I can't help it, I was born this way.

Girls swoon as I walk past them, guys envy me, and the teachers brag. “Chase Matthews is so hot!!” A girl whispers a little too loudly. I laugh but continue walking down the hall. Yeah, I’m Chase Matthews, I’m the shit! I thought to myself causing myself to chuckle again.

The people who consider themselves my friends are following me. I’m not really sure why I let them hang around me. They are all stupid love struck girls, and guys that think if they hang out with me some of my coolness might rub off on them.

I don’t even want to be cool, popular, or even liked. I hate my life, I hate everyone in it, and I can’t stand the thought of waking up another morning. I am so depressed, but I am forced to live like everything is perfect, and act like there are no flaws in my life.

When I finally reached my classroom all of my friends said their goodbyes and headed off to their classes. The class flew by; soon the bell signaling the end of school rang. I walked out of the class and towards the back of the school. The crowd of students seemed to part for me, and I soon found Anna. She was the one thing I didn’t hate. Every day after school we would sneak to the back of the school to make out. It was the only reason I even came to school.

We weren’t dating, but she is hot and she is a way to settle my raging hormones. Sure she wants sex from me, but who doesn’t? Someone once told me that I can make the strait turn gay. Personally I think its pure bull shit. Sure I am good looking, but I don’t think I am that cute.

Soon Anna’s body is pressed against mine, and her lips are wandering on my neck. My hands rested on her hips but soon I moved them to her butt. I pulled her closer to me, and found her lips. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, and a low moan escaped my throat. Soon fantasies began to run through my mind, but I stopped myself abruptly. I push her away quickly, and step towards the door of the school. The hurt look on her face caught my eye, but ignored her and ran into the school.

My mind is racing, part of me wants to continue fantasizing, another part is disgusted with me, and another is screaming at me. The voices are overwhelming and my footsteps echoing through the halls are only adding to the noise and confusion. I stopped and sat down in front of a row of lockers. I pulled my knees to my chest and tried to block out the voices that were contradicting themselves within my head.

Quiet! Quiet! I thought to myself franticly. Music, I need music and quiet. I was contradicting myself yet again. Yet I couldn’t make my mind stop thinking music and quiet. Music, quiet, music, quiet, music, quiet!! A searing pain ripped through my spine, starting at the base of my neck and began to trail down my back. I arched my back in ecstasy and let out a groan.

The pain hurts, but it feels so good knowing that I am giving in. I close my eyes and let the pain surround me. Soon everything is quiet, my eyes are still closed, but I can tell that there is light around me. A soft tune makes its way into my ears and I smile, it’s my favorite song, Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I smile as the music gets louder and louder.

Soon the music is blaring in my ears, and it is all I want to think about. I listen to every word drinking it all in. When the song ends I slowly open my eyes, and I am not surprised to see I am somewhere other than the school. My face is pressed to the carpeted floor of the library. My iPod is lying in front of my face and the ear buds are in my ears. As I sit up and pick up my iPod the pain in my back fades. People are staring at me, and I remember that my iPod is loud and laugh.

The perfect contradiction, loud music in a quiet library.