It's Complicated

Without saying a word, I stood up and walked out of the room. Someone could be heard asking for me, but I ignored their calls as I moved through out my house. Paine couldn’t be found anywhere and I sighed, disappointed.

Why did he leave?

I opened the back door and sighed in relief. So he didn’t leave, he was just hiding back here.

Paine had heard me and looked at me from over his shoulder. With a forced smile he says, “Hey.”

“Hey.” The door closed behind me and I took my place next to Paine. I leaned on the banister and looked at my small backyard with Paine.

Silently we stood there and if you asked me, I’d say that the atmosphere was awkward. I didn’t know what to say though. Should I ask him why he left? Should I ask him why he looked away whenever Ronnie and I kissed? Does it make me sound conceited if I say…I think it had something to do with me?

Sighing, I look at Paine and build up some courage to ask, “Why’d you leave?”

His shoulders shrug and he answers, “I just wanted some fresh air.”

“Mhm.”

“I did.”

“I don’t believe you.”

The roll of his eyes told me that he didn’t like taking about this. He can live with it though. I want to get to the bottom of this. I want to fix the problems that were currently appearing out of no where.

“I left because I hate that game.”

Chuckling, I elbow him lightly in the side. I felt his eyes on me and I could feel the goose bumps working their way up my arms and the tingling feeling began to flow through my veins. I ignore the feelings that he was starting to give me and tried to act cool and calm.

“Right, you wouldn’t have played if you hated it,” I said, turning to face him. “There’s another reason. Why won’t you tell me?”

Paine stood before me with a slight frown. Curiously, I tilted my head to the side and eyed him, waiting patiently for an answer. The boy sighed, blowing the hair out of his face.

“It’s complicated.”

His soft brown eyes were more alluring then I could remember. I took one, maybe two steps forward or maybe he moved forward. I’m not too sure, because I wasn’t really paying attention to our feet, rather how close we were getting to the other.

His lips were insanely close…one more step and-

“Hey guys, the pizza is…here.”

Our movements were quick. Before Ashton knew it, we were on opposite sides of the porch, looking in opposite directions and I don’t know if he was, but I was definitely blushing.

The way Ashton was looking at us clearly said that he was confused. The boy didn’t question us though, instead he repeated himself before moving back inside.

I didn’t intend on staying out here, because if I did I knew it’d get awkward. So instead of waiting to follow Ashton, I pushed myself away from the banister and moved inside right after him and Paine seemed to think the same thing and came in right behind me.

~

Christmas was right around the corner. The snow was piling up more and more everyday. The days were becoming shorter and nights longer. School days were getting canceled or at the least a two hour delay and I was beyond excited.

But at the same time, I was slightly sad.

Every year Ronnie and Paine stay the night at my house the night before Christmas Eve. We always hung out, joked around, and had a great time, but I knew this time would be different because ever since last month when Paine and I almost kissed things have been…different.

The atmosphere around us was always tense. We couldn’t joke around like we used to. We couldn’t wrestle or even hang out without Ronnie being around. When we talked, it was obvious that we felt…awkward.

Ronnie kept telling me that I should just ask Paine out because he “obviously liked me.” But I was scared to do that…what if he didn’t like me and before he was just feeling like kissing someone and I was just closest.

I rushed to get inside. The snow was coming down and my jacket was not helping me keep warm. I shivered and slammed the door behind me.

“Hey sweetie, thanks so much,” my mother laughed, taking the milk out of my hands. “Now go warm up and I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

“You d-d-don’t have t-to tell me t-t-twice,” I stuttered, due to how cold I was. Quickly I ran up stairs and put on my PJ’s before taking a seat in front of the heater in my room.

The warm air quickly heated me up and before I knew it, I wasn’t shivering anymore. Mother called me not long afterwards and I darted downstairs to drink my delicious hot chocolate.

“So when is Ronnie and Paine coming over?” Mom asks, taking the cookies out of the oven.

“Tonight around five,” I answer. She seemed more thrilled about it then me, but I can’t blame her. She wasn’t confused. She wasn’t worried that tonight might mess up the great friendship I have with Paine…