Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

Aaron is already on top of August when I step into the room. She lies underneath him, perfectly still. She expects him to do this everytime we have practice. In fact, we all expect it.

I wonder if that is how I look laying under Jeffery.

"Why is he on top of her?" Alex asks.

"Who, Aaron? He always does that. Don't worry, he's gay," I reply.

Aaron catches a glimpse of Alex. His eyes widen and he jumps to his feet.

"Aaron, what's wrong?" asks August.

Aaron points a shaky hand at Alex, gapping much like a fish. August turns. A smile breaks out on her face. She stands and walks to Alex.

"I didn't think you would actually show up," she says.

"I couldn't pass up an invitation to watch my little sister practice," he replies.

I would assume he's being sarcastic but his tone is much too genuine. Is it possible that there are men out there who actually care for their family members? Jeffery cares for me and I'm his little girl. But his care is not fatherly. It never has been; it never will be.

He'll never be my real father either. Not as long as I have vague memories of my parents implanted in my mind.

"Hey, August," Jack says.

"Hey, skunk head," she replies.

He smiles at her. It's loving.

Smiles say a lot about people. I just wish I would have read smiles when I was younger. I wouldn't be where I am if I could have. I could have been with my parents still, relaxing and enjoying life.

Instead, I live with a monster.

"If you guys kiss, I swear I'll rip Jack's vocal cords out," Alex threatens.

Is he serious?

August rolls her eyes.

"I see you've met Elizabeth," she states, a coy smile playing on her lips.

"I couldn't find the room and she happened to run into me."

"My brother has a horrible sense of direction," she addresses me.

"Apparently," I reply.

She grabs her brother's wrist. "C'mon, I'll show you where to sit," she drags him to the chairs lined up in the front of the room.

Jack follows them, slinging an arm around August's shoulder. I shudder.

Human contact is not the most pleasant thing on my list. In fact, I'd rather not touch people if I can help it. It makes me uncomfortable. I blame this entirely on Jeffery; it only seems fitting.

I sigh and walk to the middle of the floor where Aaron is stretching.

"Alex Gaskarth is so hot," he says as I approach.

I shrug in response.

He is attractive, I'll admit that much. Not out loud though, never out loud. I could get into too much trouble by saying that out loud.

It's not like I'm not going to die soon anyway. All things considered, I should already be dead. I accept it. There's nothing I can do, nothing anyone else is willing to do.

"Are you immune to guys, Elizabeth?" Aaron whispers, "because, honestly, I haven't heard you ever express your desire for any guy."

"I just don't see a point."

"Don't tell me you think you're ugly. You are a tad too thin, I'll admit, but you are in no way ugly."

If I were ugly I would still be at home. Ugly wasn't a thought that crossed my mind. This all has to do with Jeffery.

But I can't tell him that.

"It's not that," I mumble.

"Well what is it?" he asks.

The door opens, saving me from answering. Our instructor walks in. One glance over the room and she stops in her tracks.

"Why isn't Aaron on top of August?" she asks.

"Her brother walked in," I answer.

She nods.

"Alright who wants to—."

Aaron cuts her off, yelling, "Party."

"Yes, Aaron, party," she says, void of emotion.

"Yeah," he yells, hopping up and down.

His red and black hair doesn't move though. There's too much hairspray for it to move.

"I'll call the pizza guy," she mumbles.

A party can only mean one thing for me: food.

Maybe if I'm lucky, my stomach will rupture from having too much food at one time and I'll die. Jeffery wouldn't have to soil his hands.

I would be his great little girl after that.