havent got a name yet

Chapter 3

Lily and Ella organised the funeral I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mostly sat in my room just staring out the window. People did come up to see me, bring me food and cards but really I just wanted to be alone but as usual they didn’t listen to me there was always someone in the room with me it was stupid and of course my dad’s wife and her kids came down which annoyed me even more they are 5, 7 and 10 but really bratty and annoying no way I’m living with those things they have put me off having children.
It came to the day of the funeral I got a shower and got changed but I really didn’t want to go but I had to, one last goodbye. I sat with Lily, Ben, Harry and Ava I still wasn’t talking to Ella or my dad. I sat down on the bench at the front Lily put an arm around me and Ben squeezed my hand.
It seemed like a long ceremony I cried through most of it, Ella and Sam made a speech and then we went to go and bury her I couldn’t face to go out there so I sat in the car, and as usual Ben stayed with he just hugged me to his chest I felt comfortable and a bit glad that he was here we didn’t say nothing and were just silent even when the others came back. The wake was at my house. I know my house I was not going anywhere.

All my mum’s friends were there coming over to me and Ella and giving their condolences they were very sweet. The night grew nearer and most of the people left it were just me, Ella, Lucas my dad and Julie ugh. Lily and the rest had left to do some stuff I weren’t paying attention.
Ella came and sat next to me on the couch.
“Hey chuck how you holding up?” she asked.
“Fine” I grumbled.
She pursued her lips like she was trying to think how to put something. I knew she was about to talk me out of staying here.
“So Dillon you know we are leaving soon but I can’t until you move with dad I can’t leave you here you’re my baby sister so you should go and stay with him you no”
I glared at her. After all we have been through the past week she was still going to leave me.
She carried on. “I will come and visit you, you know that”.

“I don’t care I am staying here I'm 16 I'm turning 17 soon so I don’t need to stay with dad I can take care of myself” but it was a lie I was so depressed lately I'm surprised that I could even get ready this morning.
I was turning 17 in a few weeks, I hated getting older but I really didn’t care, I was turning into an adult well kind of, I was responsible and mature not at this moment in time it is their fault I was being rebellious, so there is no need to live with my dad.
Ella groaned
“What?” I demanded.

“Why won’t you listen to me? You usually do and this one thing that I ask you to do you seem to go into defensive mode I know your nearly 17 but how will you get food you haven’t even got a job and I won’t always be here I can’t take care of you forever”.
So that was it she was abounding me. I got up from the couch and stormed upstairs went to my room and slammed my door loudly. I got changed angrily then climbed in to bed pulling the cover over my face. I could hear shouting downstairs it sounded like Ella and Lucas I wonder what they are fighting about.
There was a knock on the door.
“What?” I snarled.

“It’s Lucas can I come in for a minute please?” he asked.
I removed the cover from my face. “Go on”. I sat up in my bed.

He came over and sat next to me.
“Dillon I know you don’t want to move and I don’t blame you but I think it would put Ella’s mind at rest if you just consider it, I know it seems like she is abounding you, but she is not it is very complicated she wants to tell you but it can really put you in danger, she thinks it is for the best if you leave so if you just tell her you will think about it then she will calm down a bit because between you and me she has been ranting a lot” he chuckled. I had to join in; he was very good at persuading.
I groaned. “Ok I will think about it”.
“Thanks” he smiled, then got up and left shutting the door behind him.

All that night I tossed and turned and woke up with a gasp, and then something sunk in from my conversation with Lucas what did he mean that it was complicated and could put me in danger was his family some sort of drug dealing squad or something. For the rest of the night I kept waking up and was even more tired when I got up and had some breakfast. I sat down at the kitchen table and stared out of the window.
What was I going to do today?
The house was a mess so after I finished my breakfast I put the bowl in the sink and started clearing, I tided the living room, the bathroom, and my bedroom I was just doing this to keep my mind busy. I cleaned myself. I got a shower and just put my damp hair in a ponytail then brushed my teeth. Then I went downstairs and cleaned the kitchen and there was one more room that I hadn’t cleaned, my mother’s room, I haven’t been in there since it happened.

