Playing With Fire

After the movie, Nick and I sat outside the theater. We took a seat on one of the benches and listened to the relaxing sounds of the water below us.

“Kara?” Nick asked me in a hesitant voice.

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry if this is uncalled for, but…” He took a deep breath. “Do you think Layla will ever want to know who her father was?”

I shut my eyes. I knew this question was waiting to be asked.

“He doesn’t deserve her,” I said simply. “When she’s old enough, I’ll tell her the truth.” Nick squeezed my arm. “Besides, if you’re around, she’ll always have a father figure in her life,”

His breathing slowed. “Thank you, Kara. That means a lot,” he said leisurely, putting his chin on my head.

“No, thank you,” I replied, “I see the look on your voice whenever you sing to Layla or whenever we talk about her. You love her,”

Nick took a moment to respond. “I do,” he finally said, “I feel connected to her in some strange way,” I smiled at him. “And I love you as well,”

I blushed. I never got tired of hearing him say it aloud. “I know, I love you, too,” I said.

“No, I don’t think you know, Kara,” He moved so that I could look into his eyes, “I really truly love you,” he whispered, “I’ve never felt like this with anyone. It’s you, Kara. It’s always been you,”

What could I have said to that? I was speechless. No one had ever loved me the way that Nick loved me – not even my own flesh and blood. My experiences in life had made me feel like dirt – completely worthless. I had been violated, abused, and abandoned.

But in the end, somebody loved me. And it made up for all of the anguish I’d endured.

But I just didn’t understand why.

“Nick,” I began, “You could do so much better than me,”

“There’s no one on this planet better for me than you,” he said assuredly.

“Look at me, Nick. You deserve more. I’m nothing,”

He pulled me close. “You are not nothing. You are everything to me. Everything,” he said, “They all just treat you like nothing and they can go to hell,” He kissed my forehead. “I love you, Kara. Do you hear me? All this crap you’ve been through isn’t fair at all. I wish I could make it go away, but I can’t…”

“Yes, you can,” I told him, “And you do every day. You fix everything. You fix me,”

“How? It was my fault that you drank the hot chocolate and my fault that we walked by that sidewalk,”

“Nick, before you came back, I was always thinking of it. Now, you take my mind off of it. I don’t think of it constantly with you around. The little reminders are inevitable, but I am so much better because of you. Nick,” I whispered, “I’m alive because of you,”

He didn’t know what to say to that. He just buried himself into my hair and sighed deeply, holding me tight against him.

Suddenly, his cell phone vibrated from within his pocket. He pulled away from me slightly and pulled it out, unlocking the key guard and reading his new text message.

“Joe’s out front,” he said to me, grabbing my hand and standing up. I turned on my heel to lead us out, but he stopped me.

“Wait,” he whispered, leaning into me slowly, “Before we get into the car where I can’t do this…” He took my face between his hands and kissed me with everything he had. It was intense – the kind of kiss you give to someone when you’ll never be able to kiss them again. But that was absurd. Nick could kiss me as much as he wanted, except when Joe was around, that is. When he let go, I was gasping for air and my head was going round in circles. Nick laughed at my reaction and snaked his arm around my waist. “Let’s go,” he said lightly.

Still dazed, I walked around to the front of the theater with Nick’s hand in mine and we both got into the car, greeting Joe.

“How was the movie?” Joe asked.

“Um, it was great…” Nick lied. He glanced over at me and smirked. I grinned and leaned against him.

Joe pulled out from the parking lot and began the drive home.

“Did you make out with her?” Joe asked his little brother.

“Possibly,” Nick replied.

I saw Joe smirk and shake his head in the mirror.

It was silent for a few minutes, until Joe switched on the radio and had it play random radio stations. It went from Lady Gaga, to a talk show, to Jay Sean, to an unfamiliar song, then finally on an oldies station.

“WAIT! JOE! GO BACK!” Nick yelled excitedly.

Joe jumped and went back to the station Nick pointed out. It took me a few seconds to recognize the song, but the tune finally lit the light bulb.

“JOE! IT’S ‘SOS’!” Nick shouted.

Joe screamed with joy and started flipping out. Nick and I began to sing along to the song, completely taken aback by the boys’ first song on the radio.

The song continued to play full blast until we reached the Jonas house. We jumped out of the car, completely dumbfounded. Joe locked the car and we made our way inside.
We walked into the house laughing. But our happiness completely disappeared when we saw who was sitting on the living room couch.

“Hey, Kara,” she said, standing up.

I was shocked. “Mikenna?”