Christmas '09

The lights went out on stage after a second encore and the roar of the crowd was deafening. This was there last show for an entire year, the band having decided that they wanted some down time as well as enough time to write, revise and prefect their next album. Yes, Avenged Sevenfold was excited to say the least.

This particular show ended their tour at the perfect time, just a week before Christmas, leaving enough space from the end of tour to the famous holiday for the boys and their crew to get settled back at home. Well, almost all of the boys.

Matt Sanders was determined to work through the vacation, he wanted this to be Avenged Sevenfold’s best album yet. Although it was an unspoken rule that no writing was to be done on the road, Matt just couldn’t abide by it this tour. Even though the rest of the band and crew didn’t know what was going on with Matt, they saw a definite behavioral change, and it concerned them. He was anti-social, seemed to have his head shoved up his ass and, to make them really concerned, he seemed to be more interested in the groupies than the girlfriend he dedicated himself to- while said girlfriend had been on tour with them.

“Thanks babe,” he said, taking the towel and water bottle from his girlfriend. He gave her a million dollar smile before walking off; she just stared after him with a confused and slightly disgusted expression, chewing on the index finger of her left hand.

“Don’t worry about him Lane,” Zacky said, towel and a half empty water bottle in hand. “He’ll come around.”

“Is it wrong that I am? That I'm starting to seriously consider he wont?” She asked her long time friend.

“It’s becoming a serious question,” Zacky mumble to himself before giving the woman in front of him a comforting squeeze and following his vocalist to their dressing room.

Zacky expected there to be people with VIP passes in the room, what he did not expect was Matt Sanders’ attention to a select few of those people; mainly people who lacked a dick and had oversized boobs just as fake as the rest of their bodies. Zacky let out his breath and walked over to his band member, enabling him to hear the conversation; it wasn’t one that Zacky approved of.

“Matt,” Zacky politely acknowledged the girls before turning to his friend, “Can I speak with you?” Then after a brief pause he added, “In a more… secluded place?”

Matt raised an eyebrow, glancing out the corner of his eye to the girls around him before turning his attention back to Zack, “Sure man. If you ladies will excuse us.”

The girls giggled and said okay before the two men walked out into the hall where the staff was too busy to pay attention to anything that would be said. Zacky rubbed his head, exhausted from the show as well as his friend’s recent behavior.

“What was that Matt?” The guitarist asked tiredly.

“What was what?” Matt questioned back, unscrewing the top to his water bottle and taking a drink.

“Those girls man! What was that?” Zacky was quick to get frustrated.

Matt seemed to follow his led, “Once again, what was what? Those girls are fans Zack, I don’t ignore fans.”

“No,” Zack practically growled, “Those were groupies. There’s a difference Matt. A big difference.”

“What ever man,” Matt rolled his eyes and began to walk away, but stopped at Zacky’s next words.

“What about Lane?” Matt’s system seemed to shut down at the mention of his girlfriend.

“What about her?” Matt said indignantly; “Not that it should matter to you seeing as I’m her boyfriend.”

“Dude, whatever,” Zacky gave up, it seemed that there was no getting to the six-foot plus vocalist.

Matt walked away, back to the fans he had left to speak with Zack. Feeling like that little conversation was a big waste of time, Matt enthusiastically welcomed the attention the girls gave him, excusing thoughts of Zack, and his girlfriend for that matter.

His girlfriend, unlike most of the crew and band, was in her bunk, trying to calm the coughing that was making her throat raw and chest ache. Lane’s cough was rough and painful, often leaving her with a headache as well as soreness in other body parts. More than a couple nights a week, she would wake up in the middle of the night due to the cough.

She hoped and prayed that she woke no one up with noise, especially since on more than one occasion the coughing induced vomiting, but she knew at least both guitarists knew, considering they were the ones who made her promise to see a doctor as soon as possible. It wouldn’t even surprise her if Jimmy and Johnny knew as well, the only person who didn’t know was the first person who should have noticed.

Lane sighed and relaxed into the bunk, exhausted from the fit she just had. She listened to herself wheeze; she may have promised Zack and Brian to go see a doctor, and she would, she just didn’t see the point, after all, asthma was nothing new to her, it was just that she wasn’t used to it being so sever. When they got home in two days, she would go to the doctors and get a strong prescription to fill her inhaler.

“Damn it!” Matt slammed his fist on the table next to his note pad. He had been writing for days since he got home, but nothing was right. He wanted this record to have the best possible track list –things like that took time- but the songs he was coming up with just weren’t cutting it.

“Matt,” Lane knocked on the frame of his home studio door, he just grunted in response, “Christmas Day is tomorrow. Your mom wants to know when we’ll be going over tonight, and when to expect us tomorrow.”

“I’m not going,” Matt was barely audible as he scribbled away on the paper.

“Not going? Matt, you haven’t seen you parents since… I don’t even know when, not to mention Amy’s already flown in from Hawaii and-“

“I said, ‘I’m not going.’ Don’t make me repeat myself,” Matt said sternly; the level of demand in his voice scared Lane. He was never this scary, at least not with her. It reminded her of the less favorable parts of her childhood.

“Fine then,” it barely registered with Matt that his girlfriends voice sounded off, hoarse. “I’m going to decorate outside-“

“Don’t bother getting out the Christmas shit Lane. I know you’ll end up needing help and quite frankly, helping set up decorations for a holiday that’s lost all value isn’t worth my time. If you were as smart as everyone thinks you are, you’d get that.”

Lane stared at Matt’s back. She didn’t know how to react; first she was frightened and then she got mad.

“You know what? Fine Matt. I’m going home for Christmas,” Lane wheezed out, ending in a coughing fit. She had started carrying tissue on her person since she got home, enabling her to have something to cough into, and that’s what she did. What came up wasn’t just mucus though, it seemed everyday there was a little more blood in the mixture- now, the great majority of what she coughed up was red and left a copper taste that burned in her throat and on her tongue. She had never found the time to get checked out by a doctor.

Matt laughed at her words and turned to face her with an amused expression, “Are you kidding? There’s no way you can make it back in time for Christmas Eve. Traffic will be ridiculous in LA, not to mention that the Grape Vine will probably get snowed in. Fat chance, Lane. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got work to do.”

