In Fear of Life

Adam

I wake up with a terrible feeling in my chest. I need more. I jump out of bed where Matt is laying, sleeping. I look at him for a minute and I think to myself, 'I don't need it. I don't.' Then a wave of anxiety goes through me and I shut myself in the bathroom, pulling out my cell phone. I don't know who else to call. "Hello?" I wince.

"Uhm..Rayy?" I whisper.

"Adam? Oh shit, dude, I'm so so sorry, are you okay? I didn't know what I was doing, I was really fucked up that day, I'm sorry." I hear him rush out fast.

I nod then say quietly, "Okay, it's fine. But uh..Do you think we can meet up near here? Like, can you hook me up?" I hear the incredulity in his voice.

"No, dude, you just got out of the hospital, and you had the itch bad. I can't do that." I plead with him.

"I need it, Rayy. Please, please. Help me."

I hear him sigh. "Fine, fine. Meet me at the corner near your house, by the post office." I hang up the phone and open the bathroom door to see Matt standing there with a peculiar expression on his face.

"Matt.." I say.

"No. You're not going. You're not doing this. You promised.." He tells me.

I shake my head. "It's not what it looks like. I'm just going to get the mail." He grabs my arm as I try to pass him.

"No. Adam, I love you. You are not going to do this to yourself. To us. I understand that it's hard, but-"

I snap. "I need to do this Matt! Let me go!" I spit at him and rush past him to the living room. Jake is asleep on the couch, right where we left him. I grab my coat and open the door.

Matt appears behind me. "Adam..I have to tell you. If..if you go now..D-Don't ever come back." He sobs out the last words. I stare at him. An..ultimatum? I can't do this..I can't do this! I let out a frustrated breath of air and glare at him.

"Matt..you're not serious." He nods. "No, Matt. I'll be right back."

He steps closer. "No, you won't. I won't let you in. I'll leave you there. I..I will."

My eyes go big. "Do you really hate me so much?" I whisper. He sobs and comes toward me, grabbing me into a hug.

"I will never hate you, Adam. I forgive you for the drugs. But you promised to not do them again, you promised!" I shake in his arms.

"O-Okay. I..won't. I won't. I promise. I won't." I whisper, over and over again. I notice someone standing on the steps.

"Uhm, Demmi?" I turn to see Rayy standing there with a sad expression on his face. Matt steps in front of me.

"You will not sell him any more drugs."

He nods."I just want to talk..yeah. Can I come in?" I nod and hold Matt's arm.

Rayy steps in and suddenly Jake pops up from the couch. "Ohmygod." He says, then blinks from the light. "Ow, fuck man." I giggle and Rayy looks horrified.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He hides behind me as Jake gets up. "Oy, you. I don't know why, but I dreamed of you last night." Jake says as he passes by us, holding his head. I look at Rayy with a raised eyebrow and pull him and Matt into the bedroom.

Matt goes first. "Did you guys actually sleep together?"

Rayy's face goes red and he stutters, "N-No! I mean, well..no, but we..ah.." I start to laugh, really, really hard. It's just too much. Someone starts pounding on the door and Matt answers it, only to come back behind a very upset Gus who tackles me in a hug.

"Ohmygod, why are you always in the hospital??" I shrug, or at least try to as he squeezes the life outta me.

Matt chuckles, "You're killing him, Gus!" And jumps on top, killing me even more.

I groan, "Gerroff me!"

Meanwhile, Rayy is standing there looking very scared and nervous. I've never seen him like this, it's weird. And yes, I've forgiven him for doing that to me. Drugs can make you do really bad things. I'm still wondering how Logan fit into this.

That reminds me. I sit up and look at Rayy. "Do you know anyone named Logan?"

He nods and asks, "Why?"

"Well, fuck. I don't know..Ahh..the guy who did this to me, I have good cause to believe that his name is Logan. But I can't exactly start interrogating everyone named Logan, right?"

Rayy shrugs, then looks at me sincerely. "Can I talk to you? Alone, I mean?" I nod and shove Gus off me, who's still hugging me. I lead him to the kitchen and ask what's up.

"Well..what's up with that guy? That hot Irish one? I mean..he..seemed to really like me last night. And..I guess..I don't know. I really like him, even though he's older. And after last night, he doesn't even seem to remember me.."

He looks at me with a forlorn expression. Aww. "Well..maybe he really doesn't remember you. Maybe he really likes you, but doesn't remember telling you how he feels, and now he's embarrassed and not sure if he told you."

Rayy shrugs. "Yeah, maybe."

