Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

It's dark and dreary. The ground is barren for the most part, save for patches of grass and cement headstones. Dead trees still rooted in their places are the only permanent decorations. Their limbs sway miserably in the wind. A crow calls out above, circling a large portion of the land before landing on a tree branch. Its yellow eyes stare down at me. It tilts its head to the side, questioning the purpose of my visit. I won't tell; I will not utter a word about my intentions here. It makes it too real.

In front of me, two headstones sit idle. They're plain; no fancy decorations cover the cement. I have yet to read the words carved into them besides their names: Mary Ann James and Benjamin James, my parents. I should have bought flowers to decorate their resting place.

The wind continues to blow, rustling the patches of grass. I can feel Alex's presence behind me but he doesn't dare make a move to disrupt the calm. The crow above calls to me in random intervals, demanding attention and answers.

It feels like hours have passed; I know it's only been a few minutes since I found this resting sight. I've been sitting here, thinking of the right words to say.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

Tears gather in my eyes and stream down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," I say again, this time at normal voice level.

A minute passes; my tears do not cease, nor do they increase. I sniff, rubbing the back of my hand against my nose.

"I'm sorry for being so fucking stupid," my tears turn to sobs. "I love you so much. I miss you. This isn't how it was supposed to be. I didn't want this to happen. Jeffery was supposed to be a good guy, someone you two could trust. Not some monster."

Alex rests a hand on my shoulder. I look up at him, pitiful.

"It's going to be okay," he says loud enough for me to hear over my noisy cries, "Just calm down."

As he instructs, my body calms. He has that effect. I don't know why but he does.

I grab his hand and tug it gently. He sits on the ground next to me, allowing me to keep my hold on his hand. I look back at the headstones.

"This is Alex," I introduce, "He's my boyfriend as of earlier today. You would like him."

Yeah, I'm introducing him to my dead parents. I hope that doesn't freak him out.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. James. Your daughter is amazing; you would be proud of her," Alex says, squeezing my hand.

I lean my head against his shoulder and take a deep breath.

"I love you mommy; I love you daddy," I mumble.

My eyes gaze over the words written on the headstones. Forever in our hearts and prayers; You are finally with your daughter in heaven.

Too bad I'm not dead.

There is something written in smaller font underneath the loving sentiment. I squint to read it. Lives taken by the hands of Jeffery Davidson.

What?

I go stiff. Alex wraps his arm around me, his eyes following mine. His grip tightens.

What?!

Jeffery killed them? He killed them and kept me believing they were alive? He kept using their safety as a threat?

What the hell?

That bastard.

That must be why we moved two years ago; so he could hide.

I can't believe this. I stayed, I did everything he told me to, and he killed them. He lied to me. All for some sick pleasure.

I start sobbing again, rubbing my face into Alex's shirt. He pats my back.

"I'm going to kill him," Alex whispers, anger coursing through his words.

"No," I cry out.

"Why not? He's done so much to you. Can't you feel how much he's broken you? I know he's still on your mind. You mumble his name while you toss and turn in your sleep. For all he's done, it only seems fair."

I calm during Alex's proclamation, staring at him with awe-filled eyes.

He cares so much for me. I couldn't ask for someone more amazing.

"If you hurt him, the police will take you away from me," I mumble.

I need him more than I've ever needed anyone.

"Fine, I won't touch him but only because I don't want to be away from you," Alex leans down, capturing my lips with his.

I swear I can feel my parents smiling down at us with approval.