Lane stared at the man in front of her, “You know what? It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

She frowned at the stranger in front of her, the stranger in the body of a man she used to love. She didn’t love this stranger, in fact, she barely knew him but what she did know of him she didn’t like.

Lane didn’t bother to pack a bag, she would only be there a night, and anything she would need she could buy, or more likely borrow. She went to the hall closet and grabbed the beautifully wrapped gift she had gotten Matt and set it on the kitchen counter before grabbing her keys and stopping to find ibuprofen, to ease the tension in her head as well as the burning of her eyes. Finally hopping into her car, she started it, revved the engine for good measure and then headed north to Central California.

Matt just rolled his eyes at the dramatics of his girlfriend. Couldn’t she see that he just needed to be left alone? It didn’t matter now though, she was gone and he’d finally get some peace and quite, meaning he’d actually be able to get some work done. By the time eleven o’clock came around, Matt had had enough of the poor excuse of musical and lyrical shit he seemed to only be able to come up with. He went to bed.

When the clock struck midnight, Matt woke up to the clinking of chains, heavy chains that seemed to echo a hollow, lonely sound. He sat straight up and reached beside him to feel an empty spot. Matt freaked for about point three seconds before remembering that his girlfriend had left to go to her mom’s hours ago. He looked at the clock, noticing that he’d only just gone to bed. Matt lay back down and began to relax, he was almost back to sleep when the bone chilling sound of chains rattling woke him yet again. Matt reached into the side table drawer to get his gun, only to find it wasn’t there.

“Damn it Lane!” He whispered harshly. They were going to have a serious talk when she got back; if she wanted this relationship to work, she was going to need to make a few changes. Starting with leaving his belongings alone.

Matt settled for the metal baseball bat that was kept under the bed, and made his way down the hall. The rattling and clinking sound got louder and more eerie until he knew the culprit was right around the corner. He readied his bat and prepared for attack. Where the hell was Bella? Isn’t this what guard dogs are for?

Matt hadn’t seen his dog since the first day he’d gotten home; he had completely ignored the animal, so in return, it seemed the animal was ignoring him. Damn dog.

Matt counted to three in his head before leaping out from behind the corner. He nearly dropped the bat at what he saw- nothing. He walked over to the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen and leaned over. Then Matt heard the clanking again. He hopped over the counter, ready to attack but all he saw was Bella. The dog’s tag had kept hitting the porcelain water dish as he drank. Bella looked up at Matt, barked once and then turned his back on him and leaving the man alone.

This time when Matt turned around, he did drop the bat, and it fell to the floor with a hollow clank before rolling away. Matt stood staring at the face of his deceased friend, Justin Sane. Justin was transparent, chains seemed to weight down his floating body; Matt could only identify a few of the chains’ ends. There were needles, keys, and a multitude of other mundane things.

“Boo,” Sane said sarcastically; Matt screamed and backed against the furthest kitchen counters. “Good Lord Shadows! Stop that damn noise! You’re such a pussy!”

Matt was stunned into silence at his words. It sounded just like his friend, the friend who had died many years ago. He finally managed to choke out, “What are you?”

“What do you think dumbass!” Justin ghosted through the counter separating them and went straight to Matt’s refrigerator. He was rummaging when suddenly turned back to Matt with a curious express, “Where’s my sissy?”

“Lane went to her mom’s,” Matt crossed his arms and glared at what used to be Avenged Sevenfold’s bassist.

“Why?” Sane closed the fridge and went back to the spot Matt had first seen him in.

“Because she wanted to celebrate Christmas with her family,” Matt asked condescendingly.

“And that, Matthew, is exactly why I’m here.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Matt asked.

“It means, you’ve turned into a stuck up, good for nothing hard ass and unless you change, there’s going to be some serious consequences man!” Justin all but yelled in Matt’s face.

“Right,” Matt snorted.

“Do you see me Matt?” He asked furiously, “These aren’t just for show man!” Justin picked up and rattled a chain in Matt’s face, “These chains represent the regrets and mistakes I made in life! They chain me to your world- I can’t move on!” Matt just stared at his dead friend, “And with the way your life is headed, you’ll be joining me. You don’t want that man- it aint fun.”

Matt stared for a moment before shaking his head, “Okay dude, I’m going to bed- or going to try to wake up, ‘cause there is no way this is real.”

Matt turned to walk back down the hall, away from the hallucination when it spoke once again, “Look Matt,” Matt turned back to see Justin holding a gift that had been sitting on the counter, “Lane got this for you.”

“Yeah, so?”

“My little sister froze her ass off in Colorado so she could get you this damn gift,” Matt stared at the gift. “You know what Christmas is to her, to us.”

Matt snorted, shook his head and turned to go back to bed.

“I’m sending three spirits to you tonight, Matt. Heed their words,” Matt was going to tell the ghost off, but when he turned around, all that was left was the present at his feet. Matt went back to bed.

“Pst!”

Matt ignored the sound.

“Pssssst!”

Matt swatted towards the noise.

“Damn! Get your ass up man! I got a schedule to keep!”

Matt shot up and stared at the glowing teenager in front of him. The teenager had dark hair and pale skin that made his electric blue eyes stand out. Matt thought he probably would have been a good-looking kid if not for the scowl on his face. And then it occurred to him that a strange glowing boy was in his house.

“Get out!” Matt scrambled out of bed, reaching for the bat and not finding it. He remembered he dropped it in the kitchen, “Damn!”

“Matt Sanders,” The glowing teenage boy said exasperated, “I’m here because the path your on will lead you to a fate worse than death. Christmas is the perfect time to change, we spirits will give you that chance.”

“I don’t need to change! I just need to sleep!” Matt yelled, then looked at the digital clock next to his bedside, “Fuck! It’s one in the morning.”

“Congratulations, you can tell time,” the spirit deadpanned before waving his hand over Matt’s bedroom wall, a black hole emerging, “We don’t have time for this, lets go.”

“The only place I’m going is back to bed.”

“Don’t be difficult, walk through the portal,” the spirit turned to him.

“No.”

