L-O-V-E is just another word I never learned to pronounce

“God,” I breathed as I saw the enormous crowd, we were preparing to play now and I felt numb.

“Chilax! We’re going to be great.” Krizzy said as she tuned her guitar.

I shook my head, “No--no I can’t do this.”

Ray-Ray started to shake me violently, “Snap out of it! You. Can. Do. This!”

I gulped and inhaled sharply, “O-okay let’s do this.”

We walked to the stage, my breathing rasp.
What if I stutter? What if I trip? What if thy don’t like us?!

But all of negative thought faded away as the crowed cheered:

“Broken by Tuesday! Broken by Tuesday! Broken by Tuesday!”

My face went blank. They know us? They Fucking know us!

“Are you ready to fucking rock?!” I know it’s cheesy but in all concerts that I’ve been they always said that.

The crowed yelled a “Yes”

“I can’t hear you!” I yelled back,

“YEAH!!” They screamed and I smirked,

“That’s better! Now this song is called,” I paused and exhaled I’ve been holding my breathe for the whole time, “Our Social Vampire club!”

The crowed screamed indistinctively as I banged my head as the music kicked in.

”I have a plan if you’re willing!”

This was the very first song that I wrote for the band. It didn’t have any of the train wreck sadness I felt for Gerard, this song only had one meaning. Just us, the band and the crowd, of being one.

”We’ll take on all the ends of the world
A toast, we’re celebrating
No one’s around
We’re on our own

This sacred wine
It’s a toast to all our crimes
Brothers I’m yours

No one could ever shake this
The soul we share
The things we’ve done
We only dreaming
We breathe together,
Hunt as one

These blessed times,
Just always keep them in mind
Brothers I’m yours “

The crowed sang along as I kept on banging my head

”I’ll raise my glass to you
I’ll raise my glass to you

The lost boys are laughing, the past is fading
The lost boys are laughing, your choir's falling

Silence them forever,
These falling knives
It’s all for the taking

I have a plan if you‘re willing!”

”We’ll take on all the ends of the world!
I’ll raise my glass to you!” the crowed yelled.

I smiled, “I’ll raise my glass to you!”

”I’ll raise my glass to you!!! they yelled back.

And at that very moment I felt amazing, that no one can harm me, I was safe the world was mine to take.

“Are you ready for more?!” I screamed breathless

“Hell yeah!” They yelled and I felt that I was slowly taking the world over one fucking song at a time.

After 6 more songs we were done, we went back stage and the workers gave us some towels.

“You guys were awesome!” Mikey commented and hugged me, “Eww you reek of sweat!”

I scowled and stuck out my tongue,

“Hey don’t we get a hug?” Frank pouted,

“I reek,” I excused.

Frank shrugged, “Nah! I don’t mind!”

I grinned and gave a him a big hug,

“How ‘bout me?” Ray said,

I hesitated for a moment but hugged him as he hugged me, he stiffened a bit which caused my eyes to furrow.

I pulled back, “Is there something wrong.”

He looked blank but snapped back, “Uh. No. Everything’s fine can a talk to you like later?”

I gulped but smiled, “Mhkay.”

“So, you guys want to head back to our bus?” Mikey offered.

“Sure!” The girls said quickly,

I laughed and shook my head, “Well sure, just let me change first like you said Mikey, I reek.”

They grinned at me as I ran back to my bus and quickly changed, as I brushed my hair I heard a faint know on the door.

I cocked a brow as I opened the door to see a very confused Ray.

“Hey Ray! I’ll be right there don’t need to wait for me.”

“Actually, I came here to talk to you.” He said, “May I come in?”

I moved out of his way for him to enter, he smiled thankfully at me as he sat on the couch.

“What’s it about? Fire at will.” I said, crossing my arms.

“I think we both know what this is all about Harley”

I stared at him wide eyes, “What did you just call me?”

“Harley,” He paused, “That is your name right? Lamaine Harley Andrews.”

“Pfff! Harley? What kind of name is t-that?” I stuttered, he just stared at his teeth clenched.

Ray took a deep breath and stared at me, “You have a tattoo on your nape that says L.H.A and I only know one person who has those initials.” He paused, “You can’t think of anymore excuses Harley I know it’s you”

I stiffened as I bit my lip, Of course! He saw my tattoo! I got tat when I was seventeen and the guys freakin’ loved it.

“Fuck, I guess all of my old friends are finding out! Just great!”

He shrugged but still stared intently at me

“Does Gerard know?”

