I Used To Waste My Time Dreaming Of Being Alive, Now I Only Waste It Dreaming Of You
They Say Your Head Can Be A Prison
*In Patrick's Point Of View*
I was escorted into a room by about 30 people constantly calling me "Mr. Stump" and asking if there was anything they could do for me. I know it's their job to make sure I don't lift a finger and that I remain focused on the task at hand... the concert in a few hours. The thing is, as hard as they try to keep me happy and focused... they can't. The only thing on my mind right now is the fact that Adalia is off somewhere being harassed by people demanding an excuse for her absence. She was with me... it was my fault she wasn't here earlier. Is it wrong that I'm glad she spent her afternoon with me? I know it got her in trouble, which kills me... but that afternoon was one well spent for me. The last woman I felt this way about... well, she cheated on me. Maybe I'm a sucky judge of character, maybe I fall too fast... No...
That's not it. I'm actually very careful who I fall for. Being cheated on twice kept my heart in an icy cage. A cage without a damned key. No one has ever gotten this close this fast. I'd like to say it makes me happy... but the truth is, I'm absolutely terrified. Maybe It's not the girls fault for cheating on me... maybe I'm just a sucky boyfriend that they felt the need to have to cheat on... I'm not sure.
I can't fucking have her...
Please... Adalia... please get out of my head. I'm begging for you to get out of my mind...
Please Adalia, get out of my mind...
I could feel a lump forming in my throat. No... I can't cry, not here.
"Mr. Stump?"
I shut my eyes and pulled down my hat. Please, just go away.
"Mr. Stump?"
My hands formed fists as I slammed my eyelids shut. Just please please go away.
"Mr. Stump... your guitar is here..."
I looked up to see a skinny, nervous looking girl with thick rimmed black glasses, and a loose blue sweater. She looked up at me, as if she was scared. She had an acoustic guitar in her arms.
"Here's your guitar, Mr. Stump. You asked for an acoustic Gibson, right?"
I nodded
"Yeah, that would be my practice guitar. Do you know what model it is?"
Her eyes widened. "I um.... Model... it's a Gibson.... and it's acoustic... and it's... oh God no! I'm Sorry, Mr. Stump. I'll go find out for you."
I started to laugh a little.
"Nah. Don't worry about it. I was just asking. I have no idea what model it is either."
"A-Are you sure? I can go find out if you want to know."
I shook my head and extended out my arms to take the guitar from her.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
She half smiled and handed me the guitar.
"If you need anything else, anything at all, Mr. Stump. Don't hesitate to ask."
She started to walk away, and it almost made me feel bad to ask for it but...
"Um... my black licorice?"
She spun around. Her eyes hinted pure terror.
"I'm SO sorry, Mr. Stump! I'll get it right away!"
I sighed as she ran away, nearly tripping over a bass cable.
It's so fucked up how they're afraid of me. I consider myself a pretty nice guy. I'll be the first to admit it if I'm not. They shouldn't fear me. It's not at all flattering. As I've said before, it's fucked up.
I sighed and tried to regain my composure. I'm about to go into a room with 3 excited band members who no doubt are gonna want to know where I've been. Well, it can't possible get any worse, can it?
I opened the door to see a flurry of candy wrappers and cookie crumbs all over the floor. Andy was hiding behind a couch, eating some sort of bread, while Joe and Pete were crouching behind tables, squirting water at each other through small water guns.
"PATRICK!" Pete yelled as he quickly stood up, hitting his head on the table he was crouching behind.
"OW!" he said as he stood up slowly this time, finally standing up all the way.
"SUCKER! DIE MO' FO!" Joe yelled as he went straight up to Pete with the biggest water gun I may have seen.
"NOOO! NOT FAIR! I WAS SAYING HI TO PATRICK!" Pete whined as he looked down to his shirt, which was drenched.
“Fair game. It’s not my fault you were distracted by your boyfriend.”
He said squirting water on Pete’s pants, making it looked like he peed.
“NOT FAIR! YOU’RE DEAD!” Pete said running back to the table and pulling out an equally large gun.
“Aw shit...” Joe mumbled.
I watched in anticipation as I hid the guitar behind me.
Joe ran to behind a couch where Andy was happily eating his bread.
“Nu Uh, Trohman. I’m not getting wet cause Pete is bored. Get the hell out of here.”
Andy said with a full mouth.
“DIE ‘MO ‘FO!” Pete screamed as he drenched both Andy and Joe in a shower of icy cold water.
