In Fear of Life

Let me explain why I've been acting so weird. Remember those pills? Well..It turns out that Rayy lied to me. Bad. He'd said that I had to buy them, and I did. And I took 4 every day. For about a week. Then I decided that this was turning into an addiction.

I need to stop. So yesterday I didn't take the pills, and the worst thing happened. I felt so sick, and gross, and I was so depressed. Like, if I had a knife in my hands, I don't know what I would have done. I feel bad for snapping at Matt, for pushing him away, but I didn't want him to see me like that.

I just need a couple more pills..like..to get my system off of them. Seriously, that's all. Don't look at me like that! (Not crazy, WHATSOEVER.)

I'm so pissed at myself for doing this, yet I'm still trying to convince myself that I need to loosen off of Riddalin, that I forgot to kiss Matt goodbye this morning. Damn.

I wait all day because Rayy skipped class today, we had testing. After school I find him sitting up against the side of the school. "Dude, I ahh..I need some more." I say to him.

Rayy grins. "50 bucks a pill. I'm short on cash today." My jaw drops.

"B-but, that's so much! They were only 10 before! Come on, Rayy! I need them, bad." I say, and stick my hand out, shaking. "I have 200. How about I get 8?"

He shakes his head. "Since your my friend, I'll get you 6, but that's all unless you've got more money."

I bite my lip. I'm saving my money and I know if I start down this path, it'll never end, and I'll waste all of it. "Thanks." I pull out the wad of cash I brought and take the six tiny pills from him and swallow three, before pocketing the others.

"You're turning into a regular junkie, Demmi." Rayy says, using the random nickname he gave me. Suddenly I get really mad and shove him up against the wall.

He has a scared look on his face when I hiss, "Shut the fuck up. I'm quitting, just.."

I let him go, and he slumps down. "Just...trying to get off them without the withdrawal symptoms." I look up at Rayy before his fist connects my my mouth.

"Fuck.." I spit out blood.

"Adam, don't fucking mess with me. You're not quitting. No one quits. And don't fucking touch me again or I'll kill you."

I look up at him before I ram my head into his stomach. He goes down pulling my hair. I yell at him, "Yousonofabitch" Before I feel hands pulling me up. It's Jake.

"Let's go, Adam. This wee lad isn't nothing worth fighting about, eh?" His accent makes him sound like he just stepped out of a movie, and Rayy looks up at him with an amazed look on his face before he turns red and tries to get up.

"I'll be seeing you, Adam." He spits at me. "And don't think that I'm ever selling to you, again."

I look at Jake worriedly to see he has a strange expression on his face. I walk back to the car and in a second he's in the drivers seat, but not starting the engine. He turns to look at me. "Adam..We need to talk."

I turn my head to the window. "No, we don't. Where's Matt?" Suddenly I feel his hand grab my arm and I wince at the pain.

"Don't you bloody ask me, 'where's Matt?' You're doing drugs, and you don't care whether you ruin his life in the process?"

I start to shake. "I-I'm not doing drugs. It's just medicine." He shakes his head and let's me go.

"What are you taking?"

Suddenly, I'm really fucking mad. "You're just gonna come into his life, our life, and think you can take over? No, fuck you. Take us home."

Jake gets pissed and says, "Fine. Get out of the car." I just look at him. "Get out of the car, Adam."

I'm shocked. "What?"

He leans over and opens the door. "Get out."

I step out and he closes the door. "I'm not letting you ruin his life, Adam." I stare in shock as he slams on the gas and leaves. Fuck. I'd better start walking, it's at least 10 miles back.

Walking around the school, a hand grabs my shoulder. "What do you-" Before a knee comes in contact with my groin. I collapse, groaning.

"Fucker doesn't have a big Irishman to save him now, does he?" I look up at Rayy, who now has another guy with him, one of his druggies.

I roll over and try to get up, but now they're both on me, kicking me as hard as they can anywhere they can. "S-Stop.." I cry out but they keep going. I hear the blood pounding in my ears. Just as I feel like I'm about to die, I feel hands grabbing my jeans. Wha..? No. Nononono.

