Playing With Fire

While we awaited news from Nick, the Jonas family and I directed our attention towards blocking out the phone calls and resisting turning on the television. We all knew that the boys would be all over the news – they’d become far too popular to be overlooked. And despite my optimism that Nick’s plan would work, I still couldn’t help but feel anxiety as I looked at the distraught faces of Kevin, Joe, and their parents. It was madness – no one knew that one harmless trip to the bakery would blow up into something so controversial. I was guilty. I was ashamed.

I should have seen it coming.

It was so obvious. They were superstars and I should have been more careful with my condition. But I wasn’t.

And the price to pay for my mistake was so unfair.

I thought about Nick upstairs on the phone with Charlene, fighting for me – fighting for us. I foresaw her getting upset, insisting that Niley was his best bet to win this. Then, he would argue. I knew Nick. He would argue. He believed so strongly in us. Somehow, for some strange unknown reason, he loved me. I still couldn’t figure out why; it still blew my mind everyday. But he did. I still expected myself to wake up from the dream. But he did love me, so much that he would keep fighting the battle until his strength wore out, until he could no longer, until he won. I had full faith in him.

Something small inside me told me that we were going to be alright.

Beside me, Joe interrupted my thoughts by dangling a black Sharpie in front of my face. He looked at me with a cheerful smile, but a touch of angst still hid in his eyes. He tapped the marker to the cast on his right arm.

“Time to sign,” he said.

I smiled and took the marker in my hand, lifting Joe’s broken arm onto my lap. I positioned the tip on the rough, almost paper-maché material and signed with the first thing that came to mind:

“Joe – You make me laugh so hard it hurts. I love you even though you’ve broken every bone in your body a hundred times. RV is the shizz. Your sister, KC.”

I drew a heart beside my initials and took a moment to read the rest of the signatures:

“You’re retarded but you can sing. So it’s okay. –KJ2”

“I BROKE THIS ARM! Love, Nick J."

“Remember the three S’s: Switchfoot, s’mores, and songwriting. –JT”

I stared at the cast, trying to think of one of our friends that had the initials of JT. When my brain failed me, I glanced up at Joe. “Who’s JT?” I asked him.

“Who?” He glanced down at the signatures and read the one I had been gawking at, confused. “Oh! That’s Justin. He’s a good buddy,” Joe beamed.

“Justin…” I eyed him carefully.

“Timberlake. You know, that dude who used to be in *NSYNC with the ‘fro?”

“I know who Justin Timberlake is, Joe,” My eyes widened at the thought. “He signed this cast? This very cast? That I just signed, too? The Justin Timberlake?” I didn’t think I had ever been so starstruck before in my life yet Joe sat beside me, completely calm. It amazed me. How could he just sit there like that kind of thing happened everyday?

“Yup,” Joe nodded. “We met him in New York and hung out. We listened to Switchfoot’s new album, made s’mores, and wrote songs. The three S’s.”

“That’s…incredible,” I replied, shocked beyond belief.

Then, it hit me. I realized that kind of thing really did happen everyday to them. But me – I hadn’t yet wrapped my mind around it all yet. It still seemed rather surreal, my best friends becoming A-list celebrities.

After freaking out about Justin’s signature for a good twenty minutes, I realized I was the only one who seemed stunned by it and moved on. It was obviously normal for Joe, so making a scene about it only amused him. I went back to reading the others, ignoring his laughter.

“What’s this crossed out one?” I asked, pointing to a dark scribble near Joe’s wrist.

His face suddenly transformed into disgust – it was so uncharacteristic to see a look of such scorn on Joe’s normally grinning face. “That’s where Miley signed. She practically held me down to get a chance at it.” He rolled his eyes dramatically. “Chick is crazy…”

“Oh,” was all I could reply. The subject was still sensitive to me. I tried not to show it bothered me.

“OH, MY GOD! KC!” Joe exploded, making me jump.

“What? What happened?” I asked him frantically.

“Something just moved against my arm!”

I stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, and then realized the reason behind his spazz-attack. I laughed. “Relax, Joe. It was just Layla,” I patted the underside of my stomach.

“What?” he asked, shocked.

“She kicked,”

His eyes widened. “Does that… Does that happen a lot?”

“Joe, you saw Mom when she was pregnant with Nick and Frankie. How is this any different?” Kevin chimed in.

“I was like, two when Nick was born and ten when Frankie was born. How should I remember?”

“Well it’s just common sense, isn’t it? Babies aren’t gonna be still in there,”

“Shut up, Kevin. No one asked you.”

“Hey!”

I laughed. “It’s okay, guys. And yes, Joe, it happens a lot – Mostly when Nick sings to her,” I smiled at the memories of him laying by me, humming sweet lullabies to Layla and keeping a steady hand on her to feel her move.

“Wow,” Joe said in amazement, “That’s kind of…” He paused. “Beautiful.”

I smiled. “It is,”

“Can I tell her jokes?”

“I don’t think she understands English yet, Joe,” said Kevin.

Joe scoffed. “Are you deaf? How can you say that? She clearly does. She’s been talking to me this whole time…”

Kevin stared blankly at his brother for a moment. “I was talking about the baby, not Kara!”

“Oh. Sorry…”

I tried my best to hold back the laughter. “You can tell her jokes, Joe. Maybe it’ll make her as funny as you when she grows up,”

“I don’t think so,” said a voice from behind me. I turned my neck to see Nick walking towards the couch with my phone in his hand and a smirk on his face. “I don’t want my girl to become an idiot like Joe,” Nick took a seat beside me and threw his arm around my shoulders.

“You really need to stop sipping on that hater-ade, Nick.” Joe stuck his tongue out at his brother and stood up dramatically, walking away.

Nick laughed and then turned to me, letting out a deep sigh.

“Well, Charlene wasn’t happy,” he said, chuckling without humor. “She was screaming so loud I had to hold the phone away from my face.”

I looked down, avoiding his eyes. I didn’t want to see the pain of bad news.

“But I told her I didn’t care what she thought,” He brought his hand to my chin and lifted up my face to look him in the eye. He was smiling. “I told her I was going to tell the truth. And that’s what I’m going to do,”

He glanced over at Joe, making sure he was looking away, and leaned in to kiss me. I felt hope in the kiss – it was optimistic and it lifted my spirits. Nick leaned his forehead against mine and whispered that everything was going to be okay – we would make it. We always did.

I closed my eyes and let his reassuring voice take me over. I repeated it to myself over and over again until I believed it. It was tough, but what he said echoed in my mind and I took a deep breath. There was no need to stress.

We’d be okay.

---------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I woke up afraid. I was suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought that later that afternoon, Nick and I were going to go before the press and make ourselves public. Mr. Jonas had warned me that life as I knew it was going to change completely and I was nervous. Nick tried to do all he could to ease my tension, but I could tell that he was scared too. I sat on the couch in the living room as the other Jonases got dressed. My fingers were tapping uncontrollably against my thigh and butterflies were beginning to flutter in my chest.

Nick turned to me and took my hand, stopping me from tapping any further. “It’s going to be fine,” he told me, warming my hand between both of his and then kissing it. I tried to nod and shake off the nerves.

“I hope so,” I responded, looking deep into his worried eyes.

Once everyone was ready to go, we walked out of the house. I noticed two extra black cars parked behind the SUV in the driveway and looked at Nick questioningly.

“Bodyguards,” he said.

The tension built up inside me again. That was a first. I never pictured us ever needing bodyguards to be protected.

Everyone buckled their seatbelts in the car and we began the drive to Trenton with the two security cars following close behind us. I took deep breaths. It’s going to be okay, Kara.

