Broken

I lay there. Not moving like I had been for the past 3 months. He was gone. He wasn’t coming back, not for me, not for anyone. He didn’t love me anymore.
No more tears would I cry for him. No more blades would attempt to slice my skin just to feel alive.

‘Frank? Its dinner time.' Lara whispered, poking her cut and bruised face in the door. My lamp made it look a lot worse. There were no windows, thanks to the location: Underground.

'Lara.... I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you!' I whispered as she walked over to me with my dinner in hand. She placed it on my bedside table, removing my lunch plate.

'It's okay. I know you didn’t mean it. You look better.' She complimented me with a smile.
‘Have you tried your telekinesis yet?’ She asked. I just shook my head. I hadn’t done anything to do with my power. In my mind, I didn’t deserve to use it. Gerard taught me how to somewhat control it, so it belonged to him. Only a few of us had powers. Gerard, Mikey and Bob were a part of that. Gerard could read minds, Mikey saw the future and Bob… well, Bob was difficult. He was special. He could control people minds. If he wanted, he could turn the whole world against someone.
Lara tutted and kissed my cheek before leaving.
Her kisses meant nothing. I was gay and she was straight. There was nothing behind them.

I couldn’t thank Lara enough. She brought me back from the Sun-Land after he left me. She helped me through my depression, brought me food every few hours. She even helped me shower, which I knew would scar her for the rest of her life. And how did I repay her? I tried to snap her neck and spill every ounce of blood she had in her body, which would have entered my system. Making her a part of me.

I looked at my dinner. Steak, potatoes and a side bowl of synthetic blood. Lara told me I needed to eat actual food again, like I did when I was human. I couldn’t hold solids down and even if I did, I'd force it out of me. Most nights, Lara would watch me eat, just to be sure it went in my stomach and not under my bed till I could throw it in the bin. But now, I guess, she trusted me seeing that I had kept down a week’s worth of food so far.

I wasn’t that hungry so I ate some steak smothered in potato and drank the bowl of blood. I didn’t agree with Lara’s theory, I felt fine with just blood. The food made me feel heavy, wrong even.

I stared at the painting on my wall. At the very bottom it was signed Xoxo G. Gerard. My Gerard.
“You drag me down! I can’t be with you anymore Frank! Don’t come after me.... I don’t love you anymore”. His eyes were guarded. For weeks on end I told myself he was lying. He had to be, he was my boyfriend, the man I loved with my entire being.
I couldn’t stand being in this room anymore. I stood up, not realizing how weak I was. I caught myself before I fell. Maybe Lara was right about the whole food thing.

It'd been a while since I'd seen anyone other than Lara. No-one was game enough to face a heart-broken vampire. If it weren’t for her, I'd probably be dead or rocking in a corner, maybe licking windows.

From what I could tell, it was either late at night or very early hours of the morning. The only signs of life were a few people sitting outside the large oak doors that lead to the bedrooms and bathrooms. They were all sitting at a wooden table, leaning in.
I smiled. I missed these people. Lara was there, she had her back to me but it was her. Nic was sitting to the left of Lara. Her hair had gotten longer since I'd last seen her and she'd dyed it again. It was now bright, in-your-face red. Ray and Bob were the next 2 that I saw. Rays afro hadn't changed, nor had his face. Bobs hair had gotten a little longer but still the same shade of blonde. Mikey was no-where to be seen. There was one other person at that table. I didn’t recognize her. Her honey coloured hair looked so soft but her face had a mean snarl etched into the features.
I walked forwards, dragging my feet.
Everyone turned to see who had entered. All bar one face showed fear. Lara. Bob and Ray stood protectively in front of Nic and the new girl.

'Guys, he’s cool.' Lara said when he saw their positions. They didn’t relax though. If anything, they tensed more.

'He nearly killed you! How can you even look at him?' Bob snarled. His words cut deep.

'Fuck you Bob! You know what it’s like to lose someone! All things considered, he's been very good! He hasn’t bothered you guys, he hasn’t left his room for fuck sake!' Lara defended me well. I'd have to find a way to repay her. I owed her so much more than I could give.

'We've all lost someone. We never acted like that!' Ray yelled.

'I see I’m not wanted here anymore.... I'll just leave. Sorry I upset you guys.' I turned around before they could see me cry. A wasted motion, the tears had slipped before I could turn. I started walking towards the large oak doors.

