Caution Tape

I’m sitting on the couch, my legs crossed, and the book Tale of Two Cities carefully balanced in my lap. Its past due, the reading I was supposes to do over the summer. But common who reads during the summer? As I cautiously approach Book II I’m already close to the edge. If I have to read one more chapter that includes nothing but a carriage coming to a stop I’m going to take my bro’s switch blade and…

The door opens in the middle of my thought and Michael walks in the small apartment. He doesn’t have any friends with him today, thank God. “Hey T. Homework on the first day?” He walks over to the fridge and takes out something to drink.

I sigh and set the book down. “No.” I fall back against the couch and rub my eyes. “I was suppose to read it over the summer but I forgot about it. The teacher said she wasn’t going to start giving us the assignments till tomorrow. So now I gotta read the whole thing in one day.”

My brother sits down next to me and turns the TV on. The fuzzy screen opens up to a game and he relaxes back, from what I assume was a ‘hard day at work’. “That’s the reason I dropped out. Way to much work.”

“And what are you doing for work now?” I tease.

“Shut up.” He says and pushes me playfully. I laugh shortly then grab my book, and try again. A good hour flies by before I get fed up and throw the stupid thing across the room. The sound of the soft cover hitting wood walls wakes Michael up, who had dozed off on the couch.

His expression is lazy and his sleepy voice matches it. “What time is it?”

“A little after four.” I say, collapsing my head in my hands from exhaustion.

“Shit. Eric will be here any minute.”

Its amazing how just hearing his name makes my stomach drop. I shoot my head back up and gaze to my brother. “Eric’s coming?” Panic striking my voice. I’m sure my face is just as frightful as my voice but my brother doesn’t seem fazed by it. He opens his mouth to respond but is denied the chance when the front door opens, and in he walks.

“Hey man.” Eric nods his head towards my brother. His fake ass ghetto accent not matching his light skin.

It’s interesting how a person can change in an instant. My brother, whose show me nothing but love since I was born, whose husky voice is so recognizable that I can pick it out in a crowd, whose always sits my new boyfriends down and gives them the; ‘that’s my only little sister’ speech. But when Eric walks in that’s not my brother anymore. His normal voice transforms into the typical ‘expected’ voice of an African American. Meaning he starts talking like a gangsta or some everyday pimp. “Yo man, ready to go?”

Eric and him do some stupid handshake as they pass each other and he says “Ya, chill. Just let me say hi to your sister first.”

Michael doesn’t really respond he just continues walking towards the door. If this was so hard for him that why didn’t he do anything? If he couldn’t stand to watch then why not stop it?

“Hey Tia. How you doin’?” His voice is thick against my ear and I can hear his tongue dripping with the urge.

I don’t respond. Of course I don’t.

He replaces my brother’s spot on the couch and his hand falls on my leg now, rubbing up and down the length of my thigh. I feel the urge to vomit; all over him to be exact, but I hold it back. “Didn’t get to see chu much over the summer? I missed you girl.” His hand slides under my skirt and between the elastic of my underwear.

This is the part where I close my eyes and pretend I’m not here, that he’s not here. My mind goes to school, not my favorite place in the world, but a better one. At least there the harassment is kept to a minimum, mostly just comments made by some assholes whose girlfriend won’t blow them so they have to get their arousal off my ass. And at least there I can do my work in peace and not be called a white girl for studying.

“I like your skirt.” He breathes heavily into my ear. His voice brings me back to reality and I can feel him in me, crawling. I tense all my muscles up and bite down on my tongue. This is what I have to do to restrain myself from acting against this, in whatever way possible. If I refuse of even move funny he’ll hurt me, just like he hurt the last person who interfered.

His fingers slide out but my body still remains tense in his presence. It hasn’t happen yet but you never know he could want more. His forehead falls against the side of mine and he whispers into my ear, “Don’t worry, I make up for lost time.” Which meant that I’d get another whole year of this, coming home to Eric sitting on the couch, waiting desperately to stick his dirty fingers in me.

The thought repulses me more and I have to bite down on my tongue so hard that it starts bleeding a little bit. I’m a few moments away from throwing up. “See ya lata T.”
And he gets up from the couch and leaves.

