Close to Perfection
Spring
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself” ~Anna Quindlen
January passed, so did February( I cried on Valentine’s Day), and March went on too. It was now April and I still had a difficult time accepting that Daniel and I didn’t belong together. I just brought him down every time he tried to fix something. He tried to convince me to let him back in my life but I couldn’t do it. The only thing I could do properly right now was writing. I had submitted several of my poems and short works to contests and literary magazines of all of the colleges that accepted me. Yet, all of my friends said it wasn’t me writing. It was the autopilot me. Usually my work was very happy-go-lucky and upbeat. Now it was more grim and upsetting. I told them I was going through my ‘blue period’, trying to joke about my bad mood.
One day, Daniel and I ran into each other at school, literally. As I was turning a corner, we bumped into each other. Both of us were silent for a while but then Daniel broke the silence. “Hey Lily.”
“Hi Dan. How are you doing?”
“Good.” We were having a hard time getting past general banter. “I heard that the literary magazine is coming out pretty soon. I’m excited to see what you’ve written. Remember that time I came over to find your bed covered in ripped up drafts. We . . . ” He laughed at remembering the times we were happy together. “I loved that you took some of them and put them in the, what was it? The bad ballad bin or something like that? That was really cute.”
“It was the pitiful poem pile.”I let out a slight laugh too. “Yea those were some fun times.”
“Yea we really should hang out again sometime. I was wondering if you would come see me play baseball sometime and then afterwards we could go to a-”
“Daniel just-“
”Oh, never mind then. I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Yea, I guess. Bye Dan.”
“I liked it more when you called me Daniel. You were the only one whoever did.”
Oh my God! I just couldn’t stand him just then. He really wanted to get back together after I treated him like that?! I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t give up. But still, I did almost love him. “Bye Daniel,” I said quietly as he left to go to class.
After school, I went home to relax a little. But, his car was right in front of my house. Ugh! Could he not see that I didn’t want anything to do with him right now? I begrudgingly walked through the threshold, greeting Daniel and my mother.
“Lily, look who came to visit,” my mother said enthusiastically. “It’s Daniel.”
“OK mom. Can we have a moment in private if you don’t mind?”
“Not at all. It’s nice to see you again Daniel.”
“You too Mrs. Van der Meer.” He shuffled over to me and whispered, “Can we talk upstairs where she can’t hear us?”
“Sure.”
Once we were upstairs, I couldn’t focus on just talking. My knees felt weak and my heart started to race a little. To eliminate some of the tension, I turned on my radio and the Beatles’ song “Yesterday” started to play.
“‘Yesterday’, good song,” Daniel said sitting down on my bed.
I sighed. “Daniel, really, what is this about?”
“Lily, I don’t think you understand that I really, and I mean really, want you back.”
“Daniel, it isn’t that easy. It’s not like I could just be happy just like I was yesterday.”
“Yesterday I saw you eating school lunch. That taco didn’t make you very happy then?”
“You know that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about yesterday, the past. It was totally different back then.”
“It wasn’t that long ago you know.”
“Obviously. It’s just that . . . I still think of Maureen saying that about me.”
“Why are you so upset by what she said? I told you she was jealous and being a bitch.”
“It’s not about that. It’s about the hit on my confidence. You knew I wasn’t exactly Miss Perfect and being compared to you didn’t help.”
“I don’t need you to be perfect.”
“So you don’t want to work things out?”
“Not exactly. Eventually, I would like to work things out, just not right now.”
“I see. Bye Lily, I’ll see you at school.”
He got up and walked out. Although tears formed in my ducts, I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Not over this.
*******************************************************************
[Daniel’s POV]
I left Lily’s house still heartbroken. How could she not see that she was fine as herself? This stupid comparing herself to other girls was fine in the beginning because I thought I could help her. Now it’s just pissing me off. I went back home to find a lonely house. I went up to my room. Facing my desk, I just wanted to die. Seeing what Lily had to compare herself to, useless trophies, made me want to vomit. I sat down and the first thing I saw was my Duke acceptance letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
Congratulations! Welcome to Duke University . . . We would like you to join our early acceptance program . . .