Frankie!' I heard Ray call. I stopped walking but I didn’t turn.
'Don’t leave, I’m sorry.'

'No, I hurt Lara already..... I understand that you don’t want to risk yourselves.'
I ran back to my room, slamming the door shut with my mind. I couldn’t help it, I lashed out. I punched the stone wall over and over and over and over again. The stone was chipping away. I was stunned when I looked at my knuckles, they were bleeding. Vampires didn’t bleed, we had no blood of our own. What was happening to me? I drop to my knees, clutching my sore hand.

‘Frankie?' Bob whispered, closing the door silently, even though I hadn’t heard his entrance.

'What’s happening to me?!' I screamed, tears pouring down my face.

'Gerard is your creator. He left you, taking a piece of your immortality. That’s why you need food, not just blood.' He explained carefully.
I broke down. Not only did he break my heart, he also made me weak, vulnerable to the mortals world.
Bob picked me up and cradled me against his chest. I cried into his shoulder.

'Bob, I have to find him...' His body stiffened, knowing exactly who I was talking about.

'Frank... You can’t! For one, you’re too weak and he told you not to look for him. How would you even know where to find him?'

'He may hate me but I still love him. I can find anyone I want if I love them enough.' I whispered, my heart throbbing at the thought.

'I know no-one’s going to be able to stop you so at least take someone with you. Just so we know that you’re safe.' He was practically begging me now. It kind of shocked me, Bob was like a bear. He didn’t cry, beg, or show any weakness. That’s just Bob.

'No-one will come with me. I don’t want to hurt Lara if I break down again, Ray won’t come and you? Be serious Bob! If I break down and skitz, I'll hurt you, you’re my blonde teddy.' I giggled.

'Please be serious Frank. We miss Gerard as well, but we can’t find him. He left with no track to follow, no hint.'

'He did leave a hint.' I suddenly remembered what he said a few days before he left me at sunrise. You’re my soul baby, I can’t live without you. If I ever say otherwise.... Follow your heart. And smack Ray for me. His last remark was what made me forget what he had said.
'My heart is here. He can’t still be here..... My heart....' I muttered to myself.
'Where would my heart be other than in my chest?' I gave up on his little riddle. It was too much to comprehend.
Bob put me back down on the stone floor, still hugging me though.

'I’m going up.' I told Bob. He didn’t object, he just squeezed me for moment then wished me well.

I hated walking through the Underworld. Everyone stared at me, some ran back into their tents, others took a few steps backwards if I got too close to them. It was understandable. To them, I was unstable, mental and broken. 20 years of love, hope and faith all washed down the drain.

The entrance opened itself, as always, leading me into the dark graveyard. Gerard had forbidden me from leaving the graveyard for my own safety. The Takers were a huge threat towards vampires. Gerard had always said that if one ever got hold of me, he'd literally die, even though that was impossible. I believed him when he said he loved me. Did 20 years mean nothing to him? I was stuck in my 18-year-old body, yet I felt like a withered old man on his death bed.
I wandered aimlessly around random headstones. I found myself stopping at one in particular. My fathers.

Samuel Geoffrey Iero
BORN: 15th January 1968
DIED: 31st October 2010
Beloved father, son and husband

He died on my birthday and death day. The day Gerard changed me. The day dad shot himself because he'd been told that I was last seen being brutally stabbed by a group of men and one last dark figure scooping me up and carrying me away into the darkness. No-one found my body obviously but they held a funeral for me. Then my father’s a few days later.
My headstone was right next to his. I just laughed. It was kind of ironic. I was standing over my own grave. If my father had waited a few weeks he would have seen I was, more or less, alive. Just minus the heartbeat, pulsing blood and electronic pulses that people called brain waves.
My mother was old now. Wrinkled and bitter. She had no memory of me so even if I did visit, she'd have no idea I was her "supposedly dead" son. Which, I guess, is better than having to come up some rational explanation of where I’ve been for the past 20 years, why I still looked 18 and not 38.
It was 5.30 am according to the sun dial. The sun would begin to rise, burning me into cinders and ending my sorrow.
I sat on my headstone, I couldn’t disrespect myself. I got impatient so I sat with my back up against the headstone, resting my head against the stone. I closed my eyes, falling asleep.