As soon as he’s out the door I bolt from my spot and head to the bathroom, where I purge everything I’ve had today.
~~~~
On my walk to Paulina’s I take note of how much better my neighborhood is compared to those I’ve been too. Don’t get me wrong it’s still bad, but you don’t need to carry around some kind of weapon to get to the bus stop and back. The chances of getting raped or mugged here was just as good as any other place, so nothing special there. The only thing that did make it shit was that it was drug central, turn the right corner and you’d find any kind of drug you wanted. And it’d most likely be my brother who’s selling it to you.

Michael’s a good person, he really is. Don’t judge him by the way he’s around Eric. He doesn’t have much choice. It’s only my fear that causes me to hate him when he turns his back on me. I know deep down that he can’t do anything. If he called the cops Eric would rat out the drug business the two of them having going and he’d be in jail. Then my mom and me would be really low on money and it just wouldn’t be good. Not to mention the only time I’d get to see him is behind a glass window, talking to him through a half ass payphone. I’d just prefer it if no one else got hurt at my expense.

I knock on the door to the brick building that’s slowly crumbling to the ground. Paulina lives on the bottom half and that saves me the luxury of having to climb two stories of steps to get to the next floor. The door opens and in it stands Robby. A smile strikes his face at the sight of me; it reveals that snaggle tooth that crookedly hangs out the side of his lip. I smile back but then quickly frown at the sight of his head. “You shaved your head.”

He shrugs. “Mama says it looks good on me.”

I shake my head. I love his fro! It was such a rarity these days to see anyone with one. I always beg Paulina to let him keep it but she argues with me. She thinks he looks good bald, like his daddy.

“You here for dinner?” He asks, excitement still in his expression.

I nod. “Isn’t that the only reason I come over?”

“Pretty much.” He smiles wider.

He runs inside ahead of me and I quietly shut the door. I can tell Paulina cleaned today because the whole house smells like a combination of floral and bleach. I follow after Robby who ran into the kitchen to find her reading a magazine, waiting for whatever was in the oven to beep. She peeks her eyes up from her magazine to smile the same smile as her son. “Hey Tia. Staying for dinner again?”

I sit down and grin. She already knows the answer to that. Robby smiles one last big smile before running out of the kitchen to get his homework. “Why won’t you get his tooth fixed?” I complain as soon as he’s out of sight.

“He won’t let me!” She exclaims setting down her magazine.

“Then give him a bottle of cough syrup, put him in the car, and drive to the dentist.” It was easy enough solution.

She gives me a dirty look. “You know that’s not funny.”

“It is too.”

She gets up from her seat to go to the oven. I can’t tell exactly what she’s making but I’ll eat it, whatever it may be.

“So…” I begin. “Do you need me to hang with Robby this weekend so you an Rick can go out?”

Her head cocks over her shoulders and she gives me a dirty look. Her face is still pretty, even when frowning. The whole family was good looking. Even Rick who wasn’t blood related. It made me jealous. She closes the oven and returns to her seat. But not before smacking me upside the head. “With skirts as short as yours you should have a date. AND we should be begging you to baby-sit, not you offering.” She takes her seat opposite of me. Her skin, which is two shades darker than my milk chocolate, hitting the light of the late day.

“Most people would be appreciative to have a babysitter like me. Not smacking my head when I offer to do something nice.” I say.

“I smacked your head because it’s sad that I’m twice your age and I’m getting more action than you.” Her attitude hangs thick in her words.

My cheeks turn red at her blunt statement. Paulina was like my second mom and only best friend. She didn’t know about Eric. Well at least not in full. When the whole stabbing thing went down in December, most people knew it was Eric. My own mother knows it was Eric, which is why he is banned from the apartment. For good. My mother told him that if she ever saw him at our apartment she’d call the cops on him after she’d kick his ass until it really was black. That’s a direct quote, by the way.

He obeyed. In the sense that he only comes over for short periods of time while she’s at work. She assumes Michael wont talk to him anymore either. She trusts that he’s been obeying her this whole time. But obviously he hasn’t.

She and everyone know he stabbed my boyfriend. They just don’t know why. Or why Michael continues to hang out with him. Or why I made up a story to save Eric’s ass from jail. Or I should say save my brothers ass.