“Get in the portal.”

“No.”

“Get in the damn portal!” The spirit yelled, grabbing the front of Matt’s wife beater and shoving the man through.

Matt screamed the entire time he fell until falling onto a hard surface at which he groaned.

“Get up you baby,” the spirit said, suddenly next to him. “We have places to be and people to see. Mainly you.”

Matt did as told and followed the spirit, rubbing his arms in an attempt to keep warm. It may not snow during the winter but it gets awfully damn cold, and Matt was only in his nightwear; a white wife beater and plaid boxer shorts. They walked until he recognized his childhood home, his parents’ house.

The house was brightly decorated and gave off a warm glow. Matt smiled at the memories that this place held. They walked to the window and peeked inside; there was Matt’s mom and dad near the tree, smiling and laughing with a toddler Amy. A seven-year-old Matt ran into the room, bundled up in warm clothes.

“Okay! I’m ready! Can I play outside now?” The young Matt asked eagerly.

Kim, Matt’s mom, inspected him and made sure everything was being worn properly, as well as zipped, buckled and buttoned, “Alright, we’ll get you in time for dinner.”

Matt squealed and almost tripped over himself as he rushed for the front door.

“Don’t go past-“ the door slammed, “the neighbors house.” Gary, Matt’s dad, finished lamely, laughing and shaking his head before going back to his daughter.

The seven-year-old Matt got on a bicycle and started riding, imagining that it was a motorcycle. He thought motorcycles were so cool; Matt the grown up laughed. He still thought motorcycles were cool, and smiled at the fact that he had one now.

“That’s odd,” the spirit said as they followed the younger Matt, “usually people in your disposition have horrible childhoods.”

“Well, I didn’t. Why are we here?”

“I’m the ghost of Christmas Past, I take you to where you need to go. You’re the one who’s supposed to get something out of it,” Matt didn’t respond to that.

Six-year-old Matt rode past the stopping point, having too much fun to notice. He did stop when he heard squealing and laughter though. He rode a little further to see a boy and a girl about his age playing tag. The boy was chasing the girl and they looked like they were having fun, young Matt wanted to join. When he rode up to them, they stopped playing and stared at him.

“Can I play?” Matt asked. The two children were silent, staring at him; the boy had moved in front while the girl seemed to hide behind him.

“Were not s’possed to play with other kids,” the boy explained.

“Why not?” Matt asked curiously, he played with other kids all the time!

“We don’t know you,” the boy explained to him.

“I’m Matt. I live that way,” young Matt pointed in the direction of his house.

“I’m Justin,” the boy smiled at little Matt, “This is my sister, Laney.”

The girl, Laney, was still cowering behind her brother.

“Do you wanna play with me?” Matt asked again.

“Yeah!” Justin said and began to go towards little Matt. Laney actually backed up a few steps, wringing her hands together before bringing her left hand up and chewing on the tip of her finger, not actually biting her nails, a habit that the older Matt noticed she still had as an adult. She went to the front of the house and sat down on the steps.

“Justin?” The spirit mumbled, “As in the Justin who signed you up for this little excursion?”

“The one and the same,” Matt said, staring at the child versions of himself, girlfriend and friend.

“This is so strange. Usually the instigator, Justin in your case, is a business associate; just as bent on getting rich as the person we’re trying to help. And it still baffles me that your childhood wasn’t totally bogus.”

“Mine wasn’t,” Matt said, his heart sinking as he remembered what came next. “It was them who had the shitty Christmases.”

As if on cue, the front door of the house opened and a thin, mean looking man stepped out in dirty torn pants and shirt.

“You little shits!” Laney had scrambled off the porch and hid behind her brother. The child Matt stood stunned at the scary man in front of him. “What did I tell you about people I don’t know?!”

“Dad-“

“Did I say you could speak? No! get in the house!” He pointed towards the open door; neither one of the children moved, “Justin! Delaney! In the house now.”

Justin was first to move, then his sister until they were near enough to the man, who whacked them both, then they ran inside. Little Matt was scared shitless, he hopped on his bike and rode home.

“That was the first time I realized not everyone had such a nice Christmas as I did,” Matt said.

“I’m confused,” Matt’s guide responded. “Oh well, next stop!”

The spirit grabbed Matt’s wrist and suddenly, after a sickening whoosh, they were in Matt’s parents’ living room. The tree was decorated, and presents were under it; looking on the mantel, cheesy stockings were hung.

“Right,” the spirit said, “Now- oh hey, its Justin and Delaney.”

The spirit had noticed the two after they had walked out of the kitchen; Justin carrying a bowl of mashed potatoes and Lane carrying in the green beans. They looked about fourteen.

“After that incident when we were kids, Justin and Laney would sneak out and come over every Christmas Eve. They didn’t live with their dad, they just had to spend Christmas with him. Court order.”

“Matt! Don’t drop that!” Matt’s mom had said loudly.

A laugh was heard, a teenage Matt came out with his dimples showing carrying the ham, “Chill out Mom, I got it.”

Amy ran in and out, yelling to their dad about something or other while the three teenagers went to the living room.

“This was one of my favorite Christmas Eves,” Matt said, looking at himself and his two friends laugh. He also saw how cheesy he acted when speaking directly to Laney.

“You were good friends?” The spirit asked.

“Yeah,” Matt answered, lost in this memory.

Matt’s mom called everyone to the table for dinner, Justin left the room first. Matt and Laney walked with each other to the dining room only to be stopped under the doorway by his father.

“What Dad?” Fourteen-year-old Matt asked his father in an irritated manner.

“Look up,” was all the older man said before winking and taking a seat next to his wife who proceeded to smack his arm.

Matt and Laney looked up, only to each blush. Right above them, hanging the doorway, was mistletoe. Both their eyes were wide and cheeks red as they looked at the people holding in snickers at the table before looking at each other. Even the spirit was chuckling.

“What are you waiting for?” Matt’s dad persisted from the table, not at all trying to hide his amusement.

“Ugh-“ Laney had started to speak when Matt leaned over kissed her.

It was closed mouth and didn’t last long, but it was enough to have the table in hysterics and the two teenagers blushing as they pulled away from each other and went to their seats a bit awkwardly.