All of this praise was the reason behind Lily’s miserable feelings. Maybe it would be better if I left for early acceptance. She would never have to see me again and everything would be all right. But then one of my other trophies caught my eye; it was my second place ribbon from my fourth grade spelling bee. I could vividly remember it because I spelled excellence wrong. Bet that’s very ironic. But I felt so cool for not getting the highest, for once. All of these trophies and awards didn’t mean anything by themselves, but they meant that I put my all in to earn them. If I put in my all to just getting a piece of plastic, why couldn’t I put in my all to get Lily back? After realizing this, I got back in my car and sped to her house again.
*******************************************************************
Not even hearing the door open, Daniel rushed into my room all flustered. What was he doing back here again?
“Daniel, is this really necessary?”
“Yes.” I was shocked by his bluntness. “This is absolutely necessary. Lily, what is this?” He said handing me a piece of paper. I saw that it was my winning poem Everthing’s Fine.
“I wrote this right after we started to go out.”
“I know,” Daniel said meaningfully. “Don’t you see that you are perfect at what you do?”
“I’m not perfect.”
“So what? You’re obviously really good. Isn’t that enough for you? You did win something for this, right?”
“Yea, five hundred dollars. But what does my writing have to do with our relationship?”
“Nothing. I just wanted you to see that your best is good enough for me. I don’t need you to be Maureen or even Margaret Chang!”
“Hey! Margaret is very nice. And she’s a good student council president too.”
“It doesn’t really matter though. What I want is for you and me to be happy, together.”
“But. . .”
“No but’s. If you have any flaws, they have no influence on how I feel about you.”
“Are you serious?”
“Do you see this face?” He asked pointing to the stupid serious-like face he was making. “This is my super serious face.”
I laughed, “OK, let’s get back together.”
“Great.” He jumped on me and started to kiss me. Then he slowly pulled away. “Was that the most perfect kiss ever?”
“Close enough.”
January passed, so did February( I cried on Valentine’s Day), and March went on too. It was now April and I still had a difficult time accepting that Daniel and I didn’t belong together. I just brought him down every time he tried to fix something. He tried to convince me to let him back in my life but I couldn’t do it. The only thing I could do properly right now was writing. I had submitted several of my poems and short works to contests and literary magazines of all of the colleges that accepted me. Yet, all of my friends said it wasn’t me writing. It was the autopilot me. Usually my work was very happy-go-lucky and upbeat. Now it was more grim and upsetting. I told them I was going through my ‘blue period’, trying to joke about my bad mood.
One day, Daniel and I ran into each other at school, literally. As I was turning a corner, we bumped into each other. Both of us were silent for a while but then Daniel broke the silence. “Hey Lily.”
“Hi Dan. How are you doing?”
“Good.” We were having a hard time getting past general banter. “I heard that the literary magazine is coming out pretty soon. I’m excited to see what you’ve written. Remember that time I came over to find your bed covered in ripped up drafts. We . . . ” He laughed at remembering the times we were happy together. “I loved that you took some of them and put them in the, what was it? The bad ballad bin or something like that? That was really cute.”
“It was the pitiful poem pile.”I let out a slight laugh too. “Yea those were some fun times.”
“Yea we really should hang out again sometime. I was wondering if you would come see me play baseball sometime and then afterwards we could go to a-”
“Daniel just-“
”Oh, never mind then. I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Yea, I guess. Bye Dan.”
“I liked it more when you called me Daniel. You were the only one whoever did.”
Oh my God! I just couldn’t stand him just then. He really wanted to get back together after I treated him like that?! I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t give up. But still, I did almost love him. “Bye Daniel,” I said quietly as he left to go to class.
After school, I went home to relax a little. But, his car was right in front of my house. Ugh! Could he not see that I didn’t want anything to do with him right now? I begrudgingly walked through the threshold, greeting Daniel and my mother.
