In Fear of Life

Matt

The morning had been tough, but I have to help him, my Adam. This sucks really, really bad. But we can get through this...right? Anyways, I guess we'll start at the end of the night, when we started to play 'truth or dare'.

"Okay, okay, I've got a great idea!" Rayy has had so much soda and candy, I'm mildly surprised he hasn't gone into a sugar coma. Soon, my friends, soon.

"What is it?" Adam asks, sounding cautious. He's sitting on my lap, Ray is bouncing around, and Jake has my fluffy pillow.

"Let's play truth or dare!!" Everyone groans and Rayy gets a sad look on his face, so we all just go alone with it, for lack of nothing else to do. He gets this funny face, like he's really concentrating, then smiles brightly and looks at us.

"Kiss Adam." I sigh, but grin and hungrily take Adam's lips in my own.

Just as I start to tease him, Jake grumbles, "Now it's your turn, dumb ass." Adam growls at him, which I stare at him for. He never growls! I start to laugh before Adam pipes up.

"Jake, you have to lay in the snow...naked!" His eyes go wide and Rayy blushes madly.

Adam laughs like a maniac. "You have to do it, braahhh." Jake huffs before undressing. Leaving the room, we all kind of stare at each other before we hear the door open and run out to the living room door to see him making snow angels, barely covering himself. I cover my eyes and run out the there, I mean, he's my freaking brother!!

After that, we're all sitting in my room again about to resume this game we had going when someone knocks on the door. "Who'd be traveling in this..?" I whisper.

"Let's hide in the bathroom!" Adam squeaks and him and Rayy both run out the room.

Jake goes to the door and I stand in the bathroom. "Come on, you idiots." So Adam grabs a knife and Rayy hides behind Jake.

I open the door to find a girl about my age standing there, holding a young boy. He looks about 4 years old, and they both have bright blond hair. "Is Jakob here?" I note the heavy Irish accent. Not knowing what to say, I point to Jake, who looks like he's going to be sick.

"W..What are you doing here, Lisbelle?" He asks, a hint of his heavy accent making itself clear in the presence of his own.

She huffs and steps inside. "I want you to meet our son. Roarke, meet daddy." I gasp as Jake simply passes out and we all stand there, staring at the girl.

I remember my manners and pull her farther inside. "Uhm..this..is a shock."

I'm not quite sure what to do, so I do the only thing I know how. Grabbing the boy out of her hands, I pull of their jackets and make hot chocolate. No one bothers to touch Jake. After the shock wears off, we're all sitting on the couch, asking a million questions.

"Well," Lisbeth says. "A few years ago I dated your brother. He..was a sweet guy. But he got into heavy drugs, and I left him. After he went to rehab, I found I was pregnant, but never bothered to tell him. I don't know why..Maybe I figured he had enough on his mind. But I think I was just mad.."

I nod, thinking 'I have a nephew!!'. Grabbing Roarke, I tickle him while he giggles. Adam giggles, too, and soon everyone's giggling when I hear someone slam a door. Looking over, I see that Jake must have woken up.

Setting Roarke down, I look at them with a forlorn expression before making my way to the bedroom. "Jake..?" I call. After no response, I open the door, to find Jake on the floor, crying.

I lean down. "She..I loved her. She..she left me, and she had my son! How..how could she..not tell me? How, Matthew?" I shake my head and let him cry.

After a while, he looks at me and stands. "I have to do something. What do I do? Do I take responsibility? Why now? Why here? How..how did she-"

I cut him off. "Let's go ask. I'm sure she has a few questions, and definitely answers."

I grab his arms and pull him out of the room. Jake sits on the chair next to Lisbeth, who pulls him into a hug. "Are you alright?"

He nods. "I've..been clean for a long time. How did you find me?"

She pulls out a piece of paper with an address on it. Mine. "Well, it wasn't easy, but I talked to the right people. Roarke..he needs someone in his life. My parents are both gone and dead, Jakob, and I work all the time. I..well, I wanted him to meet you. We're living a couple of blocks away. I know it was stupid to come out during this snow, but we've had worse, mixed with rain in Limerick. We could handle it..I just couldn't wait any longer. I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I-"

Jake puts his hand over hers, and I see Rayy looking very depressed, sitting by himself in the corner. I give him a sympathetic look, and he stares at his feet. Jake cuts straight to the point.