“That was,” the spirit chuckled, “cute.”

“Shut up,” Matt said embarrassed, a pink hue on his face. “Are we done yet?”

“One more stop,” the spirit said before grabbing the back of Matt’s tank and pulling. The large man stumbled backwards and when he caught his balance he had to do a double take. “This is?”

“Our first apartment,” Matt said looking around at the place where he once lived. It was decorated in the Christmas fashion and it smelled delicious.

“Matt!” A feminine voice squealed and he walked towards the kitchen and the person who spoke.

“Shhh!” Matt recognized himself, just a few years younger, “I don’t want Santa to know how naughty you’ve been.”

Lane snorted and laughed from in between Matt and the doorframe.

“Oh shit!” The spirit exclaimed seeing the younger Matt and Lane in an inappropriate position; he covered his eyes.

The twenty-three year-old Matt had Lane pinned to the doorframe with her legs wrapped around his waist. He was kissing her neck as he grinded into her- they were both obviously enjoying it, even if his girlfriend kept laughing every time Matt said some dirty, Christmas related sex joke. Things started getting less joking and more heated between the couple, only for the situation to be broken up by the ringing of the doorbell.

“Ugh!” Lane’s head thumped against the doorframe, “I’ll get it.”

“Damn,” Matt mumbled into her neck, “I’ll be out in a minute, I need to take care of… yeah, I’ll be back.”

He grinded into his girlfriend hard making her moan before the doorbell rang again and she got off him. They both groaned and the doorbell started to ring incessantly.

“We’re finishing this later,” Matt growled before walking away, a very obvious hard-on showing through his jeans.

The doorbell continued to ring, and Lane yelled, “Hold ON!”

The spirit raised an eyebrow at his charge who casually answered, “First apartment.”

“Laney Poo!” Jimmy’s voice could be heard from the kitchen.

“Damn it Jimmy! I think you broke my doorbell!” She laughed.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he replied, before he came into view and went straight for a tray of cookies.

“Don’t even think about it James!” Her voiced held a threat, and even though she wasn’t in the room, the tall, lanky man backed off.

Matt and the spirit went into the living room, where Lane was about to sit down next to Leana when the doorbell went off again.

“See? I didn’t break it!” Jimmy yelled, handing a beer to his girlfriend before sitting down next to her and slinging an arm over her shoulder.

Lane rolled her eyes before opening the door and letting a taller, plump woman through. Lane looked like a younger version of the woman. After the door was closed, the woman threw her arms around Lane and squeezed her hard, Lane reciprocated the hug with just as much enthusiasm.

“Mom,” Laney said pulling away with a watery smile. “How are you?”

Her mother sniffled and gave a strained smile, “As well as can be expected. How are you?”

Lane looked up, trying to stop the tears before looking back at her mom with sarcastically crooked smile, “First Christmas with out him.”

“Laney,” Matt said turning the corner. Before he knew what was happening, Lane’s mom had flung her arms around him. The younger Matt’s expression seemed to get more serious before he hugged her back. “Hey Deb.”

“I just wanted to thank you Matt,” the older woman choked up a little more, “for taking such good care of my baby girl.”

Matt and the spirit looked on at the scene before Matt the observer spoke, “Can we go?”

“Why? Feeling a little guilty there?” The spirit asked, turning to his charge.

“Just take me home spirit,” Matt said dejectedly. The spirit didn’t say anything, only grabbed his shoulder; Matt got a sick feeling before waking up.

“What the fuck?” Matt rubbed his face before looking at the clock and watching it change from one fifty-nine to two. That’s also when he heard a loud noise come from his living room.

He groaned before swinging his legs over the side of his bed and hauling himself up.

“Get him! Go! Go! GO!” Silence, “SCORE! Hell yeah!”

Matt leaned on the corner of the wall watching the man cheer for something on the TV, “What are you doing?”

“Watching football, duh?” The man looked at Matt with an are-you-stupid look on his face.

“Who are you?”

“Ghost of Christmas Present, call me Chuck.”

“Get out.”

“Okay,” the man smiled, Matt was stunned that for once it was easy to get the intruder to leave his house. “But you’re coming with me.”

He was about to protest when all of a sudden, Chuck was right in front of him. He grabbed Matt’s wrist and suddenly Matt was speeding through the air- Chuck was running at an incredible speed.

“Lets see how some of your friends spend their Christmas,” Chuck said, not even sounding like he was doing anything but having a conversation.

Just as sudden as they started they stopped; Matt recognized this as Zacky’s house.

“Lets go in yeah?” Chuck forcefully dragged Matt through the front wall.

Once inside, Matt saw that nearly all of his friends were there. Zacky, Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, Jason and Matt Berry plus all the girlfriends or wives and many more. Matt didn’t remember getting an invite.

“So you noticed to?” The tone of conversation Matt’s four other band members were having did not sound like holiday fun.

“Yeah, she’s getting worse,” Jimmy said, shaking his head a taking a drink of his beer.

“Who’s getting worse?” Matt asked the spirit, he wasn’t aware that anyone was unwell. The spirit just nodded towards the group of men and Matt walked closer to hear better.

“And Matt’s not helping,” Brian sighed disappointedly; the mention of himself peeked Matt’s interest.

“I doubt Matt’s noticed,” Zacky scowled, “He’s been so wrapped up in groupies lately, I’m beginning to wonder if really cares.”

“Who don’t I care about?” Matt asked, not getting an answer.

“What’s been going on with him anyway?” Brian asked with a disgusted look on his face. “Is he fucking the groupies or not? He needs to break things off with her if he’s not going to take his relationship seriously.”

“I think she should break up with him!” Johnny exclaimed, “He’s been a total ass! I think it’s time for an intervention.”

Jimmy laughed shortly, “You make it sound like he’s on drugs.”

“Would it really surprise you if he was?” Johnny asked in retaliation. The group was silent.

“Aw! Guys, come on!” Matt whined. Him? On drugs? What a stupid thought.

“Guys,” Jimmy’s wife Leana came over, already knowing what they were discussing. “First off, you guys sound like a bunch of teenage girls, gossiping about your friend. Secondly, I’ll call Lane tomorrow to see how she’s doing and find what the doctor said.”