“MY BREAD!”
“MY EYES!”
I laughed at their antics.
“Great. Now I have to go get more bread, and more clothes.” Andy said grumpily.
He walked past me and sighed.
"I'd run now if I was you." He whispered.
I looked over to him and shot him a confused face.
He raised his eyebrows and motioned towards Pete and Joe who were spread out on the floor, laughing like they were kids who had a bit too much sugar before nap time.
Andy threw his head back, sending his long locks behind his shoulders as he shut the door, leaving me alone with the two over sized children.
"Honestly you guys. Is this all you guys did? Spray the hell out of each other with water guns, and annoy the living hell out of Andy?"
"Ahh! I totally resent that. We also ate some stuffs." Joe said hitting Pete's back in an attempt to get him off.
"Right. Sorry I missed it." I said walking over to the red couch opposite of the broken coffee table, covered in an array of cheetos and cookie crumbs.
I sighed. I love those guys, but they're idiots.
As I sat down and strapped on the guitar, my mind was going at 100 miles per hour. All I could think about was the concert I was due to play with my friends in about seven hours, and an intensive warm up session in about 1 hour. My head is spinning. Breathing is out of the question, as is any possibility of my pulse beating at a steady rate.
"It's gonna burn for me to say this, but it's coming from my heart. It's been a long time coming, but we done been fell apart, really wanna work this out, but I don't think ya gonna change ya. I do but you don't, think it's best we go our separate ways. Tell me why I should stay in this relationship when I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby. Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with. I think that you should let it burn. When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to, but you know gotta let it go cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to. Even though this might bruise you,
Let it burn,
Let it burn,
Gotta let it burn"
I sighed and stopped my guitar playing and singing to look up and see Joe and Pete staring in awe.
"DAMN! Keep going! That was KICKASS!" Joe said.
Pete nodded.
"Why 'Burn' though? Something you're not telling us?" Pete asked.
"I don't know. I like that song... Usher is a much better singer than I am... if I can sing Usher without dogs howling, then me singing Fall Out Boy songs tonight might be decent?"
"Nope. Not buying that here. What exactly happened with Ivy? I demand the details."
Joe said.
I groaned and adjusted my hat.
"What the hell is this? High School post date locker room gossip? Joe, we're 23 years old. Pete, You're 28. Grow up, will you?"
I put my hands back to the guitar frets and continued with my singer.
"Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you hate the thought of her being with someone else. But you know that it's over, you know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn.
I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on, on the other side I wanna break down and cry. I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on, on the other side I wanna break down and cry"
The next part was the break down, so I hummed and played the guitar a little softer.
"So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you r-"
I decided to look up at the wrong time. Right before I was going to sing the next word in the song, I saw a familiar face standing in the doorway. I guess I was too concentrated on attempting to make my cover of Usher sound decent.
"Phádraig! Why did you stop?!" Adalia asked with shock in her eyes.
"I... I....I..." I was choking on my own words as Pete grinned at my obvious feelings of being nervous.
"H-... H-... How long w-were you standing there?" I finally managed to get out.
She gently smiled.
"Right about I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on." She said as she sang the lyric.
At the risk of sounding dumb, I'd gladly say that she sounded like complete bliss. It was a pleasant blend of a voice destined for Rock songs, and a voice destined for R&B.
Joe and Pete stared in awe.
She lifted her eyebrow in confusion and managed to slip in a cute little smile.
"You guys are so weird. Patrick... one of the interns was running around not sure if she got you the right brand of Black Licorice. I told her you were down to earth and I'm sure just wanted any old brand. She was too nervous to come in here and face you twice in one day, so I volunteered to hand it to you. Plus, I needed an excuse to come see you again."
She said as she sent me a flirty wink.
I swear, my heart just skipped a beat.
Pete's mouth formed an O as Joe giddily rubbed his hands together.
I could feel sweat trickle down my spine as I tried my best not to scream at all the attention she was giving me.
"Y-you don't need an excuse to come see me, Adalia..." I almost whispered.
She smiled wider and threw me the bag of Black Licorice.
"OH! That's right! I owe you a massage for that foot, don't I?"
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and nodded quickly. I feel like such a dork right now, it's not even funny.
"Great. Gentleman, I should have your precious gem back to you right before you're due to start your practice session. Alright with you guys?" She asked as she looked over to Pete and Joe, who were still grinning like children.
"Yup. Defiantly. Take him for as long as you want to....erm... need to." Joe said.
