Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

I sit in Alex's room alone. My small bag of belongings on the floor by my feet. For some reason, I am sleeping in Alex's room tonight. His mother set up the sleeping arrangements. It seems she has more faith in Jack than Alex does seeing as she put him in August's room. Alex complained the second the words left his mother's mouth.

It's funny seeing him so protective.

Even better, he didn't complain when his mother placed me in his room.

I get the feeling his mother is attempting to play matchmaker. She doesn't realize that I can not be a good companion for her son. Being kidnapped and raped effects your emotions. It makes relationships difficult.

But I would love to have him as mine.

He would be my first boyfriend. That would mean more to me than anything.

I look around Alex's room. It looks like a typical teenage male's room.

Last I checked, he is twenty-one. That's what August told me. I guess he is a teenager at heart though.

The pictures of scantily clad women throw me off. Their bodies differ greatly from mine. I don't have curves like they do. If they are what Alex thinks is the perfect woman, I am nowhere close.

That hurts.

He has a wall devoted to August. Most of the pictures are from her youth but some look recent. One of the pictures is a missing poster with August's face on it. I wasn't aware she had ever gone missing.

Maybe it's just a joke.

I want to ask but I know I shouldn't pry.

The door opens. Alex stands in the doorway, looking perfect as always.

"How are you doing?" he asks, taking a few steps into the room.

"Better, I guess," I answer.

I don't know how much better I can feel.

"Haven't I told you not to lie to me before?" he asks.

"You have."

He sits on the bed, next to me. There is a small space between us.

If my leg twitched, it would touch his.

I need to stop being so obsessed.

"How are you really doing?" he asks.

"I honestly don't know."

"Things will get better," he assures, placing his hand on mine.

My heart skips a beat.

"I trust you," I say.

"I know you do," he smirks.

I guess it's obvious.

"Why did you lie about your dad not letting you date?" he asks.

"I couldn't tell anyone the truth. If Jeffery would have found out I told someone, I would have been in trouble."

"So you stayed with him for nine years?"

"At least I'm still alive."

Alex says nothing. His expression is grime. He probably didn’t think about it like that.

Even though, I did almost get killed.

Technicalities

"Why is there a missing poster with August's face on it?" I ask.

I have to know.

"She ran away three years ago. We didn't get her back till recently."

"Why would she runaway? Things seem pretty good here."

He shakes his head. "Things weren't the same back then. We changed a lot."

"She never told anyone at the academy."

"She didn't want to get sent back. I think she's happy now though."

I nod. His eyes stare into mine.

"I like you. I know you were raped and abused and I know things must be hard right now. But I like you and I can't help myself," he says.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I figure you have a right to know, even if you don't return the feelings."

Didn't I tell him I like him?

"Alex, I like you too; I told you that."

"I know. I just wanted to hear you say it again. There's no way you can resist my boyish charm," a playful smile sets on his face.

"You're a tad conceited," I state.

"You like it."

I do.