“Doctor?” Matt gulped; was something wrong with his girlfriend?

The guys all mumbled something in response before breaking apart and going to the festivities, all except Zack.

Lynn came over and rubbed his shoulder, he placed his hand over hers and spoke lowly with out looking at her, “I don’t think she went to the doctor.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t think she’s getting any better,” Zacky looked sad. Matt knew that Lane was Zacky's best girl friend, reversely, Zacky was Lane's best friend as well. It was a mutual relationship.

Lynn pulled Zacky into a hug. Matt didn’t want to be here anymore.

“Alright, time for the next show,” Chuck said enthusiastically, grabbing Matt’s wrist and flying through the wall. It seemed to be a longer run, and when they stopped, Matt understood why.

They were at Laney’s Mom’s house. The house was decorated and had a warm feeling to it, many people could be seen through the front window. The spirit grabbed Matt’s wrist again and pulled him up the steps and into the house where many people Matt recognized as Laney’s family were sitting laughing and having a good time.

Chuck led Matt over to his girlfriend’s mother.

“I just can’t thank God enough that Delaney has Matt there for here,” she said with such relief it twisted Matt’s gut.

“He’s a good guy,” Laney’s aunt said. “Not to mention good looking.”

Laney's Aunt was a nice lady, but incredibly vain.

“He’s as nice as he is good looking, and he takes good care of my baby,” She looked to the side and Matt followed her gaze to a picture of Laney and Justin. Lane’s mom started to tear up, “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her too. I don’t think I could handle it. Words can not describe how comforting to know that she’s in good hands.”

The two women hugged each other for comfort.

“Oh, she likes you,” Chuck laughed; “It’s not common for in-law type people to like their children’s significant others.”

“Now! If only the boy would propose!” His girlfriend’s aunt said; Matt blushed while the two women laughed. Matt hadn’t thought about proposing in months. He had gone ring shopping a while ago, and didn’t find anything that met his criteria. He hadn’t thought about it since.

“Can we go?” Matt asked, he couldn’t take the guilt that he felt after listening to his friends discuss how poorly he’d been treating his girlfriend and then listening to said girlfriend’s mom go on and on about what a good guy he was.

“Sure,” Chuck said, grabbing Matt’s wrist and flying out the house, “I’ll even drop you off home after this.”

“Why can’t they hear or see us?”

“Christmas magic,” Chuck said then suddenly stopped. Matt stumbled and fell flat on his face.

He could feel how cold it suddenly was; Matt pushed himself up and found himself staring at the back of a gravestone. He stood up and noticed he was in a graveyard, a familiar graveyard.

“Why are we here? How is this relevant,” Matt asked the spirit, who had his hands clasped in front of him and his head bowed. Matt heard a sniffle and looked back towards the gravestone.

“God Justin,” Matt recognized the voice and walked to the gravestone. He could see a familiar pair of seriously worn converse on the other side. “What am I going to do?”

Her voice was seriously hoarse and as he walked to the front of the gravestone he saw her.

“Oh God, Laney,” Matt took in her tear stained face as he squatted in front of her.

“She couldn’t bring herself to drive out to her mom’s. She knew you were right when you told her there was no chance she would make it home in time for Christmas, broke her heart. And she didn’t want to go anywhere else. She knew people were getting suspicious of your guys’ relationship, she didn’t want people to be upset with you, especially over a fight about ‘a holiday that’s lost all value’ and ‘isn’t worth your time.’”

Matt felt just as cold on the inside as he did on the outside. He could hear her wheeze and as he looked at her, he saw all the things he’d been missing for the past month and a half. She was pale, and had dark circles around her eyes; her lips were chapped and she had a light coat of sweat over her forehead. His friends were right, there was something wrong with his girlfriend, "Why didn't you go to a doctor?"

“Because you had her running back and forth all over town doing errands for you. You practically tore her head off every time she sat down.”

She was leaning against her dead brother’s grave marker as she clasped her hands in her lap and looked to the stars that were in the sky, searching for an answer, “Jay, he’s starting to act like Dad, it scares me. You remember how that transition was, right? First it was the distance then it was demands, a show of dominance? God Justin! I don’t know what to do!”

Matt stared at his girlfriend, his eyes clouding over with moisture as he stared at her face, which was staying wet from the new round of tears. She started to have coughing fit, and Matt could only furrow his brows in concern as he watched her. It scared him how bad the coughing sounded, and how long it lasted.

“Oh God,” his voice trembled as she continued to cough into her hand, red liquid beginning to leak from in between her fingers.

When she finally finished, her eyes stayed scrunched in pain as she obviously tried to regain her breath, Matt could tell it was a hard task for her. She opened her eyes and took her hand away from her face, Matt cried when he saw glob of red not only in her hand, but on her mouth and chin as well.

“Shit,” she mumbled even more hoarse than before. “Look at me Justin, I’m a fuckin mess, and I don’t have anymore tissue.”

Matt watched his girlfriend use her clean hand to wipe the mess off her face, and the back of it to wipe the tears away. Matt went to stroke her face, but his hand went straight through.

“Sorry bro,” Laney said as she wiped her hands on the grass above her brother’s grave; Matt’s gut sank because he couldn’t feel her, or she him. He couldn’t be there like he should.

“We need to go,” Chuck said, suddenly next to Matt. Matt looked at the spirit with a tearful stare.

“I can’t leave her here alone,” Matt said, looking back at his girl.

“She was fine before you got here, she’ll be fine when you’re gone.”

“But-“

“Delaney?” Matt looked towards the shadow, his girlfriend quickly using her dark sleeve to wipe off any more evidence of blood.

“Amy,” Laney laughed shortly, “What are you doing hear?”

“Couldn’t get a hold of anyone at the house, and I wanted to go out tonight! And something told me you'd be here.”

“Amy, its nearly three in the morning, where the hell would we go?”

“The movies? I don’t know!” Matt looked at his sister; she looked good, unlike his girlfriend, “Hey, how come you guys didn’t come to dinner?”

“I know we should have called, but…”

Matt was suddenly whisked away. When they stopped they were in Matt’s bedroom.