“No.” Ray answered, “and yes Harley I know you and Gerard had a thing.”

I did a double take, “You do?”

“’Course, Gerard trusted me enough to tell me,” He paused, “oh and Mikey doesn’t know.”

“Thank God.” I sighed in relief, “I’m begging you Ray, don’t tell him.”

“Why? Are we that bad to be friends again?” He asked, angry.

I blinked, “Don’t you know why Gerard broke up with me?”

Ray frowned, “He refuses to tell me.”

“That’s the reason.” I inhaled, “He..”
I trialed off, unable to speak. I couldn’t tell anyone, yet. I still couldn’t find the courage to open the depths of my soul.

“It’s fine that you don’t want to say,” Ray reassured, “I just want to Harley back.”

I glowered at him, how dare he expect so much from me? After the hell I’ve been through,
One thing’s for sure. Harley Andrews died on the day they left. I am not Harley anymore, I am now L.A and forever will be.

“Ray just promise me, you won’t tell Gerard.” I tend to ignore his wish, he can’t expect me to be my old self. Not after everything they’ve done.

“Fine,” Ray ended our conversation and walked out the door.

I sighed and through a fork on the floor, and screamed.

***
I silently made my way to the My Chem bus, at first I didn’t plan on going anymore but, I didn’t want to disappoint Frank, Mikey, and Ray-Ray. I know how crazy Ray-Ray can be if she didn’t get it her way.

I climbed aboard and made my way to their kitchen, “Sorry if I’m late.”

“Nah! It’s fine! Here,” Ray-Ray handed me a cup of coffee, “and I thought you weren’t coming.”
I saw Ray-Ray glare at me for a second, but it turned into a smile, Good, that I pleased her

I looked around and notice someone missing, Gerard and Ray. Like I cared about Gerard.
“Hey where’s Ray?”

“He said he wasn’t feeling well, so he was just going to rest for a while until our performance.” Mikey replied, he gave me that Oh I know what happened look, and if I’m wrong you’re so gonna tell me look. I sighed and sipped on my coffee.

A very awkward silence enveloped us, only the sound of coffee being sipped was heard.

“So,” Bob broke the silence, “You guys were great.”

“Thanks,” Me and the girls mumbled.

“And good luck to you guys,” Lily blushed and Bob chuckled.

“Hey guys!” Gerard chimed in with a big grin as he climbed on the bus.

“Hey Gee!” My Chem greeted, except for Mikey who gave me a concerned look.

I tried my best to look confused, Did he know about me and Gerard? Or did Ray squealed?

“Hello ladies,” Gerard said in a very seductive voice and I saw the girls blush furiously, I, on the other hand scowled at him.

Gerard frowned at my lack of emotion, as I placed my cup of coffee on the counter.

“L.A” Gerard purred, “Is your coffee bitter or something? You seem to scowl a lot and to tell you the truth it‘s very unflattering for such a pretty face”

I scowled again, as I stared into his Hazel orbs and wondered if I stared at him long enough that maybe he could recognize me. I didn’t want it to happen but if it did, that would be the reason I’m always scowling, for I was in front of the man who destroyed me.

He stared back but as he stared longer his eyes turned into shock, as his lips twitched. It was enough as I tore my eyes away.

Mikey gulped and glanced on his wrist, though no watch, “Oh would you look at the time? I think you gals best get a move on! We have to do so uncheck!”

I mentally thanked Mikey as my and the gals went back to our bus, and I wondered if it was the right thing to do, to let Gerard know who I was.

I prayed to God he was stupid enough not to realize it.

***

Meanwhile on the My Chem bus:

"Mikey, we don't have sound check for half an hour." Bob queered.

Mikey grinned sheepishly "Woops?"

"Hey guys! The girls gone?" Ray peeped, emerging from the bunk room.

"Mikey mad them go," Frank pouted as his eyes darted to Gerard's blank expression, "Hey Gee you okay?"

Gerard jerked out from his thoughts from the sound of his band mate's voice

"Oh, huh? Yeah. Just a little woozy."

but infact Gerard didn't feel woozy at all, he felt shocked and confused. As his thoughts lingered to looking at L.A square in the eye, and that's where he saw it, at first he didn't believe it was true that Gerard saw Harley he's lost lover, that he was so stupid enough to loose. Was it really here? or was it his imagination again? His mind bubbled with different ideas.

L.A could that mean, Lamaine Adrews? he shook his head vigorously he hope not, but the weird throbbing of his heart mad him think otherwise.