I'll Ask You If The Rain Still Makes You Smile

"How did you like tour? I bet it was good. Girls, booze, and rock and roll. I was fine here. I was really bored. And your sister came and saw me. She-" I didn't dare finish my last sentence. I wanted to say, "She told me that she had talked to you on the phone." But I feared that the subject of communication,or lackthereof, would make me even more uncomfortable.

"Really?" Zack asked in a monotoned voice.

"Yeah," I answered. Nothing else was said the entire way back to the condo.

When we arrived, he got out of my car, went inside, and went directly towards the kitchen. I wandered in cluelessly behind him. I found him rummaging through the liquor cabinet. He grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Slowly and fearfully I walked back into the living room to find that Zack had vanished. I went back out and got all of his stuff out of my car and brought it into the house.

"Zack?" I called out, timidly. No answer. I decided that he woud come around later and we would talk.

Later that night I was lying on the couch watching a movie when Zack walked in. I could tell that he was drunk and he looked like he had something to say to me, so I kept quiet as he stood in front of the couch, towering over me.

"You're a bitch, you know that?" I wasn't shocked. He wasn't the first person to tell me that in the last 4 months. "Ever since I left everyone has been calling me, talking shit about you! Either you were ignoring them, or you were rude to them! They talked about you drinking untill you passed out, or letting guys from bars take you home! What happened to MY Raegan?"

The way he said 'My Raegan' would've made my heart flutter had I not been in this predicament. I stayed quiet knowing that he wasn't finished. I sat up on the couch so that Zack was bent forward yelling in my face.

"Why did you do the things you did?" His face softened and he whispered, "You hurt me."

Tears were pouring out of my eyes. I had my head between my knees, hypervintilating. I was having a panic attack andmy best friend Zack was too drunk and angry to help me. "I-I-I..." I couldn't breathe, much less speak.

'I can't..." Zack trailed off. "Raegan, I hate you." He stumbled off to his room, slamming the door behind him.

I tried to stand but my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. I curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep, while replaying Zack's harsh words over and over again in my head.

Aren't people the most honest when they're drunk?

♥♥♥

"Raegan?" a familiar and bitter voice called out to me. I opened my eyes slowly to see Zack hovering over me. When I noticed I was lying on the living room floor, last night's events came flowing back through my head. I grabbed Zack's extended hand and he helped me up.

"Um... I- I have got to go," I stuttered and pushed past him, rushing off to my room.

I grabbed a suitcase out of my closet and started throwing in random clothes and necessities. I had to get out of Huttington Beach.. I changed into a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt that was lying on the floor. It just so happened to be Zack's. Great. I pulled my blonde hair back into a ponytail before going into the living room with my bags in hand.

Zack was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked up when he saw me enter. He stood up and I prepared my self for the round of bullets he was going to fire my way.

"Really? You're going to run away?! That's how you're going to solve all of your shit?" He was furious. His voice was vicious and each word stung.

"You did!" I yelled back. "You just fucking kissed me, and then left to go on tour. You're the reason I did what I did while you were gone. I fucking... ugh! You just treated me like shit!" I felt tears form in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I didn't want Zack to think that he weakened me.

He stayed silent, contemplating what I had just said. Finally he asked bitterly, "Where are you going?"

"To stay with my brother for awhile," I spat back. "I don't know when, or if, I'll be back. I headed out the door, bags in tow.

The last thing I saw before driving off was Zack storming out the front door hollering after me. I swear that if I didn't know any better I would think that he was trying to get me to come back.

Why would he even care?

♥♥♥

It had been two weeks since I left Huntington Beach. Zack continuessly called for the first week but then stopped.

My Brother had been iffy on letting me stay at first. He thought that I should go back and work things out with Zack, but eventually he gave in.

Currently, I'm sitting at a bar in downtown LA downing stots to forget about what'shisface. I ordered another round of drinks when I felt someone sit down at the bar beside me. I looked over and gasped when I saw who it was.

"Alex?' he nodded before ordering himself a drink. It was only second nature to wonder exactly what he was doing here. I knew that he was in LA because he had started on their new album but I had the suspicion that Zack had him looking for me.

"what are you doing here?" he asked. All of my previous suspicions vanished. Had Zack not told him?

"Umm... just visiting JR."

"Zack told me about what happened." This made me cringe. I hesitated but eventually said something.

"Yeah, It was bad. And I don't blame you if you hate me."

"Woah... wait. why would I hate you?"

"For doing the things I did? For hurting Zack?"

"Um... Oh Yeah... About that," he mumbled. "I want to hear your side of the story.

"i'm in love with him, Alex. That's my side of the story. I know I hurt him and I'm sorry about that. I hate myself for it. I mean, I really really love him. I have for so long and then he kisses me and I'm thinking 'Finally, me and Zack can be together' but then he didn't call or contact me in any way. I was devistated. My heart was completely broken. What else was I supposed to do? Then he comes home drunk and starts yelling at me. He told me that he hates me." I took a deep breathe, "And I know he was drunk, but I can't shake the idea that he was being completely honest and it hurts."

Alex's eyes were wide when I finished and I realized that he didn't mean that Zack told him everything.

"Zack didn't tell you all of that, did he?"

"He just told me about the kiss. He was so depressed during the entire tour and I knew that he hadn't talked to you at all. so I asked him about it. He said that he kiised you and that he was scared that it would ruin your friendship. He loves you too, Raegan."

I didn't belive it. Not one word of it.

"You need to call him. No, better yet, go back home and talk to him in person."

"Our fight was horrible. I wouldn't know what to say."

Just try. For you and Zack. You're both stupid but I know that you just care too much about each other. I know about all of your horrible past relationships and I think that Zack can change everything you know about love. You deserve something wonderful and Zack is that wonderful something." I stood up from the bar and pulled Alex into a hug. "Remeber," he whipered in my ear. "No matter what happens, I'm here for you."

"Thanks Alex." For a second I thought that Alex was going to kiss me but he sat back down on the bar stool. "And tell Lisa that I miss her." I put emphasis on his on and off girlfriend's name just in case he really did almost kiss me.

I didn't need this now. I had too much to worry about.