Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

I jolt awake, sweat dripping down my forehead. My eyes dart around Alex's room, looking for any sign of disturbance. There's nothing there. No face in the window, no monsters in the closet. Nothing is there. But I still feel paranoid.

I had a nightmare. Or maybe it was more of a memory in dream form. A memory I never wanted to remember.

Who in their right mind would want to remember the first time that their parent's friend raped them, the forcible stealing of their virginity?

I know I didn't want to think about it. I haven't thought about how this all started in years.

Forgetting is the best tool to move on.

Or it is in my mind.

Regardless there is no way I can go to sleep now.

"Go back to sleep," Alex's voice floats from somewhere in the room.

He's definitely not in the bed. I have no idea where he is. I don't even remember falling asleep.

"How do you know I'm awake?" I ask, peaking over the foot of the bed.

He lays on his back on the mattress on the floor, a sheet covering his bottom half, his top half full exposed.

Cue the drool.

"I heard you wake up."

I wasn't aware I was that loud.

He sits up.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I had a nightmare," I answer.

"About what?"

"Jeffery."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Alex stands from the mattress, letting the sheet fall and reveal his plaid boxers. I bite my bottom lip and try to focus my eyes on his face.

My hormones need a leash.

He places himself in the empty spot next to me.

"Do you need a cuddle buddy?" he asks.

"A what?"

"A cuddle buddy," he states.

"What's that?"

"Someone to snuggle with while you sleep."

I smile.

"Depends on who the cuddle buddy is."

"Well, I was thinking Jack but his limbs are way too long to cuddle with you. Aaron won't be back till nine in the morning so he's out of the question. I guess that leaves me," he says.

"I would love for you to be my cuddle buddy."

"Good."

He lifts the blanket and slips under. His arms wrap around my waist, tugging me down on my side. I snuggle into his chest. He smells like pizza. They must have eaten while I was asleep. Being in his arms is the most comfortable thing ever.

This is better than being with Jeffery.

"If you're hungry, you can eat and then we can go to sleep," he says.

And risk having this disappear? I think not.

"No, I'll eat in the morning," I answer, running my hand over his chest.

"Are you sure?"

I nod. He sighs, not in frustration or anger, but a content sigh. His hands trail up and down my back.

"Good night, Alice," he says.

"Night, Alex," I close my eyes and allow myself to fall asleep.