagging voice lingered in my ears for only the briefest of moments before my thoughts were turned to someone else. She’s grown up. Edie Baker. I remembered when we were just kids. Back then, she was only Zacky’s little sister who tried to follow us wherever we went. She would stand there with her knobby little knees and her awkward stance. Her big hazel hues brightened with curiosity. Honestly, I had thought the girl left town. I hadn’t expected her to be there when I got back. And where exactly had I been? That was a story for another time. Now, well, now was the time I needed to focus on wondering what the hell it was that I was going to do next. I could see Edie in the kitchen, her silhouette moving against the light and I wondered what she was doing. I turned my head to look at my best friend. “Man,” I started, “All I said was that she grew up.”
Zacky rolled his eyes as he brought up a hand to move some dark hair out of his face. “Yeah,” he started, “And we know where that leads.”
“Where’s that exactly?”
Zacky eyed me like I was stupid. No, I was far from stupid. Awkward. I didn’t know what to say to the man. Zacky probably didn’t know what else to say to me either so the silence was a mutual decision. “Zee! I’m heading out!” I heard her voice carry to the living room. It was full of life, filled with happiness that was never meant to be taken away.
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.
--
I remember a time where there had been love.
“Hey.”
She turned, black hair moving with her body, curls falling against her shoulders, some even making a daring move to become one with her face, melting into a picturesque scene between the two of us. Boy had girl. Girl had boy. It was easy to comprehend. Wasn’t it? She smiled at me and I had to smile back. “Hey,” she returned the greeting. Her voice was light, carefree but I could see it in her eyes. Things were changing. They were just a slightly darker shade that what they were when we were younger. “You’re late.” I shrugged one shoulder.
“It’s what I do, Edie Baker.” A musical laughter escaped perfectly shaped and rosy colored lips.
“Well Mr. Haner, should I expect a change?” Her nose crinkled slightly and she shook her head, answering herself before I had even gotten a chance to. Oh, she knew me too well. “Zee isn’t too thrilled about this, you know.” I knew. Hell, I was sure that everyone in the tri county area knew. Did that stop me any? Fuck no. My hands went to hers. They seemed so small compared to mine, which engulfed hers as I wrapped them around one dainty hand. Our fingers intertwined, mingling like cozy little friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I brought her hand, which I decided I would claim ownership over that moment and my lips brushed over the light colored skin.
For a moment I thought I was crazy when I saw her eyes lighten.
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.
--
I remember a time where she had been healthy.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about at the time. We had been fighting a lot lately. The doctor said the stress wasn’t good for her, so I tried to listen for once in my life. But I knew I was in the doghouse. Thanks for the sound advice, doc. I didn’t know what I had done at the moment, if I had even done anything at all. Sometimes it felt like she got mad at me for the littlest things, like her feelings were hurt if I breathed the wrong way. Couldn’t anyone see that it was stressing me out as well? It was always ‘be careful around her’ or ‘don’t hurt her.’ What about me? Couldn’t my friends and family see that I was hurting to?
I was losing her slowly. Our time together was slipping through my fingers and each time that I tried to regain my hold on what we had, it seemed farther away. Did she notice? If she did, she didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t want to question her in fear that she would get upset over it as well.
“Do what?” I had asked her, wanting to know what she was talking about. I carefully worded my question so that it contained less than three syllables. The less, the better. It just aided me in not pissing her off. Tact was my middle name after all. Edie tightened the blanket around her. Her bony fingers gripped onto the white cloth and she squeezed her eyes shut. I wanted nothing more than to go to her, to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be ok, that she had me and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I had given up a lot for her and it was something that she said she appreciated but her words had seemed empty. They had felt empty. The dark circles under her eyes seemed more apparent now that she wasn’t looking at me.
“Us.”
I wish things could’ve stayed that way.