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Sequel: A Last Good Bye

Reaching Through Darkness

Rising Hope

Ch 26
Mirmo

I sat at the console of the small ship that the drug lord had provided me, to keep track of me as he put it. I could not get myself to move and start flying. The dark hanger seemed to welcome my depression and fearful thoughts. It was too easy, too addicting just to sit in the darkness of my ship and let my mind grope around and moan about the pain I was in. I berated myself for uselessly sitting, moping around like an emotional teenager. I told myself this was not the way I was trained. I was trained to act. If I did not know how to act, I was to research how and then do it. If my emotions held me back, then I with as to take an hour to meditate the pain and doubt away, and get myself into motion. Sitting here would do no one good.

I knew what to do, how to do it, and why. There was no reason for my self doubt. The key to fighting fear was knowledge and I had plenty of that. The boss, or so he liked to be called, gave me plenty of information about the location of where my apprentice was being kept, why, who was keeping her, and an idea of how this all related to the case I was looking into before things fell apart. Yet all the same I found myself glued to the chair.

My mind explored the properties of depression as excuse to keeping moaning. The word failure rang through my mind over and over, hitting me with horrible pain. I had failed my apprentice and I wondered if she would ever forgive me if she was still alive. I tried to reach out to the Force for answers, but my attempt was half done and merely a try. I failed to feel and hear the wisdom of the Force. There seemed nothing I could do right. I mused if I could even manage to find Karen before it was too late.

My eye caught a flicker of light on the consol. I lifted my head and saw the source of the light came from the music player. I pressed the play button and was surprised to hear Nea’s voice.

“Hey Mirmo, you are way to easy to track buddy. You might want to work on that if you want to find Karen. Anyway, I was lurking through your ship borrowed from the Jedi, and I saw this music filed labeled Karen’s Music. I thought when you find her you might play this for her. Her taste in music is not all that bad. You can find me back in my apartment, waiting for you to come back. May the Force be with you.”

I pause the file and listened to the silence of the cabin. My heart cried out with words of fear and pain. Nea had such high hopes for me. He was not angry at me for letting this happen, nor has lost any faith in me. Was he blind? Could he not see that I as Jedi, had failed all my training? Or did he see something I could not? I knew logically depression blinds a person, twisting their perspective on reality, making them believe something that was not reality. Had that happened to me? I reached out and pressed the play button again, wondering what songs Karen had in this file.

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone


The soft glow of the introduction caught my attention. The flowing notes circled around my broken heart and lifted me to a level of peace and hope I had not known for some days. The words pierced my heart with truth. This was a song Karen listened to, probably when alone and upset. She must have found ever lasting comfort in, I guess, picturing me holding her sobbing body. She had trusted me to be there, not to leave her alone, and take her in at her lowest point. Surely, I was no different from her. I too was all alone, with the galaxy against me, and my heart racing at an insane pace. I needed her as much as she needed me.

I sat up from my hunched position and started pressing buttons to get the ship ready for take off. The hanger doors open, bringing in raw, bright sunlight that shone through the thick glass of the view port. I felt the warm rays light my face and reminded me what warmth felt like. My heart soared further than before and I knew there was a twinkle in my eyes.

I commed the control center for permission to take off, using the boss’s special code so my identity could remain anonymous. I was granted permission and the ship lifted off the ground, gently gliding through the dark hanger and into the light. My eyes squinted as the slowly sinking sun blinded me with its strong light. In that moment, I felt a very small flicker of Karen’s presence call out to me through the Force. I reached out desperately to locate her or even to find out something about her condition, but the cry fell silent as if it did not exist. My heart did not fall, but rise in a new hope of a newly realized fact. Karen was alive.