I spent the long drive sitting against Nick’s chest, depending on my song to relax me and get me through the day. If after we came clean and the world scorned us for being who we were, the boys’ careers could suffer tremendously. Record sales would drop. Their fans would be disappointed in them. Their label could decide to let them go. Disney would want nothing to do with them. Even though we hoped and prayed that people would be kind and keep their minds open to understanding, we knew that the world wasn’t perfect – that people would believe only what they wanted to believe. There were people out there who were dedicated to making sure the Jonas Brothers went down. And then there were the devoted fans, as crazy as some may have been, who looked up to my best friends. Their parents valued their purity. They were heroes in their eyes. Even if we explained the truth, lies were going to be infected into their minds and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

But I tried to think on the bright side. Some people might amaze us and believe that what we’re saying to them is true. Becoming public with Nick would eliminate the need to stay away from him and I knew that would make life much, much easier on my heart. I wouldn’t have to see him with Miley anymore and I wouldn’t have to stand back and watch as he lived his life and I couldn’t be seen with him. And really, what it all came down to was that if worst came to worst, if the world didn’t accept us, I would still have Nick and he would still have me. We would still be in love and that was more than enough.

When we finally arrived at Trenton, my nerves were calmed. With Nick’s hand in mine, I was ready to walk into that press room and make a statement.

But the moment one of the bodyguards opened up the door of the SUV, my heart sped up. Paparazzi were swarming the car and pathway into the building we needed to get into. Dozens of cameras were being flashed and Nick’s grip on my hand tightened.

“Let’s go,” he said, voice shaking.

Nick stepped out of the car first, causing the cameras to flash even faster and the bodyguards to hover around him protectively. He reached his hand out to me to help me out and didn’t let go the whole time we walked inside. It was strange for me – it was my first encounter with the crazy paparazzi and the first time Nick and I had acted like a couple in public. The butterflies in my chest had become dragons – I was stressing out.

Then it all happened so fast. Inside the building were even more photographers, snapping photos of us from every angle. I shielded my eyes from the flashing – it was giving me a headache. I felt a soft hand on my back and turned to see that it was Mrs. Jonas trying to comfort me. I smiled at her weakly and Nick’s walking pace sped up. He led me into a room where a wooden table sat with at least six microphones fixed on it. In the corner of the room stood three men in suits, most likely from the boys’ management, and Charlene. The glare she shot me warned me that what we were about to do was a huge mistake. But her scorn was nothing compared to the sea of paparazzi, high-tech video cameras, and news reporters nested in front of the table. It was terrifying.

My eyes widened with fear.

Nick walked up to the microphones and sat our intertwined hands on the table, clear for everyone to see, causing the cameras to be flashed at even quicker intervals. He wasn’t leaving anything hidden anymore. Joe and Kevin stood behind us and Joe’s hand was placed gently on my shoulder. The room was filled with loud reporters shouting out questions to the boys. I took a deep breath.

Nick cleared his throat softly and began speaking in a professional, dignified voice: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, my brothers, myself, and our management called this meeting with you to discuss a very important matter. We feel that it’s best that we bring attention to this issue and converse this to you with the upmost honesty.”

The room fell silent as he paused.

“This is Kara Chanel,” he said, motioning to me. “She has been a very close friend of ours for eleven years. She is practically family to us. She’s extremely important to me and my family, and we trust that you will respect that. Many have speculated my relationship status these past few months and up until now, my intention was to keep everything private. But I now realize that our fans deserve the truth.”

He let the thought linger in everyone’s thoughts for a moment.

“Kara and I are together,” he finally said, squeezing my hand.

The paparazzi exploded, causing the room to fill with countless voices screaming into my ears. I rushed to stick my hands on both sides of my head in a desperate struggle to ease the pain.

“Please, keep it down! You’re scaring her!” Kevin yelled at the press. Nick snaked his arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

Mr. Jonas squeezed through the boys and said loudly into the microphone, “We will take questions one at a time.”

The room quieted and the ringing in my ears subsided over time. Every reporter had a hand raised and Mr. Jonas pointed to one of them, a polished woman in a gray suit and black pumps. She had a silver tape recorder in her hand aimed at the boys.