“Lily, look who came to visit,” my mother said enthusiastically. “It’s Daniel.”
“OK mom. Can we have a moment in private if you don’t mind?”
“Not at all. It’s nice to see you again Daniel.”
“You too Mrs. Van der Meer.” He shuffled over to me and whispered, “Can we talk upstairs where she can’t hear us?”
“Sure.”
Once we were upstairs, I couldn’t focus on just talking. My knees felt weak and my heart started to race a little. To eliminate some of the tension, I turned on my radio and the Beatles’ song “Yesterday” started to play.
“‘Yesterday’, good song,” Daniel said sitting down on my bed.
I sighed. “Daniel, really, what is this about?”
“Lily, I don’t think you understand that I really, and I mean really, want you back.”
“Daniel, it isn’t that easy. It’s not like I could just be happy just like I was yesterday.”
“Yesterday I saw you eating school lunch. That taco didn’t make you very happy then?”
“You know that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about yesterday, the past. It was totally different back then.”
“It wasn’t that long ago you know.”
“Obviously. It’s just that . . . I still think of Maureen saying that about me.”
“Why are you so upset by what she said? I told you she was jealous and being a bitch.”
“It’s not about that. It’s about the hit on my confidence. You knew I wasn’t exactly Miss Perfect and being compared to you didn’t help.”
“I don’t need you to be perfect.”
“So you don’t want to work things out?”
“Not exactly. Eventually, I would like to work things out, just not right now.”
“I see. Bye Lily, I’ll see you at school.”
He got up and walked out. Although tears formed in my ducts, I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Not over this.
*******************************************************************
[Daniel’s POV]
I left Lily’s house still heartbroken. How could she not see that she was fine as herself? This stupid comparing herself to other girls was fine in the beginning because I thought I could help her. Now it’s just pissing me off. I went back home to find a lonely house. I went up to my room. Facing my desk, I just wanted to die. Seeing what Lily had to compare herself to, useless trophies, made me want to vomit. I sat down and the first thing I saw was my Duke acceptance letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
Congratulations! Welcome to Duke University . . . We would like you to join our early acceptance program . . .
All of this praise was the reason behind Lily’s miserable feelings. Maybe it would be better if I left for early acceptance. She would never have to see me again and everything would be all right. But then one of my other trophies caught my eye; it was my second place ribbon from my fourth grade spelling bee. I could vividly remember it because I spelled excellence wrong. Bet that’s very ironic. But I felt so cool for not getting the highest, for once. All of these trophies and awards didn’t mean anything by themselves, but they meant that I put my all in to earn them. If I put in my all to just getting a piece of plastic, why couldn’t I put in my all to get Lily back? After realizing this, I got back in my car and sped to her house again.
*******************************************************************
Not even hearing the door open, Daniel rushed into my room all flustered. What was he doing back here again?
“Daniel, is this really necessary?”
“Yes.” I was shocked by his bluntness. “This is absolutely necessary. Lily, what is this?” He said handing me a piece of paper. I saw that it was my winning poem Everthing’s Fine.
“I wrote this right after we started to go out.”
“I know,” Daniel said meaningfully. “Don’t you see that you are perfect at what you do?”
“I’m not perfect.”
“So what? You’re obviously really good. Isn’t that enough for you? You did win something for this, right?”
“Yea, five hundred dollars. But what does my writing have to do with our relationship?”
“Nothing. I just wanted you to see that your best is good enough for me. I don’t need you to be Maureen or even Margaret Chang!”
“Hey! Margaret is very nice. And she’s a good student council president too.”
“It doesn’t really matter though. What I want is for you and me to be happy, together.”
“But. . .”
“No but’s. If you have any flaws, they have no influence on how I feel about you.”
“Are you serious?”
“Do you see this face?” He asked pointing to the stupid serious-like face he was making. “This is my super serious face.”
I laughed, “OK, let’s get back together.”
“Great.” He jumped on me and started to kiss me. Then he slowly pulled away. “Was that the most perfect kiss ever?”
“Close enough.”