In Fear of Life

Adam

The first thing I'm aware of is that I'm in a bed. And it's warm. Too warm. The heaters are on really high.

I'm in the hospital. Why? It all comes flooding back, like a bad dream. Matt..Matt..I try to say his name. I'm also aware that someone is sitting next to me. Gus? It's Gus. Gus is here. I try to say something, but my voice comes out all squeaky.

He looks at me, suddenly, and the tears come. He's on me, crying and hugging me. "Oh my god, Adam. You could've been killed. You could've died. And I told him to go. He went. And then..and then..oh god."

I stare at him. "Why..where..where's Matt? Where is he, Gus?" He looks at me with sad eyes. "Well..he's not dead. He's..well..the doctor knows more than I do."

I hiccup. "Why am I in this hospital bed?" Gus shakes his head. "I came in the car to find you guys, and got there in time to see the ambulance pull away. They said that you went into shock, you were freaking out. Then you passed out."

A man in white robes comes in, who I assume to be the doctor. "Where's Matt? Tell me!" He gives me a look, a shakes his head. "Mr. Johnson, your parents are here to see you." He gestures to Gus. "You need to leave them alone for a few minutes." Then they both leave.

My parents walk in. "Oh my god, sweetie! I was so scared.." My mom grabs my head and kisses me. My dad looks me over. "What happened? We heard that the photographer was attacked, and you saved him."

I look at him. "We..we were at Gus's. I..left. He..I don't know. I don't know. Where is he? Is he okay? How come no one will tell me where he is?"

My dad says, "He's in another room, resting. He's lost a lot of blood, and they said they did everything they can, but now it's completely up to him if he makes it or not."

He pauses and looks me in the eye. "Now answer me. What was Matthew doing with you and Gus?"

My mom sobs. "Leave him alone..he's just making friends. And-" My father cuts her off. "No. I see it in his eyes. Adam, I'm so disappointed. I never thought a son of mine could ever be" He leans in close and hisses, "a fag. Just like-"

Mom screams, "STOP IT! You will not mention his name." My father sighs angrily. "Come on, let's just let him rest, and we get to take you home in the morning, son." My mother says.

Dad looks at me coldly and says, "He is no son of mine. You will not come back to the house. Go live in a ditch, for all I care. You do not live with this family anymore." My mom starts crying harder as the man I once thought loved me walks out of the room, and doesn't come back.

"D-don't worry. I'll make him see. You'll come home. It's alright." She sobs. I look at her.

"Mom, do you care that I'm gay?"

Her jaw drops and she looks at me. "Don't say that. You are not gay. we can fix this. It's okay. It's alright." I'm speechless. Where is my mother? Where is my father? I'm practically an orphan now.

"Please, just..don't. Go. Please." I say coldly to her. She drops my hand, gets up and smooths out her wrinkles. Then she leaves, and I'm an orphan. And I've still yet to see Matt.

Getting out of bed, I find that I'm wearing one of those no-butt coverage things. Fuck. I need clothes. But..my old clothes probably had blood on them. I shiver. "Woah..okay. You need clothes if you're gonna be running around like this." I blush as Gus comes in. He hands me a pair of skinny jeans and a Techno multicolored shirt, along with some boxers, of course.

Before walking through the door, Gus stops. Turning towards me, he envelops me in a bone crunching hug. "I'm so glad you're okay, Adam. I don't know how I would have lived without you."

I feel tears well up in my eyes, then he lets go, and we're out of the room. Down the hall, he stops in front a one door. "Go on. You go first. I've already seen him.."

So I walk through, and what I see makes me want to curl up and die. Matt, there on the bed, connected to tubes of blood, medicine, and other things I don't recognize. The heart monitor sounds weird, like his life is just a series of beeps on a machine.

Walking next to the bed, I press my hand against the side of his face gently, stoking his cheek. His eyes flutter open, but they can't fully open, just a tiny bit. "Matt?" I ask softly.

He doesn't say anything, or move. I want to lay with him, but I'm scared of hurting him. So I lean down and whisper in his ear. "Matt..I hope you can hear me. Please, the doctor's did everything in their power to help you, but now it's up to you. You have to fight. You have to live. Please, Matt. I love you. So much." I choke out the last part.

Then he closes his eyes and I'm there with him until the nurse has to make me get back to bed.