It's Complicated
It's Cliche
Its cliché, the relationship I have with Ronnie.
It’s the normal gay best friend in love with his straight best friend and it sucks.
I can’t tell him how much I care. I can’t tell him what he really means to me. I can’t hold his hand, kiss him, or hold him like I do in my dreams. No, that’s insane, and it isn’t worth trying, because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.
It hurts.
It hurts to see him with that girl. Whenever they kiss, hug, hold hands, or even just talk to one another, it makes my insides twist and turn in ways that I really wish they wouldn’t.
It hurts to listen.
I hate hearing him say ‘he’s in love with her’. I hate seeing him come to school with a hickey on his neckI swear it’s not a hickey, they’re not supposed to look scabbed over. I hate hearing him say ‘it feels amazing when she smiles at me,’ because it tells me how head over heels he is for her.
That’s not the worst though.
She doesn’t deserve him. I’m not just saying that because I like him too, no I wouldn’t say that for such a selfish reason.
I say it, because the girl is two faced. Around him she’s the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet…oh, but if only he could see her when he isn’t around.
She hangs on the other boys like a leech. She giggles, flirts, and exposes herself like the slut that she is, but I don’t say anything, because seeing the way he smiles when he mentions her always stops me. I don’t want to ruin this…”relationship”…they have, but at the same time I feel like I’m obligated to.
I’m his best friend right? I should look out for him. Even if he says he ‘loves’ her…shouldn’t he know that she doesn’t ‘love’ him?
It’s complicated being a best friend, but it’s even more complicated when you’re in love with your best friend.
Sighing, I shake those thoughts out of my head.They’ll be back soon though. I continue my walk up to my next class, which I had with Ronnie.
When I entered my English class he was waiting for me in the back, a goofy grin plastered on his face.
“Noah!” He screeched, opening his arms up for me. I laugh and give the giant teddy bear a hug before sitting in the desk next to him.
“Hey,” I greet, trying to act like I’m not hopelessly in love with the boy.
As soon as those sad thoughts left me, they returned, because Ronnie went to talking about Amy once more. He was talking about the present he got her for their one-year anniversary, the dinner he wanted to take her too, and how beautiful she was.
Each one made my heart ache more and more.
I’m not going to say that I can’t put up with this anymore, because I most definitely can. I’m a strong kid, I know it, but sometimes I wish I wasn’t so I could just break down and scream at him for being such a dumb ass and not realizing sooner that whenever he speaks of her, it hurts me.
“Sorry I can’t make it to your house tonight. I’ll make it up to you ok?” Ronnie asked with hopeful eyes.
I smiled before saying, “Kay, talk to you later.”
The bell rang telling me that it was time for “therapy.” Paine, the third part of our little “party”, and I dubbed this next class therapy, because I normally talked to him about my problems. I talked to him about Ronnie, the folks, or anything really because I knew he’d listen and give me good advice.
I walked into class and waited for Paine, the idiot was normally always late.
I bet you all think because of his name he’s some buff, tattoo, piercing covered freak huh? Well you’re wrong. Paine is pretty average looking with snakebites, brown hair, and eyes to match.
Oh, speak of the devil!
Just as the late bell rung, Paine stumbled into the room declaring, “I’m not late!”
Everyone laughed as he sighed and slowly walked over to me, taking a seat by my side. I gave him no time to speak and immediately growled, “I hate her.”
His jaw was hanging for a moment before he chuckled, “I know.”
“No, I mean I really hate her. That bitch doesn’t deserve Ronnie. He’s hot, funny, nice, caring, and she’s taking advantage of him.”
“You know…this problem might be resolved if you told Ronnie about this.” Oh yes, the normal. Paine always says that.
“I can’t do that! Are you nuts?”
“Slightly.”
“Shut up! I can’t do that because he’s totally…” I brought my fingers up to create air quotes. “In love, with her.”
“Well maybe he won’t be,” Paine copied me with the air quotes. “Totally in love with her, if he found out she’s a slut.”
Rolling my eyes, I sigh and lean back into my chair. I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how I can fix this without ruining the friendship between Ronnie and me.
“I just…don’t want to lose him.”
I felt Paine’s hand on my shoulder. Smiling, I rest my hand over his as he lightly squeezes it, a way of saying ‘I get what you mean.’