“What the hell man?!” Matt asked furiously, “We have to go back!”

“No.”

"Take me back!

"No."

Matt swung at Chuck, who did some freaky hand thing and the next thing Matt knows is that he’s waking up in bed. He looked around frantically, when his heart finally settled he looked at the clock, which read three o’clock exactly. The lights flickered on then off again, which scared the shit out of Matt. What scared him even more was the small hooded figure in the corner of his room he saw when the lights had spazzed.

“Are you the third spirit?” Matt asked, his voice shaky. The hooded figure nodded, “Then lets get this done.”

The figure offered a gloved hand to which once Matt got up, he took. The scenery faded away, and Matt was certainly startled at the brightness of the day, as well as the scenery. They were in a graveyard, a different one from the one he had just been in, and there was a burial going on at that very moment. The figured started towards the large group of people, all of whom were dressed in black. When he got to the front, he couldn’t help but think how eerily familiar it was to the funeral scene in Seize The Day.

“Spirit,” he did not look at the cloaked figure beside him, “Whose burial is this?”

The preacher had finished his speech, the one Matt wasn’t paying attention to, and a line formed, each person carrying a rose. All of his friends, plus their girlfriends or wives were in line as well, all of them had tear stained faces. He couldn’t hear the name of the deceased that each person mumbled, but what he did understand was the blonde woman who was last in line, crying her eyes out.

It was Laney’s mom, Deborah.

“Oh God,” Matt’s eyes teared up and his chest got tight. “Oh God no! Spirit, tell me this isn’t so, tell me this isn’t Delaney!”

Matt turned to the spirit and shook it when he got no answer. He stepped back and gasped at the face that was revealed.

“Lane?” Her eyes looked cold, and she was grey, no emotion on her face; she looked dead.

“Almost,” the spirit spoke in a twisted version of his girlfriend’s voice.

“How did this happen?” Matt asked, and then another thought occurred to him. “Why wasn’t I here?”

The spirit (Matt couldn’t call it Lane, it was too much for him) pointed away from the group, where he saw Zack stomping to a hunched figure, leaning against the tree. Matt ran over there, getting there a few moments ahead of Zacky. He shook his head as his face crumpled in pain at the figure who was leaning against the tree, head bowed and dressed in nice black slacks with a nice button up shirt. Matt stared at himself; he didn't like what he saw.

His future self was pale, and far thinner than was normal for him. He had no muscle definition and his face looked sunken in. The man was slumped against the tree with no emotion, it looked like all the life had been drained out of him. Matt couldn't believe that this was him.

“This is all your fault!” Zacky yelled and swung at Matt, he didn’t even try to block it. “If you wouldn’t have been such an ass, she would still be here!”

Both Matts looked at Zacky, the injured one looked completely dead, and as he spoke, he sounded just the same, “I know.”

“If you hadn’t been such a control freak after that damn tour in '09, she could have gone to the doctor in time! But no! You had to be a fucking grade A ass wipe and decide when it fit into your schedule! If you had let her go sooner she’d be here now!” Zacky took another swing at the dead looking Matt.

Now this Matt not only had a busted lip, but a busted eyebrow as well. Due to the pale, grayish nature of the future Matt's complexion, the blood was a startling contrast. It was like the only bright color in a depressing black and gray picture.

“You fucked up Delaney, you fucked up the band, you fucked up our lives Matt! You’re a worthless piece of shit, and I hope you rot in Hell!” Zack raised his fist to take another swing, but a tattooed hand held his arm back.

“Don’t waste your time man,” Brian glared at what was once his vocalist, “he isn’t worth it.”

They, much like the rest of the people at the service, left the graveyard. Matt watched himself as he walked over to the freshly covered grave after everyone was gone. He watched himself as rested his hand on the head stone before falling to his knees and pushing his head against the stone as sobs racked his body.

“I’m sorry Laney, I’m so, so sorry,” Matt heard himself mumble as he sobbed, “Come back Laney. I’m sorry, just comeback, they need you. I need you.”

The air around the seemed to freeze him as the sobbing Matt faded out. Matt squatted in front of the headstone.

Delaney Briayn
Loving daughter and friend
We’ll miss you dearly
“Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams.”

Matt recognized the lyrics from one of his girlfriend’s favorite sissy bands. He used to tease her about her taste in music, good naturedly of course.

“What happened spirit?” Matt asked shakily as he stood up and faced the spirit now resembled his girlfriend.

“During the last tour of 2009, when you were in Colorado, she braved the snow on foot, to find you the perfect gift. She ended up catching a cold, which then developed into acute bronchitis. It lasted more than a month, she was going to see a doctor after tour, but you had her doing so much for you, she couldn’t find the time. When you finally took her to the doctor, the damage had been done and her immune system took a major blow, it couldn’t recover.

“She began to fear you. You were hateful and mean, making her feel worthless. She became submissive and eventually you broke up with her, but once again, the damage had been done. You were the most trusted of the few men she did trust not to hurt her, and you hurt her the most!” The spirits voice was rising, “Your attitude cost the band fans, money, eventually the record deal and then finally your friendship with them.

“You became depressed and withdrew from all relationships, turning to alcohol and prostitutes. You lost all contact with your friends and family.”

Matt gulped, “What happened to her?”

“Delaney got sick, and due to the weak immune system she had, she couldn’t fight it. It killed her. Her mother was devastated; she did not have to bury one child, but two. Your old band mates blamed you for your ex-girlfriend’s death, it was you who wouldn’t let her go to the doctor.”

“After that?” Matt’s head was bowed in shame. He had no idea of the monster he was becoming.

“Three months after her death, you take your own life. You come to this very grave, having taken your anti-depressants with an obscene amount of alcohol.” Matt looked at the expressionless spirit, “You die regretful,” the spirit got unusually close to him so he took a step back; “You die depressed,” she got closer and he took a larger step back, only to lose his balance. He looked behind him to see an empty grave, one marked with his name; his eyes widened in fear.

“You die alone,” she was in his face, or as close to his face as the nature of her shortness would let her. “But most importantly, you die unloved.”