"Don't bring him back too tired." Pete said as he winked over at me.
I frowned at Pete's joke.
"Ha. Pervert you are, Peter Wentz. C'mon Patrick. Time is of the essence."
She said walking over to me and taking my hand.
I really wish she didn't. My palms were sweaty. She didn't seem to mind though.
She pulled me along quickly through a group of tech people and confused interns. I looked back quickly to see Pete giving me two thumbs up, along with an idiotic grin, and to see Joe air guitaring as he mouthed the words 'get you some'"
I sighed and tried my best to keep up with Adalia. We passed Aedan in the hallway, and I just felt like hiding behind one of those massive speakers.
"Ivy! Where are you off to again? You can't be wasting time!" He yelled as we quickly ran through the hallways of the venue.
"I'm not wasting time, Aedan. This is important, eh "Phádraig?" She asked.
I looked over to Aedan who was frowning with disapproval as Adalia said my name in Irish Gaelic.
"Erm... Of the highest importance." I said trying to sound sure of myself.
Aedan's eyes narrowed as Adalia formed a smile.
"Defiantly." Adalia said as we turned a corner, getting out of Aedan's site.
She unlocked a room with one of many keys on her key chain.
I went in to see a massage table along with candles and robes.
"Alright Patrick. Right through those doors is a changing room. Take this robe, strip down to your boxers and come back in so I can start."
My eyes widened as my breathing sped up. I know this wasn't meant to be sexual... I mean... I think it's not meant to be... It's just a massage.
"Adalia... um... but it's just my foot that hurts..."
She laughed.
"I know that. But I might as well do the entire body, so you can feel full of energy tonight. You need all the energy you can get."
I looked at her in disbelief. Maybe Pete constantly being a pervert, and my obsession with Prince has finally gotten to my mind.
"For your show, Phádraig."
"OH!"
I took the robe that she was handing me, and went into the other room. At least I won't be completely naked... I mean, she said I could keep my boxers on.
I took off my t-shirt, pants, and shoes and put the robe over me.
I forced myself to look at my reflection. All I can hope for is that I don't moan or do anything else embarrassing. Ugh. I shouldn't even be thinking about impressing her. She's my boss. My MARRIED boss. She's trying to be nice, she's SO not trying to hit on my or anything.
I took in one last deep breath, and turned the door nob. Here goes nothing.
I was escorted into a room by about 30 people constantly calling me "Mr. Stump" and asking if there was anything they could do for me. I know it's their job to make sure I don't lift a finger and that I remain focused on the task at hand... the concert in a few hours. The thing is, as hard as they try to keep me happy and focused... they can't. The only thing on my mind right now is the fact that Adalia is off somewhere being harassed by people demanding an excuse for her absence. She was with me... it was my fault she wasn't here earlier. Is it wrong that I'm glad she spent her afternoon with me? I know it got her in trouble, which kills me... but that afternoon was one well spent for me. The last woman I felt this way about... well, she cheated on me. Maybe I'm a sucky judge of character, maybe I fall too fast... No...
That's not it. I'm actually very careful who I fall for. Being cheated on twice kept my heart in an icy cage. A cage without a damned key. No one has ever gotten this close this fast. I'd like to say it makes me happy... but the truth is, I'm absolutely terrified. Maybe It's not the girls fault for cheating on me... maybe I'm just a sucky boyfriend that they felt the need to have to cheat on... I'm not sure.
I can't fucking have her...
Please... Adalia... please get out of my head. I'm begging for you to get out of my mind...
Please Adalia, get out of my mind...
I could feel a lump forming in my throat. No... I can't cry, not here.
"Mr. Stump?"
I shut my eyes and pulled down my hat. Please, just go away.
"Mr. Stump?"
My hands formed fists as I slammed my eyelids shut. Just please please go away.
"Mr. Stump... your guitar is here..."
I looked up to see a skinny, nervous looking girl with thick rimmed black glasses, and a loose blue sweater. She looked up at me, as if she was scared. She had an acoustic guitar in her arms.
"Here's your guitar, Mr. Stump. You asked for an acoustic Gibson, right?"
I nodded
"Yeah, that would be my practice guitar. Do you know what model it is?"
Her eyes widened. "I um.... Model... it's a Gibson.... and it's acoustic... and it's... oh God no! I'm Sorry, Mr. Stump. I'll go find out for you."
I started to laugh a little.
"Nah. Don't worry about it. I was just asking. I have no idea what model it is either."