“It’s obvious that she’s pregnant. Can you comment on that?” she asked in a monotone voice. I knew that question would be the first one mentioned.

“What do you want us to say?” Nick asked her, clearly irritated and offended.

She hesitated. “Is it yours?”

“No,” he said, tightening his grip on me. “It’s not mine. It’s not any of ours,”

The woman nodded stiffly and Mr. Jonas moved on to another question.

“What about your alleged romance with a Miss Miley Cyrus?” asked another reporter with short black hair and an expensive looking suit. All of the members of the press screamed Charlene to me. They were exactly her type.

“That was just a rumor,” Nick fibbed. “Miley and I are just good friends.”

I guessed we weren’t being honest about everything.

“How long have you and Ms. Chanel been together?” another reporter chimed in.

“A few months,”

“And yet a number of magazines have printed that you and Miley have been together for a year,”

“I never commented on the matter.” Nick was getting frustrated. I felt his muscles tense up beside me.

“What is the reaction of Hollywood Studios on the issue?” I heard someone else ask.

One of the men standing beside Charlene leaned over Joe’s shoulder and spoke into the microphone: “The label understands and accepts the situation and is offering as much cooperation and support as needed.” When he backed away from the table, he sent a warm smile in my direction. I felt a sense of relief. Maybe all of them weren’t like Charlene.

Another reporter turned to look in my direction and said “Ms. Chanel, how did you meet the Jonas Brothers?” while pointing another tape recorder in my face.

I froze and looked to Nick for refuge. “It’s okay,” he whispered to me. I wasn’t expecting to have to talk.

“Um,” I stammered. I thought through every word I was going to say in my mind. Choosing the right words was crucial. “Nick and I went to school together.”

“And you live with them, is that correct?”

“Uh,” My heard rate sped up. “Yes. I do…”

“Interesting…”

“If Nick isn’t the father of the child then who is?” I heard a different reporter in the back shout. My throat suddenly became very dry. I tried to swallow, but it hurt. My heart began to pound against my chest.

“That’s enough questions,” Mr. Jonas spoke up after he noticed my reaction. I mouthed a word of secret thanks to him and he nodded his head, a sympathetic smile hinted on his lips.

“Thank you,” said each of the boys to the press. The Jonases and I began to walk away, leaving Charlene and the men from the boys’ management to say a few last words to the reporters. Nick was the first to step out of the room, my hand still firmly in his, and I quickly followed, covering my eyes from the cameras. We made our way back to the car, ignoring the shouting paparazzi telling us to turn around and pose for a picture. Once we got buckled into our seats, the tears surfaced and I hid my face in Nick’s chest so no one else could see. I felt silly for crying – I didn’t even have to do anything. What Nick did had been much harder. But still, the anxiety I had been fighting finally caught up to me and I was overwhelmed by it.

“It’s okay, Kara,” I heard Nick whisper against my ear. He had his hand at the back of my head and he was slowly rocking me back and forth, desperate to comfort me. “Please don’t cry,” he pleaded.

I moved a few inches from his chest and looked up at him with watery eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said, “It’s just a lot to deal with,” My voice was thick with tears.

“I know, Kara. I know,” He sighed and kissed the top of my head. “But remember what I said. We’ll be okay. I promise,”

I leaned on his shoulder and allowed his sweet aroma to calm my nerves.

The only thing left to do after that was wait – wait to find out the world’s reaction, wait to find out our future.

When we got home, the cameramen were still camped out across the street. Nick helped me out of the car and we walked into the house behind two large bodyguards. My crying had settled and I was composed. I told myself to be strong and to get through it. Nick led me down to the basement and the boys and I put on a movie to keep our minds occupied. All of us were worried, but we tried not to show it. Nick, Kevin, and Joe were good actors, but I had known them for eleven years – I could sense when something was bothering them. I saw it in their eyes. But as we sat together and watched Titanic, everything seemed a little easier. Kevin popped some popcorn and Joe brought down cans of Diet Coke. I leaned my head on Nick’s shoulder and we let the time pass us by, knowing that everything we were anxious about would still be there when the movie was over. Stressing over it now was pointless.
About halfway through the movie, Kevin reached for his laptop.