Matt screamed as the spirit pushed him and he feel into the grave. His heart pounded as he flailed and the sky way out of the grave grew smaller and smaller. He finally hit the bottom and immediately shot up in bed.

He was breathing hard as he looked to the empty spot in bed next to him before looking at the clock.

“Nine thirty,” he looked at the date on the calendar next to his bed; it was Christmas Day, “There’s still time!”

Matt hopped into the shower, quickly washing up. He got out and shaved the dark shadow that had grown on his face. He quickly got dressed and pulled out all the boxes that held Christmas decorations. He did his best on the inside, but interior decorating wasn’t really his forte. He put up lights outside as quickly and neatly as possible before putting away the boxes and tools he used. He enthusiastically greeted Bella, who was welcoming to the attention.

Matt was about to drive to his parents with Bella when a carefully wrapped present sitting on the counter caught his eye. He set his keys down and walked over to it, picking it up, he turned it over, carefully unwrapping it. He pulled out a plain white box and opened that as well. Peeling away the tissue paper, he was confronted with a beautiful notebook and matching pen set. The cover, as well as the pens, were engraved with his stage name in a shiny silver script. He opened the cover and teared up at what he read on the first page.

Matt,
I know how excited you are about writing for the next album. I hope this comes in handy. May you write many successful and meaningful things in here.
Love you always, Laney

Matt felt like such a fuck up about the way he’d been acting recently. He had some serious shit to make up for and he was most definitely planning on making it up; to his band mates and crew, to his friends, to his parents, and most importantly, the woman who had captured his heart. He was going to make this right.

“Come on Bella!” Matt said, jogging to his Escalade and opening the door for Bella before getting in himself. He started up the car, heading towards his parents, he knew his girlfriend would be there; he was going to take her to emergency.

Right now.

He haphazardly parked behind his mom’s car and ran to the door, Bella at his heels. He tried to open it, but it was locked so he continually banged on the door. Amy answered.

“I thought you were too good to grace us with your presence, rock star.”

“Amy, bitch me out later, where’s Delaney?” Amy’s eyebrows raised, “Please Amy, just let me in. I need to see my girlfriend.”

Matt’s desperate tone convinced Amy that he was sincere; she stepped aside and he ran straight to his room. He all but threw the door open and ran in.

“Laney!” Matt exclaimed, dropping to his knees next to his old bed and grabbed his girlfriend, kissing her all over the face.

“Matt! What the hell?” She was confused.

“Come on,” Matt said, dragging the sick girl out of bed, “We’re going the ER.”

Laney yanked her hands out of Matt’s and scowled at him, “Why? Who is it? What happened? Are they okay?”

“You, because you’re seriously sick, because I'm an asshat and I hope so,” Matt looked at her dead in the face, convinced that if he didn’t get her to the hospital right now she was going to die.

“Matt, I’ve just got a cold,” she tried to laugh, but a coughing fit, much like the one at the graveyard ensued.

“Liar,” Matt’s eyebrows scrunched in concern as she coughed, he had stuffed his pockets with Kleenex before he left the house. Matt grabbed some and covered her mouth for her. They sank to the floor against the hall wall, Laney’s back to his chest as she continued the painful hacking, “People don’t cough up obscene amounts of blood when its just a cold.”

Matt held her, much like he wanted to last night, as she coughed into the tissue held by his hand. He buried his face in the crook of her neck as he waited for her to finish. He didn’t know how comforting it was to his girlfriend that he was finally there for her; she didn’t know how scary it was to him to see her in such a state. He was crying.

“Matt?” Laney’s hoarse whisper only made him hold her a little tighter as he cried into shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Laney. So, so sorry,” Matt kissed her neck and felt how feverish and clammy her skin was. “Come on. You have to see a doctor.”

“Matt?” Matt and his girlfriend looked towards the end of the hall where Matt’s parents and sister stood, “What’s going on?”

“Sorry I pretty much ruined the holiday Ma. I’ll make it up to you I promise, but right now I have to get my girlfriend to a doctor.”

He looked at the woman in his arms to see her looking away in shame, he could tell she was crying.

“Is everything alright?” Gary asked.

“No,” Matt sighed, disappointed in himself, “I’ve been a real ass lately. To you guys, to my friends, but mostly to my girlfriend, and now she’s seriously ill.”

He buried his face in the back of Laney’s head as more tears leaked out. He didn’t often cry, but the thought of losing her was devastating to him. He hadn’t been acting like it recently, but she really was his whole world.

“I’ll drive,” Amy said, squatting down next to her brother and what she hoped would soon be her sister-in-law.

“Let us get our coats, we’re coming too,” Gary said.

“That isn’t necessary,” all four Sanders looked at Laney, “I know its your guys’ year for the Super Christmas Party,” she tried to laugh, but it only led to a cough, “I can-“

“Don’t you dare say what I think you’re about to,” Kim looked sternly at Laney, tears evident in both women’s eyes, “You are as much my child as these two. If you even think of pushing me away, you are in deep shit missy.”

Laney smiled best she could, looking towards the ceiling to try and keep the tears from falling; it didn’t help. Kim really was her second mom.

“Let’s go,” Amy said, holding out a jacket to the woman on the floor. “Fork over the keys my brother, we’re so taking you’re car.”

For once, Matt handed over the keys to his Cadillac with out protest; Amy loved that damn Escalade. They all rode to the hospital in their pjs; Amy driving, Gary up front, Kim held her son’s girlfriend’s hand as they chatted quietly. Laney was tucked into Matt’s side as he was on the phone with her mother, who was by all means freaked out, but when Kim took the phone, she seemed to calm down. It always relieved both Matt and Laney that their mothers got along well.

Matt didn’t leave his girlfriends side, even when the ER doctor was doing the examination. The doctor was fairly certain that it was acute bronchitis, but he wanted to take x-rays of Laney’s lungs just to be sure. The process seemed to be slow, until the nurses and doctors witnessed just how bad her coughing fits really were. The x-rays confirmed that it was indeed bronchitis and Laney was prescribed with an antibiotic to kill the infection. If the they didn't start seeing immediate results, she would have to be hospitalized.