I sigh. Then Rayy looks around the kitchen and listens for something. I strain to hear, too, when he pulls out a tin can. "Are you sure you don't want any?" I look him in the eye, then glance at the tin can. I really do. I needed one. But Matt..No..Yes..No..Yes..I don't know!

Just then Jake comes by and grabs the can out of his hands. "I don't think so hunny, this kid will not be living here long if he does that. In fact, he probably wouldn't be living very long at all."

Rayy goes very red as he notices that Jake is soaking wet from a shower and only wearing a towel. "U-Uhm...W-What..I'm sorry..D-do you..?" He stutters really bad.

Jake shrugs and hands the tin can back. "Don't go giving this kid anything, or neither of you will be welcomed here."

I nod, and Rayy nods, and then we're all nodding like crazy. I giggle a little and Jake shoots me a look. "I'm not kidding." I stop giggling and pour us all coffee. Glancing at Rayy while I take a cautious sip, I raise my eyebrow when I see what he's doing.

Staring at Jake, he licks his lips seductively. Jake shudders and leaves the room, and Rayy looks even more depressed. "Well..I don't know? Maybe he just doesn't like you? I mean, he was passed out on the steps last night.." Rayy sighs.

"You know, I think I'm gonna clean my shit up, you know? I'm already failing in most classes because of the drugs..I don't want to miss my chance with Ja-someone..like that." I nod.

After we go back into the room, We all just hang out and play video games. Suddenly Gus looks up at the window and squeals. "It's snowinggg!" I look and there it is. At least a few inches of snow already on the ground, the sky almost completely white.

Rayy jumps up. "I'd better go before this gets worse."

Matt looks torn for a minute then decides to be a friend. "I'll drive you." Rayy smiles and we all head to the door, only to find that we underestimated the snow.

The car will most definitely not run in that, and Rayy can't swim through it, so we decide to all stay here tonight. Rayy still looks a little nervous around everyone, but after a while he loosens up.

"Okay, okay, I've got a great idea!" We're all sitting in Matt's room, and Jake's with us, now.

"What is it?" He asks warily. Rayy had a sugar rush and had been suggesting weird things all night.

"Let's play truth or dare!!" We all groan..I mean, come on! Everyone used to play that, get dared to kiss someone or lick something, chicken out..yeah, very childish. Yet we comply with Rayy and sit on the floor in a circle, me on Matt's lap, Jake sitting on a plush pillow, and Rayy bouncing on the balls of his heals, on his forelegs. Gus had left before the snow has even started.

Looking around, Rayy pretends to think really hard, then looks at Matt. "Kiss Adam." Matt sighs and grins before attaching our lips.

Hmm, I'm starting to think this game isn't so bad before Jake grumbles, "Now it's your turn, dumb ass."

I growl at him and try to think. Hmm..Would now be the time for payback? Nahh, I'll save that for later. "Jake, you have to lay in the snow...naked!" His eyes go wide and Rayy blushes madly.

I laugh. "You have to do it, braahhh." Jake stands and pulls off his shirt, and hell, even I have to admire his flat washboard stomach. He unbuckles his jeans as he goes into the living room, and we hear the door open before jumping up to see for ourselves.

We hear a 'thoof' sound and look out the open door to see Jake buried in snow, just barley covering his manhood. Matt covers his eyes and runs back to the room, while Rayy runs to the next room to grab a blanket. I giggle and watch as Jake makes snow angles.

After he gets dried off and warm again, we're sitting back in the bedroom, Jake's face flushed with cold. I notice that Rayy is scooting closer, before the knocking starts and startles us all. WHAMWHAMWHAM. We look at each other.

"Who'd be traveling in this..?" Matt whispers. I squeak, thinking about bloody axes and killers.

"Let's hide in the bathroom!" And proceed to race and jump into the tub before Rayy joins me.

Matt comes in the doorway. "Come on, you idiots." We slowly get out and I grab a knife as Rayy hides behind Jake.

Matt opens the door and a girl is standing there, about our age, maybe. She has a little kid in her arms and they both look freezing. She looks straight at Matt and asks with a heavy accent, "Is Jakob here?"

Matt, speechless, points to Jake, who looks like he's seen a ghost. "W..What are you doing here, Lisbelle?" He asks, reverting back a little bit to his accent as well.

She huffs and steps inside. "I want you to meet our son. Roarke, meet daddy."

The kid stares at Jake, not understanding, his face pink from cold. Jake, on the other hand, is out like a light, as we all stand there, staring at the girl who just changed the rules dramatically.