"A-Are you sure? I can go find out if you want to know."
I shook my head and extended out my arms to take the guitar from her.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
She half smiled and handed me the guitar.
"If you need anything else, anything at all, Mr. Stump. Don't hesitate to ask."
She started to walk away, and it almost made me feel bad to ask for it but...
"Um... my black licorice?"
She spun around. Her eyes hinted pure terror.
"I'm SO sorry, Mr. Stump! I'll get it right away!"
I sighed as she ran away, nearly tripping over a bass cable.
It's so fucked up how they're afraid of me. I consider myself a pretty nice guy. I'll be the first to admit it if I'm not. They shouldn't fear me. It's not at all flattering. As I've said before, it's fucked up.
I sighed and tried to regain my composure. I'm about to go into a room with 3 excited band members who no doubt are gonna want to know where I've been. Well, it can't possible get any worse, can it?
I opened the door to see a flurry of candy wrappers and cookie crumbs all over the floor. Andy was hiding behind a couch, eating some sort of bread, while Joe and Pete were crouching behind tables, squirting water at each other through small water guns.
"PATRICK!" Pete yelled as he quickly stood up, hitting his head on the table he was crouching behind.
"OW!" he said as he stood up slowly this time, finally standing up all the way.
"SUCKER! DIE MO' FO!" Joe yelled as he went straight up to Pete with the biggest water gun I may have seen.
"NOOO! NOT FAIR! I WAS SAYING HI TO PATRICK!" Pete whined as he looked down to his shirt, which was drenched.
“Fair game. It’s not my fault you were distracted by your boyfriend.”
He said squirting water on Pete’s pants, making it looked like he peed.
“NOT FAIR! YOU’RE DEAD!” Pete said running back to the table and pulling out an equally large gun.
“Aw shit...” Joe mumbled.
I watched in anticipation as I hid the guitar behind me.
Joe ran to behind a couch where Andy was happily eating his bread.
“Nu Uh, Trohman. I’m not getting wet cause Pete is bored. Get the hell out of here.”
Andy said with a full mouth.
“DIE ‘MO ‘FO!” Pete screamed as he drenched both Andy and Joe in a shower of icy cold water.
“MY BREAD!”
“MY EYES!”
I laughed at their antics.
“Great. Now I have to go get more bread, and more clothes.” Andy said grumpily.
He walked past me and sighed.
"I'd run now if I was you." He whispered.
I looked over to him and shot him a confused face.
He raised his eyebrows and motioned towards Pete and Joe who were spread out on the floor, laughing like they were kids who had a bit too much sugar before nap time.
Andy threw his head back, sending his long locks behind his shoulders as he shut the door, leaving me alone with the two over sized children.
"Honestly you guys. Is this all you guys did? Spray the hell out of each other with water guns, and annoy the living hell out of Andy?"
"Ahh! I totally resent that. We also ate some stuffs." Joe said hitting Pete's back in an attempt to get him off.
"Right. Sorry I missed it." I said walking over to the red couch opposite of the broken coffee table, covered in an array of cheetos and cookie crumbs.
I sighed. I love those guys, but they're idiots.
As I sat down and strapped on the guitar, my mind was going at 100 miles per hour. All I could think about was the concert I was due to play with my friends in about seven hours, and an intensive warm up session in about 1 hour. My head is spinning. Breathing is out of the question, as is any possibility of my pulse beating at a steady rate.
"It's gonna burn for me to say this, but it's coming from my heart. It's been a long time coming, but we done been fell apart, really wanna work this out, but I don't think ya gonna change ya. I do but you don't, think it's best we go our separate ways. Tell me why I should stay in this relationship when I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby. Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with. I think that you should let it burn. When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to, but you know gotta let it go cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to. Even though this might bruise you,
Let it burn,
Let it burn,
Gotta let it burn"
I sighed and stopped my guitar playing and singing to look up and see Joe and Pete staring in awe.
"DAMN! Keep going! That was KICKASS!" Joe said.
Pete nodded.
"Why 'Burn' though? Something you're not telling us?" Pete asked.
"I don't know. I like that song... Usher is a much better singer than I am... if I can sing Usher without dogs howling, then me singing Fall Out Boy songs tonight might be decent?"
"Nope. Not buying that here. What exactly happened with Ivy? I demand the details."
Joe said.
I groaned and adjusted my hat.
"What the hell is this? High School post date locker room gossip? Joe, we're 23 years old. Pete, You're 28. Grow up, will you?"