When they had finally returned to the Sanders household, there were people waiting outside. It had been tradition for many years that the band and their families would all go to one household for dinner. The Sanders family had spent the great majority of the day at the hospital, so when they parked the Escalade and got out with only their pajamas on, people were confused.

“What’s goin’ on?” Zacky came up to the family.

“Let’s get inside, and we’ll talk,” Matt said, his arm around his tired girlfriend.

Matt’s parents unlocked the house and everyone was ushered inside where they proceeded to unpack everything they had brought before settling down.

“We’re going to leave not too long after I make my speech okay?” Matt asked his girlfriend in her ear. “You need to rest, and all this excitement isn’t good for you.”

Lane nodded, she couldn’t argue with how tired she was, and although she wanted to stay with her friends, she needed the rest. Once everyone was in the living room, Matt got up from beside his girlfriend and stood in front of his friends and family.

“I know you guys are wondering what’s been up with me lately,” he started, “I would first like to state that I wasn’t sleeping with groupies or doing drugs,” Matt looked at his band mates, Johnny choked on his beer. Matt shouldn’t know what they discussed last night. “I know I’ve been a real asshole lately. I’m not going to stand here and make excuses for my behavior, because there is none. But I am going to stand here and apologize to you guys. I am sorry. It won’t happen again.”

The people in the living room stared at Matt, who fidgeted nervously under their gaze. Matt rarely apologized, never really having a need to, so when he did it was sincere; never had he made an apology as sincere as this one.

“Okay,” Jimmy said, “Don’t let it happen again. Now, get me a beer and I’ll be happy.”

Everybody else started speaking at once, and Matt smiled at his tall lanky friend in gratitude before excusing himself to get Jimmy’s beer. He went to the fridge in relief, he grabbed a beer and turned around, only to jump back at the man standing in front of him.

“You mean it dude?” Zacky asked sternly with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t,” Matt gulped.

Zacky nodded and stuck out his hand, Matt took it; they shook hands before giving each other a man hug.

“Don’t let it happen again Matt,” Zacky’s voice held an air of warning but he smiled nonetheless before turning and walking out of the kitchen.

Matt closed his eyes and leaned on the fridge, using Jimmy’s beer to cool down his forehead.

“You did good man,” Matt opened his eyes at the man in front of him. Justin was glowing much like the first spirit had last night. He was wearing dark jeans and a white turtle neck, “I’m glad you were able to change your destiny.”

“Not with out you man,” Matt laughed, “You know, I never took you seriously when you said you’d haunt my ass if you died... but I’m glad you did.”

“I had to, my baby sister is in your care. I expect you to take care of her, or I’ll be back,” the last bit was said with a warning tone. “But I’m not worried about it.”

Matt looked at Justin, just noticing there were no chains.

“Yeah, they’re gone,” Justin smiled, almost sadly, “I’m movin’ on. Good Luck man, see you on the other side.”

“Matt?” Laney entered the kitchen, although it was blatantly obvious that she was sick, she looked better. “You almost ready?”

Matt watched as Justin kissed her temple before disappearing. Lane looked in the direction where her brother's spirit had been, confused, before turning back to Matt who answered, “Yeah, just let me give Jimmy his beer.”

Laney and Matt wished everybody a Merry Christmas before getting into his car, his parents said they could pick up hers later. Laney was pleasantly surprised when Matt pulled up to their house. It was lit up, and seemed to emit a happy, warm glow. This was her home.

“You did all this?” Laney turned to Matt.

“Well yeah. I know its not all that great but-“

“Its perfect Matt,” She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

They got out of the vehicle and Matt unlocked the door and opened it for her.

“The outside may have been okay but interior design just doesn’t tend to suit straight men,” Matt chuckled nervously as she flicked on the switch.

“So you’re telling me your gay now?” She laughed as she looked around their home, “Just kidding. Although I completely and whole heartedly agree, I think it’s cute.”

“I’m glad,” Matt smiled, “Now go to bed. Are you hungry? I’ll make you some soup. Oh! And I’ll get you some-”

“Matt!” She laughed hoarsely, “Just come lay down with me for a little while.”

“I can do that,” Matt smiled gently as she pulled him into their bedroom.

“I’m going to take a shower first,” Matt nodded and went to the hallway to turn the heater on so it wasn’t as cold when she got out. He changed into pajama pants as Laney stepped out of the shower. She too, put on pajama pants and a tank before she towel dried her hair.

They lay down together, and Matt brought her to his chest, happy to be able to hold her like this.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Laney caught Matt’s attention with her whisper, “I missed you.”

“I’m glad I’m back too,” Matt whispered back. “I wouldn’t be able to function if I lost you.”

It was silent in the semi-dark room for a while before Matt broke it, “If I do something, do you promise not to laugh?”

“Sure?” Matt scooted his girlfriend over some so he could get into the side table drawer.

Matt started to sweat a little as he pulled out a foil package and got off of the bed and down on one knee.

“Matt?”

“Sh! I have to do this right,” Matt scolded teasingly, “Well, mostly.”

“Sorry,” he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Delaney,” he started, blushing. It felt weird to use her full name, “We’ve known each other for a long time, and dated for a good majority of it.” Matt cleared his throat, “Now this is just a temporary ring, because even though I’ve looked, I haven’t found the right one yet, but I hope you will accept this temporary ring as a sign that you’ll accept the real ring -when I find it- and me. I also hope, that in accepting this ring you accept my proposal. Laney, will you be my wife?”

Laney was silent for a moment, before she got off the bed and got on both knees in front of Matt, “Only if I can eat the damn ring pop.”

Matt smiled and tore the ring pop package open and put it on her finger. He could tell that she was crying; he could also tell that she was trying hard not to laugh. She leaned forwards and gave him a peck on the lips.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I just proposed, and that’s all I get?”

“Matt, I don’t want raise the chances of me getting you sick, higher than they already are.”

“Hey now, that’s a chance I’m willing to take. Besides, I haven’t made out with you in a ridiculously long time,” Matt captured hisgirlfriend’s fiancée’s lips and put her back up on the bed, where they continued their endeavors.

Matt knew he had changed his future, and hers and he couldn’t be more excited, or happy, about it.