“Don’t check it, Kevin,” said Nick, “Not yet.”

Kevin looked at his brother for a moment, reading his pleading eyes before he nodded slowly.

“I won’t,” he said. He began typing on the keyboard and Nick brought his attention back to the movie. He ran his hand up and down my arm, giving me goose bumps.

“Your hands are so cold,” I told him with a shiver, reaching for his hand and warming it in my own.

He shrugged. “Blood sugar must be actin’ up,”

I reached for a can of Diet Coke and opened it, prying open his fingers and sticking it in his hand. “Drink,” I told him.

He smiled at me and brought the can up to his lips, taking a sip and setting it back down on the coffee table.

“Thank you,” he told me, kissing my forehead.

Nick’s diabetes had always greatly worried me. He always told me not to be afraid and that it was controllable, but it still got to me. The first time I had seen Nick in a hospital bed was when he got diagnosed – it was a devastating memory. He’d been on edge for weeks, losing weight fast and never having an appetite. So Mrs. Jonas had decided to take him to the doctor’s, who then told him to go to the hospital. After intensive persuasion, I had finally convinced my mom to take me to see him and the sight was shocking to me. He’d been laying in the bed when I walked into the room, eyes closed and skin as pale as ever. He had about twenty tubes poking into his skin and his head was dangling onto his shoulder against his pillow.

He was asleep, but to me he looked dead.

I couldn’t get that image out of my head for months. I had nightmares about it every night.
But over time, dealing with it got better. I always helped him to test his blood and take his insulin. Underneath it all though, it still worried me. No matter what, it would worry me.

“Kara, do you have a Twitter account?” Kevin suddenly asked me, interrupting my thoughts.

“Um, yeah. I haven’t really gotten a chance to use it though,” I replied.

“What is it?” His voice was slow and apprehensive.

“Just my name. No spaces. Why?” I eyed him suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Kevin?”

“Your number of followers is through the roof,” he said with wide eyes, “And you have a fan site,”

My heart stopped dead in its tracks. Beside me, Nick froze up as well.

“What?” I asked Kevin, stunned.

He stood up with the open laptop in his hands and came to sit beside me, showing me the screen. I stared at it in disbelief. First, he showed me the Twitter. I half expected it to be a fake account or a different Kara Chanel, but it wasn’t. There was my page and Kevin was right – over four hundred thousand people were following me. Then, he showed me the fan site.

My eyes were about to pop out of my head, I was so shocked.

An entire website devoted to me, of all people. It didn’t have much – it was just created in the last hour. But it had the pictures from the bakery and from the meeting with the press on it. I glanced over at Nick. His jaw was on the floor and he wasn’t breathing.

“Click on ‘graphics’,” he said to Kevin after catching his breath, “That’s their only section so far,”

Kevin obliged and scrolled down the page. We were greeted with an endless amount of icons, cell phone graphics, and desktop wallpapers. It shocked me because the only pictures they had of me had been those from the past two days, but every picture had a theme. Apparently, Team Nara had come to power.

“Who’s ‘Nara’?” I asked the boys, pointing to the screen.

Nick let out a laugh and punched fists into the air. “YES!” he screamed.

Kevin chuckled. “It’s Nick and Kara combined into one,”

“Oh. Like Niley…”

“Yeah, but better!” Nick yelled, grabbing my face and kissing me like there was no tomorrow. His excitement left me gasping for air. The moment we broke apart, he pulled me closer to him and grinned hugely. “Don’t you guys see? There are people out there who love that Kara and I are together! They love Nara!” He said the word with such pride, it made me smile.

I peeked back over to the website and my heart warmed inside.

So far, the world had surprised me.

But I knew somewhere out there, it wasn’t all good news…