"Look, Lisbeth. There's no way I'll move back in with you, even if it is in America. I know this sounds harsh, but I..don't love you the way I used to. I..I'm thinking about other people, and it's just..not the same. But..I will help you, support you, and if you let me, be in.." He chokes a little, eyes teared up. "Roarke's life."

Lisbeth nods. "I..didn't expect anything less. And yes, that's what I want. Not your help financially, but I want my son to know his father. You're a good man, Jakob O'Brien."

They embrace, and Jake picks up Roarke. "Hello, son. I'm..I'm your daddy." The boy grins and proceeds to make a loud farting noise. We all laugh and Jake sets him down. "Little bugger, he is."

I step up. "Lisbeth, do you guys want to stay here tonight? You're in no condition to go home in this muck."

She shakes her head. "I couldn't."

I shake mine, too. "Nope, no, you guys are staying. You can sleep in my bed, and Adam and I will stay on the couch. Jake, you get the floor, along with Rayy."

Lisbeth looks grateful, and I smile at her as she pulls me into a soft hug. "Thank you, Matthew." I nod and get the pillows for everyone. Adam meets me in the hall.

"That was great of you, you know."

I smile as he puts his arms around my neck. "Yeah, well..That's how I roll." He sticks out his tongue. Bad move, I think, as I nibble on in jokingly, before it turns into a full blown kiss, turning into a full blown make out session. Yeah, yeah, I know now's not the time, but I can't help it. He's just so..*Cue shivers*

I hear a loud gasp and break the kiss to see Lisbeth standing there. "Wh..Are you guys..gay? Together?"

I nod. "Do you have issues with it?" I ask, getting defensive. She shakes her head but runs out of the room. Weird, I think.

Adam looks troubled. "Hey, maybe she's just shocked. Maybe she had a crush on one of us." I laugh as a nervous smile creeps on his lips.

"Come on." I whisper. We go back into the living room. "The bed's all clear. Here's your guy's pillows and blankets. Have fun on the floor." I flick out the lights and lay down pulling Adam to my chest, kissing his forehead. He smells like..chocolate, actually.

That dork, I think, smiling. I feel a hand creeping past my belt, and a hand rubbing me softly. I giggle. "Shh..stop it, you idiot. They're right across the room." I whisper as quietly as I can.

Adam smiles in the dark, and I hear my zipper. BZZZZPT. Oh god. His hands, so soft, unbutton and slip my studded belt off. Slipping his hand down my stomach, he lifts the band of my boxers and pulls on me. I let out a gasp of air, then cover my mouth.

He starts to pump, back and forth, keeping pace, even when I whisper urgently, "Please..god Adam, please..faster."

He keeps going, though, and I whimper as I feel his tongue glide across the head. As he licks my dick, I feel myself about to come. "Mmm..fuck. Fuck..Adam.."

I let out a moan as quiet as I could when I leans in, swallowing everything I spill out. He zips up my pants and reaches up, kissing me.

"Mmm..I love you, Adam.." I murmur, before falling dead asleep.

Adam

After Matt falls asleep, I lay there, taking in his scent. God, how can I love him so much? Is it possible? I know for sure that I will never use those pills again, not if i risk losing him. I start to drift off when I hear moaning and giggles.

I lift up slightly to hear better. "Shh..Jake..we..we can't. Not with what happened. I..I want to. Of course I do..Just..Oh god..Mmm..n-no..not tonight. Jake..Jake, not tonight! " Suddenly I don't need to listen so hard because I hear a thump and Rayy is standing.

A little louder, I hear him say, "You jerk. You fucking jerk. You don't think of anyone else. You..I..love you." He sobs and tears out of the house. I hear Jake curse softly and rise off of Matt slowly.

Walking over to Jake, I whisper, "Uhm..may I ask what just happened?"

Jake snarls at me, but then frowns. "Sorry..I..I don't know. I just..I really, really..want him. I'm so confused." Suddenly a look of worry passes his face.

"D'you think he's okay? It's snowing harder out, and he wasn't wearing his coat." I stand.

"Well..I look for him. Stay here." Grabbing my coat, and Rayy's, I open the door. Snow is coming down so heavy it's hard to see 10 feet in front of you.

I look back and shiver, a little scared, to be honest. 'Suck it up', I think to myself. Closing the door, I walking out to the sidewalk. No sign of him. I look around the yard, too, but he's not there. Now, I'm wearing both our coats and I'm still absolutely freezing.