It’s the normal gay best friend in love with his straight best friend and it sucks.
I can’t tell him how much I care. I can’t tell him what he really means to me. I can’t hold his hand, kiss him, or hold him like I do in my dreams. No, that’s insane, and it isn’t worth trying, because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.
It hurts.
It hurts to see him with that girl. Whenever they kiss, hug, hold hands, or even just talk to one another, it makes my insides twist and turn in ways that I really wish they wouldn’t.
It hurts to listen.
I hate hearing him say ‘he’s in love with her’. I hate seeing him come to school with a hickey on his neckI swear it’s not a hickey, they’re not supposed to look scabbed over. I hate hearing him say ‘it feels amazing when she smiles at me,’ because it tells me how head over heels he is for her.
That’s not the worst though.
She doesn’t deserve him. I’m not just saying that because I like him too, no I wouldn’t say that for such a selfish reason.
I say it, because the girl is two faced. Around him she’s the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet…oh, but if only he could see her when he isn’t around.
She hangs on the other boys like a leech. She giggles, flirts, and exposes herself like the slut that she is, but I don’t say anything, because seeing the way he smiles when he mentions her always stops me. I don’t want to ruin this…”relationship”…they have, but at the same time I feel like I’m obligated to.
I’m his best friend right? I should look out for him. Even if he says he ‘loves’ her…shouldn’t he know that she doesn’t ‘love’ him?
It’s complicated being a best friend, but it’s even more complicated when you’re in love with your best friend.
Sighing, I shake those thoughts out of my head.They’ll be back soon though. I continue my walk up to my next class, which I had with Ronnie.
When I entered my English class he was waiting for me in the back, a goofy grin plastered on his face.
“Noah!” He screeched, opening his arms up for me. I laugh and give the giant teddy bear a hug before sitting in the desk next to him.
“Hey,” I greet, trying to act like I’m not hopelessly in love with the boy.
As soon as those sad thoughts left me, they returned, because Ronnie went to talking about Amy once more. He was talking about the present he got her for their one-year anniversary, the dinner he wanted to take her too, and how beautiful she was.
Each one made my heart ache more and more.
I’m not going to say that I can’t put up with this anymore, because I most definitely can. I’m a strong kid, I know it, but sometimes I wish I wasn’t so I could just break down and scream at him for being such a dumb ass and not realizing sooner that whenever he speaks of her, it hurts me.
“Sorry I can’t make it to your house tonight. I’ll make it up to you ok?” Ronnie asked with hopeful eyes.
I smiled before saying, “Kay, talk to you later.”
The bell rang telling me that it was time for “therapy.” Paine, the third part of our little “party”, and I dubbed this next class therapy, because I normally talked to him about my problems. I talked to him about Ronnie, the folks, or anything really because I knew he’d listen and give me good advice.
I walked into class and waited for Paine, the idiot was normally always late.
I bet you all think because of his name he’s some buff, tattoo, piercing covered freak huh? Well you’re wrong. Paine is pretty average looking with snakebites, brown hair, and eyes to match.
Oh, speak of the devil!
Just as the late bell rung, Paine stumbled into the room declaring, “I’m not late!”
Everyone laughed as he sighed and slowly walked over to me, taking a seat by my side. I gave him no time to speak and immediately growled, “I hate her.”
His jaw was hanging for a moment before he chuckled, “I know.”
“No, I mean I really hate her. That bitch doesn’t deserve Ronnie. He’s hot, funny, nice, caring, and she’s taking advantage of him.”
“You know…this problem might be resolved if you told Ronnie about this.” Oh yes, the normal. Paine always says that.
“I can’t do that! Are you nuts?”
“Slightly.”
“Shut up! I can’t do that because he’s totally…” I brought my fingers up to create air quotes. “In love, with her.”
“Well maybe he won’t be,” Paine copied me with the air quotes. “Totally in love with her, if he found out she’s a slut.”
Rolling my eyes, I sigh and lean back into my chair. I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how I can fix this without ruining the friendship between Ronnie and me.
“I just…don’t want to lose him.”
I felt Paine’s hand on my shoulder. Smiling, I rest my hand over his as he lightly squeezes it, a way of saying ‘I get what you mean.’