I walked into the room and took a deep breath; everything was exactly the way I left it. I walked around the room slowly, I looked at all the pictures on the dressing table, I could feel I was about to lose it so I put my arms over my chest took a few deep breaths then sat down on the bed, there was a teddy there, it was the one I got her for her birthday a couple of years ago, a me to you bear holding a heart with I love you written on it, I grabbed it and cuddled it and closed my eyes breathing threw my nose.
I kept hold of the teddy as I went downstairs and curled up on the couch. Maybe Ella was right I should stay with my dad just for awhile until I can feel better. But I really didn’t want to leave.
There was a knock at the door. I got up slowly leaving the teddy on the couch and answered it.
It was Ben.
“Hi” I said grimly.
“Hey you okay?” he voice was anxious.
“Yes” I lied, he saw through it.
And without even thinking about it he just walked through and went through to the living room. I closed the door and followed him. I sat down on the couch.
“So I heard that you are considering moving with your dad that’s great but I thought you didn’t want to go?” he asked.
“I only did that for Ella’s sake Lucas asked me to do it just calm her down a bit” I sighed.
“So tell me how your really feeling you are such a bad liar and I know you’re not fine” he sat back on the couch and put one arm around my shoulder and pulled me back towards his chest. I might as well tell him, I could always talk to him, but I didn’t want to tell him that I had even more stronger feelings for him and that I would want him to stay with me.
I started to cry. “Everything is just going bad for me, my sister doesn’t want me, she’s abounding me, I hate my dad and Julie and especially his kids and when I went into my mum’s room for the first time before you came I felt like was going to fall apart.....and....and it’s so hard to keep myself together but I really don’t want to leave I can suffer in silence and put on a brave face for Ella...” I cried harder now.
He started rubbing my arm with his hands. I could feel his nose on my forehead.
“Listen Dillon she is not abounding you, it is just for your safety and what makes you think that you are suffering in silence you have got us we will help you through this”.
I groaned. “Yes but your leaving soon, so that is really not helping me through this is it now” I had stopped crying now but my face was hidden in his chest.
“Dillon, do you think I would be sitting here with you if I was leaving, well I wouldn’t be because I wouldn’t want you to suffer, I really like you Dillon so much and I need to be with you even though they tell me it’s dangerous, but they didn’t stop Lucas it's just because I'm the youngest and they think I couldn’t handle it but I would never hurt you”.
I was confused.
I looked up at him his eyes were closed.
“Ben” he opened his eyes and looked at me “I am very confused, you and Lucas both said it's dangerous I don’t understand is there some big secret I'm missing can't you tell me”.
He opened his mouth to speak but then there was a knock at the door.
He groaned. “Why are they doing this to me, I want you, and they don’t trust me nice” he added sarcastically.

What did he mean by that?
I got up and went to answer the door it was Lucas and Ella.
“Hey guy’s what’s up?” I asked.
“Hey well is Ben here?” Lucas asked.

But before I could answer Ben was standing behind me he looked like he was about combust any minute.

“Why are you doing this to me Lucas?” he asked.
I was even more confused.
Ben could tell, he bent his head his lips at my ears, “I promise to tell you later” he said so low that, I wasn’t sure if that what he said.

“You know why Ben and don’t say anything about me and Ella she can handle it and soon it won’t matter, do you think it would be right for Ella what if she harms her and you can't stay here either with no one here to make sure you don’t lose it” by the end Lucas was shouting.
Then they turned and walked off.
I hated feeling confused.
I turned to Ben; he had worry in his eyes.
“What was that about?” I asked.
He just stared at me.
“I have to go but I promise to tell you everything soon” he kissed my forehead then walked out shutting the door behind him.
I went to the living room grabbed the teddy, went upstairs and climbed into bed today has been a very weird and long day.
I finally fell asleep and slept without waking up once there’s a first in the last few months.