Start To Begin Again

Piece Ten.

“Zacky?” I asked completely dumbfounded. He smiled awkwardly and walked slowly into the room. My mind seemed to click when I saw my uncle smiling in the parking lot. I shot him a glare. He had panned this no doubt. That was his way. He may not have looked like it but he was smarter then most and a better actor then most. The only thing that went wrong with his plan was he didn’t expect to find me in my pajamas in the middle of the road.

“Linette,” I kept my gaze on my uncle’s now retreating figure, “Close the door, Linette,” I watched my Uncle clean his boots before walking into the Diner across the way. Zacky pulled my arm and shut the door with careful precision. His movements were jerky and shaky. He was nervous. Me, I was….lost.

“Sit down,” He said not turning to look at me. I moved slowly towards the bed but my feet were still frozen solid, they didn’t have the same bite to them but they were cold. I must’ve been moving to slowly for him because he propelled me forward and sat me down. He hesitated before sitting a couple of inches from me.

“Linette,” I dropped my gaze to the left side of me; the opposite side of Zacky, “Linette, look at me.” I bit my lip. I could feel that scratchiness in the back of throat and the tears behind my eyes.

“Fine, don’t look but listen,” He stood up and started to pace, “I’m not good at this thing. I’m not good at this talking about things that matter thing. I mean it’s different with the guys, I mean cause hell they were there when stuff happened but with you...with you. I guess I was just scared that if we actually talked that…” I shifted my gaze to see him with his back turned and his fingers tugging at his hair.

“I was nervous that you’d see that I’m no good at this. That I don’t know how to handle a real relationship; that I don’t know how to tell you that I find nail biting gross. That I wish you’d be more into my friends or at least feel comfortable when they talked to you. I just wish sometimes you weren’t so rigid.” That cut me. I never thought that I was rigid or cold. I thought I was trying, maybe I wasn’t. Maybe all this time it was me.

“But that’s not all of you though because when you’re with me, you laugh, you play jokes. You’re so warm and so Linette. Oh god and when you sing. Did you know that when I was lying in my bed feeling sorry for myself, I could hear you singing?” He paused and turned. I dropped my gaze.

“I mean when I first met you I thought you were great and perfect but when you met the guys and the girls you shut down. Maybe it was how they first reacted. I mean I had known you for a weekend. Hell we slept together within the first two hours of meeting and honestly I thought it ended there. I thought you were just that weekend girl that I would keep on a pedestal forever.”

He walked closer and stopped beside me. I could see his hand twitch as if he was stopping himself from reaching out and touching me.

“But when I realized that I couldn’t just keep you on that pedestal. I couldn’t wait for the memory to get dusty. I wanted to get more memories. That’s why I came back a month later. That’s why at the end of our second weekend I asked you to come back with me.”

I bit my lip and cleared my throat quietly. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing I could think would come out. The words sounded wrong, cold and distant. They just didn’t fit.

“I want to go home,” I breathed out finally. I hadn’t even noticed I was holding my breath. Zacky sighed and paced away from me. I lifted my head and saw him fist both hands into his hair and looked at the wall. I could picture his face though. Zacky rarely got angry but when he did you never forgot the look.

“I want to come home,” I said softer. I saw him flinch slightly but he didn’t turn around.

“I’ll take you home after we talk,” I clenched my hands and unclenched them again. I stood up and walked over to his turned figure. I hesitated before letting my arms hug him from behind.

“I want to go back home with you, Zacky.” My voice cracked and I knew then Zacky actually heard what I was trying to say.

Zacky

I had run into Linette’s Uncle when I had first got into town. I had forgotten that he ran the only motel in the small town. I had talked him out of calling Linette and telling her I was here. I lied at first telling him it was a surprise because we had just gotten into a fight. He didn’t believe it. I could see it in his eyes and the way he looked at his wife.

So I told him everything; the whole truth. I didn’t know what to expect but when he smiled a genuine smile and told me he would somehow get her back here. I felt my eyes almost roll back into my head.

So now I had spoken my piece and waited for Linette to give me her side. My heart dropped when she made small sounds that never turned into words. I turned my back again and walked to the middle of the room.

“I want to go home,” She said loud enough for me to hear. I bit back a growl of frustration. I had poured my heart out not completely but enough that I was raw and vulnerable. I wouldn’t let her get off this easy it was her turn to listen.

I heard say something again but this time I only heard the word home.

“I’ll take you home after we talk,” I said blankly. I heard the bed shift and groan. The sound of the shag carpet under her feet seemed to sound like a sonic jet was flying over. I expected to hear the door open but instead two small arms went around my waist.

“I want to go back home with you, Zacky.” Her voice cracked.

My body tensed as the worse sound came out from her mouth. She started to cry loudly. I had never heard her cry before, I had seen tears show up but she never actually cried. That’s when I knew something else was off. She wasn’t just crying because of what I had just said.

I felt her grip slip and I turned around to catch her before she crumpled to the floor. I sat us both on the floor and gathered her in my arms. She seemed so small. So tired. She let out another pitiful cry. Linette almost never cried. I had seen her drop a scalding hot frying pan on her foot and she bit her lip and smiled. I could see the tears but she never did more than gasp in pain as I cleaned the burn.

Linette didn’t have much experience in crying. I knew that when she stopped to catch her breath then cried out even harder. I brushed her hair from her face but it stuck to her eyelashes. So I decided to leave it alone. She moved her self and turned her head into my chest. Her feet brushed my hands and I shivered. I looked at her feet and they were crisscrossed in purple.

“Linette, what happened to your feet?” She mumbled something but the crying drowned it out.

“I. I went outside without my shoes,” she said taking a shaky breath before starting to calm down, slowly but she was calming down.

“Why?” She shook her head, “Okay, you don’t have to tell me but how about we get you into some hot water, okay?” I felt stupid for sounding like a parent talking to a child but Linette wasn’t in right now, leave a message.

I picked her up and tested my feet before standing up all the way. She grabbed my shirt collar and whined. She was hurting and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know if I was the one who caused the hurt or if I just made something worse.

She stopped moving and had a look on her face that I knew too well from night out’s with the guys. I took giant steps to the bathroom and put her down on her knees on the floor. She hugged the toilet and threw up. She really wasn’t used to crying. I felt sorry for her but knew she probably had a really good reason to being such a spectacle. A word that never fit her before.

She pulled away and rested her head on the white porcelain. She looked at me as I crossed the small bathroom and turned on the tub.

“Can I?” She asked.

“Come home?” She nodded. I knew it was the wrong decision not because I didn’t want her back but because the real hurt was coming from somewhere else. Something had happened at her house but still…

“I would never say no,” She smiled slowly and for a second there was a light in her eye.