"Thanks for the two hundred dollars, 'friend'. Now you're screwed." Rayy says as they take off with my last three pills. Fuck..I try to stand but can't. My insides feel as if they're on fire. Where's my cellphone? I reach into my back pocket, and thank god that they hadn't done anything with it.

I dial the first number I see. Mattie<3 Dialing. "Mhmm..hello?" I hear Matt say sleepily.

"M..Matt..I'm sorry. Can..you pick..me up?" I gasp out.

"Oh my god, are you okay? Adam, where are you? Jake said he'd pick you up..I- Hold on, he just pulled up." I hear muffled talk in the background and raised voices. "Adam, where are you, hunny? Are you hurt?"

I nod, then remember he can't see me. "I'm..at the school still. I'm..okay. Please just come get me. Hurry." I whisper the last word before I hang up. I don't want them to come back..

What a fuck up I am. I'm a druggie, and I don't deserve Matt. What I said was true. I get up a little bit and try to walk, but it just ends up being a stumble.

I make my way away from the school as fast as I can. A car pulls up beside me, and I'm scared it's Matt. "Hey, sweetie, you look like you got in a bad fight." I look over to see someone I don't know in a black Mercedes.

"Y-Yeah.." I say timidly.

The girl inside looks to her companion, who also has black short hair like the driver. They shrug. "Wanna ride?" I nod and climb into the back. It smell funny, and I start to cough. They drive around and ask me where I need to go.

I shiver. "Well..I don't really have anywhere to go at the moment." They nod their heads like they understand and the girl in the passenger seat pulls out a pipe.

"Do you want a hit?" I think about it for a second, then think 'what the hell' and take it from her. She lights it and I inhale before coughing like a crazy person.

They laugh and soon we're driving everywhere, and it's dark. I look out the window to see the street light. "Oh..pretty." Before I open the door and promptly throw up.

"Eww..Let's ditch him." The girls in the front seat say, but I'm not paying attention.

They slow down and tell me to get out. I get out and close the door, before they peel away like maniacs.Where am I? I've never been high before..and I'm dizzy. I find a nice place to sit down and slide down on my butt.

Looking over, I see a man with a hat and cane. He stares at me wide eyed. "Don't hurt me." He says, scared. I look at him shocked and hold up my hands like a surrender, and he turns and walks away as fast as he can.

Is that what I look like now? A druggie? A loser? I'm bloody and high as fuck. Matt...I shouldn't have left. Oh god, where am I? That last thing I remember is someone in a hoodie smiling at me.

Sometime later

I open my eyes to see bright lights. Ohh..the sun. It's bright. And..a cop? An..ambulance? What? I look around to see that I'm lying in an ally in town. The cop kneels down next to me.

"Son, it'll be alright. We're going to get you to a hospital." I look down to see the blood from last night.

I look at the paramedic to see him loading someone into the truck. It's..the guy from last night. The guy with the hat and cane. He's dead. No..how?

I try to sit up, but the cop holds me fast. "Do you feel okay?" I realize that that must think whoever killed this guy attacked me, too.

"What..no. No. I got into a fight. I..don't know how I ended up here. I was with..some girls. I don't know..my head hurts."

I realize as I touch my forehead. Ow. I pull my hand away to see blood. That's not right, I think. Suddenly I'm screaming and the paramedics are on me with a needle.

"Shhh, it's okay..We're going to get you to the hospital. Shhh.." I don't understand what's happening, but I know that my head feels like it's been split open and there's blood.

Suddenly I'm on a stretcher, but not fully conscience. "Adam! Adam, ohmygod, let me through, that's MY BOYFRIEND!" I hear Matt screaming.

I turn to see him crying, trying to shove through some cops. I feel ashamed of myself. Then the cops let him go and he's holding my hand. "What happened? Ohfuckkk, Adam, oh god..I'm so sorry." He's crying and sobbing all over me.

The paramedics pull him away to talk to him. I want to know, too. "Wha..what happened?" The lady who's holding my arm puts me up in the ambulance and looks down at me.

"Sir, it seems that someone tried to carve their name into your face." I gasp and fall unconscious.