Envious
Envious
I better comforted myself on Lisa’s bed and flipped the page of the magazine. This girl’s face took up the whole page. Her skin was clear, perfect, and pale. Her makeup looked like what every girl wanted theirs to look like. Her lips were perfect size and her nose blended perfectly with the rest of her flawless face.
“I want to look like that,” I said as I showed the picture to Lisa, bending my body to reach the magazine into her sight. She glanced at it, then back to her magazine.
“She doesn’t even look like that, it was photo-shopped,” she contradicted, casually and turned a page, pressing her fingertips onto her tongue before leaving the saliva at the bottom corner of the page. I stared at the corners of my magazine in a pause of silence.
“But she’s beautiful,” I said, tracing my finger over the glossy page.
“She’s fake, the great skin is fake.” I looked at her, silently, then back to my magazine. Paper turned, then more uncomfortable silence. I turned the page, staring at a tan girl. Her body was perfect, she was so skinny. I could see her hipbones near the top of her bikini bottoms.
“I want her body,” I said, again pointing to the page, shoving the picture near her face.
“You’re a boy,” she said, “You shouldn’t want the body of a female’s. Besides, you’re skinnier than you should be.”
“Not as skinny as she is…” I mumbled.
“Eliyah,” she sighed. “You’re fine the way you are. Any guy would be lucky to have you and you know that.” I stared at her. I didn’t see the color of her eyes, or the color of her hair, though I’m sure I knew what it was. The noise spilling from her mouth stopped and she looked back at her magazine. I looked at her, my vision drifting into my own head, into my own day dreams.
“Oi, Eliyah. Eliyah!”
My eyes snapped back to hers. “Hm?”
“Are you ready?”
“Oh… no.” I closed the magazine and slid off the layered sheets and mattress. I walked to her bathroom and immediately stared at my reflection. I ran my fingers through my bangs and fluffed them to the desired direction. The colors were black and washed out green this time. It looked more like gray and black with tints of green. My eyes were dark enough to look black today. I liked them that way.
I opened the bathroom door to see Lisa standing outside of it. She tapped her invisible watch and grabbed my wrist. The front door slammed as she dragged me to the driver’s side of the car. I was the designated driver, she was the designated drinker.
The whole drive, I only listened to her talk about the friends of hers we were going to encounter. She kept mentioning a boy named Daniel. I’m sure she’s going to try to set us up. I wasn’t in the mood tonight, but I didn’t feel like telling her no.
She opened the door of the club. Extremely loud music and endless chatter filled my ears.
Lisa sat on a bar stool and spoke to the man in a colorful vest and white dress shirt, “No, I want the whole bottle.”
“The whole thing, ma’am?”
“Yeah,” she said, with a smirk.
“I’m the driver,” I said. He nodded and slid the bottle of gin over to her. She took it and slapped a $20 bill on the counter. She over-paid, but I didn’t question. I never approved of her drinking this way, but I’d never tell her whether I did or not. It wouldn’t stop her. My disapproval would end up wasted breath.
She screamed and pointed, spotting her friends. I glanced at them, only to look up again. Daniel caught my eye. He was more perfect than the skinny girl in the bikini, or the flawless one with perfect, “photo-shopped” skin. I changed my mind. I wanted to look like him.
“Okay, okay,” she slurred, already buzzed. “Okay. Shh, guys, okay.” They weren’t talking. “Guys! Okay, this is…”
“Eliyah,” I finished. I didn’t believe that my voice worked.
“Oh, that right. Damn, dude, your name is hard to remember. Okay, this is Becca, Jen, and Daniel. Daniel, I want you to tell El… Eliyah. Oh my god! I will never remember his name,” she laughed loudly and spilled the Gin on her dress, now laughing louder. “Daniel!” she screamed. “Oi, I got to talk to yo’.” She removed finger from his chest and put it to her lips. She smeared it over her lips as if to catch melted chocolate that had fallen from her lips. Chocolate gin.
