Start To Begin Again

Piece Sixteen

My headache was now deafening. It was a like a full-blown construction site that just got hit by an earthquake was settled between my ears. I kept my eyes closed behind the borrowed sunglasses.

The sound the engine and the pavement under the wheels only made it worse but the talking between the guys was pure hell. I didn’t say anything though. I wanted Zacky to be comfortable. Zacky must’ve sensed something because he eventually told the guys that they should be quiet. I was grateful and glad that most the noises were gone.

Zacky stopped running his fingers through my hair and grabbed his phone which was going off again. I kept my eyes closed and tried to focus on the sound of the engine to drown out his voice.

I listened the simple rhythm of the pistons, the sound the accelerator and the sound of Brian tapping the wheel. So I wasn’t too focused but it helped the headache now that I wasn’t just listening to the world cave into my brain.

The snap of Zacky’s phone made me jump in surprise. Zacky rubbed my shoulder and cooed. He must’ve thought I had a flash back to something. I wasn’t scared by what happened. None of it had sunk in it, yet. Things normally didn’t. My father’s version of teaching me of the world taught me also that something shouldn’t.

Cold, I know but it was nice. It just meant the little things wouldn’t worry me as much but then again I hadn’t faced a big thing since my mother’s diagnosis…or her pregnancy. The second hadn’t fully delved into my mind either.

“Linette, are you awake?” I rolled over and looked at Zacky. I nodded and sat up, cracking my neck because of the crick that had set in. I looked around and saw that Brian and Jimmy were long gone.

“I told them to go into the house,” I nodded and opened the door but Zacky closed it with his free hand. I turned around and He crushed his lips with mine. I whimpered when the pain from the cut on my lip got worse. He didn’t stop and something in me didn’t care. I wrapped my hands in his hair and kissed back with the same bruising force. He pulled away breathless.

“Don’t ever scare me like that ever again, do you hear me?” I nodded and kissed him again, this time pushing him down on the backseat. We didn’t stop till we were finished and I was collapsed on him.

He rubbed my back and pulled my shirt down. I kept my head on his chest and sighed with content. He started sitting up and I moved back so he could have room. I fumbled with my pants till I noticed my hands were shaking but I didn’t stop till Zacky grabbed my hands and buttoned my waist band for me.

“Linette, Breathe.” I looked up at him and sniffed back upcoming tears, “Do you want me to send the guys and girls home? I don’t think this is a good idea right now. So you know what? Don’t answer me. I’ll tell them right now isn’t good.”

“Zacky…”

“No, plus I don’t wanna hear Jimmy yelling at us for ruining his back seat,” I laughed and raised my wrist to wipe my nose. It runs sometimes when I held back tears. He smiled and fixed my shirt before opening the car door and letting my get out. He made sure he was looking okay before getting out of the car.

He grabbed my hand and let me stay a couple of steps behind him. Normally I would’ve bashed him the head for it but right now, I didn’t mind him being in boyfriend mode. I did however make sure I didn’t hide behind him. I was a few steps behind but I never hid.

“My car better be clean, Baker,” Jimmy said opening the door. I cast my eyes downward and squeezed Zacky’s hand. Zacky squeezed back and smiled at Jimmy before walking into the house.

“There’s the little idiot,” Leana said jumping off the couch. She pulled me into a hug and I patted her back softly.

“Um, do you guys mind if I and Linette just relax, alone, you can come back tomorrow but just for now?” I looked at the guys and started to feel guilty

“Zacky they can stay, I don’t mind,” I said finding my voice.

“We can come back tomorrow. We’ll do a barbecue or something for dinner.” Val said sitting up. The others agreed and started leaving the living room. Val was the last even though she was the one who spoke first. She stopped and grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Next time, don’t be a hero,” She smiled sadly. I nodded and she left.

I let go of Zacky’s hand and walked back towards the kitchen. The house felt oddly quiet now, even the scampering of Ichabod and Majesty seemed to fade into the sounds that only a house could make. I opened the freezer and closed a few seconds later. I sat down at the table and laid my head in my hands.

“Are you hungry or tired?” Zacky asked.

“I think I’m just gonna take a shower, get this hospital smell off me.” I said getting up. I couldn’t keep still. My whole body felt restless and energized. I walked past Zacky and made sure to watch where I stepped. Majesty and Ichabod were trying to get my attention. The phone rang in the kitchen which was probably why Zacky didn’t follow me up the stairs.

“No, sir…” I closed the bathroom door and blocked out the conversation. Ichabod barked and tried to climb my leg. Majesty let out a whine from the other side of the door. I sighed and opened the door letting her in. She let out a happy bark when I shut the door behind her.

“You can stay but only if you don’t ask any questions?” I said to myself knowing that it was stupid but still I smiled to myself. I walked over Majesty and turned on the shower before reaching down to slip off my shoes. There was a knock at the door. I pulled my socks off before telling Zacky to come in, instead it was Michelle.

“Hey, I heard but I couldn’t get away from work.” I nodded. I noticed she wasn’t with them earlier. She stepped over the dogs and touched my eye. I winced and she sucked her teeth.

“I have might have some makeup to cover it up,” She offered, “Make it look less…dramatic.” I shook my head. I had looked worse and been injured a lot worse. Working with horses did that. She touched my jaw and shook her head.

“Zacky’s on the phone with your parents,”

“What!? Why!?”

“To get filled in on you Matt picked up the phone when your mom called earlier because you didn’t pick up your cell.” Zacky said pushing the door more open.

“I’ll leave you two alone. The dogs probably need to be walked or something,” Michelle said leading the dogs out of the bathroom. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror and wished I hadn’t. I had been injured worse but I had never looked this bad. I turned back around and looked at Zacky who gave me a disapproving look.

“They’re coming in to make sure you’re okay as soon as your mom gets cleared for flying by her doctors. Why didn’t you tell me that she was better?” He asked.

“I didn’t know,” I said softly.

“Well you would’ve known if you had actually gone to your parents’ house when you said you were going to,” He said leaning on the door way. I shrugged.

“What’s so wrong with your mom having another kid? I think you’d be kind of excited,” He added.

“No, not now. We are not going to talk about this now. You can scold me all you want later but right now I just want to take a shower and forget about today.” I said pulling my shirt over my head. I unbuttoned my pants and threw both of them into the laundry basket.

“Linette…”

“Zacky, please just not now. I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Fine but we’re gonna talk about it and we’re also gonna talk about what happened today, it’s not good to keep these things bottled up.”

“Just not now,” He nodded and shut the bathroom door behind him. I waited till I heard the creek of the stairs before sliding down to the cold bathroom floor.

I couldn’t deal with all of this right now. Not now. I just couldn’t then the day’s events really hit me. The whole day, everything. Every small detail ran into me like a linebacker.

I had killed someone.