He must be dying out here. I can't give up. I slide into the car and turn on the headlights. He's not in sight. Leaving them on, I get out of the car and start down the sidewalk, the direction of Rayy's house.

Suddenly, I trip on something very large. On the ground, Rayy is huddling, lips blue. I take off his coat and put it on him, before grabbing his shoulders to stand him up. "Rayy!" I yell over the snow blizard. "Come on! You're not even wearing shoes! We need to go! NOW!"

He nods his head, but doesn't say anything. I turn around, but I'm not even sure if we're on the sidewalk anymore. This is bad. I squint my eyes, trying to see the car's lights. I couldn't have gone that far. But I was scared to move, if I go the wrong direction I may never get back.

Still, Rayy is freezing and I need to try. We walk for about five minutes in one direction until I find the side of a car. Not our car, but a car. I don't even recognize it. Damn it. Wrong direction? Who knows. "Rayy! Do you know how to get back?!" I yell, but his eyes are closed and he just shakes his head.

He has ice on the tips of his eyelashes. Fuckk. Okay, what was that? I hear voices, I think. Maybe it's Matt and Jake! I try to hear where they're coming from, but the wind whips it around and it sounds like everywhere and no where at the same time.

I growl, frustrated, but I feel like I can barely think, like my mind is too sluggish. We need to get inside, now. I don't care where. There must be a neighbors house nearby. I grab Rayy again and we set off, but about 6 minutes later, there's still nothing. Where..where are we? Rayy's legs give out and I struggle to keep him up until I fall, too.

We lay there in the snow, and I'm freaking out. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I think that death is coming to get me. Screaming, I try to move away, but can't. I look up to see Matt's face, covered in ice.

He says something but the wind whips it away. I notice a rope in his hand, which must be leading back to the house. Smart. I pull on Rayy, who's not moving. I try to pick him up, but can't because I feel like I'll pass out, too, so Matt grabs him and I hold onto his shirt while he follows the rope back.

Once we reach the door, Jake opens it and pulls us in. "Ohmygodohmygod!" He shrieks. Matt lays Rayy down on the couch and feels his pulse. "Slow, we need to get him warm. Take off his clothes and I'll put these blankets on him." They do it and I see a little color return to Rayy's face, but he's still not awake.

I feel so weak, but trying to sit down is a bad idea, because I stumble over and fall flat on my face. Matt holds me. "Adam..oh fuck. Jake, come here. We need to get him warm, too. Adammm..hmmm..mmm..mhmmhmmm!" I can't really hear what he's saying anymore and I close my eyes. I feel hands pulling on my clothes, but I'm too tired to care.

Sometime later.

Suddenly I'm awake and there's bright lights. Matt is next to me, sleeping. I don't see anyone else. I'm on the bed, naked. NAKED? I jump up and Matt is startled awake. When he sees me up, he jumps up, too, and grabs me in a hug. "You just keep getting hurt, don't you?" I'm confused. Why am I naked? I..Oh yeah. Warming me up.

"Who undressed me, though!?"

Matt giggles. "Well, Jake helped, but I wouldn't let him share body heat. Rayy's awake, but he won't talk to us for some reason."

I nod and get dressed. "Shouldn't Lisbeth and Roarke be in bed?" I ask.

Matt looks sad. "No, they went home. The snow cleared a bit and I called, they made it alright."

I walk into the living room, where Jake is sitting, smoking a cigarette, and Rayy is sitting on the couch, watching spongebob squarepants. He sees me and stands. "I need to talk to you." Jake looks startled.

Rayy pulls me into the next room, and for it a second he looks pissed. Then he starts to cry. I do the only thing I know how and hold him while he sobs on my shirt. "W..I was so scared..And mad..and I..I don't know. Hurt..If it wasn't for you, Adam..I..don't know what would have happened."

I nod and hold him. "It's okay. It's alright."

After awhile he looks up. "I guess you heard what happened before then?"

I kind of nod, then say, "Well..I heard you kind of get pissed, but not really."

He frowns. "Well..Jake..we started kissing, and at first, I was so happy. He started to..touch me, then, and I got pissed because..well..he had like, just learned that he had a son and everything. Talk about bad timing, you know?"

I nod and he continues. "He's..such a jerk. But I love him, Demmi! I don't k-know what to do!"

I hold him close as the tears start up again. "Shh..just..everything will work out. Don't worry about it."

But I'm not so sure.