“You need to tell him, that he’s perfect looking with good,” she prodded his chest. “’Cause, he thinks he need the magazine’s body.” She was whispering. I heard him chuckle. That was perfect, too. He took a step to me and in response I took one back. The girls left, laughing. Becca and Jen were probably drunk already, too.
“You’re flawless…” I said to him, staring at the structure of his cheek bone, then down to his flat stomach. I was seizing him up and didn’t realize until his throat released another chuckle.
“So are you.” I looked down. He spoke again, his smooth voice like velvet, “You don’t think you are?”
“You know what I think. Lisa’s told you.”
“You heard that?”
“What you people think I lack in vision comes back through my ears.”
“Hmph,” he grunted and trotted to one of the many mirrors aligned behind the couch set. I followed behind, noticing how much taller he was than me. He pulled me beside him, staring at me in the mirror. I saw him and I both, his body a few inches taller than mine. “Want to know what I see?” he asked.
“A boy and a beautiful creature?” I suggested.
“No,” he said. “I see a young man with an amazing facial structure, perfect lips, and even better skin. I see someone with soft hair, and the most amazing body and face ever.” He couldn’t figure out what he was saying. He tried making an impression on me that was too detailed. It didn’t work.
“Want to know what I see?”
“What do you see?”
“You,” I said. “I see you.” I walked away, leaving him to stand there and see only himself. I walked to the front door, walking outside to catch fresh air. Five minutes later Lisa’s friend slammed the door open, pushing her drunken and laughing body out to me.
I pushed open her bedroom door. One arm of hers was draped around the back of my neck, the other gripping onto any walls her hands could find.
I laid her on the bed and sat on the floor, grabbing another magazine that was sprawled on the floor. I stared at the man on the cover.
After ten magazines and ten-thousand men, she yawned and looked at me.
“You’re still here?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“I always am,” I responded, picking up the next magazine. I stretched my body again and showed her the cover. “I’d kill to have his eyes.”
“Damn it, Eliyah, why can’t you understand that you are perfect and fine the way you are? Anyone would want you. Hell, I want you. You’re prefect, stop picking apart what they have and you don’t. You don’t need any of it. You are so damn envious.”
I sat for a minute, thinking about her words and her scratchy voice, and flipped the page. I pointed to the picture again, showing it to her. “His lips… I want his lips."
“I want to look like that,” I said as I showed the picture to Lisa, bending my body to reach the magazine into her sight. She glanced at it, then back to her magazine.
“She doesn’t even look like that, it was photo-shopped,” she contradicted, casually and turned a page, pressing her fingertips onto her tongue before leaving the saliva at the bottom corner of the page. I stared at the corners of my magazine in a pause of silence.
“But she’s beautiful,” I said, tracing my finger over the glossy page.
“She’s fake, the great skin is fake.” I looked at her, silently, then back to my magazine. Paper turned, then more uncomfortable silence. I turned the page, staring at a tan girl. Her body was perfect, she was so skinny. I could see her hipbones near the top of her bikini bottoms.
“I want her body,” I said, again pointing to the page, shoving the picture near her face.
“You’re a boy,” she said, “You shouldn’t want the body of a female’s. Besides, you’re skinnier than you should be.”
“Not as skinny as she is…” I mumbled.
“Eliyah,” she sighed. “You’re fine the way you are. Any guy would be lucky to have you and you know that.” I stared at her. I didn’t see the color of her eyes, or the color of her hair, though I’m sure I knew what it was. The noise spilling from her mouth stopped and she looked back at her magazine. I looked at her, my vision drifting into my own head, into my own day dreams.
“Oi, Eliyah. Eliyah!”
My eyes snapped back to hers. “Hm?”
“Are you ready?”
“Oh… no.” I closed the magazine and slid off the layered sheets and mattress. I walked to her bathroom and immediately stared at my reflection. I ran my fingers through my bangs and fluffed them to the desired direction. The colors were black and washed out green this time. It looked more like gray and black with tints of green. My eyes were dark enough to look black today. I liked them that way.
I opened the bathroom door to see Lisa standing outside of it. She tapped her invisible watch and grabbed my wrist. The front door slammed as she dragged me to the driver’s side of the car. I was the designated driver, she was the designated drinker.