I put my hands back to the guitar frets and continued with my singer.
"Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you hate the thought of her being with someone else. But you know that it's over, you know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn.
I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on, on the other side I wanna break down and cry. I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on, on the other side I wanna break down and cry"
The next part was the break down, so I hummed and played the guitar a little softer.
"So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you r-"
I decided to look up at the wrong time. Right before I was going to sing the next word in the song, I saw a familiar face standing in the doorway. I guess I was too concentrated on attempting to make my cover of Usher sound decent.
"Phádraig! Why did you stop?!" Adalia asked with shock in her eyes.
"I... I....I..." I was choking on my own words as Pete grinned at my obvious feelings of being nervous.
"H-... H-... How long w-were you standing there?" I finally managed to get out.
She gently smiled.
"Right about I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on." She said as she sang the lyric.
At the risk of sounding dumb, I'd gladly say that she sounded like complete bliss. It was a pleasant blend of a voice destined for Rock songs, and a voice destined for R&B.
Joe and Pete stared in awe.
She lifted her eyebrow in confusion and managed to slip in a cute little smile.
"You guys are so weird. Patrick... one of the interns was running around not sure if she got you the right brand of Black Licorice. I told her you were down to earth and I'm sure just wanted any old brand. She was too nervous to come in here and face you twice in one day, so I volunteered to hand it to you. Plus, I needed an excuse to come see you again."
She said as she sent me a flirty wink.
I swear, my heart just skipped a beat.
Pete's mouth formed an O as Joe giddily rubbed his hands together.
I could feel sweat trickle down my spine as I tried my best not to scream at all the attention she was giving me.
"Y-you don't need an excuse to come see me, Adalia..." I almost whispered.
She smiled wider and threw me the bag of Black Licorice.
"OH! That's right! I owe you a massage for that foot, don't I?"
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and nodded quickly. I feel like such a dork right now, it's not even funny.
"Great. Gentleman, I should have your precious gem back to you right before you're due to start your practice session. Alright with you guys?" She asked as she looked over to Pete and Joe, who were still grinning like children.
"Yup. Defiantly. Take him for as long as you want to....erm... need to." Joe said.
"Don't bring him back too tired." Pete said as he winked over at me.
I frowned at Pete's joke.
"Ha. Pervert you are, Peter Wentz. C'mon Patrick. Time is of the essence."
She said walking over to me and taking my hand.
I really wish she didn't. My palms were sweaty. She didn't seem to mind though.
She pulled me along quickly through a group of tech people and confused interns. I looked back quickly to see Pete giving me two thumbs up, along with an idiotic grin, and to see Joe air guitaring as he mouthed the words 'get you some'"
I sighed and tried my best to keep up with Adalia. We passed Aedan in the hallway, and I just felt like hiding behind one of those massive speakers.
"Ivy! Where are you off to again? You can't be wasting time!" He yelled as we quickly ran through the hallways of the venue.
"I'm not wasting time, Aedan. This is important, eh "Phádraig?" She asked.
I looked over to Aedan who was frowning with disapproval as Adalia said my name in Irish Gaelic.
"Erm... Of the highest importance." I said trying to sound sure of myself.
Aedan's eyes narrowed as Adalia formed a smile.
"Defiantly." Adalia said as we turned a corner, getting out of Aedan's site.
She unlocked a room with one of many keys on her key chain.
I went in to see a massage table along with candles and robes.
"Alright Patrick. Right through those doors is a changing room. Take this robe, strip down to your boxers and come back in so I can start."
My eyes widened as my breathing sped up. I know this wasn't meant to be sexual... I mean... I think it's not meant to be... It's just a massage.
"Adalia... um... but it's just my foot that hurts..."
She laughed.
"I know that. But I might as well do the entire body, so you can feel full of energy tonight. You need all the energy you can get."
I looked at her in disbelief. Maybe Pete constantly being a pervert, and my obsession with Prince has finally gotten to my mind.
"For your show, Phádraig."
"OH!"
I took the robe that she was handing me, and went into the other room. At least I won't be completely naked... I mean, she said I could keep my boxers on.
I took off my t-shirt, pants, and shoes and put the robe over me.
I forced myself to look at my reflection. All I can hope for is that I don't moan or do anything else embarrassing. Ugh. I shouldn't even be thinking about impressing her. She's my boss. My MARRIED boss. She's trying to be nice, she's SO not trying to hit on my or anything.
I took in one last deep breath, and turned the door nob. Here goes nothing.