Words Left Unsaid

It was the first night at sleepaway camp that summer, and the little group of individual campers settled into the chairs situated in a circular formation in the dining hall after dinner. One of the counselors got up and explained to us once we were all there that we would be going around the circle, saying your name, where you were from, and what your favorite movie is.

“Maddie, California, Pirates of the Caribbean,” I said as it was my turn to share. After everyone went around the circle, the counselors told us to go outside for a few minutes, and to come back in when they called us. Bewildered, we all walked out. We had absolutely no idea what was in store for us.

“Okay, everyone!” our counselor was trying to get our attention. “You’re probably wondering what we have the chairs set up like this,” he gestured at the formation of the chairs, some set up in a circle, but others set up as an inner circle. “Since this is the first night at camp, you should get to know everyone. So we’re doing something we like to call...speed dating! Girls sit down in the outer circle, and guys...choose a girl to talk to and sit in the inner circle to start off!”

I felt nervous yet giddy with excitement at the same time. Nervous because of my awkwardness around guys and also because the fear of no one wanting to pick me; but I was also excited because this activity could prove to be fun and I could make a new friend through this.

I was looking down until I heard someone plop down across from me. I looked up to see a boy with bright green eyes, dirty blonde hair, and lightly tanned skin stare back at me, “Hey, I’m Grayson. Pirates of the Caribbean is my favorite movie too,” he said, smiling back at me.

I blushed slightly as I said, “Hi. Yeah, I love it too.” We then talked for two minutes, asking each other questions, getting to know each other a little better.

“Okay!” one of our counselors called out. “Time to rotate!”

“Ah, dang it!” you exclaimed. “I have another question I wanted to ask you, but I can’t remember it. Maybe I’ll remember it once we’re done with this. I’ll ask you afterward,” you said as you moved over to the next chair and someone else came in to fill your spot for another two-minute date.

After the speed dating was over and we were all dismissed to head back to our cabins, you came up to me, “Sorry, but I can’t seem to remember. This is going to bug me until I figure it out.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I said with a wave of my hand and a smile.

“Oh okay, cool. Well, guess I’ll see you later,” you told me as you walked away.

A few nights later we were told that we were going to be having a competition on the lake between the other teams that night.

“Who do you want to blob for your team?” one of the counselors asked. The blob was a huge blown-up pillow-like thing out on the lake. One person would be on the end, and the other person would jump off a diving board, causing the other to fly off and into the water.

I remember you pointed at me and said, “Maddie should!” seeing as I was one of smallest people on our team. Everyone agreed.

“But who should blob her?” the counselor asked.

“Grayson should!” some of my friends shouted out, who knew that I liked him at this point.

“Okay, sure,” you said, smiling at me.

“What if I want to do it?” a girl from my cabin spoke up.

“But-” I heard you protest.

“Come on, Grayson! Let me blob her!” she interrupted. I was a bit annoyed with her at this point, because I wanted to hear your excuse.

“If you want to that badly, then okay,” you said.

I remember my heart falling as Kaylie jumped up and down with joy, “This is going to be so much fun!” she said happily.

“Yeah...fun,” I responded weakly.

A few days later into the week, and it was now the last night of camp. I remember we watched all gathered into the big auditorium to watch a video about our week at camp on the huge projector. We somehow ended up sitting next to each other. As events of the week unfolded through video clips, we laughed and smiled throughout the montage. The glances we shared in those five minutes gave me goosebumps and shivers as thoughts of us being something more than friends swirled around in my mind.

Afterward, our counselors went up and gave a really compelling, thought-provoking speech that really touched my heart. I’m not really an emotional person...I rarely ever cried, but at the moment, the thought that I would leave camp the next morning and that I would have to go back to my life at home consumed me and made the tears flow.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw you look over at me while I was looking down at my feet, trying my hardest to stop this tears from spilling down my face. You looked like you wanted to comfort me, but didn’t know how.

As soon as we were dismissed for a bit of free time before we had to go back to our cabins, you asked, “Are you okay?” by the time, my tears had air dried and I was feeling a bit better.

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” I said as you gave me a small smile before he walked off to catch up with some of his friends.

About an hour later, my friends and I were coming out of the snack shop and you were walking past.

“Hey Grayson! Guess what?” one of my friends shouted at you as you passed by.

You stopped and backed up, facing her, “What?”

“Maddie likes you!” she said. I remember my cheeks flushing and getting hugely embarrassed by this.

“Yeah...I know,” you said softly, as you smiled at me before walking on, as I stood there feeling like the biggest idiot on Earth.

I eventually forgave my friend a few hours later. It wasn’t like I would ever see her again...might as well end the week on a good note. Then again, it wasn’t like I would see you again either. But I still didn’t know how you truly felt about me. With your response and your expression, it was impossible to tell.

The next morning, I remember I couldn’t find you at breakfast to say goodbye, and that was when my heart truly broke. I knew all hope was lost as I last saw you in the back of a car, driving away.

It’s been awhile since then, but sometimes, I still think about you and what we could’ve been if things had turned out differently. After all, there were a lot of words left unsaid. You never got to ask me that one question the first night. You never got to state why you wanted to blob me instead of Kaylie doing it. I never got to know whether you liked me or not.
Although I’ve moved on, there are still those restless nights where I’ll lie awake and think about that week that one summer. Sometimes, I wonder if you think about me too. Because of these words left unsaid, I’ll probably never know.