The whole drive, I only listened to her talk about the friends of hers we were going to encounter. She kept mentioning a boy named Daniel. I’m sure she’s going to try to set us up. I wasn’t in the mood tonight, but I didn’t feel like telling her no.
She opened the door of the club. Extremely loud music and endless chatter filled my ears.
Lisa sat on a bar stool and spoke to the man in a colorful vest and white dress shirt, “No, I want the whole bottle.”
“The whole thing, ma’am?”
“Yeah,” she said, with a smirk.
“I’m the driver,” I said. He nodded and slid the bottle of gin over to her. She took it and slapped a $20 bill on the counter. She over-paid, but I didn’t question. I never approved of her drinking this way, but I’d never tell her whether I did or not. It wouldn’t stop her. My disapproval would end up wasted breath.
She screamed and pointed, spotting her friends. I glanced at them, only to look up again. Daniel caught my eye. He was more perfect than the skinny girl in the bikini, or the flawless one with perfect, “photo-shopped” skin. I changed my mind. I wanted to look like him.
“Okay, okay,” she slurred, already buzzed. “Okay. Shh, guys, okay.” They weren’t talking. “Guys! Okay, this is…”
“Eliyah,” I finished. I didn’t believe that my voice worked.
“Oh, that right. Damn, dude, your name is hard to remember. Okay, this is Becca, Jen, and Daniel. Daniel, I want you to tell El… Eliyah. Oh my god! I will never remember his name,” she laughed loudly and spilled the Gin on her dress, now laughing louder. “Daniel!” she screamed. “Oi, I got to talk to yo’.” She removed finger from his chest and put it to her lips. She smeared it over her lips as if to catch melted chocolate that had fallen from her lips. Chocolate gin.
“You need to tell him, that he’s perfect looking with good,” she prodded his chest. “’Cause, he thinks he need the magazine’s body.” She was whispering. I heard him chuckle. That was perfect, too. He took a step to me and in response I took one back. The girls left, laughing. Becca and Jen were probably drunk already, too.
“You’re flawless…” I said to him, staring at the structure of his cheek bone, then down to his flat stomach. I was seizing him up and didn’t realize until his throat released another chuckle.
“So are you.” I looked down. He spoke again, his smooth voice like velvet, “You don’t think you are?”
“You know what I think. Lisa’s told you.”
“You heard that?”
“What you people think I lack in vision comes back through my ears.”
“Hmph,” he grunted and trotted to one of the many mirrors aligned behind the couch set. I followed behind, noticing how much taller he was than me. He pulled me beside him, staring at me in the mirror. I saw him and I both, his body a few inches taller than mine. “Want to know what I see?” he asked.
“A boy and a beautiful creature?” I suggested.
“No,” he said. “I see a young man with an amazing facial structure, perfect lips, and even better skin. I see someone with soft hair, and the most amazing body and face ever.” He couldn’t figure out what he was saying. He tried making an impression on me that was too detailed. It didn’t work.
“Want to know what I see?”
“What do you see?”
“You,” I said. “I see you.” I walked away, leaving him to stand there and see only himself. I walked to the front door, walking outside to catch fresh air. Five minutes later Lisa’s friend slammed the door open, pushing her drunken and laughing body out to me.
I pushed open her bedroom door. One arm of hers was draped around the back of my neck, the other gripping onto any walls her hands could find.
I laid her on the bed and sat on the floor, grabbing another magazine that was sprawled on the floor. I stared at the man on the cover.
After ten magazines and ten-thousand men, she yawned and looked at me.
“You’re still here?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“I always am,” I responded, picking up the next magazine. I stretched my body again and showed her the cover. “I’d kill to have his eyes.”
“Damn it, Eliyah, why can’t you understand that you are perfect and fine the way you are? Anyone would want you. Hell, I want you. You’re prefect, stop picking apart what they have and you don’t. You don’t need any of it. You are so damn envious.”
I sat for a minute, thinking about her words and her scratchy voice, and flipped the page. I pointed to the picture again, showing it to her